What would happen if all the Humans of Equestria came together for a game of poker? What would happen if they all went to the mall?
Shenanigans.
(This is heavily dialogue based, so be warned. It will be clear who is talking, though. If you don't really know these characters, then you probably will not get the references I make. I asked all the authors' permission for use of their character.)
Special thanks to Glassed for his pre-reading abilities!
Cast includes:
My Second Life's Coal!
Another Chance at Life's Kyle!
Le Retour and How Did I Get Here's Kyle Bucy! (He will be referred to this with this name.)
Equestria's First Human's Connor!
Trip Of A Lifetime's Josh!
Human's Second!
MPPT3000's Author!
Into A New World's Fiery!
With special guests:
Through The Eyes Of Another Pony's Firewall! (In The Shopping.)
Not the Afterlife I Signed Up For's Isaac! (In The Shopping.)
Most random evening in the universe of fanfiction, but damn it was entertaining!
-Glassed
Strangeness personified.
You requested criticisms in your message, so if you want my suggestions I think more setup could have been used. In spite of everything, I don't read a lot of HIE, so I don't know many of the other characters here. It would have helped to have some kind of background on them, like a paragraph or two explaining who they are, what they look like and why they're in Equestria, otherwise they're just names and some personality traits to me, and I know that someone who hasn't read Human would feel the same about Second that I feel about the rest of the characters. This really is a story that reqires familiarity with the source material, and if you don't have it then you're at a disadvantage here.
Oh, and if a character is singing in a story, don't throw all the lyrics in there. Just some. Put in the most recognisable of them and describe the song in the background and others' reactions to it. Copy pasting the entire lyrics sheet in is a bit distracting.
For positives, I like the concept, and I think the humour came across well. Not a classic by any stretch, but it got a few chuckles out of me, even when about the characters I'm unfamiliar with.
In conclusion, what you have is rough around the edges and needs some polish, but you've got something going here. I'd reccomend revisions.
Technically, Connor would be sulking at the G6 part. He hates it because it was overplayed.
He's more into metal, rock, death metal. But still, good work!
360833
I'll include that then! Thanks for your suggestion!
And I think you're right. I'll try and edit it.
360854
Lawl
360860 You should have him hum a little bit of "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica
that was the most random story ever!
I wish my human character was notable enough to get into a fic like this.
Even though I only knew a few of the characters, I found this story to be extremely enjoyable.
Please, make more.
361745
361759
361765
Your comments are delicious.
HOLY SHIT THAT WAS EEEPPPPIIIICCCC!!!!!!!!!!
YOU sir.....are AWESOME!
“That’s because for us it’s a giant laser shooting demon who craps bombs, but to him it’s Tuesday.” I DIED!
Very funny! It does help knowing the characters (*wink*), but I enjoyed those that I didn't know as well!
atalude.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/hnnnng.jpg
The amount of awesome, it is too much
361814
No...
YOU ARE!
361854: Yes I am.
But I ain't the one who wrote this AWESOME STORY!
361842
Somehow I knew that you wouldn't expect this. And perhaps like it along the way.
361861
Awesome isn't the right word...more like "weird, random, a little funny, and COMPLETELY INSANE"
361872: and Epic. You forgot Epic.
I didn't know any of them (maybe) and I understood almost nothing, but this was still very amusing.
361745
Make an awesome one-shot to gain followers, and then make an original story. Totally not what I'm doing here at all.
Pretty good! Had me chuckling, only thing I would've edited would be to put in a human named "Anon" who is only there for a short period of time before he has to go give a massge or however it plays out the the billions of clopfics hahaha
361878
...perhaps.
361887: Indeed.
Have you considered making this a series? I could easily see it becoming one, with each installment having different (or recurring character), playing various types of card games.
361884
...the creepy thing about that is I originally made a character somewhat similar.
People we have achieved k12314 and Coal Buck favorites.
HEY, don't hurt ma demon.
361894
How many jokes could I make about Coal being a goody-two-shoes before it gets old? I gave it serious thought, but I decided I can only use my humor glands in my brain once in a while. It took a while to make sure each joke fit properly, while DJ BR0N3 is a natural. I'm used to writing "srs bsns" fics.
361915
He's okay enough to topple over a house, so you don't need to worry.
But honestly I didn't expect a comment about an evil demon's health, so I'm fresh out of witty remarks.
361928 That means Itheawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/level-up.PNG
361936
Not sure I get that. All I can hope is that his twin balls have a healthy birth.
361940 SOMEBODY ELSE GETS THE JOKE!
361942
Now I'm confused. That was the joke? Wow, I'm smarter than I think.
Hmmm I just had an idea
What if we all made ourselves one big inter-dimensional society
We would all participate and be a league of heroes
At the end, when the shadow version of the society is finished, we all log onto Minecraft and turn our written worlds into virtual worlds.
AND MAKE MACHINIMAS
Nice concept story by the way. (I'll be keeping an eye on you.)
361947 When they did it nobody got that he'd have 4 balls since he got plus two. You didn't get it exactly right but you were close.
361949
Not sure if gusta.
Also, thanks for stalking me in my sleep. I'm reassured.
361951
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could you possible name all the storys there off i know who second and josh is i assume firey is firewall or stephan but the rest no idea D: many thanks
that is all
kthanxbai
Not trying to hand out free ideas when I can do them myself, but have you considered doing an OC pony version? That would be really EPIC.
I should start selling these, judging by how many I give to others...
Hands down the most random and funniest thing I've ever read
361957
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That's not what I meant at all.
Moar ideas. The combo story would have the intergalactic members go through training either at Ravenholm, Tartarus, or maybe even Felucia. The members would then get their own inter-dimensional starship, whatever they want from the legendary starship builders. U.S.S Enterprises, Super Star Destroyers, and others. When emergencies arise, whither it be military or enviromental, there's a digital sign-up sheet that always gets filled up in the first 10 minutes of it being posted on the inter-dim-web. I feel silly for thinking bout it
362020
You're fic in a few sentences:
Kyle: Holy moly Batman! A level one emergency!
Author: WARPDRIVE!
*ship explodes*
By any chance did this game take place next door to the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos?
362047
Confidential information.
Oh bejeezus... This was most certainly NOT what I was expecting.
Which is a good thing.
As for some criticism, I'm going to repeat what's been said earlier in that you should really, REALLY have a paragraph or blurb on each character. I mean, I gave all the links a click in the description, but the problem is that all these stories are huge multi-chapter projects. For people who don't have time to read all this (after all, I am one of the bronies working on a huge multi-chapter project), they're going to be completely lost. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed it since all the characters had personalities that stood out (Although author was borderline retarded in this.), and there were quite a few moments that got me smiling. Basically, everything DannyJ said, I second.
Also, I really want to do a riff of this now for the lulz.
362154
One; That would be so awesome I can't even say.
Two; I'm probably going to do that right now.
Oh and I see Author as a little full of himself in a way. That's probably wrong but...I digress.
362030
oh it won't be my fic.
It shall be our collective fic.
Our individual stories would track individual points of view.
361994
Check da description bro.