Deadpool greatly enjoyed the time he spent with little Chrysalis. She brought something to be extra happy about in his home life, bringing an end to the boredom that was the source of most of the trouble he got into. Hours of entertainment could be achieved by blowing raspberries on her belly to make her squeal, tossing a ball for her to chase, watching her attempt - and occasionally succeed via magic - the capture of the mysterious red dot, and watching her play with a ball of yarn until it got tangled in the holes in her legs, mane, and wings, at which point she would promptly incinerate it.
Deadpool did not enjoy keeping his apartment clean.
"Yeesh!" he proclaimed as he fell back. "Keeping things clean is a chore and a half! I actually have to throw things away and clean up after myself! So frustrating!"
"I know what you mean!" Crazy pointed out. "How do normal people handle this?"
"Probably with less fire and shoving things behind the fourth wall," Stuffy scolded.
"Well how else am I supposed to get rid of all the junk?" Deadpool pointed out. "The landlord complained when I threw it out the window at passing motorists!"
"That's because it was illegal."
"But it was fun! Next you're going to tell me that's illegal, too!"
"Unfortunately, most of what we consider fun is."
"Laws are made to be broken anyway," Deadpool countered, slumping back into his chair. Moments later, Chrysalis leapt into his lap and snuggled in. He scratched her behind her ear almost absently as he started flipping channels on the TV.
At that moment, the phone rang. Deadpool picked it up. "Hello?" he asked. Normally he'd be more verbose, but the caller was interrupting family time, and that irritated Deadpool. He listened to the caller on the other end for a time. "Uh huh," he replied after a time. "Uh huh. How much? ...fine." He hung up, then gently scooped Chrysalis up as he stood up. "Chryssi, Daddy's taken a job," he explained. "That means I'm going to have to leave you with some friends for a few hours, understand?"
Chrysalis frowned up at him and waved her hooves angrily. "Nu!"
"Sorry, Chryssi, but as long as you're a fragile infant, you have to be watched," Deadpool explained. "And I need to take jobs so I can keep myself fed, so I can keep feeding you." He nuzzled his face against her belly, and she stopped fussing, though she continued to pout. "Don't worry, I know exactly who I'm going to ask!"
Charles Xavier was sitting calmly behind his desk, going over a few details regarding some new students at the Institute and the X Men's last mission. He paused as he sensed the approach of two unique mental signatures. One was familiar and aggravating, while the other was new and...most unusual. As he was trying to analyze the second mental signature, his window burst open as someone red and black crashed through it.
"Hey Chuckie!" Deadpool said happily as he stood up. "Listen, can you do me a solid and keep an eye on my daughter while I go unalive some people for money?" He deposited Chrysalis in Xavier's lap. "She's a real sweetheart, just in a bit of a bad mood since she can't come with me yet. Kthnxbai!" With that, Deadpool leapt back out the window. "Chimichanga!" he shouted as he raced off.
Xavier stared after Deadpool for a while, then turned to the tiny creature in his lap. "I'm Charles Xavier," he said softly. "What's your name?"
"Kithawith," she replied grumpily.
"Chrysalis?" Xavier asked. "A lovely name. You are...unlike any life form I've ever encountered before." He raised a hand to his head. "May I?" He opened his mind, and extended his psychic energy to make gentle contact with her mind.
Deadpool returned from collecting his fee to discover the Xavier Institute a leveled, smoking ruin. "What happened here?" he asked, shocked.
"And why weren't we invited?" Crazy complained.
"And where's Chrysalis?" Stuffy pointed out.
"Chrysalis?!" Deadpool yelled, racing into the ruin, searching for his Changeling daughter. As he raced through, he saw numerous young mutants being treated for various injuries, Storm being held back by Rogue and Shadowcat, several others with glowing green eyes being restrained, and finally Xavier sitting in front of the only two wall fragments still standing that came to a corner.
Chrysalis was on a stool, facing the corner and pouting, with Xavier glowering at her.
"Nobody puts Chryssi in a corner!" Deadpool complained, scooping her up and hugging her.
Chrysalis, for her part, squealed happily at seeing him again, hugging him around the neck.
Charles Xavier frowned. "Mr. Wilson, please find somewhere else for your daughter to stay while you're away from home."
Deadpool blinked. "Wait, you mean she caused all this?" he asked in shock. When Xavier nodded, he hugged Chrysalis all the tighter. "Daddy's so proud!"
Chrysalis giggled happily. Xavier groaned, putting his face in his hands.
After that rather disastrous encounter, it was a long while before Deadpool risked leaving her with anyone else. However, when he had to take another job in order to pay the bills, he decided it might be a better idea to call on someone to watch over Chrysalis in the apartment. If nothing else, maybe it would cut down on the collateral damage that happened without him.
Thankfully, Squirrel Girl was open to the challenge of trying to tame a child the X Men couldn't handle. Deadpool was pleased, since presenting it in that light meant he didn't even have to pay her.
When he returned after several hours, however, it was to see a pack of squirrels racing down the street, Chrysalis in hot pursuit after them, and Squirrel Girl chasing after her. "Stop eating my friends!" Squirrel Girl shouted, several emotionally drained squirrels hanging limp from her shoulders.
