League of Legends Bros
Draven
http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/League_of_Legends_Wiki backgrounds can be found here.
Celestia’s throne-room betrayed the warm sun today. Her body shivered as wind poured through the room. Celestia sighed as she looked at the stack of letters from Twilight. Slowly she picked one up. Luna, her sister, gave Celestia a cup of warm tea.
“Thanks, Luna,” Celestia said as she sipped the tea. Luna took a seat next to Celestia.
“The guards tell me we have a special guest today,” Luna mentioned casually. Celestia peered up from Twilight’s letters.
“Oh yes, some fellow… Craving or something.”
Luna giggled, “They sure do give ponies weird names these days. Not like a thousand years ago, no. We used to have Battering Rams, but now we’ve got Sea Swells and Fluttershys.”
“Yes, that is a shame,” Celestia agreed.
The two sisters sat in silence. The only breaks being the ruffling of the scrolls, the sipping of tea, and the tapping of Luna’s hooves.
“When is he supposed to show up?” Celestia asked Luna.
“Let me ask,” Luna said. She called for a guard. The stock-guard hustled in.
“Yes, my princess,” the guard wheezed.
“When is Craving going to show up?” Luna asked.
“Sorry, miss, who?” he asked.
“Craving,” Celestia offered.
“I don’t think I’ve heard of that pony before. Let me ask my associate.” The guard called in another guard. Guard #2 showed true hustle in entering the room.
“Yes, sir?” he saluted.
“When is Craving supposed to come before the Princesses’?” Guard one asked.
“Craving? Craving, Craving...,” the second guard thought. He looked at the two princesses staring intently at him. ‘It sure is a good thing those two aren’t into molestation,’ he thought. Suddenly the name got to him. “It’s not Craving, it’s Draven.”
“Oh,” said Celestia, “Well when does Draven have an appointment?”
“I’m afraid I really don’t know,” said the second guard.
“I do,” the first guard interjected, “His appointment started five minutes ago. I’m afraid he hasn’t shown up.”
“Very well, send him in immediately if he shows up,” Luna commanded. The two guards bowed and hustled right back out, but this time double time.
Luna smiled at Celestia, “look at me giving orders and stuff.”
“I’m very happy for you,” Celestia said. She was deep into another of Twilight’s letters.
Luna sighed and looked back towards the great door. Celestia sipped her tea. Luna tapped a hoof against the throne. Slowly her smile faded to a frown.
“So,” Luna began, “airline food.”
Celestia looked up. “What about it?”
“I mean… what’s up with that?” Luna looked at her sister. Celestia wasn’t laughing.
“We’ve all heard that joke a million times, Luna.”
“I know, I think it’s funny. Why aren’t you laughing?” Luna pleaded.
“For one thing, you didn’t give the inflection needed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” Celestia said thoughtfully. She put away Twilight’s scroll. “You need to emphasize the up. Like, What’s *up* with that? You see?”
“Why?” asked Luna.
“What do you mean why? It’s the joke!”
“I thought it was just a not funny joke!”
“No, it’s about the airline food being *up* in the air,” Celestia explained.
“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh I just got that. Oh my, I’ve known that joke for over a thousand years and I *just* got what it means.”
“Really, Luna?” Celestia asked.
“Yeah, I never even realized,” Luna laughed.
Celestia leaned back and resumed looking at Twilight’s letters.
“That student of mine,” Celestia piped up.
Luna turned to her. “What’s up?”
“She’s telling me all about this clone stuff that went on.”
“Didn’t Pinkie send that letter?” Luna asked.
“How’d you know that? Regardless, I wonder what it’d be like if we cloned ourselves.”
“That might be cool. Then I wouldn’t be so lonely,” Luna said. (Feels)
“Clones of me might be good. I could mentor *all* the unicorns and we would wipe away the scum of-“ Celestia was cut off as the grand door opened.
“Aw, welcome Draven to,” Luna stopped short. A guard pony ran up to the thrones.
“Yes, my guard?” Celestia asked.
“Draven is on his way. He got waylaid, said he had some business to attend to in his home of Bad-Place-That-Isn’t-Demacia-Or-Ionia.”
“Oh, Detrot?” Celestia asked.
“Eh,” the guard said, “Not really.”
“Whatever, show him in,” Luna commanded. The guard bowed and triple-timed out.
Luna and Celestia looked at each other and gave little smiles.
“First business of the day jitters, am I right?” Celestia asked.
“Yeah, always get a little jittery when this kind of stuff happens,” Luna admitted.
“Don’t worry, it will pass. I remember when I first started this after my brutal rise to power,” Celestia admitted.
“I remember that too. I was there after all. We are the same age I think.”
