A small filly sneaks into the Rainbow Factory looking for a place to stay. Owner Firefly finds the filly and has a choice to make. Turn the filly in to a death sentence or hide her? What would you do for another?
Chapters (1)
graceyadorable
Joined 25th Jan, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Bad_Seed_72 · 96k words · 724 15 · 9.7k views
- Mica · 38k words · 458 25 · 7.5k views
- PaulAsaran · 73k words · 133 5 · 1.8k views
- CrackedInkWell · 51k words · 220 12 · 5k views
- Coffee dot exe · 15k words · 27 0 · 1.5k views
- Silky · 19k words · 39 2 · 2.1k views
- Luna Nightshade · 29k words · 23 0 · 964 views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
1,013 users online
1,766,689 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Description promises a lot. Story has 2- k words.
No.
3897604
sorry!
Kinda did this in the middle if the night! I will probably fix it some more soon!
3897627 A story like this needs much, much more than 1k words in order to get a satisfying, well-accomplished ending. Buildup and character development are a must. Make me care for these characters, author!
No need for apologies, you didn't do anything inherently harmful.
3897722 thanks for criticism but this is only my second story. I did this quickly so I wouldn't loose the idea! I am sorry its not your taste and I am working on this!!
3897741 If I may give you some pointers:
1) If you're itching to write an idea before it escapes, do so on some document on your computer and save it. When you're done, go to bed and work on it the next day. Let the idea brew in order for everything to be explained. I mean no offense, but "I was in a hurry and posted it before the idea escaped my mind" is a very half-assed excuse. You have several software tools (and even Google Docs, which is free) to post your text and save it for further editing without needing to post it here as a story. Hell, you could've just written it here on FiMFiction without publishing it.
Nobody wants to read a quickly-scribbled story!
2) The characters are never properly introduced. While this isn't inherently bad, it forces you as an author to expand upon them a lot--especially since they are OCs--which will take a lot of time (to think and write) and space (after it is written). If not, we readers will be facing a story about OCs who have nothing we can relate with! This makes us readers not give a single fuck (pardon my French) as to what happens to the characters.
3) Once you have written it, ask for someone to pre-read it for you. Join FiMFiction's chat and--without spamming--ask if someone would be willing to give you a hand with your story. There are websites for it (ponychan's /fic/ board and groups right here in FiMFiction). I recommend you using Google Docs, as it makes it easier for people to leave comments regarding certain parts of the story.
4) With the hints others have given you (yes, you will probably have to ask more than one person for help since you're a beginner; that still means more than two!), you will ponder on them and develop your characters more and work on the writing itself. Once you're done, repeat steps 3 and 4 until you are thoroughly satisfied with your own work.
5) Read. A lot! The key to writing is reading, so you'll be able to explore new ways for storytelling, better shaping your own storytelling. For instance, since you are writing a Rainbow Factory spin-off, I suggest you go to the original and read it again completely, paying a lot of attention to every little detail the text throws your way. When you're done, go to the sequel and repeat the same thing. This will help you identify some problems with your characterizations. I suggested Rainbow Factory because this is a spin-off of it, but you can read other successful sad stories in order to better grasp how to correctly portray other character's emotions through text and how to give your OCs better characterization and relatability (is this even a word?)
If I may, dear author, you did a very good job by not mixing the Sad tag with the Tragedy tag. A lot of authors in this website don't know that both are mutually exclusive, so this in and on itself makes me applaud you.
PS: If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, let me direct you here for answers.
3897828 whoa!!
Um.. I guess I should say thank you! I deserve to have some critism... I will work on the paper some more.
Thank you again for giving me some pointers so this story and idea I have can be more broaden and better!
3897828 also I did take a few days wring this and it was over winter break and haven't been back to the story since
3897845 No worries. Everyone deserves a chance. You're no different.
I hope you take my advice and improve a lot on your writing. Your attitude is positive and, if you're really willing to try and perfect your craft, then others can expect good things from you in the neat future.
Can I just give you some general advice? You need descriptions. Not of your characters since that's generally a boring experience. You need to set the scene for me. I literally could not imagine what was going on in this story because there's little to no descriptions. It's fine to write out a general outline of a story but you have to go back and put in those descriptions. I want to SEE what you're seeing in your head when you were writing this, not just the cliff notes version! I want to BE there, not just hear about it second hand!
Overall, could be better but it could be worse. Keep it up! Also next time just keep a journal near your bed and write down the idea, save you some trouble later on.
Soooooo touching. But the story itself was not that descriptive and started out kinda direct. But besides that great story!