Does Twilights ultimate defeat at the hooves of Nightmare Moon mean the end of daytime in equestria?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think that there is a mistake here
this is the same chapter as chapter 2
1407796 scratch that i need to fix this asap thanks. for telling.
edit: there fixed.
cheers.
well well well
A few punctuation errors towards the end were all I really noticed, big improvement from the last two chapters/prologue, but still quite noticeable.
Great chapter though, love the idea of rainbow being bad ass enough to just cut somepony down if need be.
Me: This is better yet worse than chapter 1!
Octavia: Oh I know, he simply just needs to spell better, then it'll be tolerable.
Vinyl: This even hurt my brain...
Doctor: ...
Ditzy: MUFFINS
Bon Bon: The horror...
Lyra: Exactly.
Still feels off... Can't place why...
But, Dash and Flutters on the run from da law, huh?
Believable, actually.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ha, that got a laugh out of me.
No corrections this time because I'm no longer in the mood. Sorry about that. But maybe I'll come back to that later.
Hey man, not sure if you remember me(not sure why you would, Im not all that interesting.) Anyway Im finally getting around to this story, and I gotta say this is pretty great. Im trying to get started on my own story as it is and I realized its kinda like this, just different rulers. Just letting you know that Im actually reading the story now and Ill give you feed back on what I like and what I dislike. Have a nice day my friend and keep up the good work. Also sorry if there are stupid spelling mistakes, typing on an ipad blows!
One more thing -- you keep describing people's houses as "hovels." Equestria is lower-tech and may have a lower per capita real income than does modern America, but "hovel" implies <i>serious</i> squalor, poor construction, etc. You probably mean to say "cottage" or at worst "hut" or "shed" there.
Is that an allegory? If so, you sneaky devil , I am disappoint .
I like the story, but I think you need to get a new prereader and editor.
Good story, but it needs editing ...way to many run on sentences. And not enough puncuation