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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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How about Insequanoids?
what about Beelzebub, would that work?
or we could try the scree as their racial names.
other than that good chapter. cheers
What about Ogbanje? Wiki says it means "child who comes and goes". Its different than a changeling, but has some similarities(rather than impersonating, it takes them over).
Damn changelings, hope they get what's coming
words as shapeshifter or sucubi come to mind here.
In a way they are sucubi as they feed on the love (emotion?) of others instead of their souls/ sexual desires
Have the characters in the story decide on an informal name to call them in order to keep things straight. Think soldier slang for the enemy: in the revolutionary war the British were called lobster backs and in the Civil War the Union soldiers were called blue bellies by the Confederates (or so I recall). Only for it to become standard in this story.
Seems more like months to me, unless there was a large time skip I missed reading about.
Needs some changes.
yay update.
1942598
There was a bit of a time skip, during the raising of the castle; it's been a few years.
Thanks for the typo alert though, it's fixed now!
come up with a scientific name for them and explain that "changeling" is just what common ponies tend to call them as they don't know what a real changeling is. "morph"-something perhaps (morph mean "form", like "morphoid" or something like that).
great chapter! the time leap was a not very clear, although i might just be me forgetting details. how old is luminous now?
1944780
This is the first time the passage of time I can find is directly mentioned since having work on the castle start in the spring.
I'm gonna have to call shenanigans, which I reserve the right to withdraw if a proper explanation presents itself. Going back to the beginning, Twilight escapes the Hedge, which is a decent substitute for Hell on those days that Hell is sick or in need of "me" time. Yet now we find her trapped in the lime jello filled confines of a changeling cocoon. Kind of reminds me of Celestia losing to Chrysalis, as in how did this magic using super being lose? Her bad assery is likely over some number in the thousands in whatever units its measured by. The answer has to be blackmail or some other non-kinetic reason.
Fantastic worldbuilding as always.
I love the presentation of Changelings (the bugs) as civilized insects.
1946305
The fact that she is still trapped means she has been too out of it to even dream, as then she could dream walk her way out. Which means she has not been wake to even try and break loose since her capture (and a gas was used to knock her out for that as you will recall).
1946305, 1948224
It's been a couple years between story arcs, as we know, and the screechers are experts at impersonating others, which means they had plenty of time to observe Twilight. As indicated by Gwenio, they knew that their usual method of "hit 'em in the head really hard" wouldn't work on Twilight, and neither would magic, so they obviously had to resort to less conventional methods.
Also, consider the fact that for every 10 changelings that love Twlight, there is probably 1 that does not like her in the least. Consider, also, that they might see benefit in going to a force which could, conceivably, replace her in society and wreck all sorts of havoc. Why ascribe to bad luck what can just as easily be ascribed to conspiracy?
How about Mimics?
Also glad to see that this fic dint die.
Ok, so it's time for a semi-late review thing or whatever you wanna call it.
So far, I am genuinely enjoying the story with all if its awesome Twilight cream filling and chocolate-shelled Twixie-in-the-making, but there are a few things that stand out to me.
First, the speed. I'm, not sure how the later chapters are, since I'm only on chapter twenty-five at the moment, but the story could definitely use a bit of 'pull-back and slow-down'. It just jumps all over the place more often than not. One moment Twilight could be dredging through the Hedge only to suddenly be taking a stroll through Canterlot a moment later. Several times throughout what I've read so far, she's miraculously teleported from Manehattan to Ponyville/Canterlot with little to no explanation/page break at all (barring the early-story dreac-scaping, of course). Perhaps a bit of a speed reduction is in order?
Second, I find the use of chain-lightninged Deus ex Machina a bit tiring. Over and over, the ponies(changelings or otherwise) are being saved the death's brink (which is fine in Trixie's case, 'cause Twixie is now necessary and I love it so much and- That's off topic). I know that this is a fantasy realm and that you are the author and that blah, blah, blah..., but could I suggest maybe not saving every pony so often? Keep the adorable fillies and the plot-centric ponies alive, of course, but maybe tone down the literal death-dodging.
Finally? I would try going back and combining some chapters at some point. I understand the short chapters and whatnot during their release, but as a late-comer it gets a bit mood-breaking to be stopped by a page load mid-trot. Not necessary, but very helpful to the readers that join on later on. (only do it for chapters that link closely plot-wise, of course).
