The Field Trip
Field trips always turned into memorable experiences. At least that's what Apple Bloom thought. Her smile would always widen whenever the carriage stood outside Ponyville Elementary and took her somewhere that could make anypony's eyes glow. Today was another field trip for Apple Bloom and her fellow classmates, and it was at the Dragonfly Swamp. Like before, her eyes shimmered and her mouth hung agape as the carriage stopped. She climbed out of the carriage with the rest of her class and landed on the darkly colored grass below. With a grin and a spring in her step, she trotted forwards. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Apple Bloom trotted in unison with her classmates across the rolling plains near the Dragonfly Swamp. Her hooves crushed brown and orange leaves that rested on the dry grass beneath her, making loud, crunching noises that sounded like somepony chowing down on a candy bar. The sun shone directly above her, its light causing the waters of the swamp to sparkle somewhat. A sweet aroma of blooming flowers and rolling waves tickled her nostrils. Such a feat of nature twisted her mind, as she swore that all swamps had poignant and repulsive scents with water that looked like sludge. This field trip proved that was either not the case, or that the Dragonfly Swamp was poorly named.
Apple Bloom's teacher, Miss Cheerilee, and a tour guide wearing a brown hat and vest led the group of fillies towards the coast of the swamp. The terrain beneath her hooves became softer and softer the closer she approached the water. The loud, cheerful voices of the other fillies and colts rang in her ears and seemed constant. She looked to her left and saw Scootaloo standing firm and Sweetie Belle's body shivering and her teeth chattering. Apple Bloom smirked at Sweetie Belle, who blushed and giggled slightly in return.
"Welcome to the Dragonfly Swamp," said Cheerilee. The noises of fillies and colts gossiping with each other continued to pollute the air, blocking her words from reaching anypony's ears. Cheerilee rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "I said, welcome to Dragonfly Swamp!"
The class froze in place and they zipped their lips. Not a single peep echoed in the air and all that Apple Bloom could hear were the croaking of the frogs and the splashes they made as they leaped from lily pad to lily pad. Her ears ceased ringing, much to her relief, and the thoughts in her head became audible once more.
What was so important about Dragonfly Swamp? It was as though that kernel of information escaped her mind and leaped out of her ear. Apple Bloom rubbed her head and sighed after a few seconds. Nothing came to her. She looked over to Scootaloo, whose eyes gazed at Cheerilee and the tour guide, and leaned over to her as her body refused to stay still for even a second.
"What are we even going to do here?" Apple Bloom whispered into her friend's ear.
Scootaloo shrugged and her eyes shifted towards Apple Bloom. "Beats me," she replied in a faint tone. "My hooves are starting to get a little sore, so this field trip better be short."
Apple Bloom looked down at the earth below her and sighed. Her hooves throbbed more intensely the longer she stared at the ground. "I hope so, but I have my doubts."
"What makes you say that?"
Apple Bloom's lips remained shut and she nonchalantly pointed at a colossal structure off into the distance. It was an amalgamation of squares, rectangles, cones, cylinders, and all sorts of other shapes. Its white exterior and glass roof glowed under the sunlight, forcing Apple Bloom to turn away and rub her eyes. The aesthetics had to be an afterthought, and Apple Bloom couldn't prevent her face from turning slightly green. Her vision was blurry for a moment, but the world around her soon became clear once again and she turned back to Scootaloo.
"Did you see what I pointed at?" Apple Bloom asked.
Scootaloo's shoulders sagged and she let out a sigh just loud enough, and no louder, to be audible. "I sure did," she said. "What do you think, Sweetie Belle?" Scootaloo then turned to Sweetie Belle, the latter staring blankly ahead with half-open eyes and lips devoid of emotion. "Sweetie Belle."
Sweetie Belle jumped up as though somepony poked her. Her head turned from left to right before staring back at Cheerilee. "Huh?" she blurted out loud.
Everypony, with the exception of Cheerliee and the tour guide, let out a hearty laugh. The laughter subsided after a moment, at which point Cheerilee trotted towards Sweetie Belle with heavy steps and a deep frown. The filly gulped audibly and her eyes shifted around for a moment.
"Sweetie Belle, please pay attention," said Cheerilee in a stern tone. She then looked around at the fillies and colts surrounding her. "This is very important, so I hope you're all listening as well." Apple Bloom nodded slowly and she formed a sheepish grin the moment Cheerilee turned around and trotted back to the front of the group. "Anyway, we will be dividing you all into pairs." The noises of chatter returned once more. "I have already decided the pairs!"
Dragonfly Swamp became devoid of noise once more, but not before a few groans escaped the throats of some of the ponies. The faces painted across the fillies and colts all ranged from smiles to frowns. Apple Bloom fit in with the latter group, and her heart raced faster. She looked over to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, the former smirking and occasionally cackling like a witch and the latter nodding with a faint smile, and her heart rate picked up even more. As she focused on Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom felt a tingling sensation inside of her chest. Something was off about her smile, but she couldn't quite find the reason as to why. Despite this, anything but the bullies was all Apple Bloom could think.
"Here are the groups," Cheerilee announced as she lifted a sheet of paper. The paper fluttered about occasionally from the slight breeze that formed from time to time. "First, we have Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle."
