Liquid_Rainbows
Joined 29th Dec, 2011 ·
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five star and track
Also I reckon AJ will kick his when he tries anything
Lol, " I'm tired of being a guard so I'll rape mane six"?
seems legit.
94559
When I left my previous work I've done exactly the same!
Now, I am not the type of pony who hates clopfics, or even this premise for a clopfic.(Would not be here if I hated the idea, see no reason to hate on someones work just because I dislike the premise)
And I am going to track and follow this but I still wish to leave some honest feedback and review.(I know how nice it is to get all tohse 'five stars and epic!' type comments, but they don't really help you along as a writer, so some honest and fairly graded feedback is hopefully accepted)
I would make the parts longer, they don't have to be super long and of course should never drag but this one felt dragged. If you are going to do clop(most of all rape clop) you really should be mentioning some more emotions and descriptions, never make it feel like it is being rushed.
(Only time when clop can be rushed is if you are uncomfortable writing it, which in this case would make no sense as there is no 'story' persay)
So yea, make the overall story a bit longer, put in more descriptions and details and do not rush it. This could actully be a quite a good tale based on how far you plan to go with it and how much work you are ready to put into it outside of the clop scenes. And if you only want to write basic clop, then at least give more details to the clop scenes themself
I would also advice you to read it over once more, MOST of all if you are going to continue to write such short chapters. I know how much of a pain it is for an author to read their own writing, but it does not take you very long to read 2k words and you should at very least be able to find most basic and obvious mistakes. (Such as misplaced space, saw a number of those in there)
The way it is writen at the moment I would personaly give it a 2.5 or 3 because it is not anything horrible like some of the stuff on here but high ratings should be left for the outstanding stuff, if you give everything a 5 or 4 then those stories that are trully outstanding will not get due credit. HOWEVER, as this is still very early I am not going to rate it at the time being and I might give it a higher rating later based on how you get better as a writer.
There, that is my review and thoughts, hope you don't feel like i wasted your time.
I thought this was going to be funny, but that's just awful man.
this is going to to be something. won't rate yet but i will track and see where this goes
I don't think her pinkie sense has particular alert for this. This seems interesting. I shall track.
I haven't read yet, and will give a proper review when I have, but did you get inspiration for this fic from Salo:120 Days of Sodom? The plot sounds similar to it.
Interesting...
Moustache Spike says track so I shall.
Don't want to sound giddy but I'm interested to see the ending. And I hope 'he' dies.
94579
That was actually much appreciated! I will try my best to improve this. I do apologize for not re-reading, as I wrote this at 12 o'clock midnight and probobly wasn't thinking entirely straight. Nonetheless, I thank you for your feedback!
94686
Let's just say that karma will come where karma is due
If I may, can you improve your diction and leave out words like vagina and ass?
i know that is what they're called, it's just weird reading them in reference to Ponies.
.........
FUCK...
yet again shit has hit the fan
95006
i agree with this guy............DA FAQ??
oh and Midnight is soooooo screwed
This story made me intrigued
Can't wait for more.
95488
Glad to see that you're interested in the story for the actual story parts!
95675
That genuinely had me cracking up!
i say rape both but if i had to pick one then i would pick rarity. Let fluttershy stay innocent.
Damn!
95689
I do see what you mean. At this point, I can't really go back make a change as dramatic as that, so I'll just attribute it to him being psychotic. Even when he was introduced, he was kind of nuts. I would have liked to paced that out more, but I'm trying to keep the story short. Nonetheless, it still could have been done better, and I will take this advice to heart in the future!
this...this..THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING
95728
*Insert stoned Spike* Nah man, it's all good.
95754
Well...thanks!
94560 That's good to know.
Why don't you have a seat over there?
I'm lovin this
If anything, I'd chose rarity. Fluttershy is too innocent for the actions included in this story
poor dash :'C
what a
95481 Of course he is, that was the plan.
Alright. Thank you guys for the nice comments! I have decided to spare Fluttershy the horrors of this story, as not to get too long or repetitive. I've got the last two chapters and the ending planned out, and will try to get most of it, if not all, done tomorrow!
both rarity and fluttershy would be a good reading.. But if one have to choose.. Rarity should be the one to get into the rape wagon next.. May i suggest another round for pinkie pie? :P...
95873
Yeah, the voting for Rarity was basically unanimous. Rarity's reaction would look a little something like this:
o deer
SOON.
I wonder what the Equestrian penalty for rape is? Non-Molestia rape, anyway.
Do they not do background checks or psych evaluations for ponies? You'd think Celestia would have learned by now.
y did u write this? i am just curious....
dam it man I was hoping for AJ to kick his ass
95766
Why do I enjoy the description of murder and rape... MISANTHROPY!!!
96291
I can't honestly say why I started writing this. It was a mixture of boredom and writers block. With nothing else to go on, I thought, "might as well write a clopfic!" And now here we are!
Fifth parragraph: "Winter was shocked and horrified at what Winter had done" Wut.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu9v94SxJF1qebrnx.jpg
96518
Thank you for pointing that out!
oooohh i wonder what midnight has in store for twillight
THANK GOD YOU WILL LEAVE FLUTTERSHY OUT OF THIS!!!
Or else I would personally kill Midnight.
96712
Yeah, I knew that Fluttershy fans would come find me if I did!
To me this makes sense.
96718 Dude wwwwwwhhhhhhyyyyyyy she you shoulda done it to her people are to nice when it comes to this sorta thing and her plus it would been intresting if you had made her use the stare during it.