I think that's about it aside from the minor spelling/grammar errors here and there, so, long story short, I like it bunches, but it does have a few eye-tapping flaws.
Keep up the good work and I hope you can take my words to heart
Peppy~
1957192
Deus ex Machina is a mechanic in the game this is a crossover with, depending upon the rule books being use (this story may not, though rules story telling ability giving the player an edge show up elsewhere like the rules of dream battles). Sort of.
See Genre Savvy, Invoked Trope, and Theory of Narrative Causality: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/TabletopGame/ChangelingTheLost
1957382 Never heard of the game, so I wouldn't be able to say anything about it other than what I already have. It's just a mechanic that irks me to all high when used so frequently.
1957395
In any case, there have not been any 'on screen' near death after fixing Applebloom. At least that I recall.
1957503 There have been plenty. Like Trixie, that one spike-maned changeling during the Whomping-crow-willow fight, and a couple others I don't remember because more than two minutes ago.
Oh, you said after fixing her, meaning her soul? Dunno 'bout that yet.
1957192
First off, I want to thank you for the critique. I love writing this story, but it's good input that gives me the impetus to improve my style and accuracy.
Pacing was rather a problem early on, and in fact I actually attempted to go back and edit some time ago with the help of some very helpful volunteers (thanks again by the way). Personal issues intervened, however, and the process stalled, and I never got around to putting in some of the intervening scenes that I had, well, skipped over in the heat of the writing moment.
The Deus Ex Problem is something I just tend to do a lot of, and it does fit in with the themes of fate and fortune in Changeling. Sometimes I just don't want to kill a character I've come to like, and other times I had something in place plot-wise for the occasion. That said, as the story progresses towards the finale in the next couple of arcs, things will definitely become more... Final, and I was intending (before I got side-tracked) to go and extend several scenes that would help illuminate that hopefully.
It has not, after all, been a bed of roses for those ponies and changelings around Twilight and her endeavor. I just tended to gloss over those things because it felt obvious in my head; so what were years of raids and pounding sieges became mere footnotes in the flow of the story. So I'm probably going to go through and make that more clear later.
Combining the chapters is also a good point, and I'll go back and fix them when I can get my head out of the current arc.
Thanks again! As I said, it really helps to have an outside opinion.
1948224>>1950835 I refuse to apologize for believing in the awesomeness that is Twilight Sparkle.
Wow. This is an amazing piece of work. The mixing of they fey, and more traditional epics with ponys is very well done. I eagerlly await the next installment.
2314902
She promises a little bit of power, generally, not her own power, but the strange power of her faerie nature. In Changeling: The Lost, it's referred to as Glamour, and is basically concentrated emotion.
Of course, our heroine doesn't know that yet. When Twilight makes a promise to, say, an abstract concept, she believes her end is merely honoring the idea and not abusing it. Like summoning fire, and her end would be not using it to burn whole swathes of the world down. Even if it doesn't work like that, that sort of logic is common amongst Changelings.
this is about the part where I wish a very talented artist would read this story
so they could draw what the hive looks like
because good lord the imagery alone is astounding
I was very prepared to come in here and write a sharply worded comment about how you wouldn't allow Luminous to fight her own battles on her own as there must always be someone more powerful than her to come and rescue her from the wolf monsters, but then after finishing the story, I realized that nothing like that happened. Blackboard/Twilight/Trixie never came to Luminous's rescue when she was fighting the Beast's minions so she was able to get story development. So I guess I'm content with what happened.
Reading this chapter was like the beginning of one of the HL2 episodes.
>Geared up and ready for battle
>Get knocked out against your will
>get transported to a hellhole
>Wake up
>Gear is gone
>notcoolman.png
>(nearly)everyone wants to kill you
I propose changing the name of the fae changelings instead of the insectoid ones - mainly because I have a name for the fae ones. How does faeling (pronounced "fey-ling") sound?
4590695 Despite the fact that this story's changelings came first, and that it's rooted in well-established mythology otherwise, I support part of this suggestion; "faeling" could easily be misheard, but "faerling" has a sort of ring to it.
Years? Hasn't it only been a few months?
Does Love Eaters work? How about Stocks( another word for fetches)? Or Skin Walkers? Or Shapeshifters?
4644235 Ohhhh... Faerling does have a nice ring to it. I like it.