• Published 24th Sep 2015
  • 4,013 Views, 43 Comments

Twilight Sparkle and Her Unwanted Love Life - ProbableSarcasm



Of course, you know the story of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine, but this unofficial spin-off follows Twilight: an aromantic, smart-alec, antisocial, bookworm, as she tries to hurdle through the challenges that comes with living in Ponyville.

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Dawn Guard Saga |Between a Heart and Five Aces|

Author's Note:

Oh shit, I accidentally uploaded this chapter BEFORE it was finished!!!!!11 :twilightoops:


It should be fixed now, bloody hell aren't I an idiot? :heart:


Celestia and Twilight are one of the same, Celestia is the Monuement To Twilight's Sins, which mainly consists of wraith. Remember that avoidance of people is still wraith upon God's children, even though I'm not a Christian, my grandfather is a Pastor. :raritywink:

Also, no Solaris x Twilight or Artemis x Twilight sadly--plot reasons, it would be weird.

Twilight Sparkle sat up quickly, her eyes shot open as she rumbled violently. Twilight Sparkle’s hold in a frantic scream. Twilight’s plush and soft bed did little to support her, the memory foam concaved in her form and simply made Twilight Sparkle sink like a ship crashing into an iceberg.

The bond between Twilight Sparkle and Solaris goes way beyond the concepts of love, between a mare and a stallion; it’s something greater and emotionally deeper than just simply being in love. It’s difficult to explain, because there’s nothing to compare the bound to unless you compare Snake/Big Boss’s relation to The Boss.

When ponies think about bonds, they usually go for love. Does it always have to be about love, can it be something far surpassing that cannot be explained? A mentor and a apprentice relationship is not romance, not to Twilight or Solaris, but instead one of the only ponies Twilight Sparkle could truly trust.

Perhaps this is why Twilight Sparkle flared out whenever she is mentioned of her mentor being killed, because she would not risk the possibility of living without the one pony to guide her in the perils of her life?

"OI SPARKLE!!!" The door was kicked open, a strong buck allows it to slam against the door. “Wake up, you lazy sloth!” the rugged voice that Twilight Sparkle all so wanted to hear right now.

Not.

Twilight sat up, feeling the all too familiar pit in her stomach with. Whatever Night Terror Knight made her breathe was affecting her mind greatly, Twilight breathed in the cold air conditioning. Twilight Sparkle’s heart raced in an aggressive manner, adrenaline fueling her body, ruining up any chances of heading back to sleep.

“What’s up, not you, c’mon!” Rainbow Blitz groaned condescendingly as he picked himself back up, having tripped seconds before. Rainbow Blitz in Twilight Sparkles room… No. He better have a god damn good explanation why he had the nerve to come into her room at night, better yet, why he went off and fooled around when the others were being briefed?! Twilight Sparkle felt like tearing his heart out, and she didn’t even give it a second thought. “Jeez, I didn’t know you weren’t a morning pony.”

Twilight Sparkle didn’t reply, she merely glared daggers.
“I know I’m totally sexy, you don’t have to rape me with your eyeballs!” Rainbow Blitz goes on after a few minutes of Twilight Sparkle glaring violently. Rainbow Blitz furrowed his eyebrows, which looked different than usual. In fact, his mane looked different. “Stop staring at me, it’s fuckin’ creepy.”

I’m going to enjoy this more than I should.

“Do you have any idea how disappointed I am in you?” Twilight Sparkle growled, she rubbed the sleep and shock out of her bloodshot eyes. Twilight Sparkle turned her body to face the blue stallion. Rainbow Blitz looked on with a disinterested look on his face, this infuriated Twilight Sparkle further. “Do you have any idea how much of a contradiction you are to your element?!”
“’bout what?” Rainbow Blitz asked, shrugging his shoulders. "Is it even a big deal?"

“Not a big deal?!”

“Not a big deal, mate.” Rainbow Blitz mocked her accent, further setting fuel to the fire that was Twilight’s stomach.

“You had sex with… not one… but with two mares! Simultaneously!” Twilight Sparkle spat as she jabbed her hoof into his chest accusingly. Rainbow Blitz wasn’t fazed, but he swiped her hoof off of his chest. “While I am here, under the spotlight, accused of murder!”

“Ay, Fun Dipshit, you’re innocent,” Rainbow Blitz blinked, his smirk dropped to be replaced by a scowl. Twilight Sparkle felt her face heat up in anger, Rainbow Blitz is drawing her last few straws, and many of them were lost by Celestia. “And it’s none of your business who I get involved with, unless you’re jealous as shit.”

“I am not!” Insignificance amount of hatred flew from her voice. Twilight Sparkle’s right eye twitched along with her ear, Rainbow Blitz drew the last straw. Twilight Sparkle’s face flushed a rosy red color, her horn tingled as Battle Magicka levels surge in her head. “You’re dodging the point, you idiot! Flipping stop flirting with me for five minutes so I can—rrg!!”

