Does Twilights ultimate defeat at the hooves of Nightmare Moon mean the end of daytime in equestria?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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damn twilight is in trouble
And THAT is what would have happened if Twilight's power opened up without Celestia there to calm her down.
Dude, stop making such awesome story, i need sleep eventually...
you have my attention.
Curious... This one reads better than the first few... I wonder why?
Also, Twilight the Shaman. Nice ring to it, actually.
~Skeeter The Lurker
So, Shining is as stupid as his father. Oh joy.
This does not rhyme in any way, shape or form...
So, alchemy from Zecora and most likely magic from the lizardmen. Then when she finishes her studies she'll most likely leave the forest and stumble upon RD, Flutter and their timberwolves during her travels. Also, I'm okay with this as the reason why she changed her name.
I wasn't going to comment until I caught up with it, but I have to say a few things here. First of all, I do like this premise. Twilight on the wrong side of the fight is an interesting concept, and so far, I like where this is going. That being said, the execution is really lacking. Grammatical and spelling errors abound, and in distracting numbers. You often forget to capitalize beginnings of sentences as well as I's, and most distractingly, you go back and forth between present and past tense like a metronome. Run-on sentences are everywhere, begging to be chopped into more easily digested pieces. The first chapter really needs a lot of work. It feels rushed and lacking in description. I would pad it out and break it up into two separate chapters myself.
Don't get me wrong. I like this story and want to see it succeed, but all the problems I mentioned above are really holding it back from being really good. Also, Zecora only sometimes rhymed in this chapter. Need to work on that. Keep writing, brother. I want to see more of this.
3040822
Now it makes more sense (and feels more rewarding for her) that, instead of using magic on him to knock him out in the first chapter, she just punched him in the head.
Well that's all for me folks! The story is great and you're setting it up well plot-wise. Grammar, punctuation, spelling, dialogue and consistency-wise though I really can't put in the effort to read the rest of it. Good luck on it though!
I like the story, but you either need to get a new prereader/editor or get more then one. The grammar is some of the worst I've ever seen.
But... That didn't rhyme.
OH HELL YEAH! TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL PAY!