"But dey yummy!" Chrysalis shouted back as she got close enough to the pack to drain another squirrel. As she raced by, Squirrel Girl scooped that one onto her shoulders as well.
Deadpool scratched his head as he watched. "...maybe I should pick a different sitter," he considered. "Maybe Peter?"
"He would be able to physically restrain Chrysalis if it became necessary," Stuffy pointed out.
"And Chryssi pissing him off won't negatively impact our chances of getting laid like this has," Crazy added.
Deadpool returned from his next job to find Spiderman hanging from the roof of the apartment by his own webbing, trussed up like a fly and hanging over a cauldron filled with bubbling green liquid. A fire was lit under the cauldron, and Chrysalis was dressed in a grass skirt and tiki mask, waving a spear as she danced around the cauldron chanting nonsense noises lifted from children's cartoons representations of primitive savages. "What?" Deadpool asked, unable to come up with anything more eloquent at the moment.
"You don't wanna know," Spiderman replied.
"Actually, I think I do," Deadpool pointed out.
"In that case, I'm not going to tell you," Spiderman countered. "it's too embarrassing. I will say, however, that she definitely takes after you."
"Hi Daddy!" Chrysalis said happily, waving. "Spidah soup fo din-din! Big helpings!"
When Deadpool got his next job, he looked down at Chrysalis worriedly. "I can't take you with me," he said sadly. "I know that. It's too dangerous. But I can't leave you alone, either. And the only other one I could possibly leave you with - Wolverine - isn't taking my calls. What am I supposed to do?"
"No need sittah!" Chrysalis pointed out. Her vocabulary had improved as more teeth had grown in. "Mama watch!"
"Mama?" Deadpool asked in surprise.
"Mama?" Crazy added.
"Who's Mama?" Stuffy asked.
Smiling, Chrysalis hopped from Crazy's text box to Stuffy's, and then into a set of arms that Deadpool couldn't see.
"Is there someone invisible there?" Crazy asked.
"Not invisible," Stuffy replied. "But...someone we can't perceive in our present mental and physiological state. There's only one female invisible to us that Chrysalis would call Mama."
"Boney-cheeks, is that you?" Deadpool asked eagerly.
Chrysalis giggled as an imperceptible hand stroked her mane. "Mama is boney!" she confirmed. She tilted her head. "Mama says she can't come every time, but she'll try to come when she's free!"
"My skeletal Mistress, you are the best!" Deadpool praised. "I wish I could see you to give you a hug and a kiss thank you!"
"Wait...how can Chrysalis see her?" Stuffy asked. "She's nowhere close to death."
Chrysalis giggled. "See Dada's love for Mama...see Mama's love for Dada...see Dada and Mama's love for me! Tastes gud!"
Deadpool grinned widely, not that it was visible under his mask. "Be right back sweethearts!" he said happily, knowing as he left this time that Chrysalis was in good hands.
I was quietly chuckling and awwing while I read this, so cute and so silly.
Great job.
Well forget Shiklah, here's Death! So long as Thanos doesn't find out this should probably work out....he's totally going to find out isn't he?
Squirrel Girl!? Not complaining, just a strange character to pull out of. Also, chapter title reminded me of this:
There are no words to describe this chapter so here is a sound. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Deadpool.
When you have an incongruous amalgamation of random horrible short scenes you want to do, I doubt there's a better choice.
Pinkie's good for happy. Deadpool's good for anything with murder or boobies.
So, I have to ask, Will Chrysalis evetually be laying eggs to create a new swarm/hive?
5959919 We Do Not Speak Of The Deadpool Hoard.
Sugar skull!
Does this mean that she Chryssy gets to go crazy on every stallion she meets?
I have an idea as to what happened in the X-mansion...I have no idea what happened with Spider-man. Or why Spider-man would help Deadpool out, other than being a nice guy. I mean, Spider-man and Deadpool are complete opposites, other than being very agile. And joking a lot. And they are also smart. Okay, so they aren't complete opposites. But Spidey has morals, Deadpool has next to none. I'd think Spidey would be too annoyed by Deadpool to help him. Also, why didn't he ask the Avengers?
Very unique style...
Hm... well now, that's one of the most strangest and destructive things I have ever read...
Just like how Deadpool acts!
5959960 You mean Horde, not Hoard.
Horde is a massive army/angry mob/deadly armed individuals/Pinkie Pie clones from the mirror pool.
Hoard is where you keep you junk.
Not that junk, get your head put of the gutter.
It's basically all the physical things you keep. Like Pies. Though what is a Chimmycherrychanga? Or a Chimmychanga even?
LOLOL great chapter.
though I am interested what Xavier learned from her mind.
5960008
He didn't ask the Avengers because they refused to take his calls.
5960045
Nothing. She started taking bites out of his psychic energy, which started the downward spiral of events which led to the mansion being leveled.
So... Death herself is watching over Chrysalis... cool I suppose.
And in other news, she is already taking after her dad, lord help us all.
