Cheese Sandwich is a quiet and shy pony from Manehatten. He has strong child ambition to become somepony great. But he is to scared to venture out in fear of somepony neglecting him once again. On his journey from leaving the life he knows towards a goal of support and dignity, he finds out how he can get every pony to know his name!
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I'm kind of confused by this. Is "Twilight" Newbery's nickname, or are we talking about a different pony all together? Because chances are this isn't the same Twilight that's a student of Princess Celestia at the time of this story.
This fic needs some work, there's a ton of spelling and grammar mistakes to correct.
It seems good so far! But I got confused when Twilight and Rainbow's names showed up during Newberry and Liptons parts in the story I don't know if they're supposed to be there or not...
NO NO NO NO NO! THE TITLE IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(just for some context here, in this case you should say "It's Too Cheesy" not "Its To Cheesy". It's a bad look to have that glaring a grammar mistake in your title, of all places)
Change the title. It should be "It's too Cheesy!"
~And there's already two grammatical mistakes in the title.
I was reusing a story I wrote a while ago. the old one is not published
3898093 I am reusing a story I wrote a while ago. the old one is not published
3898079 I am reusing a story I wrote a while ago. the old one is not published
3900461 Oh ok
3900467 You could've just clicked on all three comments and replied to them all at once you know. It's really quite simple and avoids annoying double or even triple posts.
3900670 oops!
Still waiting to see improvement. I don't really see how this ties into Cheese Sandwich's past so far.
3900861 I am trying to develop his story in a unique way. He has admitted to two other ponies that he is an orphan. Cheese in my eyes is shy and scared but does have a bit of child ambition in him. The only friends he has is a librarian and old pegusus who both help him to try to find meaning in his life. I am trying to develop the characters more and make this story kinda long. He will make it to ponyville soon enough! Notice how its incomplete
And so begins Cheese's quest to Ponyville, and the party that would change his life.
3922213 Now are you happy?
3922219 Yes.