Near a tree by a river there's a hole in the ground.
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When Rainbow Dash has to spend the night in a jail cell for a crime she claims she didn’t commit, she’s shocked to find out she has a neighbour she never thought she’d ever see. The other pony doesn’t seem like her biggest fan either from the looks of things, considering their past. But have they put it behind them after so long?
Sometimes it takes a friend – not a rival – to answer that question.
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Um.... what was it that Rainbow was arrested for?
4404074
I had a few ideas, but scrapped them. I wanted to focus more of the interaction between the pair. While it's true I could have just made a single sentence to explain or hint at what it was, my overall decision was to leave it up to the viewer. It's obvious it isn't anything major, as it's only a single night, but I'll leave it up to you to decide what it was.
That also goes for Lightning Dust. Why was she there? Was it linked with Rainbow Dash in any way? Again, I had ideas, but removed them. You could attribute Lightning Dust being there to do with what happened with her changed attitude, possibly almost turning to a life of crime.
I just wanted to focus more on their interactions rather than what crime itself. I hope it doesn't drag the rest of the story down though, as it wasn't the intention in the first place.
4404167 It's fine dude... though to be honest if you did mention the reason for RD in jail it should be for a funny reason.
4404176
I guess she was flying too fast...
This was nice. Not much else to say, but nice.
Dawwwwwwwww! I liked it!
Okay, I admit I don't care exactly what Dash did. And I suppose I can live with not knowing what Lightning was in for either. But still it feels like a narrative waste that you go to the trouble of establishing the jail setting without letting it have any dramatic significance for the ending. If it's really immaterial what they did to get there, wouldn't it be less confusing to get them together in a context that doesn't come with such a strong implicit promise of story relevance? Sharing a hospital room, or trapped in a broken-down elevator, or whatever? (Though I recognize that keeping pegasi confined for story purposes isn't the easiest of things).
4409153
You raise a good point. Originally, I had planned that the cell for Rainbow Dash would have opened at the end and Twilight would be there, claiming she was innocent. She would have left shortly after, not before promising she'd be back the next day.
I really wanted them to be secluded together. While it's true I could have gone with a few of your suggestions (hospital, elevator etc.) I went with the jail to show Lightning Dust's change of character. She's had a lot of regret, and likely made a bad decision to land her in the cell.
The jail motive isn't the main focus of the story, not as much as acting as a backdrop. In the end, Rainbow Dash puts whatever Lightning Dust did behind her, happy to be there for her.
Or at least, that's how I see it. But I can see the possible wasted potential.
4409635
That would have had a stronger point if Dash actually knew what it is she had to put behind her. Heck, giving how hard she's protesting her own innocence, it's not clear she would consider Lightning's presence in a jail cell to be evidence that she has done anything bad either.
Hmm. I feel this could have been expanded more, but I still enjoyed it.
And then Rainbow Dash went to prison for thirty years for hitting and killing twelve children.
I bet Rainbow was flying under the influence again. She really needs to lay off the cider.
I like the premise of the story but you realise lightning didn't quit the academy, right? She got kicked out, by her own idol no less.
5824469
This story is one that I want to rewrite. It's one that has a big of a common theme: It has potential, but doesn't use it. Which I can also see. Or, if I don't do that, I need to fix the grammar issues. It makes me somewhat cringe, but I'm so lazy that I'm not willing to sit down for two hours and insert commas and edit. Still, I think it would be better with some edits, or a rewrite.
As for what you're saying, it's never clear what happens to Lightning Dust. All we see is Spitfire removing the badge she had and sending her off. From there, it's anybody's guess. Did she quit? Did she get kicked out? It's never revealed in canon. It's never also brought up if Spitfire is Lightning Dust's idol. Rewatching the episode, I never noticed it. Personally, I like to see it that Lightning Dust was demoted to the wing pony, given warnings, and quit sometime afterwards because the guilt got to her. But that's headcanon territory.
Still, thanks for reading.
As you've been away (at time of writing) for 19 weeks, I imagine the mooted rewrite will never happen. Shame, as I think that could have turned a decent story into a very good one. I like the fact that you don't waste time going into details about what got RD and LD into trouble in the first place. The characterisation is okay, too. On the downside, there's a little too much reminding us of canon events, and another proofread would have helped.
I love seeing this side of lightning dust, most of the time she’s just a more reckless version of rainbow dash, but seeing this side of her puts her in a different light.