Synch

by sunnypack

100 - Bonus Chapter: That Synching Feeling (Part 2) (canon-disputed-still)

"So what this about finding a spell to turn the moon into cheese?" I asked with a frown. There was a constant flux of ponies around us as we conversed in the middle of Canterlot's market square.

Rainbow turned away, fidgeting.

"Yeah I know we haven't known each other for very long but I kinda need some help..." she trailed off as a deep blush made its waay up her neck. Suddenly, her cheeks mantled in excitement and she flapped up to be eye level with me. "I mean, who wouldn't miss a chance to be with me? You can work on you becoming more awesome and not so... you."

I levelled a judging gaze at her until her bravado receded to a sheepish look. I rolled my eyes.

"You've never asked for help before?"

Rainbow's flush darkened a couple more shades of crimson, if that was possible. I don't think I've seen something redder than a tomato, but there you go.

"...no actually."

Out of nowhere, Pinkie bounded up and slapped me on the back with a hoof.

"You'll help, won't you?" She chattered in excitement.

I sighed in consternation. This is what I get when I try to help two ponies passed out from an ice-cream coma.

"Do I have a choice?" I felt a chill flow down my spine as Pinkie suddenly twisted her head and looked dead into my eyes.

"Of course you do", she glared at me with disturbingly sinister intent. "Of course you do..."

Pinkie disappeared as a pony walked in front of quite rudely and reappeared at an orange store cart nearby. She sank slowly behind the orange seller's counter eyeing me the whole time.

Wait, how did she get there so fast?

I got the feeling that Pinkie wouldn't do anything terrible to me just because I refused their relatively innocent request to turn the whole moon of Equestria into cheese. I personally thought that turning the moon into cheese would be scientifically impossible but heck, everything that has happened since I got here has been scientifically impossible, so why start making sense now?

I nervously glanced back at the orange cart. There was a single orange left there with a smiley face carved into it, with a serrated knife still dripping juice sitting right next to it. A prickling sensation shot up my spine and I edged away from the cart.

"Hey Rainbow, was it?"

Rainbow looked at me curiously.

"Does Pinkie always do that?" I asked.

Rainbow nodded slowly.

"Have you gotten used to it yet?"

Rainbow shook her head.

"Okay, just checking."

Rainbow snorted.

"Well it's not like anypony could ever get used to Pinkie, you'd probably win some egghead prize for figuring that out", she commented drily.

Thrusting my thoughts back to the original problem, I decided to cut to the chase there.

"So again, why are you asking me for help in finding a 'turn the moon to cheese spell'?"

Rainbow tilted her head, as if the answer was obvious.

"'Cause you're smart, you'll figure out where it is. You're a scientist-pony like Twilight is, right?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"So you're asking me, the only person in all of Equestria who is null to magic, to find you a magic spell?"

Rainbow paused and contemplated about what I just said.

She groaned and massaged her temples with both hooves. This sent her crashing into the ground, where she stayed there, rubbing her head.

"Oooooh, I knew it wouldn't work..." she mumbled, her eyes downcast.

I felt guilt stab into my heart.

I tapped a finger to my chin, ruminating.

"Aww okay, don't be like that, I'll help you out anyway."

I considered the problem logically.

"Okay I've heard that Celestia keeps dangerous and restricted spells in the restricted section of the Canterlot archives. Since this was a problem solved by Luna, I think our best bet is to visit the archives, try and find it under the Lunar section and then book it."

Rainbow leapt to her hooves.

"Oh yeah, some action!"

I frowned, trailing after the multi-coloured mare. I heard a scrabbling behind me, which I attributed to Pinkie following along.

“This’ll be good”, I muttered, looking pointedly at the sky.

——

I employed a tried and tested technique to get into the Canterlot archives. Nodding curtly to the guards at the entrance, I strolled confidently through the public interior. Rainbow followed somewhat nervously, with Pinkie acting her usual self, bouncing along without a care in the world.

“Sorry sir, nopony is allowed past this point”, the guard stallion intoned apologetically.

“Oh well, I’ll have to go tell Celestia, then”, I replied, starting to walk away.

The guardspony looked a little uncomfortable.

“Wait”, he called back at me. I turned back slowly.

“You were sent here by Celestia?”

