On a scale of 1-10 I'd give you a 10 because I consider the "Candy Mare" to be one of the 2nd most powerful creepy pasta's right up their next to "Slender Man" because of what she's able to do. Not to mention the fact that theirs very little you can do against her. Awesome fanfic by the way.
is import used with the modern meaning or the meaning of importance here?
The sour expression Lemon Drop gave her then almost made the trip to Hell worth it.
well here even if you don't want to put the comma after then it is necessary to make the sentence more bearable to read
“Oh, not all,
two things, not at all and the coma typo that you seem to make a lot when that kind of breaking in dialogue happens
Once their berth came
you sure that you don't want to use boat? i don't think a floating bead is what a crown should be called, even in the given context
his attention elsewhere
i think a was is missing from here other wise it sounds wrong
"Oh, I see!" the candy coated corpse piped up, with a giggle and grin of her own. "You must be the welcoming committee! Well I must say, it's about time! Here I've been in your shit-stain of a city for all of five seconds and I've yet to be accosted by some low-life, bottom feeding scum like you! I was beginning to feel a little left out considering all of the attention everyone else has been getting. Why, I was even feeling a little insulted that the local skanks and slimeballs weren't crawling out from beneath their rocks to greet me. Good to see that isn't the case anymore."
The hellspawn sniffed, her smile faltering. "Who's your cocky little friend, Lemon Drip? She has quite the mouth on her."
"Lemon Drip! Oh that's funny!" a bark of fake laughter leapt from the Candy Mare's mouth. "I had no idea you demons were supposed to be funny! I guess it must come from failing so miserably at being the least bit intimidating or scary. From the pathetic look of you lot, I have a feeling you're far better at coaxing laughter from your victims than screams. Oh, maybe one or two lost souls will give you poor fools a little pity scream now and then, to keep up appearances. But I seriously doubt you hodgepodge creatures could strike fear into the hearts of much more than a baby bunny rabbit.”
no grammar problems just wanted to say that this is the best characterization you could've done to the candy mare even the sick burn is in sink with her character
10484927 Sort of, more the mythological version of it.
The implication is that the demoness is a descendant of the Mares of Diomedes. They were a herd of wild, flesh eating creatures that terrorized Thrace.
Since FiM borrowed a lot from Greek mythology I thought it would be appropriate to include a few monsters and terrors from that mythos in Hell.
is import used with the modern meaning or the meaning of importance here?
Importance. Remember that Lemon Drop died before the founding of Equestria, so he has a very archaic mode of speech at times.
well here even if you don't want to put the comma after then it is necessary to make the sentence more bearable to read
Fiiiine.
two things, not at all and the coma typo that you seem to make a lot when that kind of breaking in dialogue happens
I did mean 'not all' there though, in reference to Lemon Drop saying that the Candy Mare thought she had it 'all worked out'. She's saying she does have it partially worked out, but not all. The comma thing though, I fix.
you sure that you don't want to use boat? i don't think a floating bead is what a crown should be called, even in the given context
I wasn't referring to the crown as a bed and I certainly wouldn't call it a boat as a n alternative anyways, since it is definite not a boat. I was using the first definition of berth, to refer to the crown coming up to its landing point a few yards away from the wall of flames.
noun
1. a ship's allotted place at a wharf or dock.
I can see where that might not be very clear though, so I'll rework the sentence.
no grammar problems just wanted to say that this is the best characterization you could've done to the candy mare even the sick burn is in sink with her character
“If you don’t stop it with the puns, I’ll dis embowl you!” chirped the Candy Mare with a nasty sideways grin. "Is what I would like to say. I might not be able to act on that just yet, but I assure you that as soon as I am able..."
"A sinner thinks she's going to eat us !" the she-demon cackled loudest of all, her metallic voice rising above all the others as bloody tears of glee drizzled from her eyes. "Oh, that's even better than when that idiotic clown got sent down here and tried to control our minds with his ugly helmets!"
Are they calling Sombra a clown?! *hisses with rage*
On a scale of 1-10 I'd give you a 10 because I consider the "Candy Mare" to be one of the 2nd most powerful creepy pasta's right up their next to "Slender Man" because of what she's able to do. Not to mention the fact that theirs very little you can do against her. Awesome fanfic by the way.
is import used with the modern meaning or the meaning of importance here?
well here even if you don't want to put the comma after then it is necessary to make the sentence more bearable to read
two things, not at all and the coma typo that you seem to make a lot when that kind of breaking in dialogue happens
you sure that you don't want to use boat? i don't think a floating bead is what a crown should be called, even in the given context
i think a was is missing from here other wise it sounds wrong
no grammar problems just wanted to say that this is the best characterization you could've done to the candy mare even the sick burn is in sink with her character
I find myself feeling sorry for the Daughter of Thrace...
Um, by Thrace, do you refer to the region in Southeast Europe?
10484927
Sort of, more the mythological version of it.
The implication is that the demoness is a descendant of the Mares of Diomedes. They were a herd of wild, flesh eating creatures that terrorized Thrace.
Since FiM borrowed a lot from Greek mythology I thought it would be appropriate to include a few monsters and terrors from that mythos in Hell.
10485123
Oh, thanks! I like that idea very much.
10484298
Importance. Remember that Lemon Drop died before the founding of Equestria, so he has a very archaic mode of speech at times.
Fiiiine.
I did mean 'not all' there though, in reference to Lemon Drop saying that the Candy Mare thought she had it 'all worked out'. She's saying she does have it partially worked out, but not all. The comma thing though, I fix.
I wasn't referring to the crown as a bed and I certainly wouldn't call it a boat as a n alternative anyways, since it is definite not a boat. I was using the first definition of berth, to refer to the crown coming up to its landing point a few yards away from the wall of flames.
noun
a ship's allotted place at a wharf or dock.
I can see where that might not be very clear though, so I'll rework the sentence.
Glad you approve!
siick Grogar is here too
Not gonna lie, I'm glad to see that you included Grogar in this glorious series now. And it's quite fitting he'd be in Dis and just Hell in general.
Are they calling Sombra a clown?! *hisses with rage*
Was wondering when Grogar was going to show! <3