Hi there and welcome to my page! I hope you enjoy my stories! Feel free to leave a comment - praise, criticism and ideas are welcome :)
Sunset Shimmer had been thinking about her place in this foreign world. She led a great life and had the best friends she could imagine. She was happy. Or was she? Six months after the Friendship Games, Sunset wasn't so sure about her place in this world anymore.
A little story inspired by the cut song from Friendship Games.
Shout-outs to my friend Piperita who helped me revise the story a bit.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So...beautiful. Here come the waterworks!
It is well written and no mistakes were made (or at least I did not notice any).
Keep it up, it's good.
That was such a sweet story. Keep up the good work.
Nice work. Waiting for a sequel
Make a sequel! Where she's an awesome evolved form of a unicorn that is not an alicorn!
There's so many banging around now that it'd be nice to see something new!
You can do this!
Wow! First story? That was realllly good! The characters were all pretty spot on, and I found myself easily reading everything in their voices. The relationship between Sunset and Twilight was captured really well, and I liked everyone's reactions, (especially Dash and the bit with Flutters admonishing)!
I only noticed a couple very minor grammatical errors, namely the use of periods outside of quotation marks at the end of sentences (or maybe this is just personal choice?) and one or two spots where new character dialogue wasn't separated into a new paragraph. On the whole hardly noticeable, and it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of a touching story! https://eznguide.neocities.org/ is a great resource for those finicky grammar rules and general, easy-to-digest advice which I found very helpful!
I hope you keep it up mate, this was an awesome start! I also hope this happens in the show, I want bacon-hair in Equestria so bad! After all, there has to be a human her in EQG world somewhere anyhow. Unless the human Sunset snuck through a portal to Equestria when Pony Sunset came there? That mane would be hard to miss though... Anyway great work, I hope to enter my first story here soon too, and 'll be watching for more from you!
Meh. I'll tell you why this doesn't work - Your Sunset has the same arrogance that only she can save Equestria that ultimately drove her into the arms of the Dark Side. If she had some unselfish reason to go through the portal, I'd be less negative but, in the end, it was just ego: the belief that, somehow she is more important than anypony else and can change the balance of events when, in fact, she probably wouldn't.
6540916
Thank you! Hope you enjoyed it!
6540937
Thanks! I will!
6542177
Thanks for the kind words!
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6542704
Thanks for your words! I'm positive the sequel will come, but it might take some time. Maybe I'll write something else before the sequel, but stay tuned for more!
6544890
Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. There are always some small mistakes that slip the radar, aren't there? About the commata and periods after the quotation marks: A nasty habit because that's how it's done in my first language German :D I'll keep it in mind for my next stories, though, thanks!
We'll have to wait and see whether that actually happens in the show... I surely keep my fingers crossed!
I'll make sure to read your story once it's up!
6545081
First off: Thanks for the feedback. You say that she is arrogant because she thinks she is the only one who can save Equestria. I don't think she arrogantly believes she is the only pony who can save the world. She has the desire to help in a world that is direly in need of any help it can get, I would not call that arrogance. After numerous incidents that led Equestria to the brink of disaster, e.g. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis or Tirek, a pony who had the potential to become an Alicorn princess would be a sight for sore eyes. The way I wrote her, her only desire was to help in Equestria because the world needed any help it could get. She also wanted to put her knowledge of magic to the best use so she could help as much as possible, for which she had to return.
At least that's what I intended her intentions and feelings to be.
6545587You can do this!
Be creative!
First of all, congratulations on your first story!
So, your first story and what I can already see is that your English is very good, even excellent for someone whose native language isn't even English. Did you look up some words or synonyms on the internet or was no help needed? Needless to say, it's impressive.
About the story, I am not sure if I would agree with the reactions of the characters to Sunset's decision, mainly Rainbow Dash rant and Twilight's reaction. I just don't think Rainbow would react that aggressively and keeping in mind that she's the Element of Loyalty, I think she would rather support her, even if it would shock her for a moment. But she also tends to hide her feelings, and possibly would act like it's no big deal. And about Twilight, it seems you got inspiration from Amending Fences and Moondancer? Sure, Sci Twi and Moondancer are alike, so it makes sense that they act similar. Although, I believe it was a bit too identical, emotionally wise. Both felt betrayed, but I wouldn't expect Sci Twi to speak as heavy and emotional as Moondancer. Moondancer always came off as if she had stored tons of anger inside herself thanks to the betrayal, which she let out at the end towards Twilight after many years. Sci Twi, on the other hand, usually came off quiet and restrained (Although, I haven't seen the movie in weeks, so I could be wrong.
