We're Three brothers who enjoy writing Fanfics, and while we aren't experts, we will do our best to make you smile! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FANFICS WRITERS ARE GO!! Our ages are 16 13 11
Five campers left on Total Drama Island. While doing a challenge, they teleported to Ponyville, where, in order to keep ratings up, they continue the show. Who will win? Who will be sent home? How am I going to style my mane? All of these nail biting, nerve racking questions will be answered here on this episode of- Total, Drama, Isla- er wait, um ponies? Yeah ponies!
Written by the youngest of ThreeBronyBrothers.
Page generated in 0.073 seconds
Total duration
997 users online
1,338,996 hits today, 1,892,089 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hey there. First real comment I've made but it's always a bit sad to see a completed work that nobody has spent a moment to comment on.
As a warning, the Total Drama series was something that was being churned out when I was transitioning away from Cartoon Network (or "CN" as I guess they call it). While I won't claim to have watched every episode, I honestly did enjoy what I've seen of it and didn't expect to see this crossover.
First, props to you on achieving a fast pace and some jokes that I'd expect to see from the show. Further, I can totally imagine the show with a single "unicorns and sunshine" episode taking a similar path (right down to the Twilight as a second Chris). While the ponies you included were somewhat abridged, I can easily see it as transforming the characters into the same cartoonish cut-outs as those from Total Drama (even creating some quick moments like Rarity in the mines that wouldn't be out of place in the show).
With that said, I think that things might have ended up as a bit skeletal. I can appreciate the need to push something out of the door or what it is like to run low on mental energy but here are a few notes that might help out with your sequel:
1. You may want to introduce the characters. I know that this will be somewhat excessive for people already familiar with the show but briefly describing what characters look like, what stereotype they represent, and any extra strengths/weaknesses central to their character (fears/unexpected strengths/etc) would probably be useful over the first couple of chapters. I had to google the remaining contestants to know who they were as I hadn't watched the show in a while.
...For that matter, I don't remember ever getting a good description of what everyone looks like as a pony. Is it just assumed that everyone looks like their human counterpart? Do they have cutie marks? Are any of them in appearances that they despise (such as a dark and brooding character who suddenly has a bright white coat and pink mane)?
2. Especially if the sequel ties into a high-action series, descriptions of the action are kind of important. While much of the twists and turns on contests (and the physical comedy) lasts for only seconds on the tv screen, keeping things so short in a story makes it kind of anti-climactic. Some contests (like races) are really hard to write about when you have to keep track of everyone so you might want to hand-choose contests where each person can shine or fail in turn (such as the obstacle course) or tests of endurance (like the pie-eating contest) where "come-from-behind-victories" aren't as much of a concern and the drama can mount in more detail as fewer and fewer participants remain.
3. While you had some hints of character dynamics throughout this work, there was a surprising lack of drama going on. I didn't see much of possible romance, rivalries, grudges, or so forth. Hell, you could have added cut-away scenes to characters commenting on particular moments (whether to share their perspective to trash-talk opponents) as well. While I can understand using MLP as a new 'coat of paint' for Total Drama Ponies, you may have lost the opportunity for new different sorts of drama such as conspiracy theories regarding their new location, getting used to their new forms (lack of meat, love of hay, mastering magic for unfair advantages, and so forth), homesickness, or the niggling suspicion from contestants that Chris has gone totally bonkers as he continues filming them in a world without television and offering money of questionable value.
Okay, I'll admit that the last one is a bit too 'reasonable' for the show but there is one more thing to consider in the future...
4. You have all of MLP to work with. As I said above, this feels like a 'sugar-and-fantasy' theme for a single episode of Total Drama Island, adding in a guest host and treating the rest of the Mane 6 more or less as extra Chefs. I'm just kind of surprised you didn't do more with it. While the series was transplanted to Equestria late in the season, I would be fascinated to see ponies competing against and alongside contestants and to see whether friendship or competition ultimately wins out.
Actually... you could probably do something pretty intense with the series if you really wanted to... like having Chris possessed by the spirit of Sombra, having Sombra's power and malevolance mixed with Chris' greater malevolence and love of ratings.
