King Sombra is being resurrected by his followers. Luna finds out from a unicorn who is unable to use his magic due to some mysterious crystals. She sends for a trustworthy pony named Starburst to aid in the trouble brewing.
Chapters (10)
kalawoof
Joined 23rd Jul, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TDarkchylde · 13k words · 148 6 · 10k views
- Wolokai · 31k words · 107 8 · 4.7k views
- NeutralParasite · 6.1k words · 26 3 · 1.8k views
- Harmony Spirit · 104k words · 44 6 · 5.2k views
- k12314 · 74k words · 920 205 · 37k views
- Choclate Eclair · 1.4k words · 14 0 · 1.3k views
- sister_mike · 36k words · 127 10 · 3.4k views
- Kumare Tanamaru · 28k words · 32 5 · 2.9k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.086 seconds
Total duration
930 users online
262,370 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I've read the first few chapters and also noticed that in the description it says top insted of stop.
Back to the first few chapters the caracters were not described well engought scratch that. They were not described at all.
I'm guessing if I read the rest of the chapters they might be described but for now i don't plan on reading the rest of this story
Good job on the cover art though
!
I liked the coverart, but that's really about it.
The pacing was off, I didn't get to know the characters, the chapters were too short, and Sombra's death (To me, at least.) was pretty underwhelming. There needed to be way more build up, and the description on how the characters felt could be worked on. The grammar wasn't bad, the spelling wasn't bad, you just need to work on expanding out your story to an extremely massive length.
Also, everything happened way too fast. I barely understood what was going on most of the time. I'm a fast reader, and that might be my problem because sometimes I skip over somethings. But still, you want to make sure that even if your reader is one that reads quickly, that they can still understand everything that is going on.
Personally, I like to over explain things to the point where it becomes redundant. That's usually how I make all my descriptions. I have a need to describe everything I envision to happen. If you don't describe the characters, the settings, the villain, or anything in the plot to a point where the reader is content with your description, then you need to go back and add some chunky details.
Trust me, adding lots and lots of details adds hundreds, maybe even thousands onto your chapter's word count.
Nevertheless, the plot was decent by all standards, but the execution was off. I hope I didn't hurt your feels.
Don't hate meI loved it!