A mishap involving Vinyl Scratch's latest piece of audio equipment is only the start of a whole heap of problems, ones Vinyl never expected to face, and definitely didn't want to burden her poor roommate with.
Now, with tension running high and all pretense stripped from Vinyl's character, how will she adapt to life being the mare she's always appeared not to be?
Vinyl Scratch has begrudgingly found herself on a quest to find her true self, and to learn what real camaraderie is. Hopefully, she'll have some help along the way. (A few laughs wouldn't go amiss either.)
My first work of fiction, with a newer description, more fitting to where the story has been taken so far.
Chapters (17)
There are quite a few run on sentences.
7890215 I'm sorry if it made the piece difficult to read, would you recommend shortening them somewhat in future? Thanks for the feedback.
AAIQU
Enjoyable lil' random read, gave me a few laughs. I like all the ideas you put in here. It's nice to see these two as more thoughtful mares. Sometimes one has to pay full attention to their words not to loose their train of thoughts...
Also, the horn ley lines are a great detail!
Will keep tracking
PS: Reading this with bass music on would be too ordinary, let's read it with cello tunes instead!
7891091 Thanks for giving it a go! I just wanted a story to break the ice at first but I've found myself enjoying writing this quite a bit. I like to think that there's a method to all this and I'm not completely making it up as I go along, but I'm mostly doing just that. As for the horn ley lines, I figured each unicorn must have their own brand of magic, as each horn has it's own coloured aura, and one would assume it could go deeper than that still. I remember reading about ambient magic in the air in a couple of fics and this is a thought I've had along the same lines. I'm hoping to update every couple of days and may put something up tomorrow. As for the track lists I post, those are basically samples of what's playing through my headphones as I write each chapter. I enjoy classical music as well as many other types of music (I usually listen to classical when writing essays.) so it's likely there will be one or two classical track lists as this goes on. Thanks for the comment!
All Art Is Quite Useless
7891110 You're welcome. I consider writing a hobby to just ease my nerves and have fun, so I reckon there is no "right method" to it. Enjoying it is what depends most.
Also, nice theory you have there! I have to admit, I'm a huge fan of such magical science-y things. This is a great insight on it.
Looking forward to the next chapter then!
7891123 Already started notes for the next chapter and so far I am enjoying it! If other people can enjoy it too that's a bonus! I've found writing very relaxing so far too, good way to order thoughts. Building upon existing elements of the show can be quite fun, theory helps make it more immersive I think! Next chapter shouldn't be too long.
AAIQU
7893926 So first of all, you're very welcome! I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed my small contribution to the site. While I find the concept of her being mute interesting I feel like the avenues that can be explored with it are limited, but in the interest of keeping the story somewhat canonical I'm going to try and incorporate the concept in my own minor way. (This doesn't mean I'll make Vinyl mute at any point.)
As for the sentences and passages, the reasons for this are twofold. (Excluding the line break I'll have to fix that.) First of all, I'm new to this, and rather than starting to write one of my pre planned story ideas I decided to completely wing this, it's not going through as strict an editorial process as some of my future stories might, it's almost an enjoyable experiment for me. The second reason entwines with the first; I don't know how long this will be just yet, so while I'm trying to impart my setting, I don't know how much of a chance I'll have to do that, which unfortunately results in Lemony Snicket style text walls explaining different aspects of this and that, which I appreciate for some may be immersion destroying. I'm working on it but I can't promise it'll completely fade. I'll fix the line break no worries.
I'm definitely having fun with it and thanks for the support! Oh and a forewarning: The next chapter may be a little jarring for some, but I have my reasons. Suffice to say they'll be explained as we go. I'll have it posted today!
AAIQU
7895729 Agreed, writing is very fun. And I also feel like this is a good starting point considering that both of these characters are less constricted by preconceptions than some others may be. Look forward to hearing any opinions on the latest development!
AAIQU
Wow, that's some detailed mental contemplation... Great chapter
Also, the word "pegasi" is usually used just as plural, referring to multiple winged ponies.
