Pomp and Culture
Uncle Fuzzy awoke slowly the morning after Chrysalis' birthday party. It had been a very...unusual party, to be sure. Deadpool had somehow gotten John De Lancie to sing "Happy Birthday" for Chrysalis in his Discord voice, making her the envy of bronies and Trekkies everywhere...especially considering Deadpool arranged to broadcast the entire thing live over the entire internet, just to make everyone jealous. Lady Death had temporarily animated Stryker's severed head to leap out of the birthday cake and sing "Hello My Baby". Mr. De Lancie went up several measures in Uncle Fuzzy's opinion as an actor for not flinching through the entire performance. He could be forgiven for needing to excuse himself after Chrysalis took a bite from the chocolate covered undead head. Thankfully, Deadpool had provided a second cake for those who didn't eat undead human flesh, this one strawberry flavored so there would be no confusion.
Chrysalis had adored all the presents she had received. From Cable, she got a plasma rifle from the future. Wade had complained about how come Cable never got him one, to which Cable countered that Chrysalis was far cuter than Wade could ever hope to be. This led to a rather disturbing attempt of Deadpool's to be adorable, involving everything from cat ears, a schoolgirl outfit, dressing up as Hatsune Miku, and singing Pinkie Pie songs in an unnaturally high pitched voice. Uncle Fuzzy was grateful they'd broken the booze out after Chrysalis had gone to bed.
John De Lancie had brought a Chrysalis plushie for the birthday girl, the exact nature of the party and birthday girl having apparently gotten garbled by the time the request reached him. Chrysalis, however, adored it, instantly dubbing it 'Mini Me'. She was soon seen smacking its face against the face of the excessively fluffy plushie Deadpool had made for her, saying, "Now kiss!"
Lady Death stole the show on presents, however. She had gotten Chrysalis a puppy of her very own, one to raise and care for. She had linked the puppy's life force to Chrysalis, so the dog would live as long as the little Changeling did. The dog was also, apparently, a reincarnation of a particular empowered canine from another dimension. It was decided he would be called 'Puppypool' until he grew up, and Chrysalis loved him to pieces. As this was literal, it was a relief that the canine had retained its previous life super powers.
Beyond that, Uncle Fuzzy's recollection of the party was somewhat fuzzy, as Chrysalis had suffered a sugar explosion and crash, falling asleep against Puppypool, who was wearing her new fez. Then Cable had broken out the future booze to drink to Chrysalis' long and happy life. John De Lancie had been unconscious after the first shot. From the looks of the mess, they had gone through 12 bottles.
Sitting up, he noticed that - aside from the mess in the bathroom he woke up in - the apartment had been redecorated. Puppypool sat at a grand piano in a puppy tuxedo, banging keys with his paws in an imitation of music playing that, somehow, managed to sound like perfect classical music. A phonograph nearby played a quiet melody, sounding like a young woman singing of love in Latin. He didn't recognize the tune. He also discovered he was wearing a rather prim and proper tuxedo, looking like either a butler or a British gentleman.
The walls were lined with bookcases filled with very thick books. The image of a cultured, educated household was destroyed if one actually read the titles, however. Page 2 Girls, Volume 1, The Works of Hugh Hefner, Kama Sutra, Kamare Sutra: Equinoid Edition - Uncle Fuzzy quickly decided not to question that one - and, of course, the largest set of books on the shelf, The History of Porn, A Picture Book Compendium. On a closer listen, Uncle Fuzzy also realized that - as romantic as the tune from the phonograph sounded - once translated into English, it was a rather graphic description of a sexual encounter in the middle of a battlefield.
Beyond the bookshelves were glass cases in which were displayed all manner of firearms, from the looks of it Deadpool's entire arsenal, carefully labeled and cataloged, complete with little anecdotes detailing Deadpool's favorite story regarding the weapon. This came complete with pictures of the corpse, post unaliving.
Hearing a small silver bell ringing, Uncle Fuzzy went to the other side of the apartment to investigate. In place of the TV, there was a fireplace with crackling fire. Bookshelves lined the walls, this time with books about weapons, and the occasional book on child psychology, though labeled under 'The Funnies'. In the center of the room, Deadpool and Chrysalis sat at a high table that was pure white, its legs delicately arched, a work of sublime perfection in carving.
Deadpool was wearing a dining jacket, his fez, his monocle, his fake mustache, and reading The Financial Times...upside down. Chrysalis sat in the other chair, wearing a snow white sundress, delicate crystal shoes, her fez, her monocle, her fake mustache, and delicately sipping from a fine bone china tea cup that was practically paper thin. The cup was filled with fizzy strawberry soda.
"Ah, Sir Fuzzington!" Chrysalis said happily, her voice doing a passable imitation of putting on high class airs. "There you are! It is nearly time for high tea, and we are all out of biscuits!"
"The trays are in the kitchen," Deadpool commented, his voice with much more practices pomp, since he obviously had practiced. "Do be a good chap and fetch them for us, there's a good fellow."
Rolling his eyes, Sir Fuzzington decided to indulge the pompous behavior if only because it was putting such a huge smile on Chrysalis' face. Walking to the kitchen, he came back with two trays. One had three plates on it, the other had a third teacup and a kettle. "I'd better-" he began, then paused and reassessed his words for the situation. "I dare say," he tried again, "if I am not invited to this high tea, I will be very put out."
