• Published 3rd May 2015
  • 22,351 Views, 2,643 Comments

The Merc With the Moth - Tatsurou

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Quit pulling my strings!

Deadpool was lazing around his apartment, waiting for the story to start. Since the story was text based, he knew he'd been stuck into some fanfic again, since a professional author would have appropriate cover art for a story starring such a magnificent character.

"Damn straight!" Deadpool proclaimed. "So when's the story starting?"

Deadpool was distracted from his fourth wall breaking-

"No I wasn't!"

-by a sudden knock on the door. He went to open it-

"No, actually I think I'm going to waste time piddling about my apartment first."

-only to find that the Author was having none of that shit and hadn't bothered to write in the rest of his messy, disgusting, bachelor apartment, as there would be plenty of time for that later in the story and for right now Deadpool was going to get up off his ass and get back to the plot.

"We'll see about that!" Deadpool snapped petulantly. "I wasn't petulant!" Deadpool pulled out his phone. "Yo, Author!"

However, the Author refused to take his calls.

"Is that so?" Deadpool demanded. "We'll see about that!" He pulled out a detonator and pressed the switch. His head promptly exploded. "That wasn't supposed to happen!" he proclaimed as soon as his head finished regenerating.

Little did he know yet, but he was dealing with a George of the Jungle style author-

"Well, shit!"

-who had relocated all of Deadpool's author-threat bombs into Deadpool's own body-

"We'll see about that!" Deadpool proclaimed, pulling out his detonators.

-and wasn't going to tell him which had been relocated into his junk.

Deadpool froze. "You wouldn't," he growled.

The Author waited patiently for Deadpool to try his luck. After all, it would be no skin off the Author's nose however many times Deadpool experienced his junk vaporizing, only to grow back in an agonizingly painful manner.

Deadpool grumbled something about button pushing overlords. "This is so not in my contract!" he complained.

"We signed a contract?" Crazy asked. "I don't remember that!"

"I don't believe we actually did," Stuffy replied. "Fanfiction, remember?"

Sighing, Deadpool walked to the door and threw it open. "Show me the plot!" he shouted, pointing his guns straight ahead of him.

There was nobody there.

"Eh?" Deadpool asked confused. "Where's the plot? I want the plot!"

There was a small squeak from his feet.

"Mouse!" he shouted, swinging his guns downward. "XP's XP-"

His voice was cut off as he saw what was at his feet. Inside a large box labeled 'The Plot', a tiny black creature roughly the shape of a pony looked up at him. She had a bright green mane and tail, a tiny horn in the center of her forehead, holes in her four legs and insectoid wings, glowing green eyes, and was about the size of a football. She squeaked rather pathetically again.

"Oh my gosh she's adorable!" Crazy called out. "Can we keep her?"

"Considering the nature of the story and the Author's other works, I'm assuming the answer being 'yes' is the entirety of this story's plot," Stuffy replied.

"So that's why the box is labeled 'The Plot'!" Crazy replied. "I thought it was a clopper joke!"

"...I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that," Stuffy scolded.

"Aww, ain't she cute!" Deadpool said aloud finally. "You know, normally this would be the point where I'd say I don't care anymore and shoot you full of holes, but..." Reaching out a hand, he wriggled his finger around inside one of the holes in the tiny creature's legs. "It looks like someone beat me to it."

The tiny creature giggled, and proceeded to eat Crazy's text box.

"Help! She's eating me alive! ...It's kinda fun."

"She's going to fit right in around here."

Smiling, Deadpool carried the tiny creature in "What's your name, little lady?" he asked.

"Kithawithle!" the tiny female replied eagerly.

"Kiss a whistle?" Deadpool asked. "Why would I do that?"

"Why are we even asking her?" Stuffy asked. "We know who she is."

"We do? How?"

"Ignoring the fact that we can look outside the story and read the descriptions...there's the Princess Luna figurine carved from dark blue Tanzanite on our desk, there's the Fluttershy plushy in our bed, and the fact that we're wearing a That's My Pony Pinkie Pie T-shirt over our costume. We're a brony, we know who this little one is."

"True, but it's fun hearing her try and say her name!" Deadpool pointed out.

"True!"

"I suppose I can't argue with that."

"So what's your name, little 'ling nymph?" Deadpool asked again in a cutesy voice.

"Kitha! Witha!" Chrysalis complained.

"Crystal Whistle?" Deadpool asked.

"Hey, that'd be a great name if she were disguised as a Crystal Pony to infiltrate the Crystal Empire to feed on the Crystal Heart!"

"And exactly how long would she go under that name until someone asked to blow her?"

"Apparently not long, Stuffy!"

"...I can't believe I walked right into that one."

"Me neither!" Deadpool added. "That's a first!" He bounced Chrysalis on his knee, watching her giggle happily. "Things are going to be tons of fun with you around!"

Giggling, Chrysalis continued to bounce until her tummy started to gurgle. Then she looked up at Deadpool with cute, begging eyes.

"Is my adorable little Changeling Queen hungry for love?" Deadpool asked in a voice so syrupy he gave himself type 2 diabetes on top of everything else, not that he'd notice without reading the narration text. "Well I've got just what you need!" Lifting Chrysalis by her forelegs, he began blowing raspberries on her belly.

Chrysalis shrieked and giggled, energy flowing off of Deadpool to be collected by her horn and absorbed into her body.

"And there she goes feeding on our love," Stuffy commented dryly.

"Then how come we aren't feeling weaker and turning into a love-slave zombie?"

"According to the Author's notes on the story, our healing factor restores our energy faster than she can leech it off of us."

"Do you two mind?" Deadpool demanded. "I'm trying to enjoy feeding time!"

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

Grinning - not that it could be seen - Deadpool continued to blow raspberries on the shrieking Changeling nymph's belly, making her giggle all the more.