Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria

by NorrisThePony

This Chapter is Literally About Maple Syrup

"So, why this place?"

One look around the diner, and Cadance's question was not an odd one. The diner was hardly filthy, but nowhere near fitting for three princesses.

"Indeed!" Luna's voice was muffled and bits of toast crumbs fell out of her mouth as she spoke. "Sister dearest, why—of all the places in Canterlot—did you settle on—"

"For goodness sake, Luna, swallow your food!" Celestia barked. "I have my reasons."

Cadance was unconvinced.

"And they are?"

"Good reasons."

"Which are?!"

Celestia sighed and stuffed some potato wedges into her mouth.

"The maple syrup," the solar princess said after a moment.

Cadance and Luna stared.

"I am not joking. For some reason I cannot explain, the syrup in this particular diner is absurdly good."

"The... syrup?" Cadance blinked.

"And the jam," Celestia nodded. "And even the ketchup packets are oddly superior."

Both alicorns continued to stare.

"Just try them," Celestia said, shoveling one of her pancakes onto Cadance's empty plate.

Cadance obeyed, peeling the lid off a syrup packet and swirling the pancake inside the viscous liquid.

Luna assaulted Celestia's plate with a fork and stole a good portion as well.

Then, after eating the syrup, both princesses looked up and stared directly at Celestia, who was wearing a smug grin.

"See?"

"........"

"....Why?" Luna finally said. "They look literally identical! Why are they absurdly delicious?! I do not even like maple syrup!"

Cadance, however, was not as easily convinced. "Auntie... are you telling me you frequent a subpar diner because you have a preference to their syrup?"

"Are you telling me you'd prefer a fancy diner in favor of mediocre syrup?" Celestia returned without delay. "Cadance, when it's 8AM and you haven't gotten any coffee down your throat yet, you couldn't care less about a diner's interior aesthetics. Good food, by comparison, is a godsend."

"But... but... who bases their morning schedule around breakfast food?!"

"I do," Celestia narrowed her eyes. "And Luna does, too."

"I don't!"

"Except with coffee, instead," Celestia added. "And she does not base her morning schedule around coffee, rather, coffee dictates her attitude for the rest of the day."

"That's not..." Luna began, then one gaze at her empty mug and she trailed off. "Eh, it's true. Actually, have either of you seen the waitress? I need a top-off."

"Trust me, Cadance," Celestia said. "It is vitally important. Have you ever tasted gross pancakes before? All plain and goopy? That isn't a taste one can easily get out of their mouth."

"But... but... why don't you just take some of the packets from here and stuff them into your mane or something?"

"Are you suggesting stealing?" Celestia gasped. "Cadance!"

"Seriously," Luna agreed. "That's cold, Cadance."

"I... I don't even want to glorify that with a response," Cadance facehoofed. "You two are insane."

"My dear niece," Celestia said learnedly. "When you get to be as old as Luna and I, you retain certain valuable tidbits of information. And one such tidbit is the importance of condiments. Have you ever eaten a hayburger without ketchup or mustard? Was it any good? I sincerely doubt it. Ketchup is conveniently coloured, for it is the lifeblood of good tasting food. The same applies for jam and syrup. "

Cadance facehoofed again, and reached for the alcohol menu.

She cast a glance at the clock on the wall—twenty after twelve.

"Early enough," she shrugged, and hailed a nearby waitress.

Author's Note:

Based on true events.

Comments

[Noctus Umbra]

I mean........... you're not wrong.

[FamousLastWords]

Brah, you should write a chapter about the characters arguing whether Coke or Pepsi is better.

[NorrisThePony]

6989540 I like this idea alot.

[Seether00]

You must live an interesting life.

[DualKitsune]

Dang. These guys are gonna have a field day when Twilight sticks her nose in.

[resonance]

i empathize with Celestia, every other sunday i make this hellish trip to the shady part of omaha just for breakfast. i don't know what they put in the corn beef hash, but i'd kill a man for thirds.

[Boulder]

Author's Note:

Based on true events.

Alright, now I have to wonder whose true events and where? (I like maple syrup pancakes)

[Derpmind]

I'd be wiling to bet that that's not real maple syrup. It's true that condiments at restaurants can vary in quality greatly, but maple syrup is on a different matter. If the various sugar syrups that most people are used to having vary in quality on a scale from one to five, then real 100% pure maple syrup is on a scale from nine to ten. If you every occasionally make pancakes at your home, buy yourself an expensive bottle of the real stuff and keep using it until you've re-educated your taste buds. It's worth it, seriously.

[Black Ash]

Three princesses walk in a bar...oh, that just writes itself.

[ClosetNerdBrony]

I have to agree with Celestia. Why pick the mediocre syrup when you can have the best one around, even if in a simple diner?
I bet that the diner's workers are used to Celestia's presence by now. Luna and Cadence probably surprised them, but just a little.

[Hokuto Ulrik]

Cadance facehoofed again, and reached for the alcohol menu.

She cast a glance at the clock on the wall—twenty after twelve.

"Early enough," she shrugged, and hailed a nearby waitress.

It's five o' clock somewhere Cadence.

[High_Fidelity]

7034065 or maybe it IS real maple syrup, and that's why it's so dang superior.

[Lancerlot]

If the superior maple syrup is provided in little sealed tubs, don't those tubs carry the name of the company producing it? Simple solution--offer that company a royal contract!

PS... Trivia time! Most fake maple syrup is flavored with the herb fenugreek. That's why they can say it contains no artificial ingredients.

[Muggonny]

You can't have pancakes and syrup without peanut butter.

[Golden_Reflection]

here, have a funny google translate fail (to Chinese traditional and back again)

Cadance obeyed, peeling the lid off a syrup packet and swirling the pancake inside the viscous liquid.

that translates to the following funnyness

Cadence obedience , peeling the lid syrup pack and swirling viscous liquid inside the pancakes.

[Scribe Scribbles]

I'm still loving this.

[ShadowLDrago]

Have you ever eaten a hayburger without ketchup or mustard? Was it any good?

THANK YOU!

[Emy]

This chapter was about freaking food for Celestias sake...
Why is it still so incredible good?
You're a genius! That's it.

[RedSymphony1121]

Based on true events.

This has seriously happened to me with family members!

[Themaskedferret]

Properly Canadian chapter. I approve.

[Dustchu]

Mmm... I'm hungry now, damn you author!

Nice job, haha

[cpl_scipio]

7225984 or mayo? you can't forget the mayo!

[Thekindlymimic]

7480349 Fried egg is ultimate burger topping!

[diealein]

7696838 I prefer plain... Ketchup tastes like sugar jelly and an egg is odd.

[Thatguywiththeface]

"But... but... who bases their morning schedule around breakfast food?!"
"I do," Celestia narrowed her eyes. "And Luna does, too."
"I don't!"
"Except with coffee, instead," Celestia added. "And she does not base her morning schedule around coffee, rather, coffee dictates her attitude for the rest of the day."
"That's not..." Luna began, then one gaze at her empty mug and she trailed off. "Eh, it's true. Actually, have either of you seen the waitress? I need a top-off."

Never before have I so closely identified with Moonbutt.

[The Shadow]

Cadance facehoofed again, and reached for the alcohol menu.

As someone once said:

I’m too damn sober to deal with this shit.

[Gizmo Gear]

Based on true events.

I believe it.

[The Scarlett Mare]

"Early enough," she shrugged, and hailed a nearby waitress.

snorts me for every insanity-induced headache

[WhalenJP]

8125305
AMEN!

[Bicyclette]

good maple syrup is important! very relatable, as are contemplating diner condiments in general