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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I was thinking about this earlier ... then it updated. Awesome.
dem changls or insectoids are so boned
i wouldn't want to be the "insect" that replaced Twilight
Hm, Twi in action is always appreciated, but you should propably deal with that depression first, if it can be done. We can wait.
Great update! Sorry to hear about the depression though. You should probably get that sorted out before writing any more.
Thanks for another great update. Shit's about to go down in the Everfree for sure, and I'm incredibly with how you've decided to handle Luminous's thoughts on Twilight. I hope your life gets easier to handle, and thanks again for sharing. I love this story so much, you have no idea.
This seems to be a great conclusion to what I thought was going to be a mediocre 'changling' arc. Even though it started off a bit odd, I've come to really like Luminous' journey to save Twilight!
uh, wow that's gotta be a lot of cocoons. And yeah, its probably gonna be time for a short but firey purge.
You dun' pissed off Twilight.
Now you pay the price...
It's always a joy for me when this updates. The story, the world, the characters, I live them all.
And thus, another war begins.
I'm around to talk dude, if you ever need to.
Also, this was great.
That was Brilliant. I've got the Clearest Mental Image I've had in Years and It's Of Twilight's Rage Mode. IT IS BEAUTIFUL
Totally worth the wait! Looking forward to the next chapters.
so the insect changeling that replaced twilight is finally about to be brutally tortured!?
badass twilight is badass. i wonder where chrysalis was off to.
Silly Trixie, appearing from and disappearing into thin air is what Twilight does best.
2325073 That isn't just rage mode. THAT'S Mamma Bear rage mode. The diffrence? Rage mode has an off switch. Though another way to look at it is this. "Monster" from The Monster in the Twilight Was in rage mode when she... redecorated a part of the Everfree Forest via Exploscives. Mamma bear rage mode is more akin to "slightly" tonned down Death Star Lazer.
Anywho incredible chapter! I got to say I loved how Luminiss was thinking on her feet the whole time. The trick with the sheild was nice as well. Though what really hit me right in the feels was when she called Twilight Mommy. That and the aftermath that followed were truely awsome! I can't wait to see what became of Twilight imposter Number two. Also The mental image of Twilight Teleporting back to the Citidel? Yeah that's the kind of epic you find in The Lord of the Rings right there!
As others have said I hope you can get your depression in check. This story takes second place to your mental well being.
Oddly,I feel a little sorry for the Changelings. Those cocoons are their food supply,and the ponies in them probebly think they are having a wonderful time as changelings feed on love rather then hate or fear.
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My headcanon on the matter is that having your love drained away is akin to the sensation of being in a dream and having all possibility of hope and joy pulled from you, leaving you in a dark, terrifying nightmare.
The insectoid changelings may rely on ponies as a food source but it's not a pleasant process. They may not be evil, but the act of feeding itself is quite damaging to the pony psyche.
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Yeah, I know. In the... year and several months since I posted that I've taken up the system. In terms of flavor, it's my absolute favorite, and overall it's in my top three favorite game systems with Exalted and GURPS.
Poor Sharp Claw, I'm feeling like I did when Try again Bragg died in Gaunts Ghosts...
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Well, yes. But what kinds of promises does she make in return? What sorts of services would Laugher and Honesty want? And what's she been doing all this time for the shadows? That's what I'm curious about.
2322724 if this updates everytime you think about it.... then think about it MOAR!!!!
2338630 It doesn't work that way. It only seems to happen whenever a story hasn't updated for a while.
2341054 hence the trollestia....
Step one> Find story
Step two> Revel in 41 chapters to read
Step three> Read all chapters
Step four> Critique
BRACE YOURSELF.
Alright, lot's of loose ends, and lot's of plot holes. I really should have kept track, but since this was started a LONG time ago, I erred on the side of forgiveness. First, I had no idea this was "Fae" until, like, chapter 30 when I noticed the word "Faerie" (that exact spelling). Even then, I know little about fae fiction/worlds. This brings me to my second point: mythos.*
There are some things in the story (the hedge, the transformations of the fae changlings and iron) that I just didn't understand. Why did they need iron? (Later explained as a "bane", I was confused until that point) Why were the ponies changed? What caused it? Was it simply existence in a fae realm? Was it their captors? Or was it their own adaptation resulting from survival instincts? And the hedge -- while necessarily vague -- still blows my mind. One minute it's exceedingly dangerous, and the next it's a fast travel network. On that note, is it like a "slipstream" type thing where distances are shorter there, or are the doors in the hedge not tied to their "real world" counterparts?
