Inspired to write when there's no time. Inspired to rest when there's time to write.
With no response from Princess Twilight during the Friendship Games, Sunset decides to go back to Equestria and talk to her face-to-face. Upon entering the portal, she is thrown into a alternate time-line that is in a constant loop. Nothing makes sense and with every second it makes even less sense. With only Twilight and another pony knowing what's going on, Sunset must help make it right again.
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Huh. Does it though?
6482404 Heh, maybe?
Hmmmm, most interesting.
I shall be following this one.
6482814 Good.....Good....
6482849
For some reason, the premise of this fic reminds me somewhat of DBX.
I enjoyed this first chapter and I look forward to the rest of the story.
Darkness aside, wonder what would happen if this did turn out to be the plot of the Finale.
6483771 it's a good question. My guess is that Starlight would challenge Twilight on her friend's and would test them with time.
6483951
Given what happens in the animatic, and what Twilight said in FG, I say that while Starlight will somehow prevent the Rainboom, Twilight will be the only one to remember it. Which is actually worse.
6484340 well the rainboom, being prevented is a must
6484418
Of course.
You know, somebody on the show staff said something about Celly going Nightmare. I wonder...
(that is running on the assumption that the fans aren't being trolled again, of course)
6484519 It's on one of the CCG cards called Nightmare Sun.
I find myself absolutely loving this cover art. @3@
6484627
What, just a card? Damn. And here was I hoping for a canon Celly going Crazy.
6484665 I think I forgot the link to it. The artist is incredible.
6485064 actually, some spoilers have come in the cards, so don't throw it out just yet.
6485086 I have to wonder though, how can this contain season 5 finale spoilers when the finale isn't out yet?
6487272 because it may be somewhat similar. This is kinda a dark version of whatever can come. We already know the synopsis and what Twilight said at the end of Friendship Games. If you don't know anything yet of the season finale, you probably should clear of this story. This story is based off of what we already know.
Im keeping an eye on this one
6493708 why not both eyes?
Wait ,is Sunset trapped in another universe? If so what kind of universe?
6501182 More like an alternate timeline. Just wait!
7148650
*moves away*
Alright, I am getting progress with this thing. Think of me as Blizzard. I'll get it going.....soon.....ish.....
This'll probably be my only story where I would need help moving a way that's a good way.
7148717 My idea was exactly like the canon one. That's been the problem. I will have to rethink the whole story.
I get the feeling that Sunset is going to be peeved when she finds out what has happened. Great to see this story going again!
7530407 Spent many a headache trying to figure this story out.
But why suffer headaches when ya can take a few swigs and smash on the keyboard?
Starlight is gonna get more than a boot to the head once she and Twilight meet up with Sunset.
7530421 Yeah, she probably isn't going to get the show treatment in this...
7530994 Shouldn't the spike be at the right end of the graph?
Somethin' doesn't add up...
7531028 Ya could fit any windows in that punchline.
But never punch a window.
7530426 I sure hope not. Sunset and Discord had to work for their sins, so, why not Starlight?
Oh wow. And I thought Sunset was a pathetic wreck in chapter 1...
7531597 Yeah, because going out on your own and seeking answers is pathetic, right?
7531897
That's a funny way of describing crying and wandering about at random until chancing on the right district... and then deciding the best way to look for somebody is obviously check every house in the area and generally acting like a lost little girl without Twily to hold her little hands.
Because obviously her job and competence starts and stops at 'find Princess Twilight' and that will magically solve everything.
I might buy it if it was pre-Rainbow Rocks Sunset (but then again that Sunset probably won't have shouted at Celestia...) with a large dose of salt, but here? I am sorry, she showed all the awareness and initiative of a damp rag and the emotional stability of a hamster who's been bullied all her life and told never to approach the wheel again.
I like the concept, I really do. It"s just that in execution It's a trifle wanting.
7531930 So......she is in a world where nothing is right, Celestia killed Luna and is a complete wreck, sees that everything Princess Twilight has done has been overridden and nothing, absolutely nothing makes sense from where she stands.
De hell? She never visited Twilight before and why in Equestria would she know exactly where Twilight lived? Why? She knew the area she lived in and went straight there. What did you read? Sunset was like "oh yeah! I know where she lived!" and went straight there to find the insane ponies.
So it will be realistic for her to be instantly like "I got this?"
She even still expresses humor to try and make herself feel better and she refuses to cry at the end, despite her feelings. Instead, she actually becomes more angry.
If that was the case, why would I ever include Sunset in this story? You can't criticize my story for an assumption you have created from thin air.