), and just now, out of nowhere, acted so similar to Moondancer. But it shouldn't be forgotten that it's mostly headcanon, how each of us imagine their reaction would be, since we haven't seen it in the movie. And my idea might be completely wrong. If they actually do it in the next movie, let's see how close it comes to your version. 
All in all, I enjoyed it and I look forward with where you'll be going with the story. Keep it up!
6562785
Thanks for the feedback!
I had advanced level English classes in my Junior and Senior years and attended a bilingual class. Most of it came rather quickly as I had a lot of practice at school. Sometimes, I had to use the dictionary or the thesaurus, though - writing fiction is completely different than literary analyses or the like.
I'm actually surprised that no one before you has pointed out Rainbow Dash's behaviour and how it is not very element-of-loyalty-like. I was thinking about how she might react and just thought that it was fitting despite basically contradicting her element of harmony. In the show, we've seen her acting opposed to her element several times, and given that she might be pretty shocked by Sunset's decision, her reaction is not too far off in my opinion.
Actually, I don't recall thinking of Amending Fences while writing Twilight's scene, at least not actively. My idea was that Sunset and Twilight shared a special bond, a very deep friendship (which I depicted in the narrative), and when Twilight learned that Sunset would leave, her fuses just blew because this person who was her first real friend and whom she loved (in a platonic way, obviously) would leave her. Maybe I thought of myself there a little and how I would react. Although the final result had several parallels, making Twilight similar to Moondancer wasn't my intention.
6545587
In regards to your conversation with BenRG, I see what you were going for, but I can also see were he/she/i-don't-know is coming from as well. I'm going to list a couple lines that could be seen as arrogant of Sunset to say.
I think the word depend is what does it here. The statement is necessary, but I think you should replace that one word with something else, I just don't know what.
The way the second sentence is worded, it makes it sound like her just being there could have prevented the disasters.
If you disagree with me on these points, let me know that you do and why. Other than that, you've just earned yourself a follower.
6604294
First off, I'm sorry for the late reply. I haven't had much spare time lately and I completely forgot about your comment
I agree that some of Sunset's lines sound rather arrogant. I intended her to be somepony who had everypony else's best interest at heart and just wanted to help, but I realise that that sentiment came across a bit arrogant the way I worded it.
Thanks for the feedback and the follow
6658002
Eh, don't worry about the late reply. Usually I don't expect a reply, even if I want one.
You're a great author, of course I'm going to follow you.
This part, you don't have to read if you don't want to. It's just a selfish little request.
On another note, I had an idea for a Sunset fic, but I'm a terrible author, so I just put it up in my first blog post so others could use it if they want to. So far, all feedback has been positive but no-one has taken up the idea. If you want, see what you think about it.
6658375
I'll always reply if someone writes a comment, I feel honoured every time someone takes the time to read my story and write a comment.
About your idea: I really like it! In general, the idea of playing around with the concepts of True Self, Personas and Identity really appeals to me. I can't promise anything, but maybe I'll give it a try. And if not, you might see something similar to it.
6658609
Thank you!
Great story! But, The story is a tad confusing, Have some occasional typos, Have weak pacing, And you need to work on the dialogue and catching the mane 6's character...But other than that the story's great
! Anyway, If you don't mind i'll make a suggestion of re-writing this because it has so much potential and personally, I think this story is better of if you re-write it 
.
EDIT: I just realized that the title of the story is somewhat unpleasing to me...I don't really know why but i prefer the wording "More that's out there" or "There's more out there"
6762775
Howdy there! First off, glad you enjoyed the story
As I said, this is my first story ever, I never expected it to be perfect. If you would like to share your thoughts where it could be improved, I'd be more than happy to listen to them.
About rewriting it: I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon, I want to work on new stuff for now, but maybe it'll happen sometime in the future
And about the title: I took it directly from the What More Is Out There song, which was my starting point for the story.
YO MARC!
I liked it. a lot
I did notice some minor pacing issues. Some parts felt a little rushed. Some parts felt a little too long. But, like I said, they were super minor, and probably more of a preference thing. :D
And then most of the humans died at Camp Everfree. Those that survived would die later by rouge Equestrian magic. By time Sunset went back for a visit, all her friends were quiet dead.