The Portal between Earth and Equestria has opened, the fight to save what remains of humanity begins. This is a sequel to 'Coming Out of It'.
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Celestia's actions seem VERY out of character here. Very much so.
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That's the thing though, all we ever see is Nice Celestia, never Politician Celestia. She's had thousands of years to build up a facade, and actually started believing it herself, until people started questioning her. At least, that's the angle I'm going for here. I'm not so good at writing political stuff.
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But it really isn't a facade. We have seen her when she's alone or only around her sister. She's not a Machiavellian schemer, she's Glinda the Good Witch.
Yay! A update! I can't wait to see the crossover and the next chapter of the story!
This story has been turning quicker and quicker into the realm of... not impossibility, but to a realm where things just become straight up not believable.
Celestia is acting very much out of character it feels like to me, she has had THOUSANDS of years of experience. She has seen all walks of life, She has seen Kindness and Cruelty, Generosity and Avarice. She has seen many of the extremes there are, and yes while she is DEFINITELY not perfect, not by a long shot. She IS experienced enough not to let fear rule her every action that you seem to be having her do. You make her out to be some racist, xenophobic dictator that rules with an iron hoof disguised as a gentle blanket.
If this behaviour had been coming from the people in the United Nations (Which it kind of has on a lesser scale.) It would be more believable because they are less than 100 years old. They don't have the millennia of experience that an IMMORTAL ruler does. (I say immortal btw in the context that at the very least the ravages of time does not take it's toll on them.)
Yes I will admit that she doesn't have any RECENT history with wartime and the fear and the fog it causes, but this has been happening for a while now, and her initial kneejerk reactions should be long gone and the calm and collectedness should be reasserting itself by now.
I won't tell you what you should and should not do with your story. It's YOURS and not mine after all. I will still be reading, and even if I wasn't that wouldn't (SHOULDN'T) stop you. Heck if you decided that you were going to make Celestia some power-hungry, hell bent on world domination, tyrant I don't mind that, I mean I would be upset since I like celestia, and I like this version of her as well, but that's your choice to make.
Simply put, you do you. I just wanted to get my viewpoint in so you can get some reader feedback. I'll be watching this story because you are a fantastic writer and i'm certain you have fantastic ideas that I can't wait to see pan out.
Now Celestia seems to be a combination of the sick man of Europe and the Von Habsburgs. Her army has now fallen behind in terms of technology and her power no longer means what it once did thanks to the rise of a new nation.
If Equestria somehow gets tanks that can go on par with the T-34-85 (however unlikely), will we be seeing Steve in the IS-7?
And for some reason Eventide's uniform reminds me of the R2 uniforms of the Order of the Black Knights high command.
Gotta love those T-34s
If New America has a two front war, I can't wait till they have some Treaty of Versailles levels of reparation fees from Equestria.
The funny thing is that the general thinks that Rainbow Dash she'll be loyal to Equestria, and not to her friends. Friendship is magic not, My country is magic. Dash also sicks out in a crowd as does her personality, her doing stealth recon infiltration is a shit show at best. Not to mention that she has to maintain a cover while betraying her friends in New America, Dom, Luna, That one pony in the trenches.
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I'm losing control on the reigns, it's actually starting to slip away from me. I've gotten so mixed up I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore, writing is difficult when I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of, and I was stupid in making so many plots start up at once. I'm glad your sticking around, but I'm just saying sorry in advance if I fuck the entire thing up. I've kinda lost confidence in myself to continue this story on my own, hence that little note about a possible crossover. Again, it won't be canon to this story, but it'll give me someone to read over what I'm doing. If you have any more thoughts, please send them to me in a PM so I have a more concrete way of looking at them.
Celestia finally got everyone's shit list for how she treated Dominic and now she's working to be put right back on with a side note that says "never remove,never forgive".
Celestia is being a bitch. She is starting stuff she isn't gonna finish. Americans have not done anything bad. It has all been her so far.
Lol Starbound. That game is so fun.
Gotta make "War plan Pink"!
GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!! I haven't finished yet but I just wanted to point out that even in magical horse land I STILL cannot get away from the fucking T 34-85.....
You ever played war thunder and about 3 of those bastards pop their turrets over a hill? Its a fucking nightmare it is. So while you try to play whack-a-mole with those 3 in a T-28 another just comes up over a hill about 1500 yards away from you and yolos you in the exhaust pipe with a single shell.....*innermost rage intensified*
P.S. just finished and I have to say that I'm liking where this is going!