Third point: imagery. I have read you describe Twilight many times. So many, infact, that I made a list of things I knew you'd say. Shadows climbing the body? Check. Mane blazing? Check. Words relative to situation and emotion? Check. Eyes glowing? Maybe. VOICE BOOMING? On occasion. Now, this isn't me griping at you (it is!). I'm just trying to say... We get it. If something different happens (chapter 41, great example: magical grip appeared as fire. Was it mentioned? Yep! Good.) then aye, it should be mentioned. If not, a shorter version such as "Twilight, mane ablaze and shadows writhing, struck down the --" One sentence versus the 2-3 you normally use. Sure, it may sound like it will kill your word count (spoiler: it will) but a rule of writing is "Don't waste the reader's time".
Fourth point: Fuck I'm tired; it's bed time. Like I said, I should have made a list. I like your story don't get me wrong. I'm just trying to do what some authors want their readers to do rather than post "omg best story ever". KnowatImean?
Moar.
EDIT: * - Mythos is your story's... backstory, for lack of a better term. Mythology, if you will.
EDIT2: "Mommy!" Oh no, nonononono. No story since Past Sins has tugged on my paternal heartstrings/my vicarious feelings of Twilight's maternal heartstrings. Stuff that does that is either really bad, or hits me really hard in the emotions. Since I didn't really see this one coming (relationships in this story seem flighty, I wasn't paying attention) it hit me.
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If I'm not mistaken, it's more "favors" instead of "deals". In chapter... 38 I think, Twilight dreamt of being surrounded. The sun and moon both rose, and Blackboard said "You only need to know how to ask. You know how, so ask" Blah blahexposition "Twilight asked for help in return for serving those that honored the sun and moon" I don't remember exactly, but that's the jist. She asked for a little help since she serves Celestia and Luna. BADDABOOM, one killsat strike later and the forest is toast. Of course, this seems to suggest Twilight can call upon the sun and moon. WANT.
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If I'm not mistaken, Luna's about to toast Chysalis' ass. I mean, who's going to impersonate a badass? A drone? HA! I think not! Mehopes that bitch is way closer to ground zero than she ever thought she'd be.
EDIT: Triple comment. I regret nothing!
2439825
Dude.
This... IS AWESOME!
Thank you so much for the critique! I love hearing back about my stories in detail, and I'm very happy you enjoyed it.
As to some of the plot holes, well, some (not all) of them are deliberate. This stuff is very new to Twilight, so she's not aware how much of the whole faerie thing works, for one. I'm intending to put in another intermission to deal with all of this, but I simply haven't gotten around to it.
As to the Hedge, it's also rather deliberately vague, but to put it this way: It IS exceedingly dangerous AND it's a fast-travel network.
However, the story does need some cleanup, I've just been dealing with quite a bit at the moment and have barely had time to write anything at all. I need to rearrange when some things enter the story, fix some glaring holes (vanishing ponies spring to mind), and maybe cut down on describing Twilight quite so many times.
She's just so much fun to describe! That image of Twilight was actually the thing that spurred my creation of the story. I was actually briefly attempting to make a comic out of this so I could simply SHOW everyone rather than describing her a billion times, but college is eating my time like a swarm of parasprites on an apple.
Still, thank you again for the informed, thoughtful critique.
Fun Fact: I was briefly considering making ALL the main cast changelings. So when Twilight shows up as one they'd be all, "Oh damn, you too?" It eventually dwindled down to Fluttershy being the only other changeling, then I decided to make none of them changelings. More drama, and that.
Fun Fact 2: Currently I'm thinking about animating the story, since I have just acquired Flash. This is proving to be problematic, and the time constraints are still binding me. Still, maybe once I graduate...
2439945
I'll admit, reading the descriptions of Twilight makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I mean, badass pony is best pony, right? Right.
Take all the time you need, patience was instilled in me very early on. I'll camp a corpse for hours...
EDIT: Animation? I'm warning you, it will take a lot longer than you think xD You'll get it all set up, get to animating and think "I can do THIS!" or "No, that won't work..." or even "Holy shit that explosion looked cool! Gotta redo the story with more o those!"