Conclusion: So... yeah. While the contests seemed to go incredibly quickly, I don't think the story was all that bad. It did feel more like a single episode than the latter portion of a season, however, but that's nothing that can't be fixed with a bit more description in the future. In spite of my own criticisms and wishes, still looking forward to seeing what you pull off with your next story.
Edit: Holy cow, you're 11. I saw that the youngest brother had written this but... wow. I'd like to add that this is pretty good quality for an early fanfic.
5624873 Thank you for the tips. As always they are much appreciated.
I'll start off with this: I had planned to do some bits of romance in the story, but I feel like I would have executed it horribly. Sure I understand the basics, but for the situation at hand and how fast the pace of the story is, I thought it might have been awkward. Also, I have a whole new concept for Total Drama Action Ponies so I figured it would've made sense to ship characters that might not even be in the next story. However, I never said that they left Equestria so the contestants in this story are still in Ponyville so they could still come back.
I would have some crazy things like Sombra taking over Chris, but I wanted to keep it within the crazyness of the Total Drama itself. Given, I could make a side story about it, but otherwise, I would like to keep in within the Total Drama borders.
This story was meant to be kind of a lure to get the readers attention and see if they're interested to what I have planned next. In case you couldn't tell, we're not exactly famous, but three three of us think that it's fine. We write to have fun not to become popular, given it would be cool to see how far we could go. I have a whole new crazy idea to what I'll do for the sequel. If you want here's a preveiw.
Welcome to season two of Total Drama! We figured that it would be fun to humiliate the contestants further! This time, we have gilded guess who, ME! Your host, Chris McClean! In pony form of course! Yup! We are still in Ponyville! Anyway, there are only two campers left in Ponyville, Justin and Courtney. Now, there is a reason why there are only two contestants. I can't tell you though. Also, we didn't have enough bits to buy a confessional booth last year, this time we had. Thank you fans! The booth is in Twilight's house. We will be doing one tag for one episode, and as a little game I'm going to let you guess what tag each challenge is. So the question I ask is, who will win? Again. Who will get killed? I DON'T KNOW DO YOU?! All of these questions will be answered in these series of episodes of Total, Drama, Action Ponies! Written by the youngest of brothers.
Even then, this sequel isn't going to be posted for a long time. If the sequel does well, I'll make a sequel to that one: Total Drama World Tour Ponies. It's going to have the same concept as that season of course, so I'll have the next contestants start in Ponyville and then go to the Crystal Empire, Appleloosa, and so on and so forth. But instead of churing onward with the rest of the seasons, I think I'll end the series at this sequel.
I haven't written anything for FimFiction for about a year so my writing concepts for implementing Equestria is quite rusty. I don't know how the community has been so I don't know if people are still sick and tired of humans in Equestria or whatever the case may be.
Remember: the three of us write to have fun. All tips are very much appreciated. I look forward for you to read the sequel.
~The Youngest Brother~
Alright, let me start off by saying I don't know what Total Drama is, so excuse me if I get something wrong
Your story is difficult to read as it is in big chunks, and you should do a new paragraph for a new person/pony speaking.
Jeez is spelt with a 'j' and doesn't need a 'e'
If you are writing in past tense, which you are, you should use it would
Needs a comma after alarmed
You shouldn't use the same word in the same sentence, though it is not necessary to change it you should consider it. Also, you don't need another comma after moldy
They, not the. By the way, you should replace it with something else.
She wrote?
Extra speech marks which aren't needed
You should add he in front of the sentence
There are multiple sentences without a full stop.
That's all the mistakes I found. I recommend you get an editor.
The plot is a good idea, it is pretty original I must admit but with all the mistakes I found I have to give you 4 hearts out of 10.
Great improvement! Though one little mistake slipped in
Needs a comma after okay
Comma after darling
5968511
Thanks for showing the mistakes I've made. I think the problem was I tried making finishing touches on my phone. Also the term "that's all she wrote" is just a phrase for that's it.