The cafe was busy, but never had any of of the princesses seen it so quiet. Celestia was busy pretending to read a dessert menu, Luna was stirring her coffee and staring into the spinning vortex, and Cadance was tapping a hoof idly on the table.
“So…” Twilight Sparkle drawled from her seat beside Celestia, glancing first at the solar princess and then looking across at Luna and Cadance, all three sitting in dead silence. “Do you girls just do this every week?”
“Yeah,” Luna said. “Normally it’s much more interesting.”
More silence.
Twilight shuffled uncomfortably. “Uh… good coffee here, right?”
The other three mumbled their affirmations and spoke no further.
Somewhere in the diner, a clock was ticking away the hours in an off-hoof way. The sound was deafening to Twilight, only serving to feed the fires of an otherwise awkward silence.
“No offense, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna eventually said. “But you’re messing up our conversation dynamic.”
“I… I’m sorry?” Twilight blinked.
“Luna, there’s no need to be rude!”
“Well, am I wrong sister?”
Celestia looked down. “N… no. But still.”
“Twilight, I think the problem is that you’re new,” Cadance offered, ignoring the bickering sisters. “It’s not your fault, but… well, Luna is right.”
“About your ‘conversation dynamic?’”
“Indeed,” Luna nodded. “We already have a pre-established balance. Another pony disrupts such a balance.”
“So, what?” Twilight was dumbfounded. “You’re saying because I decided to show up for coffee with you guys I somehow disrupted some arbitrary, transcendental cosmic conversation balance-scale that probably doesn’t even exist outside of your shameless nitpicking?”
“More or less,” Luna nodded. “Celestia, Cadance and I have a pre-established relationship dynamic. Adding a new variable just disrupts that. You’re a smart mare, think of some science analogy or something.”
“You know in the sixth Daring Do novel, when she gets those six quirky companions who are obsessed with her and help her save the day despite being brand-new characters, and it completely disrupts the tone of the other five books and makes it feel like a shoehorned way of quickly establishing new characters?” Celestia offered. Metaphors related to books had yet to fail her when it came to explaining things to Twilight. “It’s like that.”
“First of all, I have no idea what you’re talking about with that Daring Do book,” Twilight blushed awkwardly. “Second of all, it probably wouldn’t seem forced if we actually started up a conversation.”
“Alright,” Luna waved a hoof. “Shoot.”
Twilight scratched an ear nervously. “Uh… see any good movies lately?”
Luna’s response was immediate. “Nope. Nice conversation starter, by the way. Sounds like it came from an instructional book.”
“It did,” Twilight growled. “I’m not good at small talk. It’s a waste of time.”
“What about medium talk then?” Cadance offered.
“Alright,” Twilight nodded, and then grinned and cleared her throat;
“Is there such a thing as death? Or is it but a transition to a different sphere of consciousness?”
Cadance, Celestia, and Luna simply stared.
“Medium talk,” Twilight said bluntly. “It was a joke.”
Cadance, Celestia, and Luna continued to stare.
“Alright,” Twilight groaned. “Maybe we can talk about our weeks. I read a quote once that said that ‘intellectuals discuss ideas, friends discuss events, and idiots discuss people.”’
“A quote that represents a discussion of people,” Luna noted bitterly. “I’m sorry, Twilight. There is no scientific reasoning behind conversation.”
“But you’re the one who said—”
“Look, it just isn’t working, Twilight,” Luna stopped her with a raised hoof. “Conversation just happens, or it does not.”
“Well, wait...” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Haven’t… haven’t we been having a conversation regardless?”
Cadance, Celestia, and Luna continued their tradition of responding to Twilight’s remarks with a blank stare.
“I mean, think about it! We just had a rather interesting conversation about the fact that we could not make conversation.”
“I’d hardly call it interesting,” Luna replied.
“More like serviceable, really,” Cadance agreed. “As in, it should sate us until next Tuesday.”
“Well. Aren’t you girls just a glimmering bundle of starlight,” Twilight grumbled. “Fine. Next time, I’ll wait before trying to force myself into your ‘pre-established dynamic’ or whatever. Personally, I think you’re just being really critical about an issue that isn’t even there.”
