Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLV · 8:07pm Jun 24th, 2021
I’m tired of paying rent that is all but guaranteed to go up every year like clockwork. I’m also aware that inflation is in the process of skyrocketing and will probably continue to do so until at least 2025. There are organizations buying up entire neighborhoods and putting them up for rent, effectively blocking regular home ownership.
Also, I want to grow fruit. Blueberries. Figs. Satsuma oranges. Maybe even apples if I can find a variant that can take this southern heat. And my own herbs too. If you’ve only ever eaten store bought fruits and veggies, lemme tell you people, you’re missing out. Blueberries in particular are shit when bought at the store.
All of this has led me to the decision to finally purchase a home of my own while I still can. I’m only in the pre-approval process ATM, but I’m hoping to have something in my name by the end of August, which is when my current lease ends. Not crossing my fingers on that deadline. I’ve already choked at the awareness that the closing costs are going to murder me, but if my brother who throws away money as fast as he earns it and spent ten years gleefully ignoring his debts can buy a home then damn it, so can I.
My only real concern is how much this will eat into my potential reading/writing time. Although to be fair, I’ve not been writing as much as I should. Most of my “wordcount” this month involved the re-editing work on BPH. Writing has finally resumed though, so that’s something. At this point I’ve pretty much abandoned all other projects in favor of this.
So yeah, hunting for a new home. Here’s hoping the accumulated advice of all those around me is enough to help me avoid getting screwed over.
Let’s get to some reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Borderline by Lucefudu
We Are All Made From Silence by Lucky Dreams
A Special Gift by iAmSiNnEr
Myths and Birthrights by Tundara
Gryphon Greed is Good by Snuffy
The Flower Mare: Unbroken by Flammenwerfer
Reunited by Rated Ponystar
Total Word Count: 474,790
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Borderline
13,484 Words
By Lucefudu
A prison psychologist is assigned to psychoanalyze the Baker Pony of Mane Street, Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Yes, this is a Pinkamena story. Yes, it treats Cupcakes as canon. In this rendition, Pinkie murdered over thirty ponies, including Zecora, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle before she was captured. I imagine the subject matter automatically removes a lot of potential readers. That’s fine. They’re not the intended audience, I’m sure.
I came away with mixed feelings. There’s the impression that Lucefudu is trying to make Pinkie into a complex villain. Maybe they succeeded. Yet this interpretation of Pinkamena felt less “Hannibal Lecter” and more “Pinkie Pie, you are so random!” That may have even been the point, i.e an attempt to make it so that Pinkamena defies psychoanalysis and logical interpretation.
Alas, she never intimidated me. I’m not sure whether that has something to do with the writing style (which goes a little too Telly at times, lacks any atmosphere, and is filled with strange phrases that don’t mean what I think the author intended) or with me being numb to the whole Pinkamena thing from overexposure. Maybe a combination of both. So Pinkamena was confusing and perhaps inconsistent, but never in a way that disturbed me.
There’s also the issue of the two bonus chapters. These are composed of nothing but images, which are apparently of the scrolls intended as Pinkie’s and another inmate’s prison files. This would be fine if Lucefudu A) where still around to maintain the images, as Pinkie’s is broken with no hope of ever being recovered, and B) hadn’t made the images themselves into links to a DeviantArt user page, making it impossible to resize them to something legible. Thus are these two chapters useless.
To top it all off, we’ve got the author’s complete lack of awareness regarding how things change over time. We’re expected to believe that Pinkie’s interviews have affected the doctor so badly that it has ruined his marriage. Except they’ve only had four meetings, so not much time has passed at all. You really expect me to believe that in just one month this guy went from having a regular family life to being divorced? Not much love in that marriage apparently. And let’s not forget the inference that it takes four weeks to heal a bruise.
I’m sure all of this makes it sound like I didn’t like the story. I admit it didn’t leave me enthusiastic. However, it is one of the better Pinkamena stories I’ve yet to read. It’s not a torture porn story and doesn’t deviate from its core element of psychiatric meetings. That’s not to say the story is tame either, but Lucefudu wasn’t trying to win us over with violence and gore. It felt like a genuine attempt to tell a serious story, and I can greatly appreciate that. This alone makes me curious about the sequel and whether it will treat the subject matter with any respectability or merely resort to the eye roll-inducing slaughter for slaughter’s sake.
Not a great story, but at the very least it has something over most other Pinkamena-themed tales I’ve seen. That alone warrants some extra recognition.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
We Are All Made From Silence
3,341 Words
By Lucky Dreams
Rainbow has been in accidents before. Not like this one. Having been barred from sleeping at the foot of Rainbow’s bed by the hospital staff, Scootaloo stays the night at Fluttershy’s, where she can get a clear view of the hospital through her window. When her terrors refuse to leave, Fluttershy recommends a strange technique for dealing with the problem: bathing in silence.
Yet again, Lucky Dreams delivers their flare for the delightfully visual, but this time adds the auditory to the experience. The story has Scootaloo face herself and her fears in order to help her cope. To aid in this, Fluttershy introduces her and the audience to a new world and concept through deep meditation and a visit from something beyond mere ponies. Full of the author’s trademark narrative voice, it quickly becomes a feast of the senses. Short and sweet, this one takes the usual charm of Lucky Dreams’ peculiar and typically endearing style and redirects it towards something dark and personal to glamorous effect.