EDIT2: I really should have gone to bed... Work in 1 1/2 hours. NO REGRETS
EDIT3: Why can't I remember it all at once... Point four: The real one this time: TIME. I feel that, on occasion, the flow of time is disjointed a little in the story. I have no idea how old Luminous/the CMC are right now, because the only time skips I remember are the 6 months after Twilight fixes Celestia (really sad to not see that relationship being used/fleshed out. I mean, her eternal unwaking nightmare was her grieving over Twilight being hung again and again and again. That signals a certain level of attachment. I miss best princess.) the 8 years in the beginning (it was 8, right?) and the weeks when she went to get Applebloom's soul. That last one begs the question: How long was she in there? From those chapters I got the feeling that it was a one day thing, but that would mean time is slower in the Hedge, which would make it the opposite of a fast travel network. Eh.
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It's a tricky answer. If you're not focused when going through the Hedge, it can actually take longer to get somewhere. Or, alternatively, you could arrive before you left at all. As to Twilight's imprisonment? It may have taken several years before she returned, but to her, it felt probably more like a decade or longer. She didn't keep track, so she isn't really sure, and time is very very abstract in the realms of Faerie, much more so than in the Hedge.
The time skips are partially deliberate, since part of the nature of being a changeling means getting a little fuzzy with the idea of chronological progression. Given the ways of the Hedge, and the fact that many Changelings are a touch... Unstable, the movement of time is sometimes difficult to trace for them. I should probably make that more clear when I finally get time to go through and fix everything.
Over the course of fixing the castle up, it's taken a few years, so the CMC are into their mid-teens, with Luminous a few more years behind. As to the Celestia-Twilight connection though, believe me, I haven't forgotten. It just might take a little while to get to it. Celestia is, after all, very, very patient.
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Ah, the focus. That would explain Blackboard telling Twilight to stay focused on Applebloom. He also said he would explain it later... Were we not privy to that conversation, or did it never happen?
Also best princess, fuck yeah.
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Ohhh boy. As an animator I can give you a couple of advance tips on this to go into the planning stages, because animating a 100k-word (and counting!) story is no mean feat. I apologise if I come across as patronising here, but when you say you've just gotten Flash, it sounds like you need all the help you can get.
First, this is going to need major abridging if it's ever to see the light of day. Four minute pieces of extremely limited, extremely rushed animation have taken me around 80 man hours, so if you don't cut out anything, not only is this going to be an absurdly long animation in the end, you should also be finished in time for the release of Half Life 3. At a guess, you may have to cut out entire arcs to even bring it from Peter Jackson length to normal feature length (unless you decide to do it episodically, in which case it's a case of deciding what arcs map to what episodes).
Second, unless you're the result of a cloning experiment to merge the DNA of Harry Partridge and James Patterson, you're going to need a team to accomplish this. From adapting the text to screenplay, storyboarding, character design, primary animation, background art, sound design, voice work to compositing, the workload and skill range is far too big for one person. And then on top of that you're going to need art direction to keep everyone on the same page creatively, and project management to keep everyone on schedule. If you really want to attempt this alone, more power to you. I look forward to seeing the finished product in 2050.
I really don't mean to put you off, I'd love to see this idea come to fruition. I just want you to have the best odds of success if you do attempt it, and that includes making sure you're aware of the absolute insanity of this endeavour. There are some other titbits springing to mind, but they're mostly technical and creative rather than logistical.
I'm not sure if it was brought up or not, but while reading this and getting to the part with the canon changelings, I was wondering if Chrysalis was in fact an old Changeling who somehow managed to find a way to create the changeling race? If not then that's fine too, just a bit of my own reasoning I thought I might as well bring up and see if there's anything to it.
This story is great and all, but I've got a question.
When's the next update? It's been two months since your last one.
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Well... I graduate on Saturday, so there's family coming in and that, but I've actually got a lot written. It just needs polishing and finishing and swearing at. Plus there's been depression I've been dealing with, and finals, and looking for a job... Life stuff, y'know?
Still, I apologize for it taking so long, I'm usually at least a little faster. It should be out sometime next week, tentatively.
Well atleast you are back.
This story is great and really satifies my 'dominating Twilight' urges :)
All i can say is: Keep up the good work. And the updates ofcourse:D
New chapter?please
Instinctively? Humans bite their enemies instinctively because we're predators. Ponies aren't.
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Meh, but horses and ponies tend to bite things too.