X in Equestria

by RoseluckyCinor

Jack Sparrow

Captain Jack Sparrow for Moon_Fire

It was Speak Like A Pirate day in Ponyville, and there was one pony who didn’t like the holiday, she didn’t like it at all. Nopony ever asked why, they knew not the reason. When Fall came around she hated the season. It could be that her head wasn’t screwed on quite right. Perhaps it could be her apron was too tight. But I think the most likely reason of all, was that her heart simply was two sizes too small.

She sat in her shop, with roses and hoses, sneering at ponies who turned up their noses. She hated being there, in the store, till it closes. ‘It’s not fair,’ she would say, the only pony opposes, ‘that I should celebrate this day that imposes.’ She had closed the door and put up signs, each of them with elaborate designs. Though they only work when nopony declines, but that won’t happen, everypony minds.

There was a rap at the door, she’d closed it before. “Please don’t talk like a pirate!” she deplored. She heard a grumble and yarr and the door fell silent. “I sure hope I don’t have to rhyme anymore.” And she didn’t, so she leaned back on her stool, the wooden legs dug deeply into the dirt floor. Roseluck looked around the room nervously.

So far this year had been pretty decent. She’d known Pirate Day was going to happen a week in advance. Every day since then she’d worked nearly twenty-five hours a day putting together flower arrangements just so she wouldn't have to listen to ponies talk like pirates. Ever since she'd been a foal she’d hated pirates, especially the way they talked.

It had been a pretty good day today, at least. Due to the many hours she’d worked she’d slept until one in the afternoon. Roseluck hadn’t even bothered opening the store. Pirate Day didn’t even have the common decency to keep it’s pirate talk on the day. The other day Daisy had wanted to go with Rose to the spa today, and had the audacity to say ‘on yaaaaaar day’. It took all she had not to knock her out. Roseluck snapped out her daydream when there was another knock on the door.

“NOT OPEN,” she screamed. Briefly she wondered why she was even in the store while it was closed, that probably caused a lot of confusion from her customers. The knocked didn’t listen, instead, he crashed through the door with a drunken stupor, which is also how he stood up.

“Ahoy, miss,” he said. Roseluck’s ears flattened against her head.

“Why did you say that?” she asked. The pirate seemed to ignore her and began to pick through the flowers she had left in the store. “Hello?”

“Sorry, mate,” he said, “I’m jus’ talking like I always do.”

“Please don’t,” Roseluck begged. The pirate looked indignant.

“I’m hurt,” he said. “I’m Jack Sparrow, a Captain! I can’t just *not* talk like me, then I wouldn’t be me.” Roseluck had to agree.

“I’m closed,” she affirmed to Jack.

“You never told me your name, lass,” he said.

“I know.”

“I’ll speak more piratey,” he threatened.

“You won’t,” Roseluck called his bluff.

“I will,” he said.

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” Roseluck called out as she leapt under the store counter. She had ear plugs and headphones, if she could just reach them... but she was undone. Instead of the safety she’d have in silence she found a note.

“I had to borrow them for science” - Twilight. That bitch, Roseluck thought, most unbecoming for a mare such as herself. But these were troubled days which required troubling words. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Jack hadn’t made good on this threats.

“Ahoy!” he screamed. Roseluck’s hooves flew up to her ears.

“Stahp,” he pleaded. But he wouldn’t give up.

“Why’s the rum always gone? Raise the mizzenmasts! Aye!” Jack wouldn’t relent on the poor mare.

‘What did I do to deserve this?’ Roseluck wondered. And just before she died she was saved. A medium height, skinny, white guy walked into the room. Celestia was roused with remembrance, and had also been there in the corner, hiding behind the ‘Mums.

“I know you,” she said to the new man.

“Stop harassing the poor mare,” the new man said to Jack. Jack just went all like that and was like, ‘you’re not the boss of me, Will Turner.’ “Yes I am,” Will Turner said back sternly.

“No,” Celestia declared, “you’re not!” Will and Jack turned to her, Roseluck was unconscious from the sheer pain of useless pirate talk.

“Who am I?” he asked in a sing-song voice. Celestia didn’t understand why he had just started singing but it didn’t matter. He had ruined her castle already.

“You’re that elf guy,” she said and he was.

“They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard!” he screamed and ran away over the broken door. Jack Sparrow looked mildly uncomfortable.

“I don’t think I appreciated that,” Jack said.

“Why, are you a big baby?” Celestia bullied him.

“I just need some rum,” he said uncomfortably. He had a terrible thought then. He *did* have rum. He took out the tiny bottle of rum he had in his boot and drank that bad boy down. “Dayum,” he said coolly. He could feel the effects of the rum immediately in real life, even though his liver was blackened through years of prolonged alcohol abuse and alcoholism.

“I’ll take you down!” Jack shouted at the white alicorn. He climbed up the flower display and let loose an atomic piledriver all over Celestia’s porcelain body. “Can you smell what the rock is cooking?” he asked rhetorically. Roseluck had awoken and lay still behind the counter, hearing what she could only imagine was incredibly rough sex. And then she remembered why she hated Pirate Day, because this happened every year.

Comments

[RoMS]

Stephen Hawkin in Equestria requested !

[Zytharros]

...Aha! I want Iago in Equestria.

[RoseluckyCinor]

3229257
Lago?

[Zytharros]

3229273
Iago. Jafar's pet bird from Aladdin. Voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.
iago.

[RoseluckyCinor]

3230224

Hah! When he reads 50 Shades of Grey it's great

[Zytharros]

3230230
Never seen that.
Last time I saw him perform he used the same joke three times in a row.

[Dolbik]

Dota 2

[Dolbik]

This mademoiselle

[Dolbik]

Black from Metro last light

[RoseluckyCinor]

3337819

I don't remember who Black is. :(

[Dolbik]

3339436
In your translation is "Dark one"

[RoseluckyCinor]

3340876

Oh okay. I've actually been reading the Metro 2033 book and not just playing the game.

[Dolbik]

3340918
I also have been reading a book.

[deathtap]

That ending.

It tickled my jimmies.

[RoseluckyCinor]

3337813

Have you palyed her yet? She's good

[Moon_Fire]

Kirito from Sword Art Online (it's anime, look it up. Very good too.)