“I think that too,” Celestia agreed.
A Draven-ish figure appeared in the doorway. He approached with a saunter.
“Hello, ladies,” he said.
“Hello, subject,” the princesses said together.
“Well I know that you’ve heard of me, so I’ll spare the introduction,” he chuckled.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of you,” Celestia said, “except for today of course. What about you Luna?”
“Same,” Luna agreed.
“W-what?” Draven asked.
“We’ve never heard of you,” Luna told him.
“This is hooey,” Draven said, “Absolutely ridiculous.”
“Why?” Celestia asked.
“Do you know what I’ve been doing in this littler country for the last month?” he asked.
“No,” the princesses answered.
“Well, let me tell you,” he told them.
***
“Can’t do it,” Darth Vader wheezed at Draven. The two figures were watching Starkiller run from an Ursa Major. Starkiller was falling behind from Trixie’s fleeing cart.
“Guys, come on!” Starkiller screamed.
“No, I got this,” Draven assured Darth Vader. The executioner picked up one of Trixie’s *magic* rocks and cocked his arm back. “Just got to wait for a smoother period. All this jostling is not good for my aim.”
“Smooth periods won’t help that fact that you can’t do it,” Darth taunted.
“Have you ever hit a running man from 100 meters with a throwing axe?” Draven asked. The Ursa Major let out a roar. Starkiller shrieked.
“Yeah. Have you ever tried hitting a tiny, green, jumping man who can’t sit still for like 3 seconds?”
“I’ll admit I haven’t,” Draven said.
“Well it’s hard. That’s all I’m saying.”
Draven nodded. “Perfect smoothness right now,” he mentioned. Squinting his eyes he chucked the rock at Starkiller. It bounced off his head and the Sith went down. The Ursa Majot stopped the chase to eat the fallen man.
“Well then,” Vader scoffed.
“Yeah, I did it,” Draven told him.
“Whatever,” Vader said. “So what are you doing with this little show?”
“I’m doing whatever I can to become famous,” he answered coolly.
“Fair enough. I guess that’s why you’ve been hanging with us for about a month and are now on your way to Canterlot?”
“Yup,” Draven answered.
“Awesome.”
***
“And that is my story,” Draven concluded.
“Uhuh,” Celestia said dumbfounded.
“And what exactly is your purpose for being here today?” Luna asked.
“I want to fight your greatest champions,” Draven declared.
“What?” both princesses asked.
“Me and a team of my good friends with fight five of your best.”
“So be it!” Celestia declared.
“Sister, this is crazy,” Luna gasped.
“I know it is, dear sister,” Celestia explained. “But sometimes you have to do the crazy things in life.”
“Yolo,” Luna offered.
“Yolo,” Celestia returned. She turned back to Draven. “I will have my five greatest subjects report to the fields of battle tomorrow at noon. Be ready.”
***
*Before the Fight*
“Are you sure this isn’t stupid?” asked Applejack. She was fidgeting under her ill-fitting armor.
“No,” Twilight said, “This is pretty awful. I wish I didn’t have to do it.” She looked at her four friends; Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. “Okay, from what I understand, we have to pick roles, so let’s do that now. I would like to in the middle.”
“No I want to be mid,” Rarity complained.
“Okay Rarity, we can discuss this reasonably,” Twilight offered.
“Too late, already locked in.”
“Okay then, I’ll be the bot DPS,” Twilight grumbled.
“No way,” Rainbow said, “that’s my totally cool job.”
“Can’t you be my support?”
“No.”
“Fine,” Twilight said, “I’ll be support bot. What about you Pinkie and Applejack?”
“Well, I like trees so I’ll jungle,” Applejack said.
“Solo top!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Okay this is perfect!” Twilight exclaimed. “Make sure to gank top, Applejack, okay?”
“Sure thing, whatever that means.”
***
(On the fields of Battles)
“You know, from what I read, I thought there’s be more than just this one little area to stand in,” Twilight said. The five ponies stood in an area the size of a hoofball field. A tower stood on each goal line. There was a rustling shrubbery near them.
“That bush is suspicious, check it out, Pinkie,” Applejack said.
The pink pony walked into the shrubbery. Five minutes passed and she did not walk out.
“I think she died,” Rarity cried.
“Bummer,” Twilight said.
The four ponies looked to the opposite end of the field. A white cat on two legs was running at them.
“1v1 me, scrubs,” it said.
“What?” Rainbow Dash asked as it came closer.
“No team or I repot u.” A laser from the tower targeted the kitty. The cat-person was enveloped in a flash of light and disappeared.
“This is easy,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Applejack let out a grunt of pain. “Something hit me,” she said.
“Look,” Rarity said, “In the bush!”
