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Wow.  I was impressed.  Continue.

Three stars...All this mega awesome story gets is THREEE STTAARRSS :flutterrage:.

But no worries I shall fix that :ajsmug:.

Seriously though. SOOO COOOL :rainbowkiss:. I can't wait to see what happens. I can already tell it's going to be epic :rainbowdetermined2:

#3 · 162w, 4d ago · · · Harmony ·

HOLY CRAP.  CREEPY TWILIGHT IS CREEPY.  AND AWESOME.

This story gets better with each chapter.

You're a VERY creative writer!  You've created an interesting, alternate Equestria; you've given just enough back-story that asks more questions than answers.

The main weakness that I see is how the townspeople and guards react.  Stick-Twilight assaulted the palace, killed seventy-two guards, tried to kill Celestia, and yet seemed to escape.  On the third anniversary of her escape, Twilight is seen by a guard.

1. I'm shocked that the guard had enough self-control to only throw her in jail.

2. Why would people put up posters of someone who tried -- very recently -- to kill their leader?  It would be less likely than putting up posters of Osama bin Laden across the United States!

Your story has a feeling of dream-logic and high fantasy.  An endlessly-burning library, with a harsh taskmaster of a Librarian.  Escaping through a pool of dark water.

You have a lovely imagination!

>>25441

Hmm, you're right...

Revisions incoming as to the explanation of the guards' behavior.

As to the pictures, the day is a day of mourning as decreed by Celestia herself for the loss of her most faithful student to what she saw as overzealousness on the part of her sister. The pictures are part of the decorations for the day, which I should probably have described in greater detail.

Yeah, revisions incoming, after I finish editing the next chapter.

#7 · 162w, 4d ago · · · Harmony ·

I agree with Brony Tom.  Creepy Twilight is very creepy.  Well done!

I like how you reveal the history backwards.  The story is stretching out, both forwards and backwards in time.  Well done.

You really do love us, don't you. :rainbowkiss:

Keep updating this often!  Please!

This story is wonderfully creeeeeeeeeepy.  A place where dead books go to die.

Thank you so much for writing it.

i cant wait for the next chapter:rainbowkiss:

this is a good one, *adds to track list*

Angry Twilight is Angry.  Do not torture other ponies in front of Twilight.  :twilightangry2:

Sweet Celestia, Twi.  What did that thing do to you?  :twilightoops:

Unless otherwise noted, assume that I am praising each new chapter.

I'm really loving this characterization of Twilight that you've got going.  She's a complete badass, as she should be.  :heart:

I'm liking this story so far.

keep up ze good work

Twilight appeared as a dark unicorn of purple, orange, shadows and grinning teeth, like Nightmare Moon but with dusk, full of the terrible potential at the end of the day.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one.  The time when it's light's... out!  :twilightangry2:

(Well-written, and terribly creepy.)

One should not eat or drink anything found within the land of the Fey, I can only wonder what the effects shall be :P

the tags say romance, so what is the pairing? Or will find out as the story goes along?

>>29257

As the story continues... All shall be revealed!

's gonna be a little weird though, as if the rest of the story wasn't weird enough.

This story is very, very dark... but well-written.  And imaginative.

In memory of Scum.

now I wish i had a team of animators at my disposal... this would make an epic anime XD

I'm curious whether the ghosts knew Applejack's, Rainbow Dash's, and Rarity's personalities... or whether they were completely created by this Twilight.  

And... by the way... that scene was delicious!

>>25467

Much, much better reaction on the part of the guard.  I highly approve!

:twilightsmile:

A wonderfully twisted world you have created. I eagerly await the next chapter.

-Nikola of Tesla

Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

This is the first pony fic I've read in a fair while that I would perhaps describe as delicious.  So far I have enjoyed it every step of the way.  Feels a bit like a cross between FiM, Alice: Madness Returns, and a Miyazaki film.  I very much look forward to reading more.  :twilightsmile:

>>29260

I have full confidence in your abilities to pull this off, weird or not.

I can't help but think it's going to be Blackboard... :applejackunsure:  That would definitely be weird.  And awesome.

Can't wait!

#28 · 161w, 3d ago · · · The Beast ·

Oh, I see what you did there.

And I love it.

