• Published 14th Feb 2016
  • 17,359 Views, 1,800 Comments

Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria - NorrisThePony



A collection of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance's cynical conversations over coffee.

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Luna Has The Right To Music

"Amazing!" Luna yelled, brandishing the sleek electronic device and wearing a wide grin. "What is this machine called?!"

To Luna, it was a calmly asked question, but to Celestia and Cadance it was a screaming demand as Luna unintentionally rose her voice above the blaring music.

"I already told you. It's called an MP3-player," Cadance said. "And Luna, you don't have to scream! We're right he—"

"How do they fit so many instruments in such a small device?" Luna cut-in, apparently not hearing her. She did not seem to care for any actual answer, but instead seemed content to exaggeratedly nod her head to some beat only she could hear.

Cadance and Celestia shared a glance, and then Celestia reached forward and plucked the headphones from Luna's head.

"Hey!" Luna snapped as the song was abruptly cut short. "That's my empty-tree player!"

Cadance facehoofed and pressed the pause button on the device. "For the third time, it's MP3, Luna."

"Even I know that." Celestia sipped her tea smugly. "It stands for Music Playing... uh, Three."

Luna stuck out her tongue and wrenched the device back with her magic. In a moment, her music was blaring again.

"I still think you made a poor decision gifting her such a device, Cadance."

"...Starting to agree with you," Cadance replied, watching Luna bop her head, wearing a silly grin. "I never would've imagined Luna would be so into music."

"She always has been," Celestia said. "She used to keep up with all her favourite composers' personal lives. 'Celly! Haythoven just went through a break-up! I'd bet his next symphony is going to be a real doozy!' Luna was an ancient precursor of gossip papers. Right, Luna?"

Luna gave an oblivious grin and nodded her head.

"What kind of music did you put on that thing for her, anyways?" Celestia turned back to Cadance. "Nothing too intense, I hope?"

"'Nothing too intense,"' Cadance repeated, smirking. "I didn't put any of that lame pop-music from the 800s that you listen to, if that's what you're asking."

"New wave is not the same thing as pop," Celestia replied. "We've fought this battle before. Besides, I'd think you'd be all over pop music, Cadance. Isn't it all about loving each other?"

"No, it's about sex. Or dancing. One of the two. I prefer music that speaks the honest truths about reality in ways that sound epic as a teenager, but slowly begin to sound more and more like petty whining the more in-tune with reality the listeners actually are."

"So, punk rock," Celestia translated. "And don't forget, you're not the one who has to listen to Luna loudly singing angsty song lyrics all day. I don't know if I can take a single evening of listening to misheard song lyrics filtered through several layers of, uh... Luna-ness. It's bad enough you listen to such angry and rebellious music—"

Celestia broke off as Cadance tried and failed to contain an abrupt fit of laughter.

"What are you chortling at?"

"You just described punk music as 'angry' and 'rebellious', auntie," Cadance giggled. "You couldn't embody the 'Distrusting-of-this-Generation' trope anymore if you tried."

"Oh, hosh posh."

"See?! You did it again!"

"Malarkey."

"Okay, now you're doing it on purpose," Cadance facehoofed. "But anyways, get off Luna's case. She has a thousand years worth of stuff to catch up on. Don't be a music snob, auntie. Before we know it, you'll be telling her it sounds better on vinyl or something."

"Yes, yes," Celestia sighed. "I can take a hint. Although, don't accuse me of being a music snob, Miss Pop-Music-Is-the-Antithesis-To-All-Things-Good."

"Well it is," Cadance grumbled faintly. "Synthesized corporate crap."

Celestia rolled her eyes and sipped her tea. "But back to Luna and her little device..." she said. "I don't believe you fully understand the ramifications of what I am facing. Now, Luna will provide mundane tasks with loud musical accompaniment—filling the kitchen with the sounds of a blaring orchestra as I make a sandwich, or filling awkward silences in Day Court with guitar solos. All with her voice acting as a mellotron, I might add."

"Frankly, I don't know what you're complaining about," Cadance replied. "That sounds like it would be a blast. Or entertaining at the very least. I'm gonna call BS on any 'Living-With-Luna-Is-A-Chore' remarks, auntie. You're a terrible liar."

Celestia cast a wayward glance at her sister still bobbing her head and smiled faintly. "Yes, I suppose you're right. One thing's for certain. Luna's a good companion for an immortal. She always manages to annoy me in fresh and unpredictable ways, and I truly think that's the oddest blessing I have."

"Aw," Cadance smiled. "That's adorable."

Author's Note:

I can really make a whole story about Princesses listening to pop-music, to be honest. That actually sounds like it might work. Hrmmmm....

ANYWAYS, real-life, combined with other writing priorities, meant I hadn't any time to write a chapter last week or much of this week. I had to skip the last one and didn't really have time to make this one much longer. Expect an extra, longer chapter before next Tuesday, and then we should be back to the regular schedule. Sorry about that.

OH ALSO! Quick announcement thing!

About a month or so ago, Catsofwar108 asked me for permission in attempting to make a running audio drama based on this story. I was/am quite obviously very enthusiastic towards the idea, as I imagine many of you are.

If anyone here has any voice acting talent or knows anyone with voice acting talent who would like to participate, the drama is still accepting auditions here. Poor Cadance has none yet! And here I thought she was a favourite amongst you guys....

I think it's a great idea, personally, and I'd love to see it come to fruition, but sadly it cannot unless more people audition.

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