i guess you haven't made it to this chapter with the comma typo check, this is the first one in here so no worries
For the briefest moments ,Cozy Glow seemed
that's not where you put a coma but given that is the last chapter before the epilogue and until now you placed them in the right place, it's excusable
Casually, he took a handkerchief
a handkerchief? i thought you were supposed to wear only one in the pocket does lemon drop wears one in every pocket? Is he that of a snob? Who does that thing anyway?
clambering over one another as they tried to escape whatever it was that had terrified them so.
so what? don't get me wrong is good as it is but some would want few more words after that so, blame it on modern speech ocd
around a hapless devil
not exactly a problem but a small complain that you could have used helpless instead of hapless or even unlucky at least for this scene helpless would've been the better word and as for the previous time you could've used unlucky
Hell never stood a chance.
you can say that again
“Why the feeling of being exactly in the wrong place at the wrong time, of course!”
and so it starts, you did a great job on highlighting Cozy only to let both Lemon and Pumpkin take turns at who can come up with the bet mockery for her in this situation
"Wow, Cozy, you got real ugly, real fast while I was gone!"
first: great comeback from pumpkin, second: are you sure that wasn't supposed to say really?
replied the daemon
like i said make up your mind with this word's spelling, latinized or English
devils notorious liars after all
you're missing an are in here
"YoU LaCk tHe PoWEr AnD AuThOrITy!"
well deserved sick burn is well deserved considering the fact that Cozy really was so stubborn to miss or dismiss all the warning lemon gave her and also this makes Pumpkin the winner in the battle of who can shut that bitch's mouth once and for all
Stricken with awe, the thing that had been Cozy Glow was frozen beneath the glow of the behemoth's eyes. As the giagantic abomination began to lean forward, the spell was broken, and the spider-like demon tried to scuttle away. Again, the bulky creature moved with deceptive speed, but this time she was not fast enough. Before she could get far, the false master found her limbs hopelessly ensnared by tendrils of liquorice hair twined around her limbs, as the laughing and cavorting Candy Mare clones held the demon in place. All her armor, all her intellect, and she could not pull herself free!
"No! Let me go! I command you!" the devil sent out a psychic order, all traces of the creatures cute filly voice abandoned. But the mastermind was drug down as more and more clones swarmed her body. The hellspawn just managed to reach out a single limb towards her minion, Grogar, the hatred in her beady red eyes replaced by a look of desperate pleading. "Please! Grogar! Help me!"
Lemon Drop and Grogar glanced at one another. The old goat removed the blade of magic from the unicorn's throat. He stepped forward, his horns glowing with sulfurous black and yellow light.
Then the father of monsters spat in the face of his former 'master'.
The look of betrayal and disbelief on the demons face was quickly replaced by pain as the hovering titan leaned down and seized her in its three massive maws. This elicited and unexpectedly a high pitched squeal from the false lord of hell as her juicy brains popped from the pressure of the gigantic jaws. The mouths on either side of the giants face went to work as well, crunching through the thick exoskeleton of the creatures limbs with gusto, slurping up the gore and fluid that gushed from within the armored shell. As the mouths ripped and tore at their succulent prize, the fat demons body burst, spilling the huge guts from her body to dangle down to the Candy Mare clones below. The sugary abominations cavorted and spun about in the dangling organs, as the demons trapped within their candy flesh wept tears that sizzled as they left tracks down their new candy faces.
a handkerchief? i thought you were supposed to wear only one in the pocket does lemon drop wears one in every pocket? Is he that of a snob? Who does that thing anyway?
Yes, he is that much of a snob. He is basically a Victorian dandy. He likes to put on airs like he's some high noble, but he's actually overcompensating for the fact he was a nobody in Unicorn society.
you can say that again
Hell never stood a chance.
first: great comeback from pumpkin, second: are you sure that wasn't supposed to say really?
like i said make up your mind with this word's spelling, latinized or English
I like both though! Just calling them demons over and over again gets stale, but devil and hellspawn over and over again gets stale too. Suffer me an occasional daemon.
you're missing an are in here
That I am.
well deserved sick burn is well deserved considering
hahahahaha that "you have huge guts" reference though also jeez that was an awesome chapter!! loved the line "See you again my dear, when we're on a more level playing field." leaves it open
The implications that Lemon has Tyroks power syphon basically is absolutely terrifying and i love it. Likewise with Candy being the ruler of Hell basically now.
