- Member Since 29th Feb, 2016
- offline last seen Feb 11th, 2017
Norfgot
Reader and writer of FIM fanfiction.
Norfgot
Joined 29th Feb, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Armyidiot · 64k words · 74 12 · 3.4k views
- Willowskeith · 17k words · 291 41 · 5.6k views
- LoosePartyCannon · 53k words · 40 15 · 1.5k views
- KrisstheScot · 151k words · 55 11 · 1.6k views
- Verse_Walker · 61k words · 186 34 · 4.8k views
- Wolke Eisensturm · 64k words · 245 36 · 2.6k views
- Drag0nb0rn196 · 122k words · 109 42 · 3.3k views
- Rezas · 23k words · 39 10 · 1.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.171 seconds
Total duration
1,065 users online
1,780,115 hits today, 1,870,739 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
okay... maybe its my shameless lack of restraint when it comes to reading fanfictions but i really like where this is going a bit wordy but that too probably has a lot to do with how other people have written there stories that all said plz make more please.
7296841
Less introspection and more action. I had feared that would be a problem In the opening chapters. Hard to avoid with new experiences and introductions. Needless to say I will hopefully address this problem in the next chapter. Thank you for your thoughts and observations.
7297025
You as well.
7297596 the wordy comment was actually more praise then con it added depth there were only two parts of this story where i felt a need to push myself through and that was the beginning where if i was to write several paragraphs could probably explain in greater detail why i felt it didn't flow well, and the question answer bit throughout chap three which was less a slog to read but not very interesting i understand its purpose but would actually suggest keeping those instances to well placed tactical and summarized time skips but also not have the characters learn to much from them so that at a later time we can have more interesting reactions that are dynamic. Of course now I'm the wordy one so take from that what you will. Love what i have read so far and honestly even if a chore anymore scenes like that won't phase me or deter me from further reading :) (I have no idea why I'm half-assing the sentence structure in this but meh)
7297632
I feel the same about the first chapter. I'm not sure how to fix it yet but I'm looking into it.
I also agree about revealing to much too fast in ch.3 I'm hoping to avoid long periods of talk like that as well but I felt at least one at the beginning was necessary.
It's nice to have confirmation that someone else noticed these issues at well. This well help in avoiding the same issues later.
Thank you again for your help and perspective.
This is pretty good so far, a few words missing or misspelled.
I love this story and must know, is there more to come, or is this the end? I see so much potential with this and hope that it does indeed continue! There are so many unanswered questions that I would love see answered in the story too!
7299255
Don't worry. I'll keep writing. I actually find writing therapeutic, which is not what I expected when I started. As long as someone is interested I'll keep posting. The only reason I haven't posted more this weekend is simply because I'm the Engineer on call for my company this weekend. And for some reason things keep breaking ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ.
7297829
Thanks! I edit myself but no one is perfect. Just point em out to me and I'll take care of it.
7299568 Oh, trust me, I understand I edit mine as well. They're basically basic mistakes: not capitalizing "I"s, wrong "too," "to," or "there," "their," "they're" etc...nothing too big.
Only other thing I was debating whether or not to bring up is to ask that you please try and not make your character a Mary Sue, especially not since he started piss-drunk, for lack of a better term. It just gave me that sinking feeling at the end, as well as his transition from panic to calm not being too fluid. The story is good, altogether, please don't get me wrong, I'm just tired of relatable characters becoming un-relatable.
7299873
Smoother emotional transitions. Good advice. I will work on this.
As for Gary Stu/Mary Su concern I don't think any author sets out to create a character that is inherently infallible as it would be hard to form emotional connections with such a character. However I recognize that this is a very real threat to any writers story. Without spoiling anything I'll say that my character does have interesting abilities, as he's shown, but he will not become some omniscient omnipotent god.
However if anyone ever feels that the balance of power between characters is getting out of hand and ruining the story they need only let me know and I'll reevaluate.
7300670 Sounds good, my friend.
I have updated Ch.1 to hopefully correct flow issues. I believe the incongruities between the supposed inebriated state of my character and his responding interactions with an unknown environment didn't seem natural and thus caused this issue. As such I have updated it. It is not necessary to read it again if you don't want to but It does now contain 20% more drunk shenanigans.
Chapter 4 is also well under way but as Ch.1 is the first thing people see when starting my story I feel as though it needed to be corrected posthaste.
p.s. Sorry to that one person who was reading ch. 1 as I edited and re-posted it. I didn't mean to yank the words out from under you.
This is definitely one of the best him fics on this website
7312281
Your praise bolsters my resolve to continue writing. Thank you.
7312390 not praise but fact that can be taken as praise, I am curious about his eyes still, perhaps he can SEE magic within something and if he say hit or cut at that point it would disable there magic.
“I’ll handle this one Rarity.” Twilight chimed in. “Rarity is the element of kindness
Just a heads up.
7313040
I couldn't have just mixed up words like their or they're or there. Oh no, I had to mess up an element and double down on kindness. Thanks for the warning.