I sighed, in feigned annoyance. Tapping my foot on the ground, I muttered under my breath that I had better things to do. Well, that was pretty much true so there wasn’t much faking there.

“I’m here to research spells that would affect the celestial bodies themselves. It could save the whole of Equestria… but I can come back later… after informing Celestia, of course.”

The guard cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well, I’m not supposed to let anypony past here but I guess you’re alright if Celestia sent you for something important…“ He paused, debating the point in his mind.

I gestured behind me.

“Those two are the Elements of Harmony”, I added in helpful. Rainbow stood awkwardly under scrutiny whilst Pinkie just gave the biggest smile.

He gave us one more hard look. Rainbow sweated bullets.

“Okay, you seem alright and this has to be important”, he smiled waving us through.

I gave him a grateful nod.

“We won’t be long”, I replied, dragging Rainbow along as Pinkie trotted ahead of me.

As soon as we were a fair way in, I confronted Rainbow.

“Hey what’s up with being all frozen like that?”

Rainbow gave me a sheepish look.

“I’m not that good at lying and I’ve never done anything so illegal before”, she admitted in a whisper, glancing back at the guardspony back at the entrance.

I glanced at her, puzzled.

“I thought I had you pinned as a rebel type”, I commented slyly, giving her a nudge.

Rainbow flared her wings defensively as she shot back hotly.

“I am! It’s just that I’m more of a pranks and tricks pony-“ she lowered her voice “-I don’t like doing things like this, sneaking around and stuff.”

“I thought you snuck into a hospital and stole a book?”

Rainbow froze and stared at me intensely.

“How’d you know that?” She squeaked indignantly, puffing up her chest and stalking towards me. I guess if I was the height of a pony I’d actually be kind of intimidated but really this was just amusing.

“Twilight told me about it when she mentioned a book series called ‘Daring Do’”, I answered with a shrug.

Rainbow groaned.

“Yeah this is why I don’t do sneaking around, I get caught easily when I know what I’m doing is wrong.”

“What about pranking?” I pointed out.

She considered that for a second.

“Nah, pranking is fun, not wrong.”

I let loose a non-committal grunt, not really wanting to dive into the specifics of moral orientation.

We were both interrupted by a frantic yelp.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow dashed towards her friend in peril. Geddit? ‘Cause Rainbow Dashed?

Okay, never mind.

I followed Rainbow’s tail as we stumbled upon a pile of books and spotted a pink hoof sticking out of top of the mess.

Rainbow tugged at the hoof but it was stuck pretty fast.

I heard a muffled sound which I could vaguely make out to be ‘help’ but it could have easily been ‘herrk’.

I started shifting books in an attempt to dig Pinkie out.

The pile suddenly lit with a warm golden glow.

I turned around to see Celestia regarding us with an amused expression.

“I did not expect to find you here”, she commented with a warm smile.

I chuckled.

“I don’t we expected to find you here, either”, I replied easily, eyeing and admiring silently the dextrous sorting of the pile of books into their respective shelves.

“I take it you know this place well?” I asked, gesturing to the to books being sorted so fast.

Celestia chuckled and was about to reply when Rainbow interrupted.

“I’m so sorry princess! I didn’t see you there!” She shot out giving a nervous bow. Pinkie bounced up and waved a cheery hoof, looking none the worse for wear, though slightly swaying on her hooves. She must of have taken a pretty hard hit.

Celestia gave a demure smile and an incline of her head to put Rainbow at ease.

“There is no need for that, my little pony, I am merely here for personal matters.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. I surreptitiously signalled behind my back.

“Sorry princess, do you mind if we take a look around, it looks like you two need to catch up”, Rainbow coughed, dragging Pinkie away. Pinkie gave a cheerful wave as she was dragged by her tail. I know I’ve said this before… but doesn’t that hurt?

Celestia smirked at me.

“So I have heard from a guard that I’ve sent you here to research a desperate peril threatening Equestria?”

I grinned mischievously and shrugged.

“I just mentioned that I was here to research a spell and that if I wasn’t let through I’d tell you.”

Celestia’s smirk evolved into a fully fledged grin.

“Ah so he became afraid and just waved you through without asking you more?”

I nodded giving a slow wink.

Celestia tittered and headed towards the door.