As awesomely scary as these stories are, I'm wondering if the author can consider making another story where there's an alternate version of the candy mare where she's as sweet as candy in terms of personality and she defeats this version, bringing everyone back from the dead or something.
10866290 I considered doing a parody of Pony Life with the Candy Mare that did something like that, but then I didn't end up liking Pony Life that much and lost the motivation to write the story.
It's a sad time for a brony when new pony just makes him go 'meh', but that's where I am right now.
“You certainly are huge. I expect that means you have huge guts. All the easier for the Candy Mare to rip and tear.”
As soon as Cozy transformed into the Spider Mastermind, I knew there would be DOOM quotes incoming. Spectacular, if groan-inducing.
And with this, the Candy Mare has conquered Dante’s Inferno. But what of Lemon Drops? I am surprised he escaped so easily.
I am a little confused though. I’d have thought that Pumpkin Patch would have put Candy Mare’s high heat down to more of a simmer, but I guess Candy Mare is just that nuts.
Spider Mastermind got crunched.
i guess you haven't made it to this chapter with the comma typo check, this is the first one in here so no worries
that's not where you put a coma but given that is the last chapter before the epilogue and until now you placed them in the right place, it's excusable
a handkerchief? i thought you were supposed to wear only one in the pocket does lemon drop wears one in every pocket? Is he that of a snob? Who does that thing anyway?
so what? don't get me wrong is good as it is but some would want few more words after that so, blame it on modern speech ocd
not exactly a problem but a small complain that you could have used helpless instead of hapless or even unlucky at least for this scene helpless would've been the better word and as for the previous time you could've used unlucky
you can say that again
and so it starts, you did a great job on highlighting Cozy only to let both Lemon and Pumpkin take turns at who can come up with the bet mockery for her in this situation
first: great comeback from pumpkin, second: are you sure that wasn't supposed to say really?
like i said make up your mind with this word's spelling, latinized or English
you're missing an are in here
well deserved sick burn is well deserved considering the fact that Cozy really was so stubborn to miss or dismiss all the warning lemon gave her and also this makes Pumpkin the winner in the battle of who can shut that bitch's mouth once and for all
well deserved just deserts are well deserved
10487119
Yes, he is that much of a snob. He is basically a Victorian dandy. He likes to put on airs like he's some high noble, but he's actually overcompensating for the fact he was a nobody in Unicorn society.
Hell never stood a chance.
Yes, because it's a nod to a line from one of my favorite horror films.
I like both though! Just calling them demons over and over again gets stale, but devil and hellspawn over and over again gets stale too. Suffer me an occasional daemon.
That I am.
Thanks!
THE FINAL BATTLE HAS COMMENCED
https://music.hahahahaha that "you have huge guts" reference though
also jeez that was an awesome chapter!!
loved the line
"See you again my dear, when we're on a more level playing field."
leaves it open
The implications that Lemon has Tyroks power syphon basically is absolutely terrifying and i love it. Likewise with Candy being the ruler of Hell basically now.
As awesomely scary as these stories are, I'm wondering if the author can consider making another story where there's an alternate version of the candy mare where she's as sweet as candy in terms of personality and she defeats this version, bringing everyone back from the dead or something.
10866290
I considered doing a parody of Pony Life with the Candy Mare that did something like that, but then I didn't end up liking Pony Life that much and lost the motivation to write the story.
It's a sad time for a brony when new pony just makes him go 'meh', but that's where I am right now.
Even so, thanks for the comment
As soon as Cozy transformed into the Spider Mastermind, I knew there would be DOOM quotes incoming. Spectacular, if groan-inducing.
And with this, the Candy Mare has conquered Dante’s Inferno. But what of Lemon Drops? I am surprised he escaped so easily.
I am a little confused though. I’d have thought that Pumpkin Patch would have put Candy Mare’s high heat down to more of a simmer, but I guess Candy Mare is just that nuts.
*Maniacal laughter *