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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I would suppose having certain images or flashbacks appearing would be the best option. In other words, have a dream about his family, an important moment(Like a Graduation/ Achievement), and one of him flying his jet. I never liked the dream sequences that have Luna knowing your every thought and memory or learning everything the character knows in a night. She should have a very difficult time going through his dreams and memories and even be outright denied access to some if not most; regardless of her power. I say this due to how complicated our mind is and to give that "Humanity" factor some stories ignore.
I also like it when the ponies don't always have an easy (magic) solution to all their problems. His "Humanity" should provide a challenge that can't be solved with magic. imo
Luna wants to learn about him through dreams instead of simply being around him in person. This will force them to learn more about him like anyone else; through contact. Although she should at least get the feeling that he is safe to be around so long as you don't threaten him.
Whatever you decide, these are just my thoughts and opinions on this particular matter. Feel free to ignore my rambling.
I'm looking forward to the next update.
~8chill
3855715 I agree with this guy, mostly. I don't personally like dream walking, but that's just me.
The dreams are where your guard is let down, same with mind reading. Really, how do you hide things from someone who is reading your thoughts?
3857447 lol, by having nightmares...
3855715 I like your idea much better than my own, but I will keep the first sequence I have going. next will be graduation, the next will be ____, and so on. lol... I don't think it would be best to give you the gist of what im going to write right away, but I will include things that show he is dangerous... maybe have him on a training course with live ammunition, firing at targets that pop up... Luna will be 'observing' one when she is frightened by how dangerous he is with his weapon, but before she can figure out what happened, and him as well, dreams will shift again... after that, I know what I will keep hidden for now.
Thanks by the way. When asking for help, sometimes it doesn't always come in the form I hope, but this did exactly that, and for that, you helped contribute as a reader!
3858142
No problem glad I could help
~8chill
Nice story so far, also some edits:
>> “T’is a strange creature sister... arte thou sure it can speak?”<<
'arte' should just be 'art'
(I think it should be "art thou sure it canst speak?")
The (first?) (present tense only) verb after thou should have the -(e)st ending (with shallt and willt being irregular verbs)
>>“Our deepest apologies. When thee spoke not a word<<
Should be "When thou spake not a word." with spake being the archaic form of spoke.
Thou is the subject form, thee is the object form. 'Word' is the object here.
>>I thought thou knew not how to talk. Mine name is Luna... Princess Luna, ruler during the night.”<<
Should be "My name is Luna" (Or since it's Luna, "Our name is Luna")
The genitives my and thy, and possessives mine and thine are used almost the same as my/mine are used today, with the exception of when they are before a vowel.
When before a vowel sound, the -n form is used, with thy becoming thine, and my becoming mine. This is the same function as the article 'a' becoming 'an' before a vowel sound.
examples:
Subject is my thing.
Subject is mine eye.
Subject is mine.
Subject is thy property.
Subject is thine own.
Subject is thine.
Subject is a dog.
Subject is an object.
>>“T’is a deal... but if I may be so bold, does thy fear me seeing dreams about Rainbow Dash?”<<
Should be "Dost thou fear me seeing dreams about Rainbow Dash?"
>>“I like to fly in Ponyville because it has wide open spaces, and there aren’t too many other Pegasus in Ponyville that care to fly all that often.”<<
Forgot to pluralize pegasi (also, capitalization of the three tribes should be consistent, since within the frame of the story, 'Pegasus' is not an eponym, and earth ponies are named for, assumably, the ground rather than the planet: All should be proper nouns, or all should be common nouns.)
>>“If Ponyville is dangerous, or see’s dangerous things, then how is it still here?”<<
no apostrophe in sees
>>“But other than all that, it sounds like our homes are generally the same, aside from the obvious differences. Then again, we don’t have awesome Pegasus lady’s flying everywhere...”<<
apostrophes are for genitives/possessives and contractions(and emphasis), not plurals, lady's should be ladies
>>I could see living with Dash at max, but in the version of a friend sleeping on another friends coach...<<
couch
3870433 lol... thanks...
im taking English class to improve my writing, but even then, I try to speak a few of these phrases to see if they sound better than what they look like. heh... I understand everything you wrote, but it is SOO confusing... xD
3870433 I will make the edits, but the I will keep some things the same, such as spoke, instead of spake; I intend to keep it in a form that Luna is trying to speak the proper way, just some words will be kept or often used as a 'forgetfulness' on her part.
He's taking this whole scenario rather well... Who gives a damn about his jet. Does he realize he may never see his friends and family again? Whatever happened to the guy in the other jet? Did he fly into Dominic's plane and blow up? Also, I would think Celestia/Luna would be a bit more apprehensive considering he's technically a soldier from a highly advanced and considerably more war-like alien race.
Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself and the reality of his situation hasn't fit him fully yet, but he's being rather indifferent about this whole thing.
*abode
"adobe" is a computer software company.