Great character awareness, a touch of concept exploration, effective theming, and vivid descriptions. I am nothing but pleased.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Supper of Scootaloo Stew — WHYRTY?
A Candle in the Sky — Pretty Good
A Light in Dark Places — Pretty Good
Fly Before You Run — Pretty Good
Yes, Apple Bloom, there *is* a Santa Hooves — Pretty Good
A Special Gift
7,437 Words
By iAmSiNnEr
Requested by iAmSiNnEr
Twilight’s been overworking herself as the new ruler of Equestria. As such, Starlight’s decided to do something special for her over Hearth’s Warming. Having no idea what to do and with her friends all indisposed, she decides to ask Sunset Shimmer for help.
This story is fairly basic. Starlight calls on Sunset to help plan something for Hearthswarming, they go through plan, story over. It’s supposed to be some sort of Christmas Special-type tale. Alas, it has a number of issues that prevented me from getting any enjoyment out of it.
For starters, how is it Starlight claims all her friends are too busy for this project and yet the instant she has Sunset’s promise to help she goes to Pinkie? What, did she just assume Pinkie was too busy then forget all about that assumption? For that matter, if all her friends are too busy to do this Hearthswarming shindig then how did they manage to show up to it? And when why they’re so busy is revealed it turns out to be everything they always do anyway and thus should never have been a problem in the first place. As if that weren’t enough, Starlight seems to have completely neglected her supposed best friends Trixie and Sunburst, neither of whom make so much as a cameo! What about Maud? Geez, you’d think they’d have at least been invited to the big party.
Okay, so the plot’s a little rough around the edges. It’s fine, I suppose. If iAmSiNnEr wants to focus on just Sunset and Starlight for whatever reason, I’m not opposed. I wish they could have come up with more legitimate explanations for… everything, but it’s not a dealbreaker on its own.
What really kills it for me is the writing and its… lacking descriptions.
The two hastily made for the Friendship Express, which would bring them to Canterlot. They rode past snowy plains, white-capped mountains, and a flurry of snowflakes falling from the sky.
Is this supposed to mean something to me, author? There are plains. There are mountains. And there was, apparently, a single small batch of snowflakes that passed by the train at some unknown point on the trip and no other. iAmSiNnEr, if you’re trying to wow us with visuals this isn’t the way to do it. I used a small section when I know there are bigger parts, like Sugarcube Corner or the Secret Garden, but the problem is the same for all of them: there’s nothing interesting in them. You can’t just say “there were flowers” and expect the audience to be wowed. Get creative! Add in some metaphor and comparisons, mention senses other than sight, try some wit in the narration! It’s not enough to merely state what is there.
The dialogue is something of a struggle as well. It feels forced on many occasions, like the characters are reading from a script rather than being actual people.
“Come on!” Rainbow told her. “The others are already waiting for us, and I’m not first because I decided to wait for you!” she grumbled, but Sunset knew she was joking.
“You can’t be first every time, Dash,” Sunset teased. “I mean, I think even Fluttershy beat you this time!”
“Alright, stop it,” Rainbow groaned. “I wait for you, and this is the thanks I get?”
There’s nothing natural about this conversation. Even back in the first EqG movie, Dash wouldn’t whine about not being first to leave the school. This is over the top even for her. Also, “Sunset knew she was joking” is not an adequate way to demonstrate Rainbow’s mood. All you actually show of Rainbow is her being a grump, so it instead reads like Sunset is completely misreading Rainbow’s mood.
Accompanying this is the pointless melodrama. Starlight Glimmer descends into a teary-eyed depression because she… uh… failed to cast a spell correctly? And somehow thinks this ruins the whole event? What? Starlight is many things, but she doesn’t break down crying because of silly nonsense such as this! She certainly doesn’t need Sunset getting close enough to make shippers squee in order to get out of it. And that scene is nothing compared to Twilight, the Mane Six, Starlight and Sunset all breaking down into sobs because, oh my Celestia, they’re all in the same room!
Stop trying to shove emotion down our throats, author. People don’t start sobbing because that friend they haven’t seen in a month is suddenly at their doorstep. This story would be greatly served by an awareness of how people really behave. General character awareness would be a benefit as well.
To top it all off, there’s no ambiance to the story. It’s just a series of events, one after another. At no point does a scene feel rushed, or whimsical, or depressing, or happy. Sunset talked to Rainbow. Sunset talked to Starlight. Sunset talked to Pinkie. Sunset talked to her friends. Sunset rode a train. How are we supposed to react to any of these things? I can’t tell, because there’s no effort to give any of the scenes some atmosphere. The only times an attempt is made at atmosphere is in an over-the-top wave of melodrama as if to make up for the complete lack of emotional investment in the rest of the story. This harkens back to all the previous problems, which combine to make this one. It isn’t helped by how Starlight and Sunset face absolutely no hurdles to achieve this big event, walking through the entire process step-by-step without so much as a hiccup until Starlight’s moment of emotional whiplash.
iAmSiNnEr, your idea is a good one in general, but I’m sorry to say there’s a lot of technical work is needed before this one can land high in my bookshelves. First and foremost, I’d recommend practicing descriptions and scene setting, and then perhaps take a look at your dialogue. Don’t be too discouraged, these things take practice.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Myths and Birthrights
406,452 