"Yes!" Scootaloo shouted into the air as she pumped her hoof up and down. "This is so awesome!"
"It sure is!" Sweetie Belle added as she hopped up and down like a pogo stick.
Apple Bloom gazed at the two as they lined up next to each other with beaming smiles. She smiled slightly herself, but her chest tightened as she looked around and failed to notice anypony that stood out to her. There was always Twist, but she hadn't spent time with her in what felt like aeons. She couldn't even remember the last time she hung out with Twist. She should probably check up on her later and see how she's doing. Apple Bloom's heart ached for a moment and her shoulders sagged. She returned her gaze to Cheerilee as she whispered Twist's name.
Cheerilee cleared her throat and her eyes pointed back to the sheet of paper. "Next, we have Archer and Twist."
The two aforementioned fillies trotted towards each other and shook hooves. Apple Bloom's lip puckered up as she frowned and she let out a deep sigh. Cheerilee continued reading from the list of ponies, and Apple Bloom's throat tightened the longer it took for her name to show up. Soon, the only ponies who had yet to be assigned a group were Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Featherweight, and herself.
Apple Bloom looked over to Featherweight and bit her lip. "Please let me be with Featherweight," she muttered under her breath. Her throat tightened and her legs felt light. "Anything but one of the bullies. Please."
Cheerilee paused for a moment and looked at the different groups for a brief moment. "The next group is Apple Bloom and Silver Spoon," she announced.
Just like that, Apple Bloom felt as though time had stopped and everything around her ceased moving. The wind became perfectly still and motionless and the frogs no longer croaked or splashed in the swamp. Her heart raced more and more and she clenched her teeth. Silver Spoon, wearing her trademark glasses and pearl necklace as well as a pink hat, took her place beside her as she waved back to Diamond Tiara.
Apple Bloom's spine froze and her throat tightened. Something did go wrong. She shifted her head towards Silver Spoon, who adjusted her hat slightly. She stared into Silver Spoon's eyes, but something felt off. Silver Spoon wasn't grinning smugly or glaring at her. The air around her even felt cool as opposed to tight.
Apple Bloom couldn't pick up a hint of malice beneath her eyes. All she saw were a pair of shimmering eyes and the clear glasses that were in front of them. Was Silver Spoon planning something nefarious? She never had this good of a poker face. Apple Bloom shivered and she brought her attention back to Cheerilee once more.
"Okay, everypony. We're going to go over to the observatory. When we're there, I'll provide each group a worksheet to fill out while they are inside. Please put the names of both group members on the worksheet." Cheerilee smiled and she pranced ahead, her legs moving up and down in a rhythmic beat. "Let's go, class!"
Everypony closely followed Cheerilee towards the observatory off in the distance. Apple Bloom trotted in the back of the crowd while Silver Spoon trotted alongside her. She looked back to the latter and when she saw her lips sealed tight, Apple Bloom couldn't help herself from raising an eyebrow.
"Excuse me," said Apple Bloom as she stared at Silver Spoon with a bemused expression, "but why aren't you making fun of me like you usually do?"
"Why would I do that?" Silver Spoon replied with a question of her own.
Apple Bloom tilted her head and squinted at Silver Spoon. Was she dreaming? She couldn't be, because the grass tickling her hooves felt too real to be a mere illusion. "What? You've made fun of Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and I all the time with Diamond Tiara. I don't get where you're coming from."
"We're partners, right?" Apple Bloom slowly nodded. "Therefore, we need to work together and try to do the best we can. You do want to get a good grade on this, right?" Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow and stared into Apple Bloom's eyes.
Apple Bloom nodded once again and shivered. "Oh, um, of course I do."
Silver Spoon breathed a sigh of relief. "That's what I wanted to hear." She then turned and pointed towards the observatory off in the distance. "There's the observatory, as you probably guessed. I hope you know what you're doing." She paused for a moment and took in a deep breath. "I'd also like it if we didn't argue during the whole trip."
Apple Bloom clenched her teeth and gulped. She knew Silver Spoon was right, but where did this side of her come from? Silver Spoon didn't have to be a bully to get attention or comrades, and somepony as smart as her should know that. But why did she still do it? Apple Bloom's head ached slightly until she tossed the thought aside and brought her eyes back to the world in front of her, the observatory becoming taller and larger the closer she got to it.
Apple Bloom's head rose up more and more until she could no longer raise it any higher. She squinted at the shining tip of the observatory that stabbed the sky. She felt her body figuratively shrinking the longer she stared at the building. What kinds of things could possibly be inside?
"Okay, my students," said Cheerilee. "Please take a worksheet and a map with you when you are given it by the pony at the door. Each question is organized by which floor of the observatory you'll have to go through, but feel free to answer them in any way you want." Cheerilee trotted out of the way and her forelegs waved towards the observatory's front door at a rapid pace. Her face then formed a wide grin and her eyes glowed. "I hope you have fun!"
Each group entered the observatory one by one, and Apple Bloom's steps became larger and larger the closer she was to the entrance. Feeling a slight tap on her shoulder, she turned around and noticed Silver Spoon beside her. Her eyes shimmered and her lips formed a slight smirk.
"Are you, um, are you ready, Apple Bloom?" Silver Spoon asked in a soft tone.