#29 · 161w, 3d ago · · · The Beast ·

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

This story operates purely on dream logic.... and I love it for that.

I'm enjoying it immensely.  Thank you!

#30 · 161w, 3d ago · · · The Beast ·

My god!!!  this is an awesome story!!! please type more:pinkiehappy:

#31 · 161w, 3d ago · · · The Beast ·

>>30614

Actually, they're kinda both, since Twilight remembers their personalities and it's part of a psychoactive landscape effect.

#32 · 161w, 2d ago · · · The Beast ·

Gotta say, this is pretty awesome so far. A fay adventure story, weaving through otherworldly landscapes... tell me, what are your inspirations? I'd like to check them out. This is exactly the sort if story I want to write some day. Your prose is wonderful, your imagery lush (love Twilight's apperance and the latest dream world, it really is top notch) and I'm really sucked into this tale. Bravo!

One thing I will point out is Blackboard seemed more interesting as a fox rather than a pony, and I feel that having him act snarky tarnishes the reader's perception of the mysterious spirit helper like you set him up to be. Now, I'm sure you've thought about his character well, I'm just talking about my perception of him during that chapter. His dialogue seems at odds with the tone of the fic before and after.

Also, why haven't we heard more about Celestia? I may be wrong, but we only hear she's still injured after Octavia informs Twilight. Wouldn't Twilight have inquired Pinkie further about Celestia's condition, considering she was nearly killed? She is Twilight's beloved mentor, after all (I'm a huge Celestia fan, so don't take this as criticism, take this as me wondering what your angle is with her).

I'm looking forward to seeing how and if they escape, and also Twilight's ultimate meeting with the princesses, particularly Celestia.

#33 · 161w, 2d ago · · · The Beast ·

>>31788

White Wolf's roleplaying game, Changeling: The Lost inspired vast portions of this, including most of the Hedge, and thank you, I've been getting tons of support for this story and it's quite touching, since this is the first story I've ever put up publicly.

Blackboard is more of a background character, he's a very old character of mine from an RPG I played once a long time ago, but I can see what you mean. The whole story will be undergoing revisions once this large section is done for grammar and some smoothing of scenes.

Also you haven't heard more about Celestia because nopony really knows anything beyond she was injured, Princess Luna tries to downplay her sister's injury to avoid panic, and won't even divulge the details to the Elements of Harmony. Once again, I'll probably make that clearer in the revisions.

Oh, please please please let there be one more apple in the basket...

(*grin*  A truly fantastic -- as in full of fantasy -- tale.)

Oh wow, each new chapter makes me wish I could give it a fresh 5 stars, I look forward to reading more, keep it up.  

Wow... just wow, never read anything quite like this and I absolutely love it. I'm not exactly sure what else to say.....

im loving this fic

Have you submitted this to EqD yet?

i love this story!!! please post another chapter soon!!! :twilightsmile:

>>32674

Not yet, think I should? o.o

>>32761

[sarcasm]No, absolutely not, never.[/sarcasm]

YES!

This is about as Grimdark as cupcakes.

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqqznxVSEF1qa5lfzo1_500.jpg

Gah dammit! I never get the pictures to work... :fluttercry:

>>32993

This isn't that bad, I've read some much darker fics.  This one is dark, but deliciously so.  

Again you justify my 5-star rating, excellent.  I look forward to your next chapter. :twilightsmile:

>>32993

It's a very, very dark story -- but the difference between grimdark and this story is that in this story... there remains hope.

Comparing this story to Cupcakes is like comparing a Bach cantata to a six-year old playing Chopsticks.

This is a terrific story.  Yes, the subject matter is dark and includes violence, but it's not gratuitous or going for shock value like some stories.  The Hedge reminds me of some re-interpretations of Alice in Wonderland. Keep up the good work, bravo zulu.  

i like this, i'd say it's like alice in wonderland, but with death note's aura and more action.

im in love with this :rainbowkiss:

>>33031 ...

Hey, chopsticks can be very challenging. :trixieshiftright:

>>33003

Yes, well put.  This story is deliciously dark.  

Plus, is that some Inception that I sense?  Dream-entering?  I see what you did there. :raritywink:

Or I could be completely wrong. :unsuresweetie:  

No matter, keep it up!

Wanderer D
Moderator

Very, very nice! :twilightsmile:

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