Celestia may be a old ass horse but in the end she's gotten used to things going her way for the last thousand years or so, so she's going to be thinking differently about the matter and she's going to be nervous and a bit scared with what's happening around her.
she knows the tools of war that Dominic used to just defend himself also happened to cause a severe injury of princess Twilight just by messing around with them.
Now imagine a entire nation that has a military with much bigger things then a simple bullet and you have a very twitchy and nervous princess that knows her own army couldn't do very much against that force if they were coming with intentions of war.
Now keep in mind that Luna has the story of a country that Celestia wiped out and covered up and is in that nations capitol and the major race of the government are the ones that Celestia tried to wipe out.
That'd make anyone change attitudes pretty fucking quick if you ask me.
Great work on this man! You have stirred the political gumbo pot and actually made international politics a very splendid read! ~Almighty (AKA-Eldritch one)
I was just thinking unless Celestia herself joins the attack Luna could just blast the entire attack force of Equestria no matter what Celestia's spies find
Ya mean four years ago? Umm...
Heeeellllooo~ World War One! Where the death toll is high and the sheer level of hate is even higher!
REPUTATION!!!!!!
For fu-- really Celestia?!
I think this is the point where i call it quits for this story,
TL:DR There's just waaaaaaaaay too much going on and way too many characters that I just can't feel any significant amount of immersion into the storyline. It's almost a balancing act between qualtity and quality.
Just me start by saying that "Coming Out Of It" was absolutely amazing. I loved it to bits, everything was well paced and didn't require a ton of effort to follow along with the current events of that particular story. My only gripes with it were introducing more humans by really just plopping them down and saying "here's new characters because new characters always make things better" but really they don't.
But now we come to "Marching Back In" and I have a very different opinion.
The first couple of chapters were good and set up the plot fairly well but things started changing slowly and then we started really diverting into the side stories with the likes of 2 random humans fighting EOL, little quick bits about the internal politics of the EOL, even more internal politics of the UN with guys like Putin etc....
Honestly when I'd come to the those side stories in "Coming Out Of It", in particular to do with Jen and Johnny I simply skipped them or scrolled down through all the text until we were back to the main characters perspective. It got much worse for "Marching Back In" because it seemed like now there was a huge amount of main characters and side characters all with their own backstories and unique situations that it was really becoming a chore to keep track of how everyone all interacts(or doesn't interact) that I just decided that I've had enough and my patience had fizzled out.
Gone is the depth that was present in "Coming Out Of It", replaced by an overfilled container with so much inside that keeping track of it's many many contents is quite taxing. The perverbial container of "Coming Out Of It" had a few choices inside and if you wanted something specific that you're fond of then you'll be able to have a lot of it but for this particular story the multitude of content types in that container leave with with but a taste of something you like and a great deal of things you're either ambivilant towards or even dislike.
I'll end with that the writer is very very talented, so much so that as soon as I'm finished typing this I'm going to see what other stories he's written.
But it's almost as if that talent is raw and unfocused, putting effort into doing many things at once to an acceptable degree instead of only a few things to an exceptional degree.
Keep up the good work man, I'm not trying to be a dick about any of this but I'm hoping that my constructive critisim can make you even better than you already are.
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I get it man, I'll admit that this story is where I was starting to kind of lose my depth. The Sequels are meh, I've considered going back and redoing them but I think maybe its best to let sleeping dogs lie. Since then I've tried to refine things and plan things out more, most of Coming Out of It and the subsequent stories were written without any real set direction. I'm mostly self taught when it comes to writing. I appreciate the comments, while I'm no longer working on this series anymore I am working on another story which I hope to make into a series of its own that's focused on one main character, though there's a few side characters. A lot of the lessons I learned from writing these earlier ones have hopefully made future ones better. Thanks for sticking around as long as you did.
What kind of BS is this, is this a dick measuring contest or what?!
In what way is a country born to be peaceful, because if such a place exists, it either means their hiding something or they haven't been through real conflict, the same can be said for Equestria on both occasions. I'm starting to remember why I hate Celestia so much, not because how she acts in the show or how other authors portray her, but because her arrogant ass keeps on mucking things up.
EVERYTHING DOESN'T NEED TO BE PERFECT! Sure I look for that kind of perspective, but in the sense to better improve - always improve but never to perfect it - makes me sick seeing this kind of mindset placed so far that you can't tell how much shit you're seeped in.