“Fucking save it,” Rainbow Blitz shot back, standing up straighter. A confident look stained his face, irritation pooling in his eyes. Twilight Sparkle felt blood roar in her ear, her dead right ear pulsed with activity. Twilight Sparkle gritted her teeth to prevent from screaming at the stallion. “We all know that you lock yourself away because you can’t stand how awesome I am compared to you.”

“You cheeky dimwit…” Twilight Sparkle seethed, her mind filled with static as she processed those words.

Twilight Sparkle reacted to his words, whether it was right or not, Twilight Sparkle swiped at him. Her hoof met his cheek and left a red hoof print, Twilight Sparkle smacked Rainbow Blitz. However strong she was, it caught Rainbow Blitz off guard and made him stumble slightly.

Rainbow Blitz stumbled a little but caught his balance, he gave a bewildered look while he tried to process what had just transpired. Twilight Sparkle’s mind drew a blank along with him, her brain finally caught up with her emotions. If it wasn’t fear that gripped Twilight’s chest, it was most definitely guilt.

“…”

“…”
Neither parties responded for a short minute, they seemed to be incubated in their own thoughts. They just stared at each other, waiting for one another to say something or do something. Twilight Sparkle waited for his retaliation, but it never came. Rainbow Blitz waited for her to hit him again, but it never happened.

Twilight felt the tension break between them, it was more of an awkward silence now. Twilight Sparkle looked down for a second, guilty for her lack of restraint and completely out of character action. No… worse than guilt… it’s the feeling of striking a pet or a sibling… or something else… It stung her heart to find his cheek imprinted with her hoof.

There was just something about Rainbow Blitz that made her blood boil, the way he just holds himself above those around him… or was that even the case?

Does he hold himself in that fashion because he can, or was it even deeper than that?

Some reason Twilight Sparkle couldn’t explain? Something that words just wouldn’t express clearly, it fought with Twilight’s mind. To connect reasoning into emotion, it obviously must connect somehow. But how? Why? Did he feel this way too, to try and find meaning in the rift between the two ponies?

Twilight’s first thought was love; did she confuse the feeling of being attracted to him with the feeling of disliking him? Was that the reason for her anger when he went off and slept with the two mares; jealousy?

Twilight Sparkle is confused.
And scared.

But why?
Does the idea of being attracted to Rainbow Blitz scare her? Does the idea of being attracted to another pony what is truly making her fearful, and if so, is she trying to deny them internally by making Rainbow Blitz a hostile?

“…Sorry…” Rainbow Blitz broke the silence after a few minutes, he rubbed his cheek before looking back at Twilight Sparkle with an apologetic look. Although it should have made Twilight Sparkle feel… better… it just didn’t. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, it’s fine,” Twilight Sparkle dismissed, subconsciously flicking her ear. Twilight Sparkle took a second to twirl her hoof in a futile attempt to take the sting out of her wrist, again not use to slapping other ponies. “I shouldn’t have hit you, regardless of the reason.”

“Start practicing on your upper body strength,” Rainbow Blitz scoffed lightly, although it was short lived. Twilight Sparkle let out a small snort before regaining the apologetic look she had on previously. “…uh… let’s just pretend that this totally didn’t happen…”

“What happened?” Twilight Sparkle agreed with him, but something about the crack in her voice caught her off guard. It didn’t feel right to just forget this, she literally just smacked the buck out of him surely he would be whooping her flank like Snake Pliskin? Maybe it isn’t just ‘not feeling right’, and Twilight Sparkle surely wouldn’t know where this feeling came from, but it felt like she just slapped a friend.

A friend!

Or something more? I hope not.

“C’mon, it’s almost time to leave,” Rainbow Blitz said, definetly without the vigor as before. Maybe his reality check hurt his pride, but without his bravado self-esteem: he just sounds empty. Twilight Sparkle felt like the worse pony ever, thinking about just taking his pride from under him by one quick action from a petty argument. "If we hurry, we could be there first."

He came to wake me up early?

Again, another strike to Twilight's chest with an icicle-like dagger.

But his voice.

It just isn’t the same without him being proud of himself.


A pinch hits her on the cutie mark, but it goes unnoticed.

Twilight opens her eyelid again to find Rainbow Blitz’s muzzle near her functioning ear. Before Twilight could react further, Rainbow Blitz grins maliciously. Twilight Sparkle can’t move her body fast enough to escape the blast of his booming yelling voice.

“SPARKLE!” Rainbow Blitz shouts in Twilight Sparkle’s ear, panicking the mare into flailing off of the queen sized bed and onto the hard floor. Rainbow Blitz leaps onto the bed and sticks his head over the bed to continue shouting. How joyful. “WAKE THE FUCK UP!!”