Apple Bloom's eyes widened and she then paused for a moment. Silver Spoon almost never called her by her real name. It was always "blank flanks" or some insulting variant of her name. Apple Bloom's chest tingled for a moment and her head throbbed the more she thought about it. Why was Silver Spoon acting like this?
"Apple Bloom, are you paying attention?" Apple Bloom's limbs were still frozen as air passed through her head, her mind repeating the same questions over and over again. "A-are you okay?"
Apple Bloom shivered and quickly nodded her head. She tried to form a smile, but her lips struggled to even form the pleasant arc. "Oh, um, yeah," she said. "I-I'm okay. I'm ready to get started as well."
Silver Spoon nodded. "I'm glad to hear that."
The pair trotted right beside the door and a stallion wearing a white hat and vest gave them a sheet of paper and a folded up, colorful map. Silver Spoon grabbed the map while Apple Bloom grabbed the worksheet, the pair nodding at each other the moment both items were secure.
"Thank you," said Silver Spoon, nodding to the stallion. "Let's make Cheerilee proud, bl-, I mean, Apple Bloom."
Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow and paused for a moment. At least Silver Spoon tried to correct herself, and that was enough to make her smile. Perhaps Silver Spoon was trying to break out of her cocoon and change into a better pony. That couldn't be it. If she was trying to change, everypony would have noticed it by now. Apple Bloom gritted her teeth for a second or two, but nothing in her mind came up.
"Apple Bloom, are you in there?" Silver Spoon asked. "Is there something wrong?"
Flinching for a moment and nodding, Apple Bloom then blushed and grinned sheepishly. "Um, no, I'm okay," she said in a faint tone as she shifted her eyes from left to right.
There had to be something that Silver Spoon was planning. She might want to get a good grade, but Apple Bloom's mind fried up trying to comprehend a reason she'd be nice to her without there being some ulterior motive. She then turned to Silver Spoon and looked into her eyes, which were still as warm and welcoming as before. There had to be a piece of the puzzle missing, but the more her mind searched for it, all that she could muster was slightly raising her eyebrow.
Apple Bloom and Silver Spoon trotted inside the observatory together, their hooves clacking against the smooth, white, tiled floor. The surrounding air chilled the spine, but in a way that eased the spirit. Apple Bloom took a deep breath, some white steam escaping her mouth, and then felt a bundle of nerves loosening up inside her body.
Looking around with her mouth hung agape, Apple Bloom's eyes glowed like stars as she stared at the futuristic architecture. The lines of the building were streamlined as though wind resistance had been calculated for whatever reason. Just enough sunlight, but not too much to where it burned the eyes, peered through the windows of the observatory. Every inch of the building shone like a polished gem, and Apple Bloom's eyes shimmered brightly as they darted around.
"Pretty cool, huh?" asked Silver Spoon.
"It sure is," said Apple Bloom as she nodded in agreement.
Silver Spoon took a deep breath and shook for a moment. She then looked over to Apple Bloom with the faintest of smiles. "Apple Bloom, do you mind if I ask a question?"
Apple Bloom tilted her head and blinked a few times as she raised her eyebrows. "Um, sure."
"How has your quest for a cutie mark gone? Do you have an idea as to what your special talent might be?"
Apple Bloom's lips formed a frown and her cheeks blushed brightly. She gritted her teeth and a growl akin to that of a puppy escaped her throat. "What's that supposed to mean? Are you making fun of me?"
Shaking her head from side to side, Silver Spoon took a step back. "Not at all. I just wanted to get to know you better. We're partners after all, right?"
Apple Bloom sighed and looked down at the floor. She stared at her own reflection, which copied her bemused look and movements, and then looked back up at Silver Spoon. "Not really. It feels like my friends and I have tried everything, but nothing seems to be working."
"Well, um, what do you like to do the most in your free time? What are you really good at?"
Apple Bloom shrugged and then paused for a moment, digging deeper into her mind as she hoped to pull something out. "I guess I like to build and repair things." She then glanced over to Silver Spoon's cutie mark for a moment before bringing her attention back to her eyes. "What does your cutie mark mean? I've never found out. Is it, um, well, never mind." Silver Spoon's shoulders sagged. Apple Bloom felt a needle pierce her heart and her chest tightened. "I'm sorry if I offended you."
"It's okay. It really is." Silver Spoon nodded gently, which caused Apple Bloom's chest to loosen. "Anyway, my special talent is as a pastry chef."
"Pastry chef? I wouldn't have guessed that. Do you ever plan on bringing treats for the whole class?" Apple Bloom unconsciously licked her lips as images of all sorts of pastries formed in her mind.
"I really should." Silver Spoon paused for a moment as she rubbed her hoof against the floor for a second as the slightest of squeaks echoed into Apple Bloom's ear. "I understand. I really should tell others about my special talent. I'll try to make a note of it."
"Sounds okay to me." Apple Bloom stretched her forelegs and just as the worksheet brushed against her body, she shivered for a moment and grinned sheepishly. "Right. Let's get to work on our assignment."
