"Down here, nimrod," replied a youthful voice. Sure enough, on the seat of the tall chair and just beneath their line of sight, there sat the master. "Golly, it's about time you got here! My name is Cozy Glow, but you can call me 'Master' if you want to."
I almost spat out a mouth full of food onto my computer screen when I saw "Cozy Glows" name. Now things are starting to get very interesting.
i don't think "for time immemorial" works here i think "from immemorial times" is better
Around every corner was some hapless soul being tormented, common street theater to entertain the burnouts and pain addicted sadists most of the inhabitants of the demonic capital were turning out to be.
so you did went in advance and changed some of the mistakes and added new things to the story, anyway i think this phrase is still broken, not sure if the comma between tormented and common being replaced by a simple by would change much it's meaning but a second comma between sadists and most is necessary any way
or another peddling shriveled up souls or pimping
between up and souls might need a with otherwise this feels incomplete
it was as nothing compared to the carnage that the devils inflicted on one another.
either drop as, or write happened after nothing because if you don't this phrase feels incomplete
ifit were not
never herd of the word ifit
that wasinside
what's with all this missing the space between words?
one to the to the other by long
one of the to the's needs to drop
one to the to the other by long
latinised or normal spelling, make up your mind
what they had told heard from the
either a comma or an or between told and heard
After the chill that rose from the pit, the warmth that the bowls of magical flame gave off was quite welcome, and far from the stench of the smoke found elsewhere in Hell the heady aroma they gave off was like sweet incense.
i don't think "for time immemorial" works here i think "from immemorial times" is better
It might sound better to you that way, but 'time immemorial' is a common phrase used in speech and writing, and I like the grandsons cadence of it.
so you did went in advance and changed some of the mistakes and added new things to the story, anyway i think this phrase is still broken, not sure if the comma between tormented and common being replaced by a simple by would change much it's meaning but a second comma between sadists and most is necessary any way
Haven't edited any chapters since I posted the story, no.
between up and souls might need a with otherwise this feels incomplete
'Shriveled up with souls'? That doesn't make sense... I'm describing the souls being shriveled, not the abominations selling them.
never herd of the word ifit
one of the to the's needs to drop
Good catch.
what's with all this missing the space between words?
I might have edited this chapter on my phone.
one to the to the other by long
latinised or normal spelling, make up your mind
I think you quoted the wrong thing there. What was spelled differently?
First Grogar, now Demon Child aka Cozy Glow. Not what i was expecting but also tbh... Not entirely surprised. I also love the irony that 'master' is actually just a kid since Lemon used ta kidnap and kill kids.
The inclusion of the Nimrod line is brilliant. Nimrod was a biblical figure, described as a mighty hunter, who appeared on the outskirts of the circle of Treachery in the Divine Comedy, where he was portrayed as a giant. There was an old Looney Toons cartoon in which Bugs Bunny, while antagonizing Elmer Fudd, refers to him as Nimrod, in reference to the reputation of the biblical figure. Viewers who saw this cartoon however were largely unfamiliar with the reference and thus thought Nimrod was an unusual way of calling Elmer stupid, and so this misinterpretation spread until it became a new definition for the word, which persists to this day. And now here, you've taken that full circle. I applaud you for this, well done.
11827169 There's an old saying that goes 'if you have to explain the joke then it's not funny', but I'm glad you already knew the context so you could appreciate the humor! Lemon Drop being something of a hunter of children in life, yet failing to find Cozy Glow sitting right in front of him, is also part of the joke.
I almost spat out a mouth full of food onto my computer screen when I saw "Cozy Glows" name. Now things are starting to get very interesting.
Freaking Cozy Glow
Well, that's unexpected.
i don't think "for time immemorial" works here i think "from immemorial times" is better
so you did went in advance and changed some of the mistakes and added new things to the story, anyway i think this phrase is still broken, not sure if the comma between tormented and common being replaced by a simple by would change much it's meaning but a second comma between sadists and most is necessary any way
between up and souls might need a with otherwise this feels incomplete
either drop as, or write happened after nothing because if you don't this phrase feels incomplete
never herd of the word ifit
what's with all this missing the space between words?
one of the to the's needs to drop
latinised or normal spelling, make up your mind
either a comma or an or between told and heard
after Hell you need a coma
10484432
It might sound better to you that way, but 'time immemorial' is a common phrase used in speech and writing, and I like the grandsons cadence of it.
Haven't edited any chapters since I posted the story, no.
'Shriveled up with souls'? That doesn't make sense... I'm describing the souls being shriveled, not the abominations selling them.
Good catch.
I might have edited this chapter on my phone.
I think you quoted the wrong thing there. What was spelled differently?
Actually meant to drop 'told' there.
Thanks
DAMMIT ITS THE DEMON CHILD
OH GEEZ its cozy glow
great chapter!
First Grogar, now Demon Child aka Cozy Glow. Not what i was expecting but also tbh... Not entirely surprised. I also love the irony that 'master' is actually just a kid since Lemon used ta kidnap and kill kids.
memecrunch.com/meme/13FIX/what-a-twist/image.jpg?w=906&c=1
What in Tartarus?! Did I read that right?! Cozy Glow?!
For some strange reason, every time I read Lemon Drop's name, I see Chancellor Neighsay. (Did I get his name right?)
Cozy Glow?!!
Why? Why!? WHY!? I HATE HER!!!!
The inclusion of the Nimrod line is brilliant. Nimrod was a biblical figure, described as a mighty hunter, who appeared on the outskirts of the circle of Treachery in the Divine Comedy, where he was portrayed as a giant. There was an old Looney Toons cartoon in which Bugs Bunny, while antagonizing Elmer Fudd, refers to him as Nimrod, in reference to the reputation of the biblical figure. Viewers who saw this cartoon however were largely unfamiliar with the reference and thus thought Nimrod was an unusual way of calling Elmer stupid, and so this misinterpretation spread until it became a new definition for the word, which persists to this day. And now here, you've taken that full circle. I applaud you for this, well done.
11827169
There's an old saying that goes 'if you have to explain the joke then it's not funny', but I'm glad you already knew the context so you could appreciate the humor! Lemon Drop being something of a hunter of children in life, yet failing to find Cozy Glow sitting right in front of him, is also part of the joke.