Liquid_Rainbows
Joined 29th Dec, 2011 ·
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Ho boy, a Liquid Rainbows story?
This is gonna be good...
This going to be good.
And just for fun....heres a pic.
arch.413chan.net/donttalkbacktomebitch-(n1298687190545).png
No way! A clopfic with Cloud Chaser! I absolutely adore her (but I like Flitter more XP), and it's about time one of my new favorite background characters get some action via a fanfic. XP
I believe you're the first to have done this, so thanks, LR! I shall enjoy this.
And insta-like.
A new Liquid story--- e621.net/data/da/94/da94a88005c7cea75c76b7cccea454f5.gif?1333847023
425909
There are two others actually. One she gets it on with Thunderlane, and one with Rumble, his little brother.
425936
Oh, then I guess this is the first I've read about Cloud Chaser.
Are they here? If not, care to link me either of the two?
FINALLY! A NEW LIQUID RAINBOWS STORY!
Bout time I got around to reading this.... REREAD!!!!!!
Actually... CONTINUATION PLZ!
yeah, typical liquid rainbows story.
Just how i like them
Fuck yeah Cloudchaser stuff. <3
To be honest, my first thoughts looking at the illustration was:
=> I REAAALLLLLY LIKE HER MANE!
=> All of her is so hot too!
=> I'll be that her mane tastes like whispy delicious sparkly blue cotton candy and oh dear Celestia I'd love to bury my face and hooves into that for hours (if I was a pony).
=> Please, please let there me mane-play in this story.
=> Wow, I'm such a werido perv.
428529
Yeah, I'm kind of obsessed with her mane as well, it's the main reason I love her so much!
428607
Obligatory:
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/323/4/9/i_really_like_her_mane_by_ladylara92-d4goml5.png
Also: Yay for bisexuality! There needs to be a threesome, seriously!
I guess I should re-post my usual line: "Please, please do more of the emotional subtext stuff where there's lot of gooey romantic things from dancing, songs, eating together, walking in the forest, etc. that build-up and show how the characters deeply love each other before they have sex-- don't just do sex scenes with little bits before/after! I need more love and not just sex!"
P.S. Oddly enough, I was listening to Dexys Midnight Runners' "Come On Eileen" to reading this, and it oddly seems to work well. It's a song about realizing that you want to shag your female best friend-- after all.
428716
Threesomes.....emotions...both things I need to work on!
You know, just yesterday I got this wonderful idea for a long, several chapter clopfic that involves the mane six, Spike, and the princesses going to the beach for a week long vacation, and I'm hoping it will contain both of those aforementioned things.
Do you expect us NOT to ask for a sequel I mean you got a perfect place to start a continuation story. you are the best writer on fimfiction and I think you need to write a new chapter
430116
Yeah, I suppose this one is kind of asking for it. We'll see, I may continue this one when I get the time!
I'm not opposed to a sequel of this at all. That was great for a mostly clop fiction. Nice work again, Liquid.
430047
That idea sounds awesome!
I'm also curious: You've read my A Nightly Romance story (the Nightmare Date sequel), right? What did you think of the threesome between Luna, Celestia, and the stallion (Strawberry)? It felt kind of crazy writing it...
433564
I have not gotten around to reading the story in it's entirety, but I know for a fact that your clopfiction is better than mine. I might just be saying that because ,as an author, I can't get into my own work, but you're really really good!
I will be sure to read it thoroughly when I'm finished with this blasted 700,000 word tome of a fic in a week or two. And that threesome sounds awesome BTW!
One final question, I see that it has five endings. Is there one that you consider to be the most canon? Although I will be sure to read them all.
435818
A Nightly Romance is broken up like this (ending wise): 'The Golden Rule' [the sex ending], 'Enjoy the Silence' [grimdark ending], 'One Time' [troll/comedy ending], 'Stop The Clocks' [happy ending], 'There She Goes' [mostly happy yet bitter-sweet ending]. The last one is canon. Thanks for reading.
Also, "I know for a fact that your clopfiction is better than mine"? Dawwwwwwwwwwwww! Thanks!
Regardless of whatever you say, I wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for you-- you're stuff is/was always a huge inspiration. You can go through like every other fic I have, and what I had in mind was "I'm going to do what Liquid_Rainbows did, but do it in X different ways". I'm so happy that you like what I've written.