Looking down at the worksheet in her hoof, Apple Bloom's eyes darted around the words inscribed on it. There were two sides to the worksheet and each floor had six questions, totaling to an amount of eighteen questions. Silver Spoon leaned towards her and then back to the unfolded map, which was littered with symbols, abbreviations, and illustrations.
Apple Bloom responded by leaning towards Silver Spoon and her eyes glanced at the map, its features twisting her mind like a corkscrew. Sensing Silver Spoon's eyes shift towards her, her chest tightened and her heart rose up to her throat. She closed her eyes for a moment as though she anticipated a hoof to the face. Opening her eyes and shifting them to Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom noticed her lips moving as her eyes shifted around the map. How was she able to read something like that? More importantly, did she not mind her leaning towards her?
Apple Bloom's mind once again focused on Silver Spoon as she still tried to formulate her surprisingly pleasant behavior. What the heck was going on with her? Was this some sort of dream? It couldn't be a dream. The cold, smooth tiled floor beneath her hooves produced a distinct feeling that was foreign to her before she stepped inside. Apple Bloom blinked rapidly a few times. Silence filled the air. Digging deeper into her mind as though she was mining for something, she tried to find something to say. Anything would do.
"So what should we do?" Apple Bloom asked as she tilted her head. "You seem to have a better idea of what we should do than I do. What's the plan?"
Silver Spoon's eyes widened and she took a short step back. "Huh? What do you mean?"
Apple Bloom shrugged. Clarity couldn't be the problem, as her mind reassured her that what she asked was appropriate. Perhaps a little change was necessary.
"What I meant was, what should we do first? Should we go to the West Hall first, or should we go to the East Hall? I'm letting you decide."
Silver Spoon blushed and her shoulders sagged. "I, um, I-I." She repeated this for a few seconds as her cheeks blushed brighter and her body trembled.
Apple Bloom's spine froze as she stared at Silver Spoon, who was unable to get the words out of her throat. Her chest tightened and her breaths became louder and faster the more she stared at Silver Spoon. Apple Bloom trotted closer towards her, the latter trembling more violently, and looked at her in the eye. Silver Spoon's breathing became audible and the moment her eyes widened, she lost her balance and gently closed her eyes, plopping onto the smooth floor with a thud. Apple Bloom cringed as she stared at Silver Spoon, who didn't budge an inch.
"Silver Spoon!" Apple Bloom cried out. She knelt down, her heart rate rising, and shook the unconscious filly's body. "Silver Spoon! Are you okay? Please, wake up!"
Silver Spoon's eyes slowly opened and a groan escaped her lips. She moved her forelegs around and wobbled as she tried to get up. Apple Bloom, her muscles tightening, wrapped her forelegs around Silver Spoon's and stared into her eyes with a warm smile. It was enough for Apple Bloom's heart rate to return to normal. The world around her then felt warmer and brighter, but for reasons she couldn't quite explain.
"Silver Spoon, are you okay?" Apple Bloom asked. "What happened?"
"I-I passed out," Silver Spoon replied in a faint, but blunt tone. She then shifted her eyes away from Apple Bloom and winced slightly. "What do you think happened?"
"But why? I just asked you what we should do. What's the big deal about that?"
Silver Spoon's eyes shimmered. A cascade of tears ran down her cheeks and rained down on the floor below. "It's a long story. I'd rather not talk about it. You'll just use it as a way to get revenge on me."
"I won't tell anypony." Apple Bloom paused for a moment. "Maybe Miss Cheerilee, but nopony else. I also promise to not make fun of you, because I know how much it can hurt." Apple Bloom stroked Silver Spoon's back with her hoof, her gray coat silky smooth, but somewhat ticklish as well. "Now then, please tell me what's wrong."
Silver Spoon looked over to Apple Bloom and let out a deep sigh. "It has to do with Diamond Tiara," she muttered.
Apple Bloom tilted her head. "Can you speak up, please? I didn't quite understand."
"It has to do with Diamond Tiara," Silver Spoon said audibly. "It also has to do with who I am."
"Please, tell me more."
Silver Spoon's eyes darted around for a moment. She then sighed once more and formed a deep frown, which caused Apple Bloom's heart to ache. Why did her heart ache for Silver Spoon of all ponies? She should feel some sort of schadenfreude, but it was nowhere to be found. Apple Bloom felt a ticklish, cold feeling run down her cheeks and when she looked down, a puddle of tears rested before her hooves. Why was she crying? Her brain felt akin to goo and she gritted her teeth as she tried to think of a coherent explanation, but all that popped into her mind was nothingness.
"Okay, I'll tell," said Silver Spoon. She paused for a moment, her eyes locking onto Apple Bloom's. "Do you know why Diamond Tiara is the way she is? Why she enjoys bullying others?"
Apple Bloom nodded. "It's because she wants to assert how rich she is, right?" she asked in a high pitched tone. She then tilted her head.
Silver Spoon shook her head. "Not quite. It's because her heart yearns for attention."
"Yearns?"
Silver Spoon blushed and chuckled faintly. "Oh, sorry. What I should say is that she wants attention. To yearn for something means to want something." She paused for a moment and stared back into Apple Bloom's eyes. "I'm getting a little off topic. Sorry about that."
Apple Bloom's lips curled into a faint smile. "It's okay. No need to apologize for something like that."