"But of course, Sir Fuzzington!" Deadpool proclaimed, contriving to sound offended and amused at the same time. "We wouldn't dream of excluding you! High tea is a time for family after all."
Setting out the plates, Sir Fuzzington realized that the Deadpool touch had altered even this part of the attempt to be high class. The kettle was filled with more fizzy strawberry soda. Sir Fuzzington's snack plate contained a Montreal hot dog and french fries. Deadpool's plate had a sloppy joe, which would likely be even more sloppy due to his mask. Only Chrysalis' plate looked remotely high class, containing four small meat balls in red sauce on sticks. Chrysalis daintily lifted one by the stick to her lips, delicately biting it in half.
"I was unaware meatballs were considered appropriate for High Tea," Sir Fuzzington commented dryly.
Chrysalis giggled in an appropriately lady like manner, glancing towards the second freezer. "Well, they are made of meat, of a sort," she allowed.
Sir Fuzzington wisely decided to pursue the subject no further.
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PUPPYPOOL!!!
I freaking love this
I did not take the joke, from what show come Puppypool exactly? I was thinking at first Lassie, Scooby-Doo or Snoopy, but the super powers confused me.
6071208 Dogpool!!!
Took me a second to catch the joke here... the joke is that they're meat'balls' btw. In case anybody else missed it. That was very subtle and well played.
How messed up am I if I want to see if anyone actually drew the situations described above?
6071246 the plate had four balls not two
6071246 well played indeed, now is you will exscus me
I need to... baaarrrrrrffffff
36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_meb35aqajm1rcp7bmo1_540.jpg
now we just need Pandapool
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Deadpool+kills+deadpool+comic+would+recommend+everything+is+deadpool+ified+like_6ba369_5022965.png
.....
actually the only thing that could make this better is deadpool in his maid outfit
i.imgur.com/rh1XOYQ.jpg
6071326
I see no problem. There are two bodies in there, remember?
6071224 Its Dogpool reborn.
yes, there was a dog version of Deadpool. he died. didnt get better. until now.
6071326 I believe I recall at least 2 adult male homo sapien sapiens having been butchered and stored in the freezer in question.
Haha!
That class, though.
A wise choice indeed...
6071235 CARPOOL!
No matter what anyone says, I'm calling Dogmeat from Fallout 3
I shot him with a mini-nuke and he still survived!
Another very enjoyable chapter. Great job.
This chapter cheered me up a little, thanks.
Have you ever heard an Alucard cackle with an epic spy snort in the middle of it?? I have, and it just emanated out of my mouth.
Dude! Nice "like" count! Its gone up exponentially higher than when I last saw you update!
Other than funny, I'm not sure how I would describe this.
6071642 Maybe not, I just played Fallout 3 today, and that giant super mutant at the GNR enterence killed him pretty quickly. I was very upset, enough so that I wasted all of my combat shotgun's limited ammo on blasting every limb off that things corpse afterward.
6071356 i forgot
6071465 again (told this to another person who im pretty sure you didnt see tell me) I FORGOT
I'd like to see D-Pooly, and by that I mean rapper clothes Deadpool, teach break-dance style of fighting to Chryssie.
6072530 That isn't something that can be taught.
6072591 You say that like I meant 'taught' literally.
Awesome presents all around, especially liked Puppypool, Plushie Chryssie with Plushie Flufflepuff, and the fancy party
6072673 No. I say that since it isn't something that can be taught in any sense or form. Not even DP can handle himself sometimes, and he has additional hims present.
6072747 Actually, I was just referring to the fighting style. It's real and recognised as a rare form of martial arts.
6071326 and how many people have been killed and put in the freezer? No idea but I'm certain its more than two.
6072771 You mean like the drunken boxing technique or sleep fighting?
One day I will die from an overdose of loladoracute of this story. Can't decide whether I loved the first part or the second part more, so I'll just say yes
6073235 I'll assume you mean Drunken Fist, but yes, essentially, although it's easier to find a Drunken Fist sensei than it is for one in the break-dance fighting style.
I can never remember the proper name for it.
Logan, wake up. You're dreaming through a drunk sleep.
6073108 i get it i get it! your the 3rd person to tell me
6072012
Now you made me see it... I thought they were regular meatballs!!
And plus, she's still a foal.
Coincidentally, I just finished reading the latest chapter of a fanfic that starts with that very scene, minus the graphic description.
I just thought of something. Chrysalis might also be a part of the massive crossover, as like a sequel to the mane six's confrontation with Nightmare Moon. Chrysalis in the regular Equestria would probably have no trouble taking over now, but would be a nice challenge for the displaced Mane Six.
6074796
Grammar Sombra...
Is it wrong that I want Deadpool to take Chrysalis to the Avengers' Tower for a play date with Rainbow Dash? You know pony to pony?
6073529 I assume you mean Capoeira?
6077847 Probably.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
They're appropriate if they're made from meat harvested from fancy people
Addendum: They're appropriate if they're
made from meatharvested from fancy peopleI doubt it. It is rather easy to find someone who will teach Capoeira. I can name two or three dojos in one city alone.
I pictured Mr. Peabody.
Puppypool, I approve! :D
Nice nice nice!
6082864 Awesome Avatar!
It actually makes sense that when Deadpool is normal, he's Chaotic whatever he feels like, so, here in his drunk (I think) he and Chryssy are Lawful. If she's this dagnerous as a kid, when she's a full grown adult with the ability to control minds and shape shift, boy will she be deadly.