Put yourself in her situation. It totally took her by surprise. You have to remember she was not intending to head straight into the fire. She was simply going to ask Twilight for advice. I mean, it's the same as going to your friend's house to play video games when you learned he's missing and his house is ransacked. The police don't care about the event and you're on your damn own. Are you going to take all that in perfect stride? Hell no.
Sunset has already overcome the initial shock of it all. Any assumption that she'll stay a pathetic wreck is just an assumption without any evidence.
7531990
That's what you think you wrote.
This is what you actually wrote.
By the time she realise that she isn't regaining her faded memory, at it were, she really ought to stop and take her bearings.
She found her way there anyway, which the way you wrote it seems as much a matter of luck as anything.
No, it'd be realistic if she stops and ask for directions when she realise that she finds the streets (your words) 'obscure'.
I can only judge by what I've seen so far, and so far, she's wandering about trying to find Twilight.
As opposed to, you know, stop, get her bearings, try to get some information about the world she finds herself in, or double back to the mirror (it's not like she's never sneaked into palaces before), or any number of things.
Twilight, from what she at that moment is aware of, is not Celestia's student, almost definitely not an alicorn princess, and certainly not her friend. How would finding her solve anything?
Instead, we have Sunset going:
It may or may not be your intention to write her like a child calling for her lost mother, but that's certainly the impression you conveyed.
Sure, I'd probably be quite disoriented and confused, and scared, but then I didn't get transported to an alien universe with an alien dominant intelligent race, with no papers, no money, no identity, and in short, nothing either. She really should have started calming down and thinking things through by the times the guards started taking her to Celestia... but no, she's extremely slow on the uptake. But since everything happened so quickly, I gave it a past (no comment on the last chapter!)... but then she stayed being pretty much useless this chapter, hence my comment.
Anyway, who assumed that she'll stay a pathetic wreck? What I said was:
Which explicitly refers to her in these two chapters. I was referring to her not getting any better but indeed, accounting for the shock wearing off, actually getting worse. Somebody is making assumptions alright, but it wasn't me.
If she starts pulling her weight and behaving in a sensible manner the next chapter, I'll be sure to leave a comment commending on her finally getting her act together. But I can't comment on what she'll be like in future chapters.
7532025
Well, this story went through about 60 different ideas in the course of 11 months. I still think you are misinterpreting my words and coming to assumptions, but I'll just say that it will get better from here since I have a focused goal once again.
8119741 Thank you for the comment. I love this kind of stuff from my readers. It shows me that they are willing to put energy in their feedback and not be a simple "yeah I like this" or worse, an unreasonable sycophant.
I'm working hard on this story. I started it at the worst time I could, so because of that, it all fell apart. However, do not think a chapter is coming up soon as well, I want to finish out my semester before going at it really hard. I am also working on a story with my girlfriend, but I am doing much better with it because unlike this story, I had a plan of action.
Like I told Granite, this story has been trouble in that I worry about every turn I take, thus I have tens of revisions.
But from your comment, I feel more assured of the direction I'll take. I consider myself a better writer now than when I published this tale.
And um.... Celestia never killed herself. The sky is red due to Luna's death. I plan for explanation as I was really (and overly trying as I see now from rereading it) trying to express chaotic emotion within Sunset. Panic, bewilderment, etc. If I could rewrite it (which I may touch up here and there) I'll keep Sunset more like herself, being a tough minded individual.
Thank again. This sleeper story of mine deserves more additions. I consider it a large mistake of mine to allow inspiration to take control and write instead of planning it out and releasing it when it would suit the readers and me the best. In October of 2015, I was...well...much less focused.
Well at least Sunset has met up with Twilight! Now poor Starlight has to deal with another former student of Celestia one who is just as powerful as she is and way more savvy.
I personally think she should suffer by having no access to magic and mind-wiped to the point where she IS an immobile vegetable! That sociopathic time breaker doesn't deserve mercy of any kind. Or being sent to an inescapable ironic hell would be just as nice.
So I guess this has turned into another one of those bloodlusted Starlight fics. Okay than.
8323409
Eh, not entirely. It's going to be violent, but Starlight is not going to be absolutely "Cupcake Pinkie." She is just far more violent than what the show can offer. This story has always been the season 5 finale but way darker and slightly horrifying.
But yeah, Starlight isn't some simple murderer in this tale. She will have quite the character development.
A nice story so far, with a surprisingly even more demented than the usual, pre-reformation Starlight. Sad it seem to be abandoned.