"Thank you. Anyway, why does Diamond Tiara want attention? Well, it's because her family rarely ever spends time with her."
Stepping back slightly, Apple Bloom's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. The whole world felt like it was spiraling out of control. She shook her head and after a few seconds, she regained her composure and took a deep breath. "Really?"
"Really. Apple Bloom, remember when Diamond Tiara's father dropped by for Family Appreciation Day?"
Apple Bloom nodded. "I do. It wasn't that interesting, if I must be honest."
"Yeah, it wasn't." Silver Spoon's lips curled into a slight smile, which in turn caused Apple Bloom to smile as well, only for both smiles to fade in seconds as though they were illusions. "Anyway, you may have noticed that Diamond Tiara was the only one in the class full of energy and paying close attention. It wasn't just because it was her father talking, but because this was one of the rare opportunities she had to spend an extended period of time with him. The poor thing must be so lonely whenever I'm not with her."
Apple Bloom's eyes shimmered and her heart ached. Was she feeling sorry for Diamond Tiara? Her mind twisted around, trying to formulate a phrase. Any acceptable phrase would do. "That's so sad," she said unconsciously.
"It really is. She wants to be noticed, so she turned to bullying to get attention. She assumed that was the best way to get attention, because everypony would either join her or fear her." Silver Spoon looked down at the floor, staring at her own reflection, and sighed once more with sagged shoulders. "I was one of the ponies who joined her."
Apple Bloom tilted her head. "But why? When you're not with her, you're like a different pony." Pausing for a moment, Apple Bloom rubbed her muzzle for a second or two. "Most of the time at least. There has to be a valid reason."
"It's because I'm a follower."
Tilting her head slightly, Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow and then cleared her throat. "A follower?"
Silver Spoon nodded. "A follower. My family may spoil me and give me gifts, some materialistic, others related to my special talent, but at the same time they want me to follow orders. I've never been assigned to be a leader, which was why I was so nervous."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Apple Bloom placed her hoof on Silver Spoon's back once more and massaged it, the gentle up and down motions causing Silver Spoon to smirk. "I still feel for you, but you seemed to be rather independent before we stepped hoof into the observatory." Apple Bloom closed her eyes, but nothing came out of her mind except a throbbing sensation. "I can't figure out why me asking you what to do would cause you to lose consciousness. There has to be something going on, I just know it."
Letting out a deep sigh, Silver Spoon turned to Apple Bloom and froze. Apple Bloom shrugged slightly, unsure of what to make of Silver Spoon's behavior. Before her lips could open up and let out a single syllable, Silver Spoon thrust her body towards her and buried her head into Apple Bloom's chest as quiet sobs escaped Silver Spoon's throat.
"W-what's wrong?" Apple Bloom asked, her heart aching more than ever. Her vision became blurry as she rubbed Silver Spoon's mane, its texture silky smooth and soothing to the hoof. "Please tell me."
"I-I'm so weak," Silver Spoon sobbed. "I can't do anything right."
"You're always getting praised by Miss Cheerilee for your grades, so you're doing something right."
Shaking her head, Silver Spoon's sobs became more frequent. "B-but I'm so cruel to you and your friends. Why are you being nice to me? Why? I made fun of Scootaloo's flying problems, so you should hate me for that."
"I no longer see a bully in front of me." Silver Spoon ceased crying and looked up at Apple Bloom. Her cheeks were blushing brightly and tears filled her eyes. Her teary, shimmering eyes touched Apple Bloom's heart and warmed it. "I now see a filly who needs help, and I want to help you. Now tell me, how long have you been feeling this. Be honest."
"Ever since Babs Seed visited Ponyville for the first time. When I found out who she really was and got covered in mud, I felt something that I never felt before."
Apple Bloom's eyes widened. "What feeling was that?"
"Guilt. I kept thinking about Babs, her problems in Manehattan, Diamond Tiara's own problems, and mine for a week since she left. Whenever I made fun of the three of you, while I still laughed with Diamond Tiara and still looked like the same Silver Spoon you knew and loathed, needle after needle pierced my heart." Silver Spoon sighed and looked down at the floor before looking back at Apple Bloom. "It was bound to come out of me sooner or later. I'm surprised that I was able to hide it perfectly for so long."
Looking at Silver Spoon with shimmering eyes, Apple Bloom's heart warmed and a smile, and it was wider than it had been all day, formed on her face. She wrapped her forelegs around Silver Spoon, the warmness thawing the last remaining frozen bits of her spine as though it was a blanket. "You were so brave to tell me this. Thank you, my new friend."
Silver Spoon gasped and her eyes widened. She lifted up her glasses to wipe away some tears before lowering them back down. "F-friend? Are you joking?"
Apple Bloom shook her head. "Of course not. I did say I wanted to help you." She let go of Silver Spoon and the two rose back onto their hooves. "However, I do want you to tell Diamond Tiara about how you're feeling. I'll join in as well."
Shaking her head, Silver Spoon let out a loud gulp. "But Diamond Tiara is just going to make fun of you and I. That will never work."
Apple Bloom shook her head and smiled. "It will. You can tell her all sorts of things on how she can get the attention she wants without bullying. I know you can do it, because you're a brave filly."