I called back to her.

“Aren’t you here for personal matters?”

She gave me a little smirk waving a notepad that looked suspiciously similar to what Luna claimed was her diary.

“I got what I came for”, she said, hoofing it away. I don’t know where she put it because it disappeared. Pocket dimension perhaps? With magic, who could know? I was just glad that Celestia hadn’t suspected a thing. It seemed like we got off to easy. She didn’t even bat an eye at us being in the restricted section of the archives.

I glanced at Rainbow but she gave a shake of her head. By unspoken consent I had distracted Celestia while they rooted around for the spell. They hadn’t found it in the meantime so I was a bit disappointed, but we would find it eventually, right?

Several hours later…

“IT’S NOT ANYWHERE HERE!” I yelled, chucking another book over my shoulder. It contained a spell that could level cities with enough preparation. Interesting, but not moon transmogrifying enough. I took it as a challenge. That book was mocking me, I knew it. I would find it.

“Rainbow?” I asked, seeing the blue mare sleeping soundly on a pile of books.

“Pinkie?” A huge snore and a mess of cotton candy hair stuck out of an adjacent pile.

“I’ll find it”, I repeated to myself, making it my personal mission. My Synch was starting to run out of juice from the constant translating.

“Okay, I’ll find it tomorrow”, I amended tapping my Synch to turn it off.

Sighing I gathered the two ponies, to deposit them in a guest suite. They were not heavy, but there were not light either.

“Why am I helping these two again?” I muttered to myself, making my way to the door. The guard gave me a condescending smirk as I carried the two mares.

“Oh eat it”, I mumbled as I walked past, struggling with my load.

“Where the heck is the spell?!” I growled under my breath.

——

“That looks like the spell book I use to keep all banned spells, dear sister”, Luna commented as Celestia placed the bound volume in front of her.

Celestia nodded giving a light chuckle.

“I believe the human and his friends will be looking for this for quite a while.”

Luna snorted.

“Sister, you have the oddest sense of humour.”

“Recognition where recognition is due… punishment where punishment is due”, Celestia commented mildly. “It does not do to mislead my little ponies. Even if he was telling the truth.”

Luna regarded Celestia with a curious tilt of her head.

Celestia rolled her eyes.

“Oh he’ll give up after a few hours.”

I didn’t. I spent three weeks looking for that spell.

Three. Weeks.

No one got any cheese.

Author's Note:

So... when's Synch 2 coming out? I don't even know what to name it yet. Probably going to go for something unoriginal like Synchrony or something. Close enough?

Next Chapter: SYNCH 3 I won't even write Synch 2, you'll have to somehow jump chapters.

Nah just kidding this is serious stuff.

As always, my illustrious readers, thanks for reading!

Comments

[PiMan]

Sink - Synch
Sunk - Sunch

The sequel fic should therefore be called Sunch.

[Amber flicker]

100 chapters!

I think you should use Synchrony, it's similar to the name of this one and not too complicated.

[sunnypack]

5046603 Thanks! Not sure how I did though...
5054553 Hmm not sure if people will get the reference.
5056108 Probably just going to do that, uncomplicated, it's how I like my life.

[DaedricPrinceSheogorath]

NOOOOOO!!! THEY DIDN'T GET THE CHEESE!!! SUCH A CRIME, TRAVESTY I SAY TRAVESTY!!!

[Chicago Ted]

And this is the absolute, very end of this story called Synch.
I believe you've earned this:
stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2224977/standing-ovation-o.gif

EDIT: Just found the perfect sound effect to go with it:

[Vash_ts]

a title for the second part?

how about one of these?
Synch 2:
Feedback / Fatal error / divide by zero / residual data / Backup files (this one, synch backup files sounds like side stories) / MK II / critical update / recall / Re-release / corrupted data / >Retry< / renewal / debug

[sunnypack]

5057053 Thank you so much! You're making me blush.
5070904 I like feedback, sounds pretty snappy.

[sunnypack]

5082613 I admit, this is in the middle of review and overhaul. My sincere apologies, it is my first fic.

EDIT: It's very chaotic. I'm working on linearising it before I move on to it's sequel.

[Kurolothgarian]

I see potential in this story. Finish the revision and write the sequel, already!