7898197 Hey, glad you enjoyed the chapter! Was definitely a step outside of what I expected to write for this story, but with the completion of the next chapter I feel it'll open plenty of new avenues for exploration, I'm glad I went this way.
As for 'pegasi' if you're referring to this passage: 'I don't want to be saved, I don't want to hang out and what I definitely don't want is nosy pegasi dive bombing me and trying to force me into amateur counselling sessions!' The way I see it, that sentence wouldn't make sense with the word Pegasus, singular. Like imagine the word was ponies instead of pegasi and the sentence read:
'I don't want to be saved, I don't want to hang out and what I definitely don't want is nosy pony dive bombing me and trying to force me into amateur counselling sessions!'
Then the singular wouldn't make sense as far as I can tell. I'd assume that pegasus adheres to the same lexical rules as pony, and therefore uses pluralisation in the same way, but I'll check to be sure, I don't want to repeatedly make mistakes throughout the narrative.
Thank you for pointing out the possible issue though it encouraged me to comb through the chapter for other mistakes of which I found a few! Shame I don't have a proof reader. Next chapter should be up by Friday evening, keep your eyes peeled!
AAIQU
7898419 Well, I don't have any troubles with the singular of "pony" there...
Still, it might be seem okay to me just because I'm not a native English speaker. 
I'm glad my nitpick helped you to make the chapter even better.
I will!
7898451 Ah I never would have guessed, your English is excellent. You speak as if you're a native. Nitpicking is great! My writing will always contain flaws, so if people are able to point them out it's much easier to correct things!
Glad to hear you're invested, I had a little look on your profile (very briefly as I'm about to be busy!) and saw that you do cover art, will definitely look through your work later today and tell you what I think! Followed.
AAIQU
7898467 Aww, thank you, both for the compliment and the follow. Though I still have many things to learn, both in English and art.
Also if you wouldn't mind, I'll point out the errors I found in PMs from now on, so they won't litter the comment section even after corrections have been made.
That was pretty funny! I noticed a few places where your punctuation needs work, and as Zerone pointed out you do need to tighten up your sentence structure a bit more. Nothing serious, just little tweaks to make the fic that much better!
This may just be me but you really need to space the dialogue out a bit more, lest it clump together in borg text.
As an example of the worst offender:
This would have been much easier to read if it was split up into three or more smaller paragraphs, not to mention there are several points (like the mention of Rainbow Dash) that, while revealing bits of Vinyl's character, don't really add anything relevant to the story. You could quite possibly have trimmed it down to just the below and not lost the flow of the plot:
While the issues of tribal racism and Vinyl apparently being claustrophobic do add to this stories universe, I'm not sure about trying to emphasize them by having the bank teller be an insufferable a-hole. Could've made it more fair by her saying she's just doing her job, not trying to be offensive but also wanting to make sure some random pony doesn't make off with a massive amount of Vinyl's earnings.
Overall again you bring up some good bits of character study, just didn't need to weigh them down with set dressing.
Again you have a very interesting premise that's let down by some serious punctuation and grammar issues.
First off let me just say I really LOVE stories where Vinyl is revealed to be more than a simple party mare so you immediately gain points for that. I also like that Octavia reacts to this less with denial that Vinyl could be more than just a loud and unruly soul and more that she now realizes she's misjudged her friend and wants to get to know the real Vinyl Scratch properly. I'd actually have liked to see a bit more on what transpired in the time before this fic took place to better establish how deep Vinyl and Octavia's relationship goes (do they hang out together, try to make music together, are they just good ponies who see each other only at the beginning and the end of each day and generally get along from that?).
The idea of Vinyl and Octavia forming a Yin Yang sort of bond fits too, and indeed I might want to explore that angle more should I ever do another fic of my own with the two.
The main problem is this is just hard to read because you have dialogue and actions all clumped together in the same paragraphs (one rule of thumb, always start a new paragraph for dialogue, even if it's just mental thought). It reads like you were typing out a stream of consciousness, which to be fair can work, but still needs editing afterwards so it flows properly.
Again, the core basis of the story is solid, it just needs to be retooled for presentation.
