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It was just like any other night. The moon had been up for hours and the ponies rested peacefully in their beds. Celestia, on this normal night, decides to take a stroll around the quiet palace.
This seemingly routine walk changes everything for her as she finds one young unicorn thief trying to rob her.
And this thief, harnessing magical powers quite rare to normal unicorns, catches Celestia's attention.
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I love this story and its title's song!
7048565 Thanks! Glad ya like it mate!
Let's be honest, who doesn't picture a Sunset PMV every time they hear FoB singing the title song? A different twist on how Sunset became Celestia's student, other than the School of Gifted Unicorns or nobility — something I've wanted to read! I enjoy you dipping into Celestia's more "playful" side for lack of a better word...I think it will be fun to see how you use Celestia to a Sunset who's already angry and resentful towards her, not one who sees her as a goddess or someone to impress. Well done so far, I'm looking forward to more!
7048649 The song did completely inspire this. I've always affiliated the song with Sunset.
Don't worry, that's exactly what ya gonna get!
there's some basic spelling and grammar mistakes, but this has promise.
dialogue feels off, though. kinda stilted and unnatural.
still, I'm looking forward to more!
7048704 Could you pm me the mistakes? I read over this like six times.
Well... I've seen a few backstories for Sunny, but this is the first to have her as a thief. Breaking in Celestia's personal vault, talk about on he'll of an entrance exam.
Excellent start, the only nit pick I have is Celestia being affected by the fire spell, but that is just me being nit picky and otherwise doesn't distract from the story.
Oh, I thought you were talking about the closet of crown jewels until you mentioned the magically sealed door.
Also, check where you used italics, you'll catch something you missed first time round.
7048892 Uhh....I'm not sure what ya talking about.
7048837 Well, that's one of the reasons I thought of this story. I was like "has anyone ever made her into a thief? It would explain how she knew how to infiltrate the Crystal Palace in the first Equestria Girls." So, this plus the song by Fallout Boy, and ya get this.
Eh, some burn marks aren't gonna stop this princess. Just maybe some.
So this story is the rise and fall of Sunset Shimmer. I am eagerly awaiting your take on Sunset Shimmer's story!
7048973 But more about her rise than anything else.
7048938
As I said it was just me nit picking, I have my reasons but that is headcanon.
7048938 The italics are Celestia's thoughts correct? then like speech, they should be their own paragraphs...of course, that's just my personal preference.
7049033 Ah, I see. Yes, they are Celestia's thoughts. I've never seen them have their own paragraphs before. Perhaps that is a mistake of the masses. But the sudden and quick thoughts from the princess are going to be common as this story leans more of Celestia's perspective than it does Sunset's.
Bravo.
Nice start
Why do I have the feeling this is foreshadowing something?
Could be nice, but... blah. I'll read it once it gains its third chapter.
I can really picture it.
Good prologue.
I'm just wondering how any unicorn could manage to even slightly hurt Celestia, but maybe it's because she is a bit sleepy and not in training (I mean, when did she have her last confontation?).
One small note:
You forgot to add the cover-source.
7049936 Perhaps Sunset is not an average unicorn. I mean, that's the whole reason why Celestia is even thinking of taking care of her. Sunset has already proven herself that she is above most unicorns. She cracked a magic-sealed vault and was only beat when Celestia intervened in the fighting.
7049797 Well, that won't be a long wait. Already got that chapter written.
7049762 Well, to the show and this story, yeah, I can see lots of foreshadowing.
Daaaw! Makes me think of Jason Todd from Batman
7050155 Hopefully it doesn't end the same way
This story is cool. Have an upvote
Also, dat title tho.
(Yes, I'm FOB fangirl
)
7050304 Thanks! Hopefully you like the rest too!
The smell is to powerful its knocking me out. What did Celestia eat?
On a more serious/ not spelling related note I would have to say I enjoyed reading this first chapter. I do hope you could explain the levels of Magic and how each level can affect the unicorn casting it and the outside world ect.
7050420 Knowing Celestia, it was probably cake.
Want to know about all the magic? Go watch the show.
Oh....oh wait....Yeah, guess there have to be some mentioning....right...
Clicked for the FOB reference, stayed for the story.
7050537 My plan worked
A fresh take on Sunny Shimsham's backstory?
Please, do continue.
Hmmm you have peaked my interest good Sir. Quite an interesting take on Bacon heads back story, so far I really like it. keep up the good work
7050868 The freshest of takes.
7051024 Your comment reminded me of delicious bacon. I'll be back later
7051171
Ohoho.
7050172 Maybe you should have a vote from the readers
Haven't seen this kind of origin story for Sunset before. She certainly acts like EQ1 Sunset, but even worse. Celestia is in for an uphill battle if she's going to make friends with somepony like that. Looking forward to more chapters, hopefully Sunset won't be that mean all the time.
relevant:
7051627 She's gonna be so full of teenager angst, you won't even believe it. It'll make ya head spin!
7051645 Well, only relevant by the song.
YEEEEAAAAAAAH!!!!! FOB IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS!!!!!!
7051684 WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!??!?!
I'm surprised that title got by...
7051966 Well, that's whole song lyrics in the story. This is simply a title not in the story. I'm sure there is a lot of stories on this site with titles from songs. (and besides, "raising some like a phoenix" is not exclusive to Fallout Boy.)
NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION7051717
7053897 Oh no! They're here!
7053935 ITS ALL OVER!!!
I can see this story being quite good. so far it isn't dissapointing
I like your characterization of Celestia, not too comedic but not too serious either.
7054911 ....well alright
Please, you should expect good from me.
seems good. with luck, this one won't die.
7054974 it took me awhile to do so. I felt like I was skirting "Trollestia" and that made me uneasy. So I'm glad you said that.
Shame Celestia had to be a chessmaster for most of Sunset's career...