Silver Spoon froze for a moment. As she remained perfectly still, Apple Bloom placed her hooves on her shoulders, her muscles tightening just in case she needed to catch her from fainting. After a minute, Silver Spoon nodded slowly and smiled.
"Okay, I'll give it a try," she said.
"That's the spirit!" Apple Bloom shouted. Her whole body felt warm and bubbly as her eyes shimmered. "I'm glad that we became partners, Silver Spoon."
"Me too. Let's go to West Hall and do a great job on our assignment!"
The two fillies nodded in unison and then trotted towards the West Hall, their legs more vibrant than before. Apple Bloom looked at Silver Spoon, who looked back at Apple Bloom, and they both smiled. As Apple Bloom stared at Silver Spoon, one thought crossed her mind.
"While we started the day as enemies, we came out of it as friends. The more we understand each other and are willing to help each other in the darkest of times, the stronger our bonds will become. I would never have learned this without you, Silver Spoon. Thank you."
Stats
Page generated in 0.099 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
1,704,765 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
media.giphy.com/media/yhLV2DGTLDRCw/giphy.gif
Space out those paragraphs.
the feeeeeellllllllllllssssss
Not a bad read, but you might want to revise the way they speak. They are kids after all. So correct grammar isn't a necessity.
Very nice.
The point where Silver Spoon fell down was a bit contrived to me, but I liked how you talked about the how she's always in the follower position and afraid to be leader; it feels like a relate able issue to someone who has never had a chance to really be a leader.
So overall, I like it.
Keep writing.
dude. It's the 16th. How the fuck is this created on the 17th...wait.
You're a fucking WIZARD!!!
.....
Doctor whooves? Anyways, commencing read.
Good story.
5013753
Of course I'll keep writing, because I have to write if I'm going to improve. Thanks for commenting as well.
5013755
Magic.
5013829
Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
5013847
Thank YOU.
5013847 images.picturesdepot.com/photo/c/cartman_lame-11121.jpg
That was sweet! But you didn't really get the characters' voices right. You definitely wrote their dialogue a bit too formally a few times, especially for Apple Bloom.
Any more story requests? cause I've got one.
Like the others have been saying, the characters dialogue is a little to formal. Especially Apple Bloom, but overall a good read.
5014018
5014130
I guess that's something I need to work on. Anyway, thanks for letting me know, and I'll try to do a better job for next time.
>Picture is a fimfic wallpaper
>Alright. Well played OP. I'll play your game and read your story
5014228 I was waiting for someone to mention that.
Besides what the others have been saying about the diaogue (and they're right btw), I must say that this is a wonderful and adorable story.
I loved it!
Great job!
5014243 True. I'll practice writing dialogue so that my next story will turn out even better. Thanks for commenting.
I realize it must hurt to be Apple Bloom, just as a general day to day thing imposed by the cruel fates, but come on. I couldn't tell if AB was suffering from a combination heart attack+migrane or if she had brainworm lust for Silver Spoon or what. Luckily we weren't in Silver Spoon's head as well, or I might have had to pass out myself alongside her to deal with all these excessive reactions. I really did try to read the whole thing. I tried, but I missed some parts here and there because of all the eye-rolling I had to do. Had I been a character in the story, my eyes would probably have snapped off the optical nerves and spun like slot machine wheels in my eye sockets.
I get the need to make Silver Spoon (and Diamond Tiara) more likeable ponies, as I'm a fan of them both myself. I just think it should be done by making them more realistic and more believable. The basic story of "Diamond Tiara has a rich distant family" isn't new, and it isn't especially well done here as it is told to us third hand. This is a story being told to Apple Bloom by Silver Spoon while we watch. Silver Spoon's own part of the whole "sharing" stuff is not even really much of any story at all. "I'm a follower. I follow Diamond Tiara."
Um. OK.
Out of this whole mess, the part where Silver Spoon asks Apple Bloom about her efforts to earn her cutie mark, and the fairly subtle questioning about what she likes to do was slightly interesting. It actually felt at that moment like you were showing us a glimpse of the character behind the pretty glasses, and that you were successfully showing us more to this pony than we normally have. But it was just a little glimpse, and it was nearly drowned out by all the rest of the over the top nonsense going on around it.
Deconstructing what is here, the real story is that Silver Spoon feels guilty over how she (by following Diamond Tiara) treats other ponies. She understands Diamond's motivations, but she wants to do something about it. I'm sure this has been eating her up for awhile, and the opportunity presented by being paired up with Apple Bloom (it could have been one of the other two crusaders probably and still work) was what she needed. We could have had this story from her perspective, and gotten a lot more of her character in the way you want to present her. Instead we were stuck with the Apple Bloom filter. It comes across as lazy, because it lets you cut out most of the work of actually presenting us this more complete Silver Spoon.
Then you do yet another tease. You set yourself up for an actually dramatic scene, one where Silver Spoon the concerned friend confronts Diamond Tiara, with Apple Bloom at her side. There could be all kinds of accusations of betrayal as Silver Spoon revealed Diamond's secrets to "the enemy" and all sorts of intense stuff. You could write about how the other two CMC react to AB wanting to help Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. You could have all kinds of real drama, instead of this weird medical condition stuff inflicting these fillies.