That would basically summarize my entire thoughts about this chapter. On one hand I quite like getting to further explore Vinyl's apparent identity issues, hinting that her more carefree and reckless attitude in the first chapter was just an act to hide what she is underneath, but the sudden switch from that to being a brooding, standoffish loner is a bit jarring. I get she's wrestling with letting Octavia see more of her, but it still didn't strike me as the sort of issue that'd cause such a drastic, sudden change of mood.
Some of the internal monologues come off as a bit redundant too. As one such example:
It's both a testament to your writing abilities that you summed up Vinyl's mindset perfectly in the first sentence, and a detriment that you then went on to have her repeat basically the same thing in a longer, unnecessary bit of dialogue. Less is more in these sorts of scenarios so while I get what you're trying to do with showing her thoughts, sometimes her actions say all that needs to be said.
Still, as a growing profile of who Vinyl is, I'm still intrigued to learn more.
Well that's definitely a nice twist to events. Octavia really handles the situation well, and makes a good suggestion of having Twilight (a pony whom some could say has undergone similar identity issues) try to help Vinyl. Definitely conveys that the friendship between these two is strong despite their differences.
Again, sadly, the need for editing lets this chapter down. Vinyl's pouring out of her feelings is hurt by it being one giant block of text, more so with the emphasis on certain words which gets lost because they're stuck right in the middle of such a huge piece of dialogue. I feel like this would have worked better if you made it two chapters instead of one, the first being Vinyl's confession, and the second being Octavia's reaction. This would also entail a few descriptions, like Vinyl's current appearance, being shuffled about but it'd up the drama and the feels a lot more if both characters got to have exclusive focus, one after the other.
Again I say keep at this, but if you need someone to edit it for you, I'd be happy to help out.
Well, this was a nice emotional 'semi-conclusion'. Also, Vinyl's monologue could be summed up as "character reacting to fandom headcanons". I like that
7902528 First off, I have to say that I'm really appreciative of how comprehensive your review up to this point has been. I'm honestly amazed that somebody could go to that level of effort just to appraise and critique my story. I mean not only that but you've offered to edit too? That's bloody golden!
Okay so rather than typing out five replies for five separate comments I'll try to squeeze it into one, working chronologically.
First off, I'm aware that sentence structure is an issue. Personally, I write without any semblance of planning in my head, and I'm sure the writing reflects that, but I'm glad you enjoyed the comedic elements of the first chapter.
Next, horrifically large clumps of text: They're absolutely terrible, I know. With that, it's mainly the issue of me being in a rush to get the writing done, the editing process suffers as a result. As for tangential writing, I'm aware I mention things that may not entirely need to be mentioned, but most often that's out of personal preference. Because I still don't know how long the story will be, I like to have the option to incorporate things that have already been mentioned if I would like, although not all of my ramblings would be applicable, I'm sure. Honestly, the insufferable bank teller was a bit of a selfish insert on my part, based upon previous experience with
the worst fucking bank in the worldHSBC. When you've had customer service as terrible as I have, as consistently as I have, sometimes you just wanna slam an imaginary bank teller in a story.Third chapter: Will need to fix paragraph clumps I agree. Punctuation and grammar issues I'd love to be elaborated on although I already think I can see a few. Vinyl and Octavia's history I'm planning to clear up eventually. Stream of consciousness sounds about right. While I'm hardly Woolf-esque, I must emphasise that when I write these chapters, I really am rushing. I barely plan, I write in the small amount of time I get to do so, and I do not revise my previous writing often. This may result in a lucklustre story presentation, but I really only have a slither of time to do things like this, most often at least. So many times since posting I've wanted to go back and error check, but I really haven't had the time. I'm hoping I'll be able to make more time for this story as it goes on.
In regard to the fourth chapter, I hope the fifth cleared up why I saw the drastic mood change necessary to facilitate further plot development. I knew it would be jarring, but hoped that the fifth would help to clear that up somewhat. I wouldn't call it an act, and I'm driving at the issue being more than just her finding it difficult to show more of herself to Octavia. The internal monologues can be without use at times. I know I'm guilty of repetition here and there, it's something I'm hoping to rectify as the story progresses.