I will definitely read this later, fucking Cloudchaser man, dat hair. God, my hairs long enough, I should get it styled like hers, dyed of course too...
...And yes, I'm a guy, does this surprise you?
425909
I read a clopfic with Cloudchaser, but I don't know if you'd like it because I don't know your personal tastes, pm me if you want to know more, I guess.*
*Derp, someone already told you.
442920 Lol thanks for the concern.
443837
I'M SUCH A GEWD PERSUN.
lol
So, I'll be honest.
I'm just sampling your stories because Swiper recommended them. And I'm less than impressed. While not horrible, they're all pretty much the same template repeated over and over again -- which means you're making the same mistakes over and over again.
The first is, well, it's not easy to build an emotional link to the reader in a short clop, so it's not something I can in good conscience complain about, but it would be better for your characters to interact during the sex bit rather than before and after. Two characters both wanting exactly the same thing is boooooring.
The second: change perspective with great care. In a short, you probably shouldn't switch at all. Or adopt the rule that for an n-way, use n-minus-one perspectives. (Which comes out the same for this story template.)
The third: you know, you can remember that these are ponies, not people. I am constantly confused as to the position of their bodies. You do know what normal pony-style is, right? If you want to make this a general rule: less focus on genitals, more on cuddling.
The fourth: way too much gang-bang shit like "slammed downward at full force." Eugh. This is just disgusting.
The fifth: negotiation. Why do your characters not talk about what they're going to do to each other? Hell, why do I even have to appropriate a BDSM term for this? Answer: our culture sucks. We tend to think that sex is supposed to just "come naturally." Nuh-uh. You're supposed to create the illusion of thinking, feeling characters. They have each other to think about. Use that opportunity!
You know what? Imma go write a T-rated Flutterdash scene (which my muse has been bugging me about for weeks) that gets this stuff right, to see if I can take my own advice. T-rated makes #3 a little easier, but otherwise an intimate scene is an intimate scene.
428716
poke, as I hope you find this interesting.
452911
Well, what to say... what to say...
I can quibble with some of the points, but the gist of it goes down to something that I agree with.
I love Liquid_Rainbows, and my style is a reflection of his in fundamental ways. But a lot of times, unlike what I see in Liquid_Rainbows' work, I really do try to make my writings as 'mature romances' , 'consummated love stories', 'erotic romances', etc. rather than just 'fapfiction' (not to sound pretentious). I write a lot of different things, and it all varies-- but that happens for most of (I guess? arguable) of what I've written that's mature.
I'll be specific. Rainbow's story A Night to Remember is about a lonely colt, not much for socializing and having a lot of introvert-related issues, that comes upon the girl of his dreams at a club (DJ-Pon3) and has a steamy one-night stand. It's 3,379 words, and it's sexy fun with few details outside the hot scene as well as with a pretty standard protagonist.
My story Avalon is the same central plot, but with Derpy as the object of affection. However, I made it 11,052 words long with a fully fleshed-out story both pre-sex scene and post-sex scene as well as a protagonist with a strong character and a large backstory behind him. I really tried when I wrote it to... well... I literally said to myself when writing, "I'm going to include what Rainbow's story didn't include".
I guess this is in part a reflection of my personal attitudes that "you should have sex with someone if and only if you love them" and "more love, more drama, and more tension means better, hotter sex" and "happier sex is superior sex"... at least in terms of writing. [Not going to tell other people what to do in their personal lives.]
=>Please don't hate me people... I am soooooooo not saying that I view myself as better than Liquid_Rainbows. I'm just saying that he's motivated me to be related but different, maybe like how the Beatles motivated Oasis say.
452911
Alright.
For your first point, I agree that emotions are not a strong suit with me. I try to make short stories, but that's not exactly an excuse. I must ask, however, how would you recommend adding interaction between characters during a sex scene?
The second point, third person omnipresent is the only style I'm comfortable writing clopfiction in, although I'm already planning to try something different quite soon. I will try, however, to correct that as best I can, although I don't know how effective it will be.
The third, I'm not sure what you mean by this, honestly. I don't entirely see how I'm humanizing already anthropomorphic creatures any more than they already are.