7312413
so far, so good in my opinion
So i read your story and so far i really like it
My only question is that the main character can still see but his eyes are closed due to a medical problem I don't get that
7317286
Thanks!
Also to your other point. Don't worry. All things will be explained in time.
Splendid story. Please do go on.
7351519
7338897
Your wish is my command.
the description was putting me of at first, but now I want to give it a try.
7357339
Just to clarify. Are you saying you like what I've changed the opening description to now from what it used to be? Or are you saying that the opening description still needs work? If so might I ask which part put you off? I'm always trying to improve my story.
7357448 To be honest it somehow sounded like the story itself would take itself less then serious, being just a stupid joke, or one of those storys, where a Human does really stupid stuff and is Darth Vader in disguise, or flying into space without clothes or something like that.
I liked the idea, but in the first moment I thought it would be just one of those pretty weird once for some reason.
Now that I looked again, I guess the description made me think of the hero, like some weird brat that has a way of doing what he likes with no one having the ability to talk back to him, while he is just managing to achive everything and stuff like that.
I don't know what to say else, I'm a bit spent from work.
After seeing how many liked it and seeing it again, I thought I maybe got the wrong idea and I start to read it while having breakfast tomorrow.
7357779
So the story doesn't seem serious and the main character seems overpowered.
I will reread my description and attempt to resolve these issues.
To allay your fears I'll tell you that the story is serious but does have a lot of funny moments. As humor is a large factor in the actual show I'm attempting to keep that factor.
As I've mentioned in a previous post the main character does have some powers but also has some severe limitations with them. I'm attempting to make a good story without an interesting but not infallible main character.
To assuage your fears further I'll re post what I told another reader.
As for Gary Stu/Mary Su concern I don't think any author sets out to create a character that is inherently infallible as it would be hard to form emotional connections with such a character. However I recognize that this is a very real threat to any writers story. Without spoiling anything I'll say that my character does have interesting abilities, as he's shown, but he will not become some omniscient omnipotent god.
However if anyone ever feels that the balance of power between characters is getting out of hand and ruining the story they need only let me know and I'll reevaluate.
7357822 Well you mostly understood how I meant it, and while I'm not sure what to expect from everything you just told me, I think I can read it.
I just noticed your last chapters are pretty big, I hope you made some sort of
----------------------------------- to make it easier to remember where we stopped, I don't think that I manage all of it in one go.
7357857
Chapter length is also an issue I'm aware of. Sometimes I get too excited when writing a chapter and as a result they tend to get rather large. It's a problem I'm trying to be conscious of when writing.
Thank you for your observations and I hope you enjoy what I've written so far.
7357884 No problem, and in a way I'm glad you have no chapter with less than 3.000 words. To many authors only manage to write 800-1200 words. I just want some sort of sign, where I can easily find the spot again where I stopped reading.
aawww shit I didn't noticed it before, but this is one of the storys where I would prefer them being Ponys, because sometimes it feels like there is missing something if they aren't well more like Ponys and less like Humans, I think I find just every alien race interessting.
I'm one of those who would be happy to play a different Character than a Human in all of those Games where there are so many races and we get character creation, because you get an Human everytime.
So far much better than I thought it would be.
I....somehow I got the idea he would be Fluttershy.
Okay now I get it, still alien but a Human as an alien and not something more rare.
Nice story so far, even if I somehow got the wrong idea about it and don't exactly got what I thought I would get, but that was my fault I guess.
Just saying, but if I could write that good as some others, I would write characters like one that actually isn't Twilight doing any experiment,
or not going somewhere the others want him to go if he doesn't want to do it if you know what I mean.
Most characters, and I don't mean this story, have characters with no assertiveness.
7360297
Don't let your character become a subservient slave to other wills.
If he looses his will he looses what makes him and the story unique.
An excellent suggestion. I will keep this in mind while writing.
While I'm glad this is probably him X Fluttershy, I liked the moment where Twilight was totally after his
sexy brain.
I know what I said before, but since I noticed that he is an Human, I'm kind of happy that he is going to get some powers, but at the same time isn't going to be OP.
I don't like it if they make an OP Pony, and I don't like the Human to be a wimp, or if they make the world much, much much more deadly for the Human, Cartoon or not.
Otherwise I would like it if you don'T start with the idea of him living .... I don't know 100 years, and them living for 600 years or something. That's always a sad part in a romance and the knowledge they could achive while he wouldn'T even manage to learn all of it.
Either ther are just silently treaten as eually in that regard, or the magic is just doing something to his body.
Good story.
Don't get me wrong, I normally like Human x storys in several chases, but this was at the first moment not one of them.
The first thing I wanted to say since he was always so charming to the girls, I'm a bit affraid this is going to be a poly...whateveer (herd story).
While it can be done nice, if it are only up to 3-4 people that we actually know a bit about to understand the possible reasons why they are together. I guess it is because of how you started the story that I was a bit dissapointed that he is maybe interessted in Rainbow Dash and not Fluttershy or Twilight at first.
