Fluttershy and Twilight run afoul of some new breed of Poison Joke. It sends them into a nightmarish trip into a dark, terrible and beautiful land, where danger lurks around every turn, and beauty waits over every hill.
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- Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Jul 5th, 2018
RustyTheBrave
I write, I draw, and both tend to be a bit grimdark. Hopefully writing ponies will mitigate that somewhat.
RustyTheBrave
Joined 28th Oct, 2011 ·
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Nice to see a ship that has some edge.
Wow. Just wow. An amazingly well-crafted story. The reactions Twilight and Fluttershy have to their hallucinations, as well as how their friends react to their seeming insanity, are well-reasoned and well within character. The time split between the real world and their shared hallucination added wonderfully to the frantic worry you had me feel for the characters involved.
In the very first part of your story, I noticed some comma errors, but they either stopped or I just plain didn't notice them later on as the story became all-engaging. But the errors are tiny and fairly insignificant, and my inner editor is cranked to 11 tonight.
But seriously, I' in awe here. Well done.
That literally was quite a trip
Dragonaut - Sleep
Fun fact: I could have chosen just about any Sleep, Electric Wizard, Black Sabbath, Black Label Society, or and sludge/doom metal song, and it still would have been relevant.
So, who were Then and Now? Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh?
That was several different kinds of trippy. I think the imagery of Rainbow Dash as an eyeless dragon that weeps rainbows will stick with me for a while. It got kinda hard to read in places, but I was glad I had stuck with it by the end.
On a curious side note, I had you on my watch for all of five minutes before you posted this. Quite timely.
Where can I buy Poison Trance?
Holy crape. That was an awesome read. In a way it reminds me of the glass blower, a deeper meaning fic but still incredibly well done.
i think they're high
high off those cocane plants or sumthin
This story has so much
derpy.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134379747090.jpg
Trippiest ship fic and shippiest trip fic I've ever read. Fantastic work all around.
That...was INTENSE!!!
Princess Columbia Approved!
I was thinking of this the whole time:
i.imgur.com/EBOVI.png
Flutters and Twi be trippin' like mad, yo.
I wouldn't call that "Dark". More like "Comedy", really. Definitely fits better with the "The Comedies" than "The Tragedies".
Bit different from what you usually write, but I loved it and I can't wait for whatever it is you're planning with AB. And WD. And Chromosome and Obs and kits and whoever the hell else is in on this.
Update: Well now I feel silly.
Based on the unintentionally large exposure, I would have expected them to have liver and kidney damage due to massive overdose. Now, a lucerative business might be made in this, perhaps by extracting the active ingredients in Poison Trance and distributing them in easily-metered doses, perhaps in the form of paper squares.
tl;dr: Congratulations Twilight. You discovered something with the craaaazy hallucinatory effects of LSD and the horrible nightmare effects of ketamine.
1039548
Actually there was an epilogue I was going to add, but I didn't have time, where the long-term impact is a new recreational drug is introduced to Equestria. In it I was going to point out that, untreated, Poison Trance can last for a week, so the recreational drug format is heavily diluted. As to the liver and kidney damage...
... Magic. Since the plant's toxins are partly magical, being based on Poison Joke, part of the effect is a natural enchantment rather than physiological in nature. As such their livers and kidneys would not be under quite as much strain, though it's incredibly possible. Mostly they just got lucky.
1041249
I kind of want to see a Twilight-as-Hunter-Thomson fic now...
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1791-1322427921.png
by celestia's nosehair!
nice story.
This was a great fic. Dark but not awkwardly so. You almost went a little cloppy but thestory would not have suffered if you put more details. Keep it up!
4
twishy!!! this is the second twishy i've ever read and this is very cute and very trippy at he same time
TwiShy's perhaps my favorite pairing out of the Main 6, and the Wonderland-esque hallucination only served to make the story even more entertaining (Speaking of, I had the first twenty seconds of this playing during the scene when they encountered Gummy and it was perfectly fitting for the mood). Anyway, this was a good story, and I hope to see more from you in the future.
Woah. That was quite a trip. It started gently, and in some places (particularly during the talk with the guards, where you utilized the LOEG distinctive line
) reminded me of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. But it got pretty dark near the end. Especially during the curing bath. The drowning in acid was very... descriptive and detailed. 
That aside, let me point out two things I feel your writing (at least this particular story) suffers from.
1) The lavender unicorn syndrome. It's not overly insistent, but particularly visible in this sentence:
2) Epicly long sentences that the reader might get lost in. This one is the crown example:
I could break it into at least three sentences:
Rainbow Dash had flown off before the Princess had arrived, Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be found, and Rarity had insisted she needed to shower before facing royalty.
It left only Applejack to relay the situation to the Princess in Sugarcube Corner.
