Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan
Somewhere in the White House:
*Ring Ring*
“Oh no, the Reagan phone!” screamed Ronald Reagan, President by day, hero by night. The president lunged for the phone and grabbed it, wrenching it from the cradle with the strength only someone imbued with the power of Freedom could muster.
“Hello, this is Reaganman,” he said into the receiver. He slammed it down back on the cradle. The sound of crying bald eagles is heard in the distance. “Great Bouts of Communism this is bad! The Red White and Blue land of Equestria is under attack from the reds! I’ve got to do something!” Reagan got into a dramatic pose, his left hand covering his eyes, the other his heart. “TO THE REAGAN CAVE!”
With a whoosh the secret elevator under his chair began to descend. Soon he was in the secret cave of justice.
“BY THE POWERS OF TRUTH, JUSTICE, and the AMERICAN WAY!” He screamed. His body was enveloped by an American flag as the transformation took place. The flag disappeared and there stood the American hero… REAGAN MAN.
He stood tall and proud, like an American. His chest armor was blue with stars while his gloves and boots were red.
“TO the ReaganMobile,” he muttered coolly.
*NANANANANANANANANA*
“I’ve got you know, Equestrian princesses! Soon the whole of Equestria will be consumed with COMMUNISM!” shouted the terrible Red Devil. The princesses, Luna and Celestia wept silently.
IS THIS THE END OF DEMOCRACY AS WE KNOW IT? TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE ADVENTURES OF… REAGAAAAAN MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
NOW FOR THE ADVENTURES OF REAAAAAGAAAAAN MAAAAAAAN!
“Reagan Man? What are you doing here?” spat Red Devil. Reagan Man threw his fist into the air.
“I’m here to stop you! Watch me trickle down… JUSTICE!” Reagan Man leapt at the dastardly Red Devil. His fist missed by inches as the Devil dodged like the communist he was.
“Not so fast, Reagan Man! Take my CommuBEAM!” Red Devil pointed at Reagan. From his finger came a beam to terrible and red not even Stalin could look at it without fear. The beam came whizzing at Reagan Man, whose defenses were not prepared for a laser of such power.
“Augh!” he cried out as the beam touched his American skin. Reagan Man stumbled to the ground in agony.
“Hahaha! You are finished Reagan Man!” shouted the Red Devil.
IS THIS THE END OF REAGAN MAN? BUY REAGAN MAN CEREAL FOR THE ANSWER!
NOW BACK TO… REAAAAAGAAAAAN MAAAAAAAN.
“Hahaha! You are finished Reagan Man!” shouted the Red Devil. Reagan Man didn’t move, he just clutched his heart in pain.
I’ve got to do something! I can’t let my Equestrian Allies get ruined by the reds!
“Do you give up, Reagan Man?” asked Devil with his nasally voice.
I’ve got to get up! I’ve got to save these ponies! Celestia and Luna were crying tears of America and Democracy respectively. I’ve got to get up because… I AM AMERICA! Reagan Man leapt up with renewed vigor.
“What is this?” questioned the Devil.
“Take this!” shouted Reagan Man as he jumped at the hapless Devil, a single punch enough to instill a deep love of Freedom in any heartless villain.
*Later*
“Thanks for saving us,” cooed Celestia.
“No problem, Celestia, and remember kids and colts, never trust a filthy commie,” Reagan Man chimed. Everyone laughs.
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Isn't Equestria already a communist state?
Equestria isn't communist state, it is an absolute monarchy, ruled by an immortal goddess princess. Democracy is an evil in the land Equestria. Reagan man would be a firebrand, hunted by the Royal Equestrian Guard.
That was hysterical.
597932
In many ways, yeah.
Just f-ing no. I'm done.
I'm f-ing done!
Downvote. This is bad in every conceivable way.
Do you have a copy of The Great Gatsby, get it. Do you have a copy of Huckleberry Finn, Moby Dick, The Grapes of Wrath, To Kill a Mockingbird? gather them all and burn them because the flames of those comparatively garbage pages burning is the the closest thing to holding a candle to Ronald Reagan that any of these "novels" could ever hope to do. There is only one great American novel and its name is Ronald Reagan. The only conceivable down side to reading this instant classic is that after you are done all other pieces of literature will leave you with a hollow dissatisfaction. Never in my entire life have I ever been even half as entertained as I was while reading Ronald Reagan. I consider my own birth mundane compared to the experience of reading Ronald Reagan for the first time. Before reading Ronald Reagan I had always planned on one day getting married, buying a home, having children, raising those children, teaching them right from wrong, helping them with there school work and eventually dropping them off a t college where they would start their own lives, and create their own families, I now see no point in doing any of that because none of those things will ever come close to bringing me the joy that Ronald Reagan gave me when I read it.