The fourth, that is more of a subjective opinion of personal preference and less of an arguable point.
And lastly, I do see what you mean by that, but an overabundance of spoken dialogue would do wonders to break immersion in the scene, and I believe that most of my readers can suspend their disbelief enough to accept why I leave it out.
On a whole, though, I believe your criticisms are valid. The most immediately solvable problem, I think, is the lack of emotions displayed by characters. Now, I don't have time to create stories as long as our friend Swiper, but you did mention adding development during sex scenes. Again, I'd like to ask how you think I could go about doing that? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I'm still learning the whole "development via sensual scene" thing myself. I don't claim to be an expert at it. That title probably goes to Applejinx and Trixie's Magic Bit. (To give fair warning, "The Catch" and "Switch, Thrown" are rape scenes, and the second is quite violent.)
http://pastebin.com/GWdHSRbj
I drafted the scene I mentioned. It's [romantic] on the Sensual Fiction scale (which is where I'm most comfortable as a writer), and I mention it because I'm trying to follow my own advice. It comes from the morning-after chapter of the sequel ("Angle of Attack") to my Flutterdash, "Fear of Falling" (an early draft of which is published here). Dash is in that awkward place where she can't believe things are happening, and she realizes she's out of her depth with all this emotional/romantic stuff. So, she decides to ask Rarity. Things... don't go well (Rule of Drama), and the sensual scene serves to show the reader how far they went.
1) Ties to 5. You reveal character through their action and dialog: basically they have to make choices tuned in to each other, their wants and limited by their flaws, doubts, and darker nature.
Like the "Party Girl" chapter in TMB. Applejack really has a hard time enjoying herself; she's so darn convinced she's straight she has a hard time at first accepting that, yes, oral from a mare feels good. Or Dash's little trick. The fact she and Pinkie have a pre-arranged signal for "do her more." Things like that.
2) Head-hopping is disorienting even in non-clop. It's a challenge to hint at what a character is thinking without dipping into her head, but the up-side is your perspective character has to guess, too... making Drama.
3) I... I'm not feeling up to an anatomy lesson tonight. Let's just say that "hung like a horse" makes some things improbable. Every stallion is in the category of "long enough that longer doesn't matter." Missionary position is awkward, but not impossible, and spoons or pony-style are probably the go-to choices.
4) I. Yes, I shouldn't critique things that aren't my kink. That said, if you wanna write roughhousing, TMB does it to the extreme, what with two masochists in the cast. See "Left Wing Tree Hugger" for the relatively nice variant.
"Whole length" is gonna equal at least one very hurt pony, sorry to say. A good stallion's all about tender power.
5) The solution is, of course, sexy dialog. Off the top of my head, I wanna say Fallout: Equestria ch 20.5 does a really good job with this, mostly because Homage is hot as hell and likes making Littlepip squirm with just her words.
453711
I am rather interested in Trixie's Magic Bit now.
On to the point! As uncomfortable as it will likely be, I'm going to try not to skip around the perspective so much in future stories.
Also, having read Chapter 20.5, I can see how that would be a good solution. I hadn't noticed before, but the dialogue does fit rather seamlessly into the rest of what was going on.
When it comes to pony anatomy...yeah I'm not to sure how to settle that one. I could argue that ponies are humanized all I want, but I won't blame you if you don't find it realistic.
Anyways, I must thank you again for pointing out the sexy dialogue technique. That could hopefully make sex scenes a little less...stale.
Cloud Chaser and Flitter are sisters... aren't they?
460891
Not according to canon! I think....
This site needs More Cloud Chaser stories. <3
I smell a SEQUEL!
(with Cloud and Flitter)
there is a tag for cloud chaser now
Now this is special
Is it wrong that I am a straight guy thinking "lucky mare"?
Ok get out the dildos
Cloudchaser is a bit... "too hot". But I like the plot overal!
Wow, that was pretty sexy. Somepony is going to get a lucky threesome soon! I've always seen Flitter and CC as sisters, but anything is possible in this fandom. Heck, I've seen Octavia and Vinyl portrayed as sisters! I'll be reading more of your many clops.
~SolidFire
first comment in almost 7 years