Spike was twiddling his thumbs nervously, his expression filled with deep concern after Applejack had relayed her version of events.
And that's not even changing the sentences' structure. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Anyway, I could be nitpicking, so if you feel my rambling is unjustified, pay it no heed.
1161572
This is actually quite helpful, thanks!
I know I use 'lavender unicorn' a fair bit, but I hadn't realized it was quite so noticeable. I just never know quite what to use when 'she' wouldn't fit and 'Twilight Sparkle' is too awkward.
I am, however, a known abuser of run-on sentences, it's a constant and consistent problem in my writing.
Thanks for pointing this out though, I love getting input on my writing!
1163498
You're most certainly welcome.
I wrote a few crappy stories myself and grew to know the value of a helpful input.
Of course, I don't mean to imply your story is crappy. It's much better than any of my pathetic attempts at writing. 
EDIT: Actually, I thought I would make this post somewhat more useful. Because this whole lavender unicorn thing got me thinking.
You said you don't know what more to call Twilight. I've seen the librarian I've seen simply the unicorn (well, at least if she's not standing next to Rarity
), etc. You could probably think of a few more. 
However, I don't think using the phrase is a problem in itself (but it makes it easier to spot, that's for sure dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png ), I believe it is more of a matter of where you use it. Let's take this sentence once again.
When you phrase it like that, I have the feeling that the lavender unicorn is actually not Twilight. An effect, I would imagine, opposite of what you intended.
I may be wrong on this, but I believe that descriptions like that should be used only in a set of sentences when you interchange subjects. If there's only one--Twilight--then simple pronoun---she--would, in my humble opinion, be a better choice. Because it doesn't confuse the reader.
You could think of the following example:
1) Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree, and the cyan pegasus broke her wing.
2) Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree, and she broke her wing.
3) Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree, and broke her wing.
4) Rainbow Dash crashed into a tree, breaking her wing.
1 is a total overkill, wouldn't you agree? Even Dash wouldn't be so conceited as to replace the pronoun with the description of her there.
2--simple pronoun. Better, but what about 3? Turns out that even without the pronoun the sentence is completely understandable. Redundant pronouns are redundant. 
Also, are commas in this sentence really needed? I'm not sure, could be a comma splice on my part. I hate commas!
Now, your sentence, as opposed to this simple example, is compound and you have every right to think you would be overusing pronouns in it. Now, personally I don't see a problem with that. Not when you have one sentence with clearly defined subject that doesn't change.
Then again, that's only how I feel and have no better arguments than it just feels right. And feelings are a fickle thing.
Also, I'm not trying to be mister grammar-know-it-all here, so if you disagree, I would be happy to know your opinion on the topic.
Finally, it's getting kind of late where I live, and Luna's using her sleep magic pretty heavily on me now. So if you think I just spammed some grammar bullsh*t at you--you might be right.
Wonderful story
Have my hearts
all 5!
... so what about Rarity's boutique?!
1301393
Celestia will make sure the insurance company pays up, or else.
It is just not here because then the story would need to be rated mature for insurance.
Wow i actually really liked this. Really different from other ships and awesome reactions from everybody.
hope to see more awesome fics like this gj
Twilight and Fluttershy discover drugs and fall in love. Best. Day. Ever.
All jokes aside (
), I... think I enjoyed this? It was really weird and really dark, but also kinda cool. Kinda like Alice in Wonderland with ponies at some points, and at others, it was the acid trip from hell. And also sex. But yeah. I'm pretty sure I enjoyed this 
Anyways, I noticed a few things that I'd like to point out from an editing perspective.
It seems strange to me that Twilight would take weeks to finish a description of Poison Trance. Considering the events of the day, it should have been somewhat higher-priority, no?
Period, not comma. I noticed that you did this a lot throughout the story, not just here. Make sure you're using periods where sentences end and commas where they don't.
If only they bere bisexual...
I could say "Twi and Shy got high and were bi"!
2822814
It would have taken less time, but they both needed time in the hospital for their various injuries and levels of exhaustion. Plus deliberately being overly thorough gave Twilight more time with Fluttershy.
And yes, I'm a known abuser of commas.
Thanks for pointing it out though, I tend to get carried away with the action and such frivolities as punctuation oft fall by the wayside.
2823262
Darkness falls across the land
Loss of mind is close at hand
When nothing is what it seems
And monsters terrorize your daydreams
Have a thumb and a cheesy comment. I liked this story
1163555 you picture.... "american mcgee's alice"...... didn't realize anyone else remembered that.....
drugs are bad kids, don't do them
Am I the only one that was expecting an appearance by Gummy at the end in a "it might have been real
...or was it....
?" twist?
Alternate title: Rainbow Dash Is an Idiot Who Ruins Everything.
How have I never seen that in all the many rereads of this fic I’ve done?