Fifth chapter! I'm happy you saw my reason for involving Twilight, I have a few ideas of where to go with that. The walls of text really need fixing, I'm not surprised emphasis was lost because of that! Definitely something I will tackle soon. Splitting the chapter may have worked, if it wasn't for the title structure I'd already set out. If I was writing from scratch with that idea in mind it's likely I would have done it, but I'm not keen on changing it now.
So, in conclusion, you've been a huge help. Seriously, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to not only read my story, but to give me so much constructive information, and in so much detail! Doesn't hurt that you're friendly either! I'd definitely like to discuss this more with you, if you have the time please feel free to PM me, and we could discuss editing and some ideas I have for the future of this story! Thanks again dude!
AAIQU
7905526 Definitely a semi-conclusion, all isn't resolved just yet. I had that sort of thing in mind! Glad you picked up on it, and liked it! New chapter should be up pretty soon.
AAIQU
Hm... I wonder who is the narrator... Twilight? Octavia? Vinyl's subconsciousness? You? I guess we'll learn soon or not at all, nevermind.
This has been a good chapter, an appetizer for the upcoming changes. Well played.
7909091 It'll be revealed in time don't worry! Glad to see you're keeping an open mind about who it could be though. More to follow soon!
AAIQU
7909113 Oh, great!
7890367 Um... Don't take this the wrong way, but as the author, shouldn't you be doing that?
7909113 What does AAIQU stand for?
7912724 Yes it will be me doing that, not anyone else, don't worry. Well, possibly an editor at some point, I was only asking for a suggestion regarding the comment.
AAIQU stands for 'All Art Is Quite Useless', my moniker. I hope you're enjoying the sorry so far.
AAIQU
Nice Vinyl-thought-filled chapter, I'm not really a fan of Starlight, especially not if she's acting like a prankster, but oh well. Let's keep my personal bias out of this. Also, nice to see no wall of text
You give me quite a laugh with "Twilight is booked"
7913863 Glad you liked that bit! I know the chapter ended a little abruptly but I have more to upload today. When I originally wrote it (yesterday) it came out at about 8,500 words, so I had to cut some out and then split the chapter up a bit. As for Starlight, I'm of mixed opinions about her but for the purpose of this story I envision her as a friendly but mischievous supporting character. Not sure how much we'll see of her, but she's likely not going to be a huge part of the story. Glad you thought that was funny, in that case you should enjoy the next chapter!
AAIQU
Wow, that ending is priceless
You were right AAIQU, this chapter is great. Sherlock Dashie Holmes, raindrop counting and wing antics... genius 
Be aware there are a few direct speeches missing capitalization, but otherwise this made my evening!
7914433 Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing this one, I like adding little things to the story's lore where I can too, such as Dash's perceptive talent. I will go through the chapter mistake hunting soon, no worries. Next chapter will likely be up tomorrow, definitely by friday. Thanks for the continued feedback I appreciate it a lot!
AAIQU
Enjoyable chapter, exploring all sides and quirks of Octavia's personality and behaviour. Great to see Aloe and Lotus
The transition to Discord was a little bit... chaotic though. I wasn't sure at first who is the main focus of the next paragraph.
7921199 Glad you enjoyed it, I hope I wrote Aloe effectively. As for the shift to Discord, it was meant to be sudden! If it wasn't apparent, I'm working off the notion that he literally heard Octavia's thoughts, because of how close they sounded to something he would say, and his ears perked up as a result. The disturbance Octavia felt was a result of the chaos magic Discord used to hear her think, and would only have been felt by her. Sorry if that was confusing!
AAIQU
7921217 You're welcome, I think you did. I got that, but it was quite hard transition, yet it still brought a smile to my lips. Bigger issue for me was the next paragraph as I wasn't sure if I'm still following Discord or if I'm back to Octavia.
7921220 I may review it at some point and see if I can reorder the words to make it a little smoother. For now, I'm gonna concentrate on the next chapter, in which something sunstantial should happen! I'd say to expect an update either tonight or tomorrow.