I had watched some of the harem Animes myself, but I find it very odd to read if suddenly everyone is more than probably sexual interessted in the main char.
I haven't read everything yet but I wanted to say that already. I like how some of them where acting, but that nearly everyone that has a bit of that kind of personality is acting like....well that.
I guess it is not the fault of your story, but who got the idea that it would be one of Applejacks traits to always know, or think that someone is sexual or generally interessted in someone else?
Then suddenly he is starting to act different and focused on their sexual parts.
Not that I'm completely hate that stuff, but since I expected something else or at least I got a different impression of him and the story, this chapter completely one the they are sexual interessted in me and oooohhhhh a dildo, was putting me off somehow.
I guess it was the sudden turn in the events....and the fact that i had read that something was changing this mind, and I don't really like anything that is changing their stuff and is trying to force them to do stuff......bad examples in form of a bad story I had to read once.
7366242
I guess it is not the fault of your story, but who got the idea that it would be one of Applejacks traits to always know, or think that someone is sexual or generally interessted in someone else?
I don't believe that Applejack is able to detect peoples feelings better than anyone else. I however do believe that Applejack is able to detects lies better than others. Throughout the series it's heavily implied at multiple points that Applejack has the innate ability detect lies, trustworthiness, and deception much more effectively than others. Logically we can assume Applejack has the ability to read people well. This is most likely her element of honesty at work. So when the main character made an obvious deflection I don't think it's a stretch to believe Applejack would easily be able to identify it.
Then suddenly he is starting to act different and focused on their sexual parts.
Not that I'm completely hate that stuff, but since I expected something else or at least I got a different impression of him and the story, this chapter completely one the they are sexual interessted in me and oooohhhhh a dildo, was putting me off somehow.
This was actually done intentionally. If you read the beginning of Ch.6 you'll see that the sudden shift in his emotions is explored and explained.
To your other point, the scene with the dildo was supposed to a bit of sexually charged humor. If you don't like my humor I can't really do anything about that. But if it's specifically sexually charged humor that you don't like than this may not be the story for you. I'm not going to be gratuitous about it but it will be prevalent throughout the story.
I guess it was the sudden turn in the events....and the fact that i had read that something was changing this mind, and I don't really like anything that is changing their stuff and is trying to force them to do stuff......bad examples in form of a bad story I had to read once.
Besides what I've written above if by sudden turn of events you meant the lack of focus on adventure and more on fun slice of life then I'd invite you to read the end of Ch.6. I'm leading up to the adventure and introducing the characters for now.
Now if you've read all that and you don't agree or still don't like what you've read then I don't know what I can do.
Not everyone is going to like the story I write. It's impossible to please everyone. My interpretation of how the characters in the MLP:FIM universe would interact in the scenario my story is set around will probably be different from other peoples interpretations.
When all is said and done, no matter what, thank you for reading my story up until now and commenting.
He totally forgot to bring his phone to their inventor talks.
oooooooo this is cool wonder what happens next
How do you pronounce Cicero?
7396011
Phonetic spelling
s IH s er OH
Actual pronunciation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H5wgawy5hA
this story is starting to confuse me
i'm guessing futuristic human race + other alien civilizations + evolved humans (different looking now) and now there OP
i want to address other things but i am really exhausted right now
but like I said still confuses me
7402123
If you read chapter 7 and 8 they should address some, if not all, of the things you've pointed out. If you have others questions after reading those two chapters, I'm happy to answer.
7392123
I have plans to discuss phones and other pieces of human technology in later chapters. You'll see why when I get there.
things are kinda starting to make sense i guess
alright i get it now, i now know whats going on in the story and its great
oh and for a heads up when you say Rarities its actually Rarity's because its a single individual not an object or any sort
7405088
Excellent! I'm glad you like it.
Unfortunately I do miss the Rarity's/Rarities thing sometimes. I recognize it's supposed to be Rarity's but auto correct has a mind of it's own and tends to switch it while I'm writing. I will keep a closer eye on it in future chapters. Thanks for the heads up.
so......
Its been a while...huh..did you lock yourself in the basement again?
7562959
Quite the opposite unfortunately. My company was hired by the government for a rather large contract and I've been getting sent all over the country ever since I got back from my vacation (which is when I posted my last chapter). It's actually rather tragic as I know exactly what I want to write about but I never get the chance.
My job exhaust's me mentally and when I get back to my hotel after the day I'm usually to tired to think and write. I've tried to write while mentally exhausted and it usually just leads to poor writing styles. That being said I am still working on this story and I'll try to be more diligent about writing on the weekends. But at end of the day my first priority is my job as they pay me.
Hopefully the work that this project needs done will calm down soon and I'll be able to resume the normal level of writing I was enjoying before.
7570159 oh good I thought I was gonna need to call the fire department and tell them that you lock yourself in the basement
but anyway hope you get a break soon