The Great and Powerful Trixie has seen better days. She's barely able to make ends meet and is too prideful to accept help, which she debates she even deserves. Deciding that giving up just isn't her style, Trixie develops a cunning plan to return to the public eye and restore her fractured image.
A flash of inspiration provides her with the perfect opportunity. Take up the mantle of an already established hero, and then reveal yourself as having been them all along. Completely foolproof!
Trixie's pursuit of fame and fortune opens up a whole new world of problems for her however, and Shining Armor's meddling only complicates matters further. Just how long can Trixie keep her charade up? Is a travelling showmare all she's destined to be?
Featured 05/02/16
I really REALLY like this idea.
Have a like, a fave, and my interest
5875708 fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/277/f/2/derpy_dance_by_mixermike622-d4bunum.gif
I am intrigued for how she will get on Shining's bad side. My predictions:
1. Shining doesn't like vigilantes
2. Trixie-MMDW tries to be a hero, but her actions often misfire and she ends up looking like a criminal
Eh.... I don't really like where this is going considering that Trixie is only doing this to still TRY to one up Twilight. They ended things on good terms so why not just leave that portion just like that, good terms.
5881647 Trixie doesn't care about one upping Twilight anymore, she just wants to be appreciated. That, and the story's still starting, the characters have a lot of development to go through.
5875969 Well... You never know.
This is off to an interesting start. I'm certainly going to be keeping an eye on this.
You might be playing up the introspective portions of Trixie's character a little heavy, early on. Like they say, it's always better to show, not tell.
However, it seems you've got a great grasp on how you want to portray her and I do like the turmoil of mixed emotions as she tries to balance between her good nature, but also selfish and jealous desires.
I'm quite eager to see how the Shining-Trixie interactions will play out.
Great job so far!
I believe there should be a comma between "me" and "sir". There are other parts that made this mistake. But beside from that, I am absolutely loving where this is going! Keep this up, good sir!
5881662 True.
I'm rather liking this. It's not spot-on my take on Trixie (she's my favorite, so I'm a bit finicky), but it's a very good one and you're doing a good job of avoiding a whole bunch of unwarranted clichés and pitfalls.
I really liked the scene with Apple Leaves and Bushel; they came across as interesting and enjoyable. I hope they stay friends with Trixie. Trixie's reaction to the whole ordeal - "Why should anyone be rewarded for doing what's expected of a normal decent person?" - is pretty spot-on, in my opinion. Trixie's a pony who works hard for everything she's got and doesn't expect the world to owe her anything other than basic respect. It often annoys me when stories insist on having the protagonists lauded and rewarded for doing basic things. (Or sometimes lauded and rewarded for not doing bad things, as though deciding to not punch a stranger for no reason is a show of grand magnanimosity.) Good people should be doing good things without expecting a payoff.
Sorry for digressing. Looking good so far. Will be interesting to see how things run afoul once Trixie dons the cowl. (Because of course it will; conflict is ever vital to a story.)
5891094 There will absolutly be no conflict related to Shining Armor
A lot of the story's really about how the whole "doing the right thing" clashes with Trixie's own desires, but hopefully any and all character development outweighs the dullness of the Trixie-specific cliches and characteristics. As overused as they are, some are just necessary to this interpretation of Trixie. For example the outright hatred she has for Twilight in some stories I find is more distracting than complimentory, here I'm going for a more "she just wants to get on with her life" approach, although it may not seem like it at the moment with the whole "She's an Alicorn!?" bit.
Thanks
Wow--I am having a lot of fun so far. I have a strange love of those scenes when cold characters are met with kindness, and react with shock and suspicion. And this is exactly what has happened. And, honestly, I think it would be cool if Apple Leaves came around every once in a while. I mean, Trix is staying there until Hearth's Warming (at least, that's her plan) and she's staying on their farm. And she's not technically an OC, right? I mean, she exists in the show. :P
Just saying, I like both Leaves and Trix as characters in this fic. It's still in its early stages, though, so I am really excited for what you do with it.
5908791 I suppose I'm just a bit apprehensive. Trixie has an established personality from the show to work off of, whereas a poorly done OC can ruin a story if they're just sort of 'there' and have no personality.
Thanks!
Great job in characterization in this chapter!
Off to a great start.
5881936 Late reply sorry.
Thanks for the comment! Showing vs telling was always my problem, hopefully its improving as the story goes on.
5882047
5913591
Thanks!
YOU ARE THE WORST AUTHOR EVER!
(Jk you're doing good man. Keep it up.)
5925508
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/3393576/drew-carey-reacts-o.gif
Jk, thanks!
Trixie's first heroic act as the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well...
...accidentally spooking two kids, followed by fleeing the cops and paparazzi.
5926791 Well... Trixies got a lot to learn.
Ps. Just found out about your own Mare-Do-Well story, will most definitely check it out.
Gee, Trixie. If you did some training, maybe you can actually beat some thugs up.
Another good chapter.
I think you did a really good job digging into Trixie's psyche and showing the reader what makes her tick.
Just a few things to help you with your writing.
This is something I catch myself doing all the time: using the word "quickly." The best time to use adverbs is never, or at least I read something like that somewhere. Basically, adverbs like "quickly" actually slow down the pace that the reader reads at, and many adverbs can be removed by referring to a thesaurus (run quickly -> sprint/dash).
In one sentence, you used the word "quickly" twice.
Also, simple and humble are almost synonyms, not antonyms, so the word "but" doesn't make a lot of sense here.
attendance
This is deep, man.
Everyone wants to be loved. This made your Trixie incredibly sympathetic while packing a powerful punch. Her statement is short, to the point, and powerful. I love it.
Keep up the good work.
And the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well makes her debut!
Eagerly awaiting more heroics from Trixie!