[ManyLousyPaintings]

This has got to be one of the best worded stories I've read so far on Fimfic (Among Diaries of a Madman and Machinations of a Trickster). This is pretty hard to achieve, as I've read a plethora of stories that had great ideas, but a not so great delivery. Your story aces both of those aspects! I am very eagerly awaiting a sequel to find out what happens to our dear protagonist.

10/10 mustaches ~ "Would recommend"

[World Builder]

Ok, first off, I like the sci-fi hook a lot. Always happy to see more near-future gadgetry stories. I'm more than halfway through and will probably finish it soon.

Now for the first of two major bug fixes I'd recommend: go through every paragraph with this rule in mind: "Show, don't tell." See, the problem is that virtually every scene that seems like it'd be really funny (eg: Gruff vs Flim and Flam) or really exciting (gryphon assassin suddenly bursts into a moving train!) is... not shown. Instead it's summarised by the narrator, or even in another character's thoughts - not even in dialogue. That's a surefire way to flatten the life out of a scene. It also results in (a) lots of long periods of exposition and (b) we never get to know the characters, because we never see them do things or say things.

As an example, we're practically told Gruff's whole life story in Canterlot. If I were editing this down, here's where I'd boil down the plot-relevant parts of this section (NB I may be mistaken about those, not finished reading the story yet) into two parts: quickly narrate him getting a bouncer job, then show him inside the venue striking up a conversation with Sharp; they chat, she drops a couple of vaguely sinister lines of dialogue to set up some foreshadowing, they part with him thinking she's the first friend he's made since leaving the mine. (Again, that's just what I'd do, so don't take it as meaning you have to approach it the same way.)

That leads into the second fix I'd suggest: Less is more. Learn to have faith in your writing and your readers, to convey and interpret things from hints and snatches of dialogue. Instead of dumping several paragraphs of exposition tagged "Celestia remembered that..." see if you can hint at the essence of that in one or two lines spoken aloud to Luna or Twilight. Tease. Hint at information you'll later drop as a "dun dun DUN" dramatic reveal. Particularly, seek and destroy anywhere where the same thing is said in narration and then immediately voiced in character dialogue; 90% of the time it should be the dialogue. It just adds more movement than characters thinking things.

Sorry that all sounds a bit prescriptive, but you have mentioned you're currently rewriting, and if you look at these two fixes I think you'll immediately have a much snappier story. Other smaller bug fixes and plot niggles can come afterwards.

[sunnypack]

5118605 Thank you for the critique. I certainly agree there are major problems with the reveal of exposition and the mechanism of storytelling in this story. I have to backtrack and basically rewrite vast portions of this story to expand and change the structure so that it'll flow better so I don't bore readers to death with the random plot summaries I throw here and there.

That said, it will take a long time to reword this but I'm determined to get this done in about a couple of weeks in incremental updates summing up over a while.

[sunnypack]

5464764 Please be warned, this story is very mediocre, there is much that needs to be fixed. The premise is still good and I want to use it but I need practice. So that's why I'm improving using other fictions. Sorry, I just don't want to raise your expectations too high.

[sunnypack]

5491999 I need to rewrite this story but I suppose I could publish all the chapters that I already released for the sequel but deleted later when I thought I would rewrite this but didn't get around to. It really needs a lot of work, sorry.

[sunnypack]

5906679 Feed me :D

[sunnypack]

5906932 It's so cheesy it made me lactose intolerant. I guess you could say it was Thaumodynamically unfavourable.

[wlam]

5907294
Sooner or later I'll find a pun so embarrassing, even you will feel ashamed for it in retrospect. Just you wait.

[sunnypack]

5907347 This story was made to be full of punny ponies. I REGRET NOTHING.

[sunnypack]

5909501 Well that's just... I still take full responsibility.

[sunnypack]

5987860 I sympathise with you, I really do. This story really needs a rewrite, I just haven't gotten around to it. I keep it around, to remind myself every so often, that writing is a process of improvement and there are ways to butcher a narrative. This is one of them. In any case, if you're still interested in reading this when it gets rewritten, it'll be a notification in the blog posts.

[PiMan]

A title for the sequel, if you ever get around to it, came to me a few days ago:
Synchquel.

Maybe tweak the spelling a little, but you get the idea.