• Member Since 14th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen January 20th

RhetCon


Soon™...

E

Sunset find's herself being targeted by the students of the school because of her recently failed attempt to enslave all of them. Running her regular checkups, Twilight visits Sunset when she's at her lowest. and picks her up with some kinds words of inspiration.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

*cough* Sunset? You needed me?

Ah, look at Mr. Big Shot, pumping out one-shots and posting them without even asking me to proofread. Gotta say, your highness, I was pleasantly surprised that this story happened. It was quite good, especially the flow and pacing of it all. I only have two real critiques. First off, there are parts of the interaction with Sunset and Twilight that feel kind of stilted and mechanical. I suggest that you rewatch Rainbow Rocks to get a better vibe for how Sunny interacts with people (honestly, it's a good idea to refer to RR for most every EG fic, even if it takes place along the Friendship Games timeline). Second critique is that there are one or two points in which you use a word that I'm positive was supposed to be something else.

“I’m just feeling some backlash from a year ago. I know you’ve said down worry about it, but it’s weighing down on me pretty hard.”

Just be a bit more careful. Honestly, it's not too late to add more to this story for the contest (you're only 900-ish words off). I'd love to see how this fares against some other pieces. Or, if you want, you can put this in your pocket for the next one, and work on sequels/similar stories in the interim. I really like that you're doing these kinds of stories, and I hope you continue.

I say all of this to say that this was quite good, and you better keep up the good work.

Aww, this story was sweet and inspiring. :pinkiesad2: I love it! :twilightsmile:

7346251 Thank you! Although it's been some time since I wrote this.

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