Cicero, member of an alien race of Protectors, has been ripped from his planet and thrust onto Equis. Now he’ll need the help of some new equine friends to defeat an unimaginable evil that’s broken free of its prison inside of Equis.
Just to clarify. Are you saying you like what I've changed the opening description to now from what it used to be? Or are you saying that the opening description still needs work? If so might I ask which part put you off? I'm always trying to improve my story.
7357448 To be honest it somehow sounded like the story itself would take itself less then serious, being just a stupid joke, or one of those storys, where a Human does really stupid stuff and is Darth Vader in disguise, or flying into space without clothes or something like that.
I liked the idea, but in the first moment I thought it would be just one of those pretty weird once for some reason.
Now that I looked again, I guess the description made me think of the hero, like some weird brat that has a way of doing what he likes with no one having the ability to talk back to him, while he is just managing to achive everything and stuff like that. I don't know what to say else, I'm a bit spent from work.
After seeing how many liked it and seeing it again, I thought I maybe got the wrong idea and I start to read it while having breakfast tomorrow.
7357779 So the story doesn't seem serious and the main character seems overpowered.
I will reread my description and attempt to resolve these issues.
To allay your fears I'll tell you that the story is serious but does have a lot of funny moments. As humor is a large factor in the actual show I'm attempting to keep that factor.
As I've mentioned in a previous post the main character does have some powers but also has some severe limitations with them. I'm attempting to make a good story without an interesting but not infallible main character.
To assuage your fears further I'll re post what I told another reader.
As for Gary Stu/Mary Su concern I don't think any author sets out to create a character that is inherently infallible as it would be hard to form emotional connections with such a character. However I recognize that this is a very real threat to any writers story. Without spoiling anything I'll say that my character does have interesting abilities, as he's shown, but he will not become some omniscient omnipotent god.
However if anyone ever feels that the balance of power between characters is getting out of hand and ruining the story they need only let me know and I'll reevaluate.
Chapter length is also an issue I'm aware of. Sometimes I get too excited when writing a chapter and as a result they tend to get rather large. It's a problem I'm trying to be conscious of when writing.
Thank you for your observations and I hope you enjoy what I've written so far.
7357884 No problem, and in a way I'm glad you have no chapter with less than 3.000 words. To many authors only manage to write 800-1200 words. I just want some sort of sign, where I can easily find the spot again where I stopped reading.
7402123 If you read chapter 7 and 8 they should address some, if not all, of the things you've pointed out. If you have others questions after reading those two chapters, I'm happy to answer.
7392123 I have plans to discuss phones and other pieces of human technology in later chapters. You'll see why when I get there.
7351519
7338897
Your wish is my command.
the description was putting me of at first, but now I want to give it a try.
7357339
Just to clarify. Are you saying you like what I've changed the opening description to now from what it used to be? Or are you saying that the opening description still needs work? If so might I ask which part put you off? I'm always trying to improve my story.
7357448 To be honest it somehow sounded like the story itself would take itself less then serious, being just a stupid joke, or one of those storys, where a Human does really stupid stuff and is Darth Vader in disguise, or flying into space without clothes or something like that.
I liked the idea, but in the first moment I thought it would be just one of those pretty weird once for some reason.
Now that I looked again, I guess the description made me think of the hero, like some weird brat that has a way of doing what he likes with no one having the ability to talk back to him, while he is just managing to achive everything and stuff like that.
I don't know what to say else, I'm a bit spent from work.
After seeing how many liked it and seeing it again, I thought I maybe got the wrong idea and I start to read it while having breakfast tomorrow.
7357779
So the story doesn't seem serious and the main character seems overpowered.
I will reread my description and attempt to resolve these issues.
To allay your fears I'll tell you that the story is serious but does have a lot of funny moments. As humor is a large factor in the actual show I'm attempting to keep that factor.
As I've mentioned in a previous post the main character does have some powers but also has some severe limitations with them. I'm attempting to make a good story without an interesting but not infallible main character.
To assuage your fears further I'll re post what I told another reader.
As for Gary Stu/Mary Su concern I don't think any author sets out to create a character that is inherently infallible as it would be hard to form emotional connections with such a character. However I recognize that this is a very real threat to any writers story. Without spoiling anything I'll say that my character does have interesting abilities, as he's shown, but he will not become some omniscient omnipotent god.
However if anyone ever feels that the balance of power between characters is getting out of hand and ruining the story they need only let me know and I'll reevaluate.
7357822 Well you mostly understood how I meant it, and while I'm not sure what to expect from everything you just told me, I think I can read it.
I just noticed your last chapters are pretty big, I hope you made some sort of
----------------------------------- to make it easier to remember where we stopped, I don't think that I manage all of it in one go.
7357857
Chapter length is also an issue I'm aware of. Sometimes I get too excited when writing a chapter and as a result they tend to get rather large. It's a problem I'm trying to be conscious of when writing.
Thank you for your observations and I hope you enjoy what I've written so far.
7357884 No problem, and in a way I'm glad you have no chapter with less than 3.000 words. To many authors only manage to write 800-1200 words. I just want some sort of sign, where I can easily find the spot again where I stopped reading.
7360297
Don't let your character become a subservient slave to other wills.
If he looses his will he looses what makes him and the story unique.
An excellent suggestion. I will keep this in mind while writing.
He totally forgot to bring his phone to their inventor talks.
this story is starting to confuse me
i'm guessing futuristic human race + other alien civilizations + evolved humans (different looking now) and now there OP
i want to address other things but i am really exhausted right now
but like I said still confuses me
7402123
If you read chapter 7 and 8 they should address some, if not all, of the things you've pointed out. If you have others questions after reading those two chapters, I'm happy to answer.
7392123
I have plans to discuss phones and other pieces of human technology in later chapters. You'll see why when I get there.