AAIQU
7921225 I can't comprehend how are you able to produce new chapters so quickly. Sure, no need to do it asap
7921228 it's because I don't plan any of it. I have a very simple system where I sometimes make bullet points of all the things I'd like to include in a chapter and try to squeeze the majority in, in the best order possible. 'So What's It Gonna Be?' and 'Are You Mad?' were originally one chapter and contained forty two bullet points before I wrote them, which I ticked off as I went. If I get the majority ticked, and I like the flow of what I've written, I wait until evening and submit it. The latest chapter, 'Top Shotta' was actually written with literally no planning or bullet points, I made it up as I went along, which was fun. But generally, an hour or two goes into a chapter, with the exception of an especially long one. Hope that clears things up!
AAIQU
Another good chapter
It's intriguing how you can keep the characters to most of their fandom personalities and add something completely unexpected to them. Really great Derpy, I like all the details and references/puns put in here!
7923579 Glad I could entertain! I enjoyed writing Derpy, and I tried to keep the balance between serious and comedic pretty level. (As best I could.)
Will likely update again today! Next chapter won't be as long though.
AAIQU
Good conclusion to the previous chapter. Seems like the years of Vinyl's façade of a reckless mare left some traces, judging from the letters. (Apparently it would be to ordinary to just write the second letter once more...
)
Also, if I might share a little side fact... parchment is actually a processed animal skin, so Vinyl have just written a few letters on something that was once part of Applejack's cows or sheep. I always find it funny how people make ponies jumpy about books bound in leather, but ignore parchment
7924524 Glad to hear you enjoyed the conclusion! Vinyl's an interesting case. The problem here is that she doesn't really know how to treat these letters, she isn't sure exactly what to convey, because she isn't sure exactly how she feels. As for not rewriting the second letter, I'm operating under the presumption that as a producer, when Vinyl goes to create something, and dislikes the end product for whatever reason, she doesn't pursue it, favouring starting again with a fresh mind so as to avoid the repetition of mistakes. Because this behaviour is set in at this point, and Vinyl is quick to move from one idea to another, she wouldn't stop to think 'oh I could have just done that one again, but slightly differently'. Vinyl is very smart in a lot of ways, but can be lacking in common sense.
As for the parchment, I had no idea! Certainly raises a lot of questions, considering how common parchment is in fanfics... Thanks for teaching me something though!
Next chapter may be up today, no promises though!
AAIQU
7926297 That explains a lot about her character. Thanks for sharing it!
Yeah, many people don't know that. Thought I could mention it for fun.
Looking forward to it, no matter when!
7930646 First off I'll say that the tonal shift is transient. Yes, apart from chapter two, there wasn't a shed load to her up until this point. The reasons should become more apparent as you read on, but not fully just yet. You may be right, but I liked Custom. Custom was a selfish insert on my part, but screw it. I do agree that it can come across as a little repetitive. Will vet fic for mistakes soon, glad you picked it back up though! Your feedback is very appreciated, as always.
AAIQU
7930683 First arc indeed! I'm gonna need to make that clear somehow, aren't I? You've put it very well there, they're definitely close enough to eachother that they can work through an issue such as this one. I wouldn't go as far to say that each knows what the other is thinking, but they're not bad at guessing. You may have a point, I remember that chapter being pretty dialogue heavy, but it felt right at the time. You know when you don't feel as if something will flow in the slightest if you change it just a modicum? That's how it felt then. But now, thinking back, I'll bet I can salvage it. I'm glad it doesn't sound like a script or poor dialogue in any way. I'm in the process of getting a prereader involved actually, when that's done it should help with quality and productivity. Problem is that I just don't have enough time to polish and iron out each chapter, so right now you're getting stream of consciousness style chapters, written in an 1-2 hours, which some people aren't too keen on, in comparison to linguistic and grammatical perfection.
Oh I'm glad it came off well, I enjoyed adding that bit in quite a bit. Not essential to the story but it worked, and was fun!