Well it appears that I don't understand the politics.
Not sure I understand the political statement being made, but nevertheless this was a good chapter.
This is becoming Seinfeld.
As did I.
Was the political statement twilight's last remark, but applied to the s3 finale controversy? Because that's what I got.
7012217 And here I thought the lines "glimmering bundle of starlight" and "too quickly establishing new characters" were too blatant. But you're more or less correct. The same fandom-finale drama but applied to Starlight Glimmer's reformation instead of Twilicorn.
My meta-references always seem more obvious to me than they actually are, I guess.
7011942 Yeah, it's a bad joke.
Twilight: Aha! If I'm disrupting your conversational dynamic, why are we conversing? I got you!
Cadence: No you haven't.
Twilight: Yes I have. If we're conversing, I must not have disrupted your conversational dynamic!
Luna: Not necessarily. We could be humoring you.
Yeah, there are those friends (or people in general) that if they try to interact with your group all that happens is awkwardness............ I'm usually that guy.
7014881 There's a really crappy hole-in-the-wall café in the city I live in. The kind of place that sees the bulk of its business right after a nearby strip-club closes at 4AM.
Well I ended up there once when my bus came in really early in the morning and everything else was closed. As if the place wasn't in a sketchy enough spot, the syrup bottles were just straight up emptied dishsoap bottles. Or maybe they were Aunt Jemima bottles with the labels torn off, I dunno.
But anyways, the syrup was by no means Aunt Jemimas.
In addition, they made the best damn french toast I've ever tasted. I actually got so curious that I asked where they buy their syrup, hoping to score some myself. Apparently the owner knows a guy who makes it himself in like a maple-tree farm or something. So basically, I have virtually no way of ever getting my hands on that beautiful god's nectar unless I travel to the sketchiest part of the city.
TL;DR: A really sketchy cafe made me accidentally self-insert as Celestia.
And in regards to your other comment, I just really like the idea of Cadance being the "wild" one of the three, just because she seems like the least likely candidate. Although ironically she's become the most sane.
And holy hell, I didn't realize how similar this fic is to The Young Ones until now.
Hooray that's more like it, Neil the hippy (Twi) has joined the gang. With Mike (Tia), Vivian (Cadie) & Rik (Lulu). Wasn't real sure about the last two, was initially thinking Lu with all her stars & Viv's forehead General stars might work but then Cadie's preference for alcohol & 'nasal condiments' sort of clinched it.
Edit: There's a thought, get Twi to bring a game of Horsopoly to the next session? That could really start something!
7017811
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCkgYhtz64U
It might not have been on purpose, but it feels like it was.
Cut to 2:09
7019138 It was.
Also, the title of the fic is a Frank Sinatra reference.
I await the next cafe chapter for our conversing crowned crowd.
What you did there. I see it.
7055223 Just wait, there'll be a "shimmering bundle of sunset" soon. You'll see.
7012339 thanks for putting that link in your comment thanks to that I've been watching nothing but Monty Python for the last hour
Mmmm fandom politics. They're just so entertaining!
I freely admit, I laughed at the joke.
7011878
Becoming?? This fic literally started with a chapter about nothing.
Nice work well done on this,
Hehehe, ahhh Twilight.
ouch.
Someone gets it!
7450325
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his client?
There's a small medium at large.
Also refer to Roosterteeth's Red vs Blue running gag: "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
7429522
So whether or not I stop reading this or start watching Seinfeld... I'm missing nothing? Yet it's the best nothing?
...now I'm wondering if I'm making low key Seinfeld MLP fan fics...
7508590
Amen to that.
Wow, there are so many layers to this reference.
ICR who said "A pipe is the perfect invention because it gives a wise man something to do with his hands while he thinks & gives a fool something to stick in his mouth"
7508590
Yes! Kinda.....
haha, really enjoyed Twilight being told to think of a science analogy or something, as well as the Daring-Do reference. and Twilight really does throw the established balance off, doesn't she? she'd be at her best here as an occasional guest star