Luna's Mission

by kalawoof

Chapter 10

Morning light shined through the leaves and branches. Jimmy Casket was the first to wake up. He noticed the newcomer that was sleeping in the bush. “I’m not going to question it,” he told himself. He wandered out into the open, where he saw some followers walking past. He dove back into his hiding place.

“Star, hey, Starburst!” he whispered. She blinked her eyes open and yawned.

“What,” she whined.

He nodded his head in the direction of the followers. That woke her up. She smiled and flew out.

“Hey, you lousy idiots! Why don’t you take down someone who can actually fight!” she yelled. The three supporters glared at her. She landed and folded her wings. The fight began. It was over in a few minutes with three knocked out enemies, and bruised Starburst.

“That’s a good way to wake up!” she giggled.

By then, everyone was awake. “Lets go,” Luna said, standing up. They walked straight for the castle. Lucky for them, the Sombra followers were spread out. It didn’t take long to get all of the ones outside of the castle taken down by the three night guards. They stayed outside with Zecora to make sure no one attacked them from the outside.

“Now to chop off the head of the serpent,” Ruby Love said. They made it to the main room.

“Spread out to your attack positions,” Darkecho said. Everyone took spaces in the room. Some attack from above, while some from the ground level. It took only a few minutes for Sombra to wander out to see why no one was coming in.

Salvage went straight into action. He zipped through the air, shooting at Sombra as he went. Sombra put up dark crystals to protect himself, then hurled one at Salvage. He ducked, but got hit in the foreleg by a shard. Zephyr, who had become a friend to Salvage, abandoned his post and head butted Sombra. He reeled and fell over. Zephyr began kicking him, not knowing about the focused crystal power under Sombra’s hoof. He got hit by a crystal that knocked him into the wall.

“Zephyr!” Ruby yelled. She ran out. Before Sombra could use his crystals to stop her from doing anything, she swerved and ran toward a beam that was holding the room up. Sombra shot a crystal at her, and she dodged. It hit the beam, which started falling to Sombra.

He rolled out of the way, and it clipped Ruby’s wing. She fell to the ground. Jimmy ran out. He ran circles around Sombra and started to confuse him. He stopped running and bucked him. Sombra fell backward in a daze, but shook it off. Jimmy started running at him again, but he used his dark magic to shoot a shadow beam at Jimmy. He fell into his worst nightmare, in a pile on the ground.

Keylime was doing her own work. She had been lifted into the rafters by Luna, and they were working together to fasten ropes. In the center of the web of ropes, was a giant rock. The duo stood on opposite ends of the web. They whispered to themselves, “3,2,1!” then cut the ropes. Sombra was in perfect position. The rock fell right on top of him.

Cheering began by the injured, and the strong, until Era piped up. “He went to the underground part!” They could see slightly through the crystal floor at the figure running down the stairs.

“I’ll stay behind to help them, you guys go!” Keylime yelled. She started to try and wake up Jimmy. Era, Starburst, Darkecho, and Flicker moved the boulder so they could chase him. They followed to the underground cavern with a spiral staircase.

To go faster, Era and Starburst flew down, while Darkecho levitated himself and Flicker down. They caught Sombra as he was going through a door. They chased him up more stairs for what seemed like hours. “Lets fly up, and cut him off, Era. Darkecho, Flicker, you two stay behind him!” Star ordered. Era seemed nervous, but did as was told. They flew to the top and waited until finally, Sombra arrived.

“You fools have ruined my plans, but I can still win,” he said, crouching low. He lunged at Era, but Starburst jumped in front and bucked him in the face.

Darkecho and Flicker made it to the top in time to have Sombra nearly fall on them. Flicker tackled him screaming, “I’m so dead! I’m so dead!”

Darkecho helped in the attack and growled, “You’re not dead yet!” Sombra kicked and jumped, trying to get them off. He shot crystals from the ground trying to kill them. The fight went on. Everyone took turns, or went in teams of two to attack him. Finally, he was weak.

“Stop the fight and surrender, I still have enough power to kill you all, right here and now!”

Before he could say another word, a booming sound came from the stairs. Sombra fell with a small hole in his head. “Famous last words,” Salvage said, with a bandaged leg and a smoking rifle.

“And now you’re going to have a statue in the Crystal Empire, right next to Spike’s!” Starburst panted with a smile. Salvage smiled back with a bit of an eye twitch.

In the end, everypony went back to their homes. They would never forget each other. Flicker decided to stay in the Crystal Empire. He was an exploring writer, but said that there was just something about the empire. “You two should stay together for a while, just get to know each other!” Ruby said to Flicker and Era during the team goodbyes. Starburst was right, Salvage did get a statue in the Empire.

When Starburst, Darkecho, and Zecora finally got back to Ponyville, Zecora said, "I must go home now to discover, a way to make the potion that helped ponies from the crystals stay undercover."

Star nodded and said, "There's still all those ponies in Fillydelphia that need the potion. Luckily we still had a bit of it left!" Zecora nodded, and disappeared into the Everfree forest.

Owner of Salvage: +Collin Parks
Owner of Jimmy Casket: +Jimmy Casket
Owner of Zephyr: +PeaceyPraps
Owner of Keylime Cutie Pie: +Linnisa B
Owner of Ruby Love: +Rayelle Kushner
Owner of Era and Flicker: +Xx AuraLight xX 

Comments

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

I've read the first few chapters and also noticed that in the description it says top insted of stop.

Back to the first few chapters the caracters were not described well engought scratch that. They were not described at all.

I'm guessing if I read the rest of the chapters they might be described but for now i don't plan on reading the rest of this story

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

Good job on the cover art though!

[ChingKittyCat]

I liked the coverart, but that's really about it.

The pacing was off, I didn't get to know the characters, the chapters were too short, and Sombra's death (To me, at least.) was pretty underwhelming. There needed to be way more build up, and the description on how the characters felt could be worked on. The grammar wasn't bad, the spelling wasn't bad, you just need to work on expanding out your story to an extremely massive length.

Also, everything happened way too fast. I barely understood what was going on most of the time. I'm a fast reader, and that might be my problem because sometimes I skip over somethings. But still, you want to make sure that even if your reader is one that reads quickly, that they can still understand everything that is going on.

Personally, I like to over explain things to the point where it becomes redundant. That's usually how I make all my descriptions. I have a need to describe everything I envision to happen. If you don't describe the characters, the settings, the villain, or anything in the plot to a point where the reader is content with your description, then you need to go back and add some chunky details.

Trust me, adding lots and lots of details adds hundreds, maybe even thousands onto your chapter's word count.

Nevertheless, the plot was decent by all standards, but the execution was off. I hope I didn't hurt your feels.

Don't hate me

[CocoMonroseMellow]

I loved it!