She might not be the mare Fillydelphia wants, but she is the mare Fillydelphia needs. Go Trixie!
Finally, some honest to Celestia MDW action! Feedback, be mindful of spelling and homonyms - allusive, monologging, etc.
How did Trixie slip away from the Apples without them noticing?
This is a fantastic chapter.
I really felt a strong twinge of sympathy for Trixie, as I myself have gone through some hardships in my life that left me with a few screws loose. I really want to see Trixie win and get the love she deserves (and learn that she is already loveable as she is, she doesn't need to prove it.)
It is really tough to watch her think little of herself because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be love. That is really harsh, man.
Just be sure to check your work for spelling errors. I write my stuff in a word processor (or more likely on G-Docs on Firefox) so that I can catch the spelling errors.
5944865
A Rocky-style training montage is always a possibility.
5945718
5946582
More Trixie / Mare-Do-Well theatrics to come!
5948192
I always did suck at spilling.
And I added a little bit to say they took different routes home, thanks for catching that!
5945298
5948387
Thanks for the input, I'll try to take the advice.
Trixie is best pony after all, I'll try to do her justice as best I can!
Mysterious fires in the city? Gangs? Trixie might find herself in over her head soon.
Wonder what Trixie does to get the personal attention of the Captain of the Royal Guard. Does she get blamed for something, or does Shiny just have a hobby of chasing masked mares?
That's one way to live up to the mysterious part.
I like it.
I'm excited to see how Shining factors into this.
I'm liking this story a lot so far. I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens when Trixie gets the opportunity to try some actual superheroing, as opposed to just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Being a hero, after all, is all about being in the wrong place at the right time.
(Incidentally, Trixie as Mare-Do-Well really is a fun concept. Before I found out about this, I had an idea to put her in the purple, myself, albeit under very different circumstances.)
Well, she didn't get very far with her plan...
I started shaking my head and predicted disaster as soon as she found the costume. She has only known of the Mysterious Mare Do Well for only a day, but she is clearly an established figure. If there are costumes of MMDW already out there, odds are her plan of coming out as MMDW's true identity wouldn't work.
However, I didn't expect her to screw up so soon.
I feel sympathetic for her need of recognition, but I don't see this course of action getting her what she really wants, so I'm really rooting for her to succeed, despite knowing she's headed for disaster.
Good job on this chapter. Keep it up.
Yes! A Mare-Do-Well story! With Trixie nonetheless! I can't wait to see how this turns out. Trixie makes her second appearance a success. Hopefully, that stallion will get the word out that she's a hero.
Can't wait for the next update!
~Melly~
Oh wow..... that's.... actually a very selfish reason Shining. Don't you think that MAYBE Mare-Do-Well means more to those people than you think and that she'll be able to hurt the ones you can't touch? Oh but no you gotta heal your DAMN WOUNDED PRIDE.
6171617
Cadance should have given him a Gibbs slap upside the head.
image.wikifoundry.com/image/2/C8PoJQwIbGjFUpUwrVrHUQ458647/GW300H169
6171812 OH MY GOD SO I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CALLS IT THAT!
6171812
6171821
Who's to say that Shining won't get slapped at some point?
m.quickmeme.com/img/8f/8f33437075f3e94b2f3886cad6283e7d65c00376b3aa3b07cf3a4cc59cbf1dfc.jpg
6171836 Oh he'll probably get slapped.... and kicked.... and punched.... by Mare-Do-Well.
This prompted him to explain, in an evidently angered tone, though not directed at Cadance. "The guards... the police. We're the ones who are meant to be protecting everypony. What does it say about us when there's some random mare out there doing it on her own authority?" he spoke in disapproval.
It says that the guards aren't enough to deal with the crime rate and that the citizens feel they are being failed in terms of protection and need to do this on their own.
lol, I laughed so hard during this chapter.
There were a few mistakes in verb tense and stuff, but nothing major.
Keep up the great work!
~Melly~
While I do like the references to the MLP IDW comics, I don't like how you made Shining's motivation the cliched and selfish the "only the police can enforce the law" approach (as other commenters pointed out before me).
Personally, I think you should have gone with the "accidental bad guy" angle with Trixie's attempt at "heroism" turning out hilariously disastrous in ways that makes the MMDW look like a villain.
Although (speaking of the comics), if you're referencing what I think you;re referencing, then perhaps you can tackle/revise/fix some of the flaws in that comic arc that Silver-Quill brought up...
And given recent events (which I won't mention due to NOT wanting to cause a flame war), I think it would be cathartically enjoyable if the Mysterious Trixie Do Well beat up some "Stained Shields" (or at least slapstick shenanigans happenning to some of the Fillydelphia police as an accidental result of Trixie's "heroics" like I suggested earlier).
6172595 There's still a bit more to Shining's motivation that has yet to be elaborated on, plus it's not too late for Trixie and Shining to ruin everything in ways that may turn out to be not so hilarious. And...let's just say that Trixie's not gaining too many fans among the police, which may prompt some ill advised actions on their part.
I know this is going to become some sort of batman/spiderman spinoff. But still I like how you executed the story so far. Keep on the good work.
more please !
Shining.... Rainbow had the same problem.... but then again every fan from here to the end of the Solar System still claim she's the innocent one so you might be safe.
I hope she is okay
Yay! I'm so happy for the update!
I'm pretty sure this is a typing mistake.
Also this.
Should be written scarred.
Keep up the great work! I love this story!
~Melly~
Hmmm... this scene seems so familiar. I could have sworn I saw such a scene on TV where a vigilantly confronted a pyromaniac. Which show was it again?....
Anyway good story so far, can't wait for the next chapter.
it's good to see an other chapter of this story, I am looking forward to see how the Showdown between Trixi and Shining is going to go about.