“Question,” Celestia posed quietly, putting down the tabloid paper for a moment to lock eyes with Cadance and Luna. “What is the deal with cake?”
“You mean… the weird, bizarre, unclearly founded, and ultimately forced-seeming running joke that you are some cake obsessed glutton even though such has never been explicitly shown by any means?” Luna posed, donning her 'exposition smirk.'
“Indeed! I mean, why has such a thing not plagued you two?”
“I'm sure it has,” Cadance replied.
“Oh, has it? What is it, Cadance? Cupcakes? Chocolate brownies? What?”
“I… look, I can't think of anything, but I'm sure theres—”
“And you, Luna? What? Surely there's some food that everypony can recognize relative to you?”
“I… um, 'tragic backstory?'” Luna attempted meekly.
“No, no,” Celestia shook her head. “That's a trait. We all have those.”
“Well, I don't know,” Cadance sighed. “It's weird. End of story.”
“No, because it isn't the end,” Celestia replied. “It is evidence of something greater. Trust me when I say that the cake question is one that has long since been pricking away at the edges of my subconscious.”
“Damn, Auntie,” Caddy whistled. “You're going all in with this. Are you sure you didn't help yourself to some of the… uh, tiktaks in my purse?”
“Shh, Caddy, shh” Luna shushed. “She should be saying something semi—”
“—For the love of… Luna, shut up!”
“...I mean, the belief is irrelevant,” Celestia was saying, seemingly unhearing the others. She had started on a thought, and it was clear she wasn't being shaken from it. “The belief could be anything, truly. I could… I don't know, like to eat fig newtons instead of cake. I could… have a fetish for shaving cream. It doesn't matter. The point is that it exists. It formed from someplace.”
“From word of mouth,” Cadance sighed. “That's all, Auntie. It snowballed. It came from one place and it grew and in a little while it will fade again. Ponies are weird, the world is weird, end of story.”
“No, not end of story,” Celestia replied shortly. “See, these ponies… this 'word of mouth' group you speak of… these are the ponies who are at an eternal state of not knowing me personally. It as though I myself am a black hole, and they are entities at the exact orbit to have no perception of the true nature of my form due to all known data being made fundamentally impossible to reach them.”
“And what difference does that make?” Luna cocked her head.
“These ponies don't know me personally, but also need to know of me. Therefore an easily described 'image' of me is borne out of their societal collective minds. An easily accesible spark that would ignite the necessary componetns in a pony's mind to allow them to remember me. This spark has become rooted as numerous things; 'The Princess', 'the sun', and yes, 'the cake addict.'”
“So, what? That's become one of society's buzzwords for you?”
“Indeed! A life with millenniums of experience before her, and yet she can be reduced in history's eye by something as mundane as cake! What impact have I made, if this is all I am? What impact can any of us have, if even a princess of Equestria cannot exist in the spectrum of the universal?”
By now, Celestia's voice was changed. No longer was this a mere thought experiment to her. This was some manner of nirvana.
“Yes, yes. A life is a word, and a word is a merely abstract construction of our minds. Therefore, the very concept of life itself is no more than a perception of one's own. An eternally inaccurate lens we can never remove.”
“Auntie… hold the phone,” Cadance blinked. “Did you just… did you just logically progress to proving that life is meaningless using 'cake addiction' as a prompt?”
“I suppose,” Celestia shrugged, retaking her knitting, as though Cadance had just asked about the weather and she had just finished explaining. “...that somepony could assert that there is some manner of transcendental outlier to this. One thing that indeed holds meaning, even if nothing else does.
“But what signifies this outlier; be it physics, be it a god, be it cake? How can this outlier be described by anything but our own words, which we have already proven cannot be trusted?”
“Alright, Luna,” Cadance groaned. “When you get back to the castle, burn every single Intro To Philosophy textbook Celestia has access to.”
“Noted,” Luna agreed. “Celestia that was… something.”
Celestia shrugged. “Eh. Mere food for thought. Anyways, want me to read you all your horoscopes?”
And the worst part? It kinda made SENSE.
The meta is strongk with this chapter. Also, it isn't Tuesday.
You do realize that you just prompted at least some of your readers to write a 'Celestia <3 fig newtons' and a 'Celestia <3 XXX shaving cream' fic, don't you?
Cadance has to deal with beliefs about her appetites as well, it's just that they don't inherently involve food.
