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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hah, very nice. I was actually slightly worried the iron had finally affected her somehow, a bit relieved that it wasn't that. Curious to see how this pans out. The pacing felt a bit rushed during the confrontations with discord, but otherwise very good. I look forward to reading more.
As always, an excellent story. You're bringing it back to the 'normal'ish world of Equestria. I'm glad that you're bringing everything to a strong resolution.
*applause*
This isn't the end. However I can tell this also isn't just the beginning. The Librarian is obviously going to be plotting to retrieve its 'belonging', I find Blackboard awesome yet terrifying at the same time. He may be helping Twi but I think he has underlying motives.
And even though a small part (so far), Spike has had possibly the biggest impact character-wise to me next to Pinkie in this story. I mean, Pinkie Pie saw through Pumpkin Head, but Spike just brought the emotional level up a notch.
Rusty, there is but one word that sums up the comments both here and from all previous chapters: MOAR!
Hmm... I wonder... was Discord a creature of the Fey? Or did he just take advantage of her mental state? Or perhaps it was the face Celestia's mind gave to its aggressor?
This story is awesome!
33840 I did? Well, I'm glad if that's true! You have truly started something very interested, well written, extremely well described and I absolutely love the atmosphere you've created! If at some point its possible I'd love Sweetie to visit this world!
I'll eagerly await the next chapter!
I was very curious how you would handle Celestia's imprisonment. When I was reading I thought you would have left her alone in a city of her own creation. Blessed with any material object she could wish for but completely lacking any living creature. And then just had the complete emptiness of purpose be her torment. What you did I find I liked better, and seeing your writing I should have expected that. (And that is just about the highest compliment I can give.)
The more I think on this story the more depth I find. I could read this a dozen times (and probably will) and still find something new. Amazing work.
My only recommendation is to lengthen the whole ending. And that is the tiniest of tiniest complaints probably stemming out of my desire to read more of your work.
-Nikola of Tesla
Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of technology
Lol, Epic Twi is getting reeeaaal tired of your sh!t, Discord! X3
duuuuuuuude...
Celestia's broken dream form and that doll?
fuck man
that image was just powerful. I don't think I'll be forgetting that any time soon.
You might consider getting a few more pre-readers, because there are a lot of avoidable issues floating around. Sort of breaks the story's flow.
So we still don't know at this point why pinkie got a fiver or how/why did the fake Twilight infused Discord into Celestia.
~Leonzilla
6110964 Pinkie got a fever because Pinkie got a fever. There was nothing Fae about it. And I assume that Discord was really just a representation of the Dream Poison. Celestia's a mortal( no connection to Arcadia, the Hedge, or Wyrd, though possibly ageless), her mind simply cannot comprehend the Fae.
4639099
Some fiction is meant to be confusing(far better than standard cliché material). The flow didn't break for me, so maybe thats just like, your opinion, man. Kinda how new genres of music briefly cause cognitive dissonance, more so to those less flexible with their tastes or with music too radically different from what they are used to. Just apply it to fiction. Personally I am enjoying this story too much to notice anything that'd cause me to feel suspension of disbelief. I really enjoy the psychological aspects and eldritch aspects. Following the story prevents me from pondering on it enough tho, and the concepts in the story are Fantastic! Its very worth exploring and pondering about which I will be doing before sleep.
I think you may mean um, scenery transitions, like from tall black grass to suddenly a building and shelves and a doorway. Yeah the transition was kinda sudden, but there are always ways to mentally compensate, because when you read the unexpected literally always happens. If it breaks your focus you aren't imagining it flexibly enough. Like the books in the hedge sorta stuff, I imagined multiple versions of it and made hypotheses, but just like in dream logic, not everything is absolutely certain anyways. I didn't feel the need for resolution of such an issue, because reading more helps enlighten more anyways. And because my belief system does not require resolution of incongruencies because I know having inaccurate beliefs is a thing. I can accept being wrong. So I think the problem is you couldn't, you read it one way and then it presented another, or a sudden turn and you get lost. I may be too presumptuous. But it reminds me of navigating dark corridors in horror games(medusas maze is a terrible game, don't even need to use the torches), the path might not always make sense as you stumble through, but you still make it so why worry.