either something is missing here or something needs to not be here
she had ended up in a part of the realm infernal
if it wasn't you, your autocorect is a bitch, it should be the other way around for the "realm infernal"
Don’t try to scare me, Lemon Drop,
this doesn't end with a comma, and you know it
As they crossed out of the realm of howling winds and shrieking spirits a change came over the weather
are you sure you don't want a comma after spirits?
The grey rain made the muddy terrain far colder than it should be as it slid up the Candy Mare’s legs, thanks in large part to the relatively hotter realm the pair of ponies had just exited.
wow... ok... so: comma after should be, relativelly hotter between comas and coma after realm, but the last one is not necessary
, as normal water might have given enough exposure
there's either a comma after might have, comma after might or something's missing from here
Was watching her wade through this foul sewage all it took to crack that false veneer of affected rationalism to reveal the true smug sense of superiority that lurked within him?
this either needs a comma after rationalism or doesn't
Of course all this useless flailing led to was each sinner getting more and more tangled
comma after led to
The unicorn's back was to her as he seemed to be preoccupied with contemplating the vast wetland that stretched before them.
something is missing in here, after was i think you wanted to write turned
As the molten giant slid down, down, beneath the waves of battle there was a brief moment it seemed that the crown they rode on might sink as well
i don't think the second comma after the second down is really necessary, better move it after battle if you want to keep it and after "there" the sentence feels incomplete and it feels that a "when" or "where" should bee after moment
it seems that altough you want to use and know how to use apositions you forogot that they need to be separated by commas, even if this means that they brake the peace you originally intended
Lust affecting neither makes sense tbh. Gluttony makes sense for Candy's cuz of how happily she ate of flesh in "life." Avarice makes sense for Lemon cuz of how he was in life tbh. I do gotta hand it to Candy tho for choking down her anger in Wrath. Good work Candy. You did pretty good too Lemon. Also i absolutely love the way these to interact with each other.
either something is missing here or something needs to not be here
if it wasn't you, your autocorect is a bitch, it should be the other way around for the "realm infernal"
this doesn't end with a comma, and you know it
are you sure you don't want a comma after spirits?
wow... ok... so: comma after should be, relativelly hotter between comas and coma after realm, but the last one is not necessary
there's either a comma after might have, comma after might or something's missing from here
this either needs a comma after rationalism or doesn't
comma after led to
something is missing in here, after was i think you wanted to write turned
i don't think the second comma after the second down is really necessary, better move it after battle if you want to keep it and after "there" the sentence feels incomplete and it feels that a "when" or "where" should bee after moment
it seems that altough you want to use and know how to use apositions you forogot that they need to be separated by commas, even if this means that they brake the peace you originally intended
10484166
Actually a semi-reference to the Realm Eternal, which is a title of Asgard. I should have capitalized it here.
True, that's just a typo.
I guess I will this time. It's kind of a run on sentence otherwise.
Nope. 'His back was to her' means just that, his back was facing her. But since backs do not usually have a face, that would be a silly thing to say.
thanks
ive seen bigger candy ya b*tch
good atmosphereic chapter
Lust affecting neither makes sense tbh. Gluttony makes sense for Candy's cuz of how happily she ate of flesh in "life." Avarice makes sense for Lemon cuz of how he was in life tbh. I do gotta hand it to Candy tho for choking down her anger in Wrath. Good work Candy. You did pretty good too Lemon.
Also i absolutely love the way these to interact with each other.