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Canterlot is unusually quiet during the nighttime. That's what Rarity thinks when she finds herself alone with only a candle. However, when she encounters Princess Luna, Rarity is given an important message, one that could impact the future. What could it be?
A story I wrote for fun that I felt like polishing up a bit and sharing.
Special thanks to Frostfur for proofreading this story.
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Great job, I like the concept and also how you executed it.
4773562 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.
Very well done!! Like and fave!
4773730 Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
4775307 I'm glad you wrote it.
One thing. Don't have Rarity say darling because she is talking to a princess. Besides that, I love it!
4775482 Now I get it.
I'll go fix that up, and thanks for helping. I'm glad you liked it.
Niiiice. Great use of Rarity here. Best siblings of the bunch, because Sweetie Belle is teh adorablez. I've added this to another group, I hope you don't mind.
4775564 Thanks.
You know how to portray Rarity and Luna better than I did in Quality Time and Alone, executed very well too. Already gave you a thumbs up.
4775579 Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I like this story, but I don't think it lives up to its potential.
Basically, the biggest problem here is that huge swathes of the story are just summarized by Luna, when they could have very easily been shown in some amount of detail. We're in a dream, here, and dreams can just jump between events freely. You could have a quick vision of Sweetie Belle making a deal with Discord, then have Luna explain why. And then show the events leading to Sweetie's downfall, one at a time, until Luna leads Rarity into the temple, where Sweetie mopes on her throne...
The point is, you broke "show, don't tell" and made your story less interesting than it could be. I would love to see Sweetie's downfall in more detail!
4775746 Sorry. I'm still struggling with knowing what constitutes as showing. While this was probably one of my better attempts, I still have a long way to go. It's just so hard knowing when you're showing, because sometimes when I think I'm showing, I'm telling. It's just so hard to wrap my head around. I'll figure it out eventually, but it sure is going to take a long time.
4778804 Thanks for the advice. I think with more experience, I'll be able to write something that's worthwhile. However, I do realize that with your advice and waterpear's, I do have the potential to write something good. I just need more experience. Thanks for going through my work, and I'll keep on writing so that I can improve.
I also wish I could write beautiful sentences like the example you gave me, but I'll get there with lots and lots of practice.
How much time did you put into writing this?
Hmm... rushed a bit. Could have expanded.
The idea is unique however and the descriptions are nice. I was able to get a decent image of my head of Rarity's surroundings.
4956944 I agree that this one was rushed. I think that it was because I found it difficult on how to expand the ending sequence. Thanks for looking at it, and at least I know what I need to look out for.
4956953 No thanks required.
Your welcome though. 
But rushed at the end, other than that very good.
That was unexpected fluff.