Her ear rings and whines loudly, her back rattle along with her teeth as the wind escapes her lips. She groans and sits up from the carpet, rubbing her sore ear. “Oww…” she whimpers, still feeling the winded effects from the fall.

Surely not, she was just walking out with Rainbow Blitz – right? That mist is severely messing with her head, perhaps it was supposed to do much more than make her drowsy… Night Terrors… Night-Terror Knighty…

So does that mean…

“Ha!” And Twilight Sparkle lost her train of thought, her ear finally stops ringing in time to hear Rainbow Blitz guffaw at his actions. “Did you see the look on your face?! You looked so fucking scared, total chicken!”

“Haha, very funny, you goat,” Is what Twilight Sparkle wants to say, but she remains quiet and stands up. Her mane stuck to her neck, and it sticks out everywhere on her head. A brush would do nicely, Rainbow Blitz can just leave for all Twilight Sparkle care… which is not entirely truthful, honestly, she finds herself actually caring about his existence.

What has that mist done to me?!

“Aw, don’t be a sour-puss!” Rainbow Blitz teases, beginning to hover over Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle scowls at him before picking herself up off the ground and walking around him. The stallion’s face contorts in confusion. “Hey, you alright? You didn’t hit me in the nuts that time…”

“You actually want to be boxed in the jewels?” Twilight Sparkle retorts, she still walks ahead of him towards the giant mare’s room. Of course, followed by Rainbow Blitz with a concerned look.
“Well, no, but I expected a… I don’t know…” Rainbow Blitz flaps his wings to keep in pace with Twilight Sparkle’s passive aggressive speed walking. Twilight didn't slow down despite his attempts to talk to Twilight. “Hey! Wait up!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the fastest thing alive?” Twilight Sparkle asks rhetorically, speeding up her walking pace. Rainbow Blitz’s cheeks heats up in indignation, a flustered look on his face appears along with ruffled feathers.

“Hey!” Rainbow Blitz flutters faster to keep pace. Rainbow Blitz stops in front of Twilight Sparkle, subconsciously flexing and making himself look bigger by extending his wings outwards. Twilight Sparkle raises and eyebrow at his movements, even the barely noticeable psychological flirting his brain is doing is shameful. His defense of his pride is peculiar, it doesn't sound insecure but more or less concerned about what she's saying. “I am the fastest thing alive!”

“Whatever floats your boat, mate,” Twilight Sparkle says, uninterested in his words. This seems to ruffle his feathers slightly more, a noticeable strain appear in his eyes. Does Rainbow Blitz have the hots for Twilight Sparkle? Twilight Sparkle's lip corners rises to create a look of discontent, of course this is happening why not add that to the night-terrors that Twilight Sparkle just had?

But Rainbow Blitz and Twilight bonded in that last dream... is it truly right to call it a night terror? Ugh, more questions that are unwanted. What Twilight Sparkle needs right now is a shower, possibly a good session of bashing her face into the wall until the colors of the shower wall runs red along with the water down the sinkhole. Twilight turns around with a bigger scowl.

"What?!" Rainbow Blitz flaps is wings rapidly, not taking in the scene change.

"Get the hell out of the ladies shower room you dolt," Twilight Sparkle bites back metaphorically.


One twist of the facet knob was the trick to the shower in the castle, good thing Twilight Sparkle never forgot that. Twilight Sparkle looks up, anticipating the warm stream of liquid to blast her in the face. As bad as that sounded, it was pleasant to have a shower that wasn't either boiling hot or freezing cold like the shower in the Golden Oaks Library. She hates the shower in her library, although Barbs seems to make due with the water with her fire-breathing skills.

The water comes without delay, immediately spraying Twilight Sparkle in the face with the glorious warm water. Warm water, the perfect temperature for any O.C.D mare to have. The water soaks Twilight's face and mane, washing away the negative thoughts with it's mind numbing warmth. Twilight dared to tilt the red knob slightly to the left and the water became warmer with every degree of torque, her tongue hangs out of her maw as the euphoria state of the even warmer water hits her mane and her ears.

Twilight Sparkle's ear twitched to the left, soap. Twilight Sparkle picks up the bar soap and allows it to be engulfed in the holy-like water, she then rub the brick onto her hooves a little before applying the soapy application to her body; the soap leaves white and bubbly suds over her legs and body, she whips her plastered mane out of her face before returning to scrubbing her body down. She ducks under the water to allow it to wash off of her body before reapplying the soap to her body.

"Ah... bloody hell..." Moans Twilight Sparkle as she pushes her snout into the wall, still applying the soap onto her belly and as low as her naval. Twilight Sparkle switches the hooves that the soap is held in and used her magic to raise a bath-brush. Twilight Sparkle rubs the soap brick onto the rough bristles of the brush before running the soap-covered bristles up and down her spine. Oh goodness did it make Twilight's cheeks heat up slightly as the bristles ran up and down her spine, like a dog being scratched on the ear she subconsciously tapped her right hoof onto the ground.