Also, side note, I was wondering if you had any other ideas for these father series, like a specific character in mind you know? I think Dan from Dan Vs would be an awesome one... course, there are a lot of other things that would be good to do as well, like GlaDOS or... I don't know, awesome characters, I can't pull everything out on the spot.
That was something...
5960056 but according to the cartoon, Spiderman is an avenger now...
Funny and adorable
Nice touch with Death's appearance.
5960084 I agree...
That... was a thing.
The destruction...it is glorius!
So cute filly chryisalis I can stop smiling at this
5960118
He met Spidey face to face on a random chance while on the previous job.
Awwwww he got help from his Skullcandy thats soooo cute!!!!!!
5960056 Oh
Oops on his part then
What happened with Spiderman?
Seriously, how did Chrysalis do that?
And how exactly did she destroy Xavier's?
I need to know.
Please?
Crissy has been left in the hands of Death, this may actually end well for one of them.
Never thought of it before but...
Could chrysalis fight the hulk and win?
5960353 she's being raised by deadpool and mistress death and is a natural changeling if they teach chrysalis everything they know she could mostl likely go up against almost everyone in the marvel universe and win
OHohoho! He went to the X-Men first! My guess was the first trial! Woo!
Also, we need spin-offs on the sitters. I really want to know what led to the Spider-Soup.
...
...
...
Wait, what?
5960044 A Chimichanga Is a lot like a burrito, but you deep-fry it.
5960152
Plus he knows where Spidey lives. Using his holographic-disguise thing he once took Peter Parker's place for awhile, in the comics.
Okay seriously, what the hell happened with Spider-Man?
5960056 Are we talking about the representation of Death that Deadpool met so many times and actually wooed?
5960612 Never had a burrito before, only heard of it. Something similar to wraps right?
I almost hope some idiot try to kidnap Chryssie while her mommy is watching her. Nobody messes with Death's little girl. I can so see her following Death around and easing the mental burden on people passing over so their transition to the afterlife is smooth and peaceful.
5959900 And Chryssie will probably be the one to beat him up.
5960353 Given how Rainbow Dash has Hulk wrapped around her hoof in Technicolor Techno Mare, I think Chryssie would be able to get the Big Green Guy to like her.
5960636
Yes, that Death.
is it bad i immediately thought of this
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/175/315/PicardDoubleFacepalm-1.jpg
wrong character but still a actor who played xavier
Bumper sticker on Deadpool's car reads: "My daughter was raised by Death"
5960008 Do you honestly see Fury being willing to look after DP's kid, or even willing to... assign... someone to?
Independently, Banner might agree, but Hulk would come out in fifteen minutes.
Same goes for Stark, but instead of Hulk, he'd build a Chryssi-proof play-pen that would fail, and then end up only having his Mk 1 armour left intact.
Thor...would drop her off in Asgard, and return to find some sort of failed plan by Loki, who would be screaming like a little girl in a corner, cowering from Chryssi, who would be smiling at him with a rubber ball in her mouth, saying, "Pway some moar."
As for good ol' James Howleth... there's any number of things that could happen there.
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Cute_71963a_1227224.jpg
all i can see when you describe chryssi.
*raises hand* um I have a quesion!
5960732 my speculation is more about how a psychic vampire would fare against the majority of the marvel universe. Haven't read enough of the comics to know if it has been done before.
Beings like the hulk, which have immense power but low mental capabilities (to begin with), would not be able to begin fighting if Chryssi understands what motivates and/or gives them their power. Given Chrysalis's abilities it is safe to assume that she could capture all the weak willed and cull the rest through sheer force.
I just like imagining the one on one fights between this Chryssi and this worlds most prominent (and sometimes less so) heroes, villians, and anti heroes. Like which ones she could capture or kill immediately, or which ones she would need to work at defeating, or need an extra advantage to pull through.
Ooooh, now I'm curious. Audience, what scenarios can you envision? Any unwinnable scenarios? Fights won through sheer d'aww? Or even contests of deception? Dear Luna, I love speculation.
Poor Chuckie. At least this time he didn't go Onslaught over hair-related mutation envy.
5961170 yes, Deadpool is dating Death. litterally. yes, Death is a woman in the marvelverse. No, i dont like thinking on the how's and whys, thats just the way it is...
I have to admit I was sorta hoping Spider-Man would become part of a hive/horde for baby crissi. I just think the ideas funny.
"The job is done mistress."
"Good, good. Now change me! And tell me a story. A happy one."
5961493 those weren't my question I knew that, but what if Thanos the guy in love with dead finds out about Deapools daughter. Since Thanos is jelous of deadpol for wining death would he take it out on Chrisalis
5961501 Though it boggles the mind what an emotion eater would need diapers for. I mean, what exactly is going to come out?
Deadpool: *sniff* *sniff* Is that remorse... and the despair of knowing that we will all ultimately die having never learned every secret this existence has to offer... that I'm smelling?
Chrysalis: Sowwy.
5960782 ...
This joke is probably old, but it never stops surprising me.
That is literally one of THE most disturbing romances ever created.
STILL BETTER THAN TWILIGHT!