But, again a lazy and cheap writing tactic, you just hint at that scene, and end your story with the pair promising to do all that.
I can see how for some this is a good story. It has fairly good grammar, and it is light and fluffy. I'm sure plenty of readers enjoy that tease, and like to think about all these big things happening, and because your story made them think of it, they transfer the credit to you. Used in moderation, that can be a good storytelling tool. But you have to actually give us some substance. That can't be the entire storytelling, which is what you've done here.
5014272 Thanks for commenting. I recognize that it's flawed and I don't understand why it's getting so much attention. I do wish I had the talent you had, since I've read some of your stories. Anyway, thanks for the in-depth critique. I'll try to think of something with more substance for next time, but I guess we all have to start somewhere. Also, is it okay if I ask you some questions about writing in the future? I think I could learn a lot from someone as intelligent as you.
I like it.
5014318 Thank you. I'm glad that you liked it.
5014280
Sure thing.
5014330 Thank you very much. If something I'm confused about ever crosses my mind, I'll ask you if you're available. I'll become a great writer one day, but I just need some more experience first.
5014250 It helps to get a friend to read it out loud with. I've done that with a few of mine, and it makes the dialogues flow more naturally. Especially if you change what the dialogue says because of the natural changes induced by reading it aloud. (Shorter sentences sometimes, other times a character might cut off another character, or even themself. Sometimes they wind up talking over each-other, but I would wait to do that until you have experience in making natural dialogues because it can get very confusing very fast).
5014415 Sounds like a plan. Thanks for the advice. I'll try that for the next story I write.
Awwww. That was cute. It certainly warmed my heart.
Great job, my friend. I hope this gets featured, so that everyone can acknowledge your linguistic talents.
5014791 Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
Has anyone ever clenched their teeth so hard and tried to gulp? That's a lot of effort into trying to do the two, props to Apple Bloom for pulling that one off without loosening her jaw or just regularly swallowing. Though, with all the gritting she did in this story she's probably gonna have to get a Dentist appointment made.
A few times, I wasn't sure if this was trying to ship Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo and Sweetie. Apple Bloom herself made so many doki-doki moments throughout this story that I had to hit backspace to check the front to see if this had a Romance tag on it I missed or Apple Bloom was going to have a severe panic attack.
Commonly overused: eyes widening, teeth gritting, heart pounding, and slight variations of those three.
Also might want to review scenes that go about describing an action and giving time descriptions like: "a sec or two"
Use "took a moment" or "stopped to <action here>".
Thoughts: It had too many repetitive moments that continued to distract me, jar me out of my reading. Later half became a bit unnatural; words spoken by fillies that feel like they shouldn't know or possessed by some other force to say such words.
Without getting too deep, I think this story would of worked best with a more limited "type only what you see them do, not what they think" perspective. A more focused narrative would of let you work more on ironing out some scenes in the latter half.
Apple Bloom turned into Barney in the last parts of the story.
What I would of liked to see:
Apple Bloom helps Silver find she's got more going for her than she knows.
Silver Spoon finds out a bit more what it's like to be Apple Bloom. What her Granny Smith is like, from one who lives with her instead of the stories DT tells her.
Silver's parents' want for Silver Spoon to be made more clearer than "we want her to be a follower" to be better explained. Why does she feel she can't risk speaking up to her friend Diamond? Whom she feels will apparently drop her lickity split if she ever went against anything she says.
Show Silver Spoon as really having enjoyed teasing the blank flanks, and never gave it much thought until their weeks long with Babs before turned into her and Di getting caught on the opposite side of the bullying chain.
Fillies speaking more like fillies. By avoiding big words that don't sound very pony: Like "loathing".
(Words like LOATHE are pretty high in the vocab tree, and a world like Equestria where HATE can make a pony's coat stand on ends, loathe would probably be treated like an accusatory swear word. Not the main biggie, but it stood out enough for me to mention it.)
Regardless, of all that. Have a like. It had its cute moments. Even if some of those were mistaken for being something else. Doki-doki.
Try to think up some cute stories that add to Spoon's character more. I'm sure you've seen Seven Minutes in Heaven, no? I think the fandom has done all they possibly could to showing us all the many ways Silver can say she's sorry to the CMC by now. We'd all much rather see more of why we should like Silver Spoon as a person, an individual, then just someone who just feels guilty about stuff she still partakes in or does little to nothing to change her situation, regardless of how pitiable the reasons she may have for them.
It was a decent story, I saw where you wanted to take it without trying to be just a carbon copy of the others. But the story began to feel less and less like MLP and fillies talking near the latter half. And if you ignore all the Dramatic Apple Bloom moments, and stuff mentioned above. It was a decent story.
Final Thoughts: How is it the CMC have so many adventures, so many stories that focus on each individual CMC, and even DIAMOND TIARA who gets her own Diamond-centric stories, and yet Silver Spoon gets almost nothing outside of Spoon apologizing all the time.
Can't Silver Spoon have her day off to do her own thing like DT does? What does Silver Spoon DO on her own time? What other possible friends or associates does she have when DT is like doing other things? We never get to really read stories about Silver Spoon if it isn't for very few people who actually refuse to write themselves into fanon tropes.