A tall man in a coat was standing in the bush. The foliage covered up to his waist. In one hand he held a deck of cards, in the other a single card. He flicked it at Applejack.
“Get wreked, faget,” Twisted Fate exclaimed.
“I got this,” Rarity told the three ponies left. She ran up to the man and kicked him in the groin.
He let out a slow moan. All four ponies heard a strange voice mention the slaying of an enemy.
“Well this fun,” Twilight remarked. “But there should only be three of them left. Maybe if we walk towards their tower we can do it.”
“Let’s take the bush with us, the tower can’t hurt us if we crawl around in it,” Applejack suggested.
The four ponies uprooted the bush and crept up to the opposing tower hidden in the leafy fortress. As the ponies got nearer they saw 3 humans standing around the tower. One, Drave, another looked like a bad-robocop with a third arm, that last was a woman who had dark orbs circling her.
“Do ya’ think we can take ‘em, Twilight?” Applejack asked.
Twilight thought hard for a second. She took a step out of the bush.
“Twilight is numero uno, hue hue hue,” she said as the tower targeted her. She ran back into the bush.
“No,” Viktor said, “I am numero uno.” He gave his staff to his third arm and charged at the bush. As soon as he entered Rarity gave a staggering kick to his privates.
“Easy game, for casuals,” Rarity remarked.
Draven looked at the creeping bush, “I won’t lose like this! Time to carry these scrubs.” Draven threw his axes at the bush, missed, and leapt inside, never to be seen again.
Once again the ponies heard the voice from the sky talk, ‘A summoner has reconnected’
Syndra, the woman with the dark orbs, looked around her for a brief second.
“Team is noobs, GG,” she said.
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huehuehue
aaaah...was good start but ending...srsly wtf? Draven is my fav champ in entire LoL.You ashamed him and me in the same time
BUTT STALLION from borderlands two!!!!1
1865440
Dr. Who?
Richard Nixon O_O
1873817
He might have!
Try somebody from Voyagers, or possibly, Jimmy Kudo. I'm actually going to read your strange story sir.
I think I'll like it.
1873881
I have some suggestions for who should go to Equestria:
1. Jack T Herbert
2. Micheal Jackson
3. Vert Wheeler (AcceleRacers) (Most Anticipated)
4. Jack Rourke (Need For Speed The Run)
5. Stephen Quire (Greatest Freakout Ever)
6. Dcigs
It's long, but I bet many wish to see these!
There is only one possible set of beings that could improve this joke of a story.
Ernest Hemingway and Will Shakespeare?
No, I was talking about us.
Oh yeah! We rock!
Most undeniably.
We're the hurricane of your discontent!
We will blow away all that you pitifully cling to in your life that gives it meaning.
We're gonna steal some ten speeds too!
I don't think they have any of those here.
Then why the crap are we here again?
Because you took Monday worship with a crate of Jack Daniels and the Fryman was upset with what you did to his house. Again probably.
Well uh...maybe we could steal that moon over there?
You cannot steal what already belongs to you by way of galactic space right.
We are gonna build a fort up there with space pony hookers and booze and webcams and we'll sell it on the internet at a premium!
They could not possibly hope to conquer us.
Damn, you think anyone'll get hurt if we grab the blue one?
She probably listens to the Cure unironically. So yes.
She looks saucy, I wonder if she's into 'the business'?
She is their patron deity of their adequate moon. I expect anything she is into is inherently superior as is the way of all things for big time hotshots such as we.
We are gonna f#*% up some social conventions and sleep schedules!
We will have the Wolfen faith state instituted when she is brought to our side.
I'm gonna ask her to remodel the coastlines with some tsu-namis!
The innocent shall suffer. Big time.
2431623
:3
2433119
You know what it is you must do and do so without remorse.
Man I don't know what size panties and socks a moon horse would wear!
Shut up Err. A proper moon gentlemen doesn't ask these things until after he's set them up with many eager but repressed young ladies for the purpose of amassing large quantities of desperate peoples filthy alien currency.
You think she has a dark side? It's f*%#ed up to see someone get hit with the pepto-bismal care bear canon. Eugghg.
Yes, we shall have to introduce the Ministry of Love to our Quad Laser after we sit atop a throne of money and alien bitches. Now hand me the fat man's wallet so we can get this show on the road.
2434574
Yeah it's hit or miss, but what terrible fanfic humor isn't?
2435359
Good ones is what.2438477
Ooooooh that one hurt a little. </3
2438928
live.
If only you had left these ponies behind you could have remained a~
These are the best. Needs more General Plastro
This... has earned my favorite and like.
You... You're a funny guy
MOAR!!!!
Please?