When Nightmare Moon appears in my house, I'm thrown into a evil scheme to overthrow the princesses. I must do it if my family is to remain unharmed. Can I blend in with everypony? Will I succeed?
This is my first story, so please share!
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The grammar and structure is good.
But the various chapters are way too short to build anything, NOTHING happen in this story at all !
You can easily break this story in 2 chapters only :
- the earth part, finishing when he got transported to Equestria
- the ponyville part, finishing when he go live in the library, waiting to start the mission.
The MC seems a little less bland than the usual BiE crap, but barely.
And so far this story seems really dull and don't capt my interrest.
Alright.
1) NEVER post the entire story as a whole. First post 1 chapter, then wait a while before posting chapter 2 so you can improve the next chapters when you're given constructive criticism on the previous chapter.
2) Make every chapter 1,000+ words.
3) You've got a story that fits for a medium-long story, this story is extremely short.
2517691
Thanks for the input! I'll keep that in mind for future fics.
that was a good story.
is there going to be a sequel to this story?
2654008
Yes there is but I am going to write it over the summer so I can make it better than this one! So stay tuned!
2656578
ok.