I don't know what it is about Silver. She's got potential. Be it on her own, with DT, or even the CMC.
Mane 6 are diverse and don't all share the same likes and wants, yet they have great friendships that still get tested a lot. We need more stories like they have, but for the Filly 5. From first crushes, to going on their first daring ride, camping trips, school festivals and fairs, I'm sure many of you have seen some anime so it can't be hard to see where one can get ideas for themes, at the very least.
ugh, why did my three sentences turn into something I can't fit on my screen?
Well, one only gets better the more they write. What you take here you'll likely do better to avoid in your next story. You certainly have cute ideas. But you need to learn to avoid certain traps. And that comes with time.
5014944 I'm trying to write more colorful sentences, but it looks like I still have much to learn. Also, I do agree that the plot needs some work. Thanks for the advice.
Decent enough, though your dialogue needs a bit of work. For now, focus on finding the character's voices and getting their speech patterns sound more natural.
Question: Why was Sweetie Belle zoning out? The way you called attention to it made it seem like it was significant, but you never addressed it.
5015966 Understood. Thanks for the advice. I'll try to do a better job next time.
5014944 You clearly looked more closely at this story than I did.
I'm actually a little surprised that I got the editing credit, as I didn't really do much for this story. When something's already pretty good, my editing mode kind of shuts down.
Now I'm going to go read what this story has turned into since last time I saw it.
That was a nice story and well written.
And I know there are already dozens of comments about the dialog. But I feel if the dialog were to flow more naturally, it's pretty mechanical now, this story would be infinitely better.
Is pretty formal but in canon Silver is a brat. Even seeing this tender side of her in this fic she's more likely to say:
It's more her voice.
I read this not in Apple Bloom's voice but something more like siri.
The fun thing about Apple Bloom is, if you want, you can really accentuate her accent.
or
Again, really mechanical. Apple Bloom would probably say
The story is there and it's good, it's got potential. I still enjoyed it and that's the most important thing. Have a Scootaloo.
5017029
I merely just read the story as I would any other.
I've gotten that a couple times, once even when I didn't want to be credited for a certain story I had no interests in but helped since none wanted to preread and give honest feedback to a mature AppleDash story. But mainly since the feedback I gave got twisted into what they wanted to do anyways that I told them didn't work and low and behold, they got that same part they forced on ahead with being the part people complained most about.
But just reading something and letting them know your opinions on whether you liked it or not is usually enough to warrant credit for giving feedback even if you didn't edit anything.
That's one of the faults I've had with friends and others. You get so into a story you forget why you're there in the first place or feel you'll ruin something if you're too honest.
You really just have to read a story and say what felt right and what felt a bit off. A story has to be more than just what people want the characters to do, they still have to sound like them. Make you bleieve you're really reading an episode of Apple Bloom and the class going on a field trip to learn about stuff and get paired up, as often people tend to, with those we don't always know much about or associate with.
Helping is more than just saying "You have a misspelled word here." and such.
I actually wasn't looking to not enjoy this story. I just read it and spoke up about what drew me out or confused me about the story. No doubt as you see here, I just happen to talk a lot. And the story was funny and cute, just not for all the right reasons at times since many were unintentional. Doki-doki. :P
TL;DR: Nah, I just read and posted what I thought about it.
5017320 Since you seem to be really intelligent when it comes to what makes a good story, do you mind if I ask you for help from time to time? I'd love to be as skilled and as knowledgeable as you, but I'm not quite there yet.
5017320 I don't mind, but aside from my time being pretty limited, I won't be around much come Oct 5th-11th and no idea when I'll be back.
Cryosite is pretty epic, Sind is a very blunt but good proofreader, Mattricole believe it or not is pretty cool and can help with stuff. Just keep a rolled up newspaper handy if he gets too Mattricole-y. And Magerblutooth though not into reading fiction is still one I trust and respect to point out character flaws and grammar, as well as characterization.
Try reading stories and see how more established fiction writers express actions through words.
But hey, until I leave in Oct, feel free to hit me up!
5017571 Thanks for all of the suggestions. I'll keep on trying to write something that's good, but learning from my multiple mistakes and practice in general should help a little.
5017157 Thanks for the advice. I've got a lot to work on, but I'll be able to improve more with practice and taking in the suggestions everyone has put forth.
I am currently fapping the like button.
This was awesome. Nuff said.
5018704 I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
5018941 Please, you little Pokemon, applaud yourself.
How do you suppose Silver Spoon would look as a senior citizen?
We never really know the whole story until we hear both sides of it. Part of me feels angry with SP for not doing anything about her problems but the other is pity on how she sees no way to escape from this torment.
5115790 I agree about hearing both sides of the story to get a better picture of what went on. Thinking about it has given me an idea in regards to this story. Maybe a sequel?
As for Silver Spoon, her not doing anything about the problem and seeing no escape is something that people in real life go through. It's rather sad, because they want to be helped, but they don't know what to say or are afraid of what others will say. Anyway, thanks for commenting on the story, and I'll keep striving to improve the more I write.
this was a good story and I really liked the message at the end. Very well done.
5294869 Thanks for the compliments!
5295219 You my friend are welcome.
5103885 XD
Cool story. Silver Spoon always did seem like a bully with a heart.