Dear Journal,
Today has been a roller coaster... for all of us. Uh... um... basics first, I guess.
I found a radio guide. I've been studying up on how radios work. I don't get much yet, but I do know about scanners now. If this radio I found has a scanner feature in it, then I'll be set for business!
If only I knew how to figure that out.
But that's not the real news. Not really anyway. Jamie... he hit stage 2 today. For any readers (if anyone ever reads this) who don't know what that means, I've been pretty vague about that. It's based on the Khubler Ross model of grief. First comes Denial. This could also mean a numbness to emotions. Then comes anger, followed by bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Now you know what I mean.
I woke up and went to grab some food for myself and he pounced on me, hitting me repeatedly and calling me a monster. Thankfully he's just a child so they were more annoying than painful. Until he hit me in the eye.
I regret to say that I snapped for a moment and threw him into a shelf when that happened. So hard that the shelf toppled over. We were on aisle 9 when that happened. I had forgotten to move Barbara's knife.
It had slid under the shelf after the fight. When the shelf toppled over, it was revealed. Jamie found it, took it in his mouth, and tried to cut me with it. By now I had regained control of my emotions and I levitated it out of his mouth. He then spouted some things at me that were... well... very hurtful.
I'm not one to be emotionally weak. I was kinda famous as a child for being able to take any insult and never care, whether it was about my appearance or skill. But the things he said... they cut deeper than a knife ever could.
"You should burn in hell for what you did!"
"All she wanted was to help a child! You killed her for it!"
"I used to wonder why she attacked you! Now I know! You're a monster!"
Monster...
monster...
monster.
I know why his insults hurt now more than any other insult has hurt before. He may have been right.
Jamie ran away after that incident. I assume he's somewhere around here. I just don't know. How did everything fall apart so quickly?
Am I a monster?
I'm not a monster, am I?
No... I'm good. I help people. I don't hurt people.
"I know why Max killed himself! It was because of you!"
I didn't kill you Max... right? I didn't kill you.
Excuse me.
You... do realize the model is a guidline, right? People don't always go through the stages in order, or even all of them at once.
6082155 Or even do each and every step.
Actually, why didn't Barbra persue peaceful options first? She better have had a bloody good reason for not doing so. I might seem like an asshole here, but really, Barbra gets no sympathy from me because she blatantly attacked two other people for supplies when they'd have taken her, and her kid, in and shared the supplies anyway. There was easily enough for a while.
So either Max did something stupid, or Barbra was emotionally unstable at that point leading me to believe things wouldn't have turned out well anyway if she hadn't died.
Leaving a knife where a child might find it seems like a parenting oversight to me.
Wow, I knew Jamie would run off.
Still...
I really enjoy where this is going.
6083891
Hah! Two chapters!
i.imgur.com/CkHU9Qf.jpg
And that's just the stuff that's been edited!
6082155 It's just a good model. I will be sticking to it for Jamie, but I'll be better about it with Leon.
I'm not really all that good with writing characters getting over death. I'm still learning, so better safe than sorry. I found a good writing model to use for Leon, but too late for Jamie.
6082155 It's also characterization, but far too vague. If you'd like I could explain it, or you could figure it out. I don't want to insult your intelligence (that sounds much ruder than I really mean it to be.)