The shower curtain suddenly opens, causing a stunned Twilight to turn around with haste. The sounds of music fill her ear, which in return gives the signal of an attack to her brain. Her heart's turns ice cold as it now pumps a slush instead of normal blood temperatures. Twilight Sparkle couldn't see past her mane, which is plastered to her face, but what she thought she saw was a knife.

"AH!! BLOODY HELL!!" Twilight Sparkle screams, using her magic to zap out and stun her attacker. Twilight Sparkle hears a squeak toy happen before a large thud onto the ground. The sounds of colts and one mare laughing made Twilight Sparkle snap the hard bristled brush into six pieces. She moves moves her mane out of her face to create the angriest face any female could ever give out ever. She uses the curtains to cover herself as she yells obscenities.

The Five ponies: Applejack, Rainbow Blitz, Solaris, Bubble Berry and Gleaming Shield basically are dying from laughter. A tear that could cure cancer rolls from Solaris's eye and down the sinkhole it goes.

"DO YOU BASTARDS MIND?!" Roars a pissed Twilight Sparkle, accurately making a representation of a skull with all six pieces that was a bath-brush. "I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A NICE BLOODY SHOWER WITHOUT YOU LOT MESSING IT UP FOR ME! PISS OFF!!!"


Twilight Sparkle finishes up her shower, this time locking the door before continuing to shower. At least she knows what to do first, completely destroy two earth ponies, one unicorn, one pegasus, and one god. Twilight Sparkle growls as she uses the towels to dry her body, her magic flaring up to pick up a smaller brush meant for her mane and begun to brush her mane in long but quick strokes. She plans on how to assassinate a god, but decides a Foogle search of it will be suffice enough.

Maybe if she puts a ricin strip on her hoof and shook Solaris's hoof... actually... that sounds absolutely idiotic in every way shape or form and might make Suny Pictures mad at Twilight for stealing the entire plot to The Interwhew (title still pending.)

//Yes, we hired a new narrator. The old narrator quit because of how long it's taking to write these chapters and how fucking stupid I am to click publish instead of edit\\

//Also, I received word that I'm being sued by Meme-Asuruas so that's a plus-side... I guess... WELP! Time for a third mortgage on my house!

Leaving the bathroom, purposefully a mess, she turned around and went right back into the bathroom to clean up the mes she made. Call it her being a nice person if you will, but the truth is she would rather clean up her mess than let someone else take care of it.

Twilight Sparkle left the bathroom, purposefully clean, and brimming with anger.

Question: How the hell did they get an entire fucking orcrestra to play that music behind me?!

The world may never know.


"Twilight Sparkle," Solaris greets, still smiling from the incident earlier. Twilight Sparkle merely glares back her response and sits back into her mind, her tail wraps neatly over her hooves. Her chest feels funny, her lungs felt almost... numb...

Something's off.

Twilight Sparkle turns around to find Fawn Saber and Battalion Vortex standing at attention, legs spread equally, baring top notch, face still as stone. Twilight Sparkle looks on with curiosity, gazing at the features of Vortex briefly before looking forward and back to space. That's not true, actually, for Twilight Sparkle stared into the face of Vortex. Something... feeling off... about the stallion.

"Oi, Twilight, flirt with your coltfriend later!" Solaris snaps Twilight Sparkle back to attention, looking forward. However, she couldn't focus.

Something's definitely wrong...

Twilight Sparkle not focusing? Impossible. The god in front of her rambles on about really important things, although, Twilight Sparkle counted three of
The world... the colors... ringing...

Twilight's ears ring. Ears. EARS.
Anesthetics...

Bloody hell, someone's drugged me....

Comments ( 8 )

Don't you hate waking up to being drugged by some random people? No okay than just me . . . :rainbowderp:

6527010

uploading chapters by mistake? Teleport the hell outta here.

6526060

I know i do, then again, I should stop sleeping under same roof as Bill Cospy

6527010 Yeah, but if it's raining, isn't it better to teleport inside to get away from it? And besides, if it works, why not keep on doing it?

6528742

teleporting with objects are not accurate, teleporting takes a lit of magic, and remember that I'm keeping with EARLY Twilight- the one thqy doesn't have a character development in one episode and a half.

great story, I want to knew what happen to twilight ear, also please update

6504611 yess I have, my oc see the world as if wraith world is active at all time........

I will say this because I have to. Pointing the trope kills any and all allure that trope holds. Talking to the reader often kills the mood, especially when done with extreme frequency.

Then again, you don’t have to worry about me and my words. They don’t apply here anyway. You have no allure. No flow. Your story doesn’t even build a mood. The first chapter was nice though, and funny.

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