Wait, in this story, Celestia's cake thing isn't true.
In other words..........
The cake is a lie?
8210530 Dammit, you beat me to it
8210530
8210540 Ugh, lemons.
Wouldn't be the most outrageous basis for nihilistic reasoning I've read in my life...
8210524 I'm sure that was deliberate
If not cake, then Princess Celestia could always be associated with...
mmm...
bananas?
8210524 Why do I have a feeling that you're offering? Figlestia OTP.
SNERK
media.giphy.com/media/10yALetOHYkXq8/giphy.gif
8210637 You missed Gilette + Celestia = Gilestia?
thehatchreport.com/images/gillette-foamy-shave-cream.jpg
I don't know Tia, this
coke...err...cake addict thing wouldn't have happened if you didn't look like a triple layer sponge cake with aetherically active candy coloured icing on it.The philosophy I've chosen couldn't be simpler:
"I can't control what delusions others might possess regarding me, so as long as they don't get obnoxious about it--it's best for me to ignore the whole thing."
lmfao, what a chapter this was, damn fine work guy, hahaha
I don't like cake
8210518
This, exactly this.
WE HAVE BEEN BETRAYED!
Life is meaningless.
8210813 We should burn Norris as a witch.
But first... is he lighter than a duck?
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120331214803/mlp/images/f/fb/Celestia_just_like_us_S2E23.png
8210820
He has to be a witch! He turned me into a newt!
8210926 Newts who can type?
8210934
Well I got better ...
8210947 Okay, he's a witch. Newt, former newt, or not, get your pitchfork and torch.
Who's let ria talk to gummy alone
This was deep. I never figured Celestia for a philosopher until now. I supoose when one eats cake all day, you really do have time to think.
^And this brings us back to the funnies! Good job!
8210878
Oh good, someone beat me to it.
Yeah, as far as associations go, there's definitely some evidence linking Celestia and cake, deny it though she may. Really, it isn't life that is meaningless and futile, but denying reality in an effort to replace it with something more desirable or personally favorable. One can strive for self-improvement, of course, but to do so, one must acknowledge that there are things about one's self that need to be improved. Projecting a facade of perfection only ensures that what lies beneath that mask will never match it.
...
Huh. Looks like fauxlisophical insight is contagious.
I tought everyone knew that Cake was Celestia, Coffee was Luna, Pairing people was Cadence and Books was Twilight
8210524
why are you imagining those as separate things?
also, dibs
cdn1.alloy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/ill-have-what-shes-having-when-harry-met-sally.gif
Well, Pickleless beat everyone to the image of a photo of Celestia eating a mountain of cake. At least I can say media flanderizes a single image like that to the most grotesque proportions.
Now I want to know what the bloody hell is with the bananas?
.....cadence I need your tick-taks.
i liked this chapter
Celestia, we all saw the newspaper! You can't hide from the eyes of the fandom
8211844
Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t know about the Celestia being related to bananas thing when I chose my image?
Thank you for this chapter
8212862 8211844
You want bananas, here you go
Banana Poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wrote Principal Celestia as a sugar-shunning diabetic in discreet rebuttal to that old, beaten joke, but it’s nice to see you rebut with a hammer instead.
I see what you did at the end!
“Life is meaningless. Let's read your horoscopes!”
8215008
It is incredibly not safe forwork, but it's one of the Who Rules? stories.
The next segment:
Celestia has a good point, but the one thing is that words label nouns and nouns are things. Therefore every word that can be applied to a noun also applies to a noun that is an infinite number of things beyond that one word. Therefore existence is infinite in its glory.
8228375
Thanks, I'll be sure to check it out .
I'd make a joke about Celestia's role here... if I hadn't done many similar things in the past...
I'm sorry to hear that you're shelving this story. It's been a pleasure reading it, and I hope your newer projects have the same success.
I'll give 'em a looksee myself, promise.
Way to end on a
positivenegativeconfusing note. Great story.8295532
Yep!
Hahahahaha xD
Wait, what?
Completed??
;_;
8359141
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/747005/a-quick-follow-up
8359191
Oh, I didn't see that blog post.
Ok, makes sense, thanks for pointing me in the right direction.
Please make a sequel.. pleasee! i need more of this! i love(d) it!
8213071
Never watch Celestia's Banana song while on acid.
Loved this fic! Really enjoyed it!