7930688 glad it works well! Planning to use those between each arc. I'm glad I've got that balance right, the last thing I want is to give the whole story away, but then I don't want it to come off as all mysterious and edgy either. I like to read something with a good balance, so I won't push something that didn't have that onto other people, if I can help it!
AAIQU
7932104 Oh I definitely feel as if I'm developing! No doubt about that. I will be very happy to have a pre-reader checking over my stories, I'm sure it'll be quite soon too.
AAIQU
7932097 She most definitely has not, no such thing as too much time with Trixie. Everypony rubs off on each other though, especially those two. That sounded like an innuendo didn't it? Whoops. Glad to see you're liking the visualisation of Vinyls character, but does incessant here imply that the inner monologues are becoming boring and repetitive? I'm planning to get more into her thoughts on the matter in the third arc, and her past will likely start to come into play more soon too.
I can totally see what you mean. It is definitely blocky in places and could use a little splitting up, I agree. Repetition is one of my favourite methods of reinforcement, although I can occasionally overdo it, I realise. Have you found I do the same thing with Octavia? Some sentences are definitely redundant though, I agree with that completely.
Glad you enjoyed my representation of Starlight and Ditzy! I very much enjoy writing Starlight, Ditzy's pretty fun too! Both will be recurring characters with minor places in the story. Although, this is two out of two so far... makes me a little nervous for your comment on the next chapter! Hopefully you'll like it though, next chapter was one of my favourites to write.
AAIQU
I'm simply not able to keep up with the flow of your story... still really motivated, aren't ya?
As for the previous chapter, I liked how you executed the change in Vinyl. There is progress, but no ultimate reformation - hence the cigarettes. The rest of the chapter was a lil' random with Octavia's sudden change (What the hay did they do to her in the spa?), but after all, the story has a tag for that.
As for this transition... it mocks with the teasers. This is gonna be a long ride, right? Do I get it right from the mention you are not planning to ship them, right? (If that's true, I'm glad. Not much of the cuddly shipping person...) Am I right that I just used three right(s) in a row?
7935446 I'm definitely motivated! Glad to see that it shows. Unfortunately, I am going to have to cease updating for 5-7 days. Me and my girlfriend have plans for the valentines week, which is also my self directed study week, basically the university's version of a half term. As much as I am enjoying this venture, I simply can't be writing out new chapters while I'm meant to be spending time with her. When it's only reading and assignments I have to deal with, however, I'm more than capable. In fact, once this term is over (around April) I will likely become even more prolific than I am now, as I will not be working alongside my writing. But just thought I'd make it clear now: If you don't see a new chapter for a week, it is not because I've given up on this story, just got a lot going on.
I'm glad you liked that, and as for the cigarettes yes, they could be seen as a representation of Vinyl's difficulty in adapting, or as a coping mechanism, either works. Personally, I've been smoking for about 6 years, and have never attempted to quit. Therefore, despite being able to give an accurate depiction of craving, I don't know how well I would portray withdrawal. I try to make it a rule to only write about things I know about. If I wish to include something in my stories that I'm not knowledgable on, I'll go and research it. Octavia's change is, in laymen's terms, her attempt to make Vinyl feel less strange about the reinvention she is currently going through. It's not entirely forced, but she is definitely pushing to be a little less reserved than usual, and for the most part has enjoyed it so far.
The transitions will eventually start to reveal the answers to more questions than they create, but in time. This is likely going to run on for a while, yes. I couldn't tell you just how long it will be when it's finished, but we're not very far in right now, I can say that with a fair amount of certainty. I can tell you now, as you wish to know, that there is virtually no chance of an Octascratch pairing in this story, although that's all I'll say, apart from pointing out the distinct lack of a romance tag. Watch to see if that ever changes.
right
right rightyou are!AAIQU
7935604 Sure, hope you two will have nice time and that your exams will be easy. Me - and the other 22 people tracking the story - don't need a chapter everyday to have a proof you care. Many people update occasional, from weeks to months span between the chapter, just because they are busy. The loyal readers stay and wait for the next chapter
Thank you for the 'Behind the scenes' and clarifications!