After an attack on Jack's camp he is given an offer to go to a new world. He accepts and is transported to Equestria were he will find new friends and new love as he fights through the Equestria-Zebra war.
Disclaimer this is not the same zebra war as in Fallout Equestria.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Feels a little rushed to me
7810206 Ya in school that's one of my problems I have when writing I try to cram a lot in a small amount of words but I hope writing more will help me with that.
First off it's a nice little story you got here.
Second, WHY DOES DERPY HAVE A TANK!?! ARE YOU MAD!?!
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/f/f8/Twilight_Sparkle_%22the_cake!%22_S5E11.png/revision/20150629131127
Third, needs more Starlight.
Then again that could just be me.
7857935 glad you like it and I'm not sure why I gave Derpy a tank but that likely has to do with me enjoying the idea of Derpy in command of a KV2 like tank and do not worry Starlight is character I like, more soon if I can stop playing elite dangerous.
7857987
You need to give Trixie a tank next. 
Yeup I can see that...
orig14.deviantart.net/524d/f/2012/131/6/a/derpy__s_tank_by_derpyexpress-d4zd5z2.png
7858020 I don't see why not so far everything is up in the air still.
Bring a british firefly tank crew and the firefly tank
7862470 I was thinking about bringing in one of three tanks and that is one.
>>Lone Maus ok cool
Hah, inferior German tanks.
7928967 well.......
7928967 just wait a high velocity 88 can be useful for more than just killing tanks. But next chapter will have tank combat.
When your tank is completely fu**ed
Well... you are doing a decent job for a first fic
Though grammar is with little mistakes here and there, am i right?
7952791 grammar is something I hope to fix as I work happy to hear you like it.
This story is cool and all but, that intro is....eh....I'd suggest getting a writing editor. Also judging from how he talked in the beginning. He sounds like a British soldier.
7953790 intro to this chapter or the whole story and when you say how he talked, who do you mean?
7953790 *Sigh* Nevermind. But, you should get someone to rewrite this whole chapter. Or rewrite it yourself. Like, he should be panicking as he stepped on a landmine. He's not at all surprised by talking pastel horses. He should have been trying to disarm the mine. But in general. Get an editor. Or use a grammar program at least
.
7954015 I see ok the reason I asked was because you commented on the latest chapter and I wasn't sure what you meant but yes I understand that the first chapter is bad and I will be rewriting it but if I may ask has the grammar gotten better. PS this whole story has been written on my phone.
7954047 Holy sh**. On your phone!? Impressive! But don't write stories on phone. It's just....a bad time. *Cue megolavania*
7954061 ya I'm going to move to my laptop at some point but do you know anyone I could go to for editing?
7954066 Well. I'm an editor myself.
And you can find a few on DeviantArt and there are some editors here on FimFiction.
7954079 ok thanks. I guess if you want to edit just say so.
7954081 Id be glad to edit. I have nothing but time on my hands.
7954087 Awesome, thanks.
Flame troopers! Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR BLOODY LIVES! ARRGHH! IM B-BURNING ALIVE! SOMEPONY BLOODY HELP ME! ARRRRRGHHH!
8020018 hehe
8020352 I am now ded.
8022042 may I ask did you just read chapter lay of the land?
8022374 Um, no. What about it?
8022988 ok sorry I thought you commented on that chapter as that's the only one with a flamethrower in it and as far as I can tell if you comment on a chapter it says it's on the most recent one that's why I was confused about are last conversation but ya sorry still have some unknowns about this site.
This is still quite interesting
Though the grammar could still use a bit of improvement
Still enjoyable. Can't wait for the next chapter
8108016 thanks I am hoping by writing this will help my grammar.
Hmm.... how long has Jack known Fang, if you could tell me?....
It's just that this love seems a bit sudden... and it feels like it's just rammed in a spot with not enough room for it
But then again, this whole story feels rushed and a little sloppy.
Though love can bloom very fast, this "love" here is just placed there for plot convenience in order to introduce a love interest/marefriend for the main character... while also having such a "convenient" way to make sure said love who is dying, will live as a result of the "love", which again, just happens to be so conveniently introduced to us....
One way to fix this is to go back and show us a few scenes where they get to know each other a bit more, to give reasons why this love started blooming, etc....
These scenes could be chapters on their own where there is little to no action such as the war/battle having a calm moment where they get to catch their breath and talk a little, get some food, rotate out of watch duty during the calm time and talk while they have a rest/free period, etc...
Not every chapter has to have a lot of action such a fighting a battle against the zebras
I hope this criticism/advice doesn't sound harsh
8112615 thank you. Jack has known Fang for about five days and maybe I should go back and add hints towards him liking Fang in earlier chapters as in my head he has been falling in love with her for most of those days he's around her. Thank you once again as the way I come up if the stories it's easy not think about add all details.
do you mean.... Ger-Mane?
Derpy, the killer Tank commander
Commander Derpy and General Rommel would get along really well
8141811 happy you are enjoying it. There is more soon -__0
I HOD NO IDEA! I THOT EET MENT YOU ALWAYS GOT SHOT, EVEN WITH HEAVY ARMOR LOL
I'm kidding, I knew what it meant all along...
also, i was betting with my brother that it would be a shield with a bullet, and he betted it would be an American Flag, so since I won the bet, he owes me 5 bits lol
7857987
7857935
YO!! I have Derpy now part of an ENTIRE Human Tank Convoy, ya think im mad? NOPE!!!
7857987 Why Russian? U bias?
8141827 coming up with a cutie Mark took me the longest with him
um, you know trenches are always in a thick Zigzag pattern right?
imgix.scout.com/143/1434238.jpg
8141848 this is different they are underground barracks, kinda like a bunker system it just a path not really meant for fighting from.
wow, that's REALLY upgraded M18 Hellcat
usually, they have thinner armor, but now they have M4A3E2 Jumbo Armor
is it still as fast and maneuverable
8141861 there is only one human tank in the story when there is anything that says it looks like it is simply a comparison not the real thing.
then there's the Pilly-Pins, Ger-Mane-Neigh, Great Bray-Ten, A-Mare-Ica, ETC. ETC.
Thats a Super Heavy German Railgun, created during WWII, i had 300 shots ready, but after a few shots, they had to replace the barrel
the project soaked up almost all of Germanys Money (Over 45%), Materials (over 60%), and Manpower (Almost all of it, Over 90%), it was a waste of time, Hitler you idiot
If you wanna see an even DUMBER idea Hitler approved of, then search up: Ratte Tank
The PzIV Ausf A to F, doesn't have a 88mm cannon, it has a 75mm cannon
8141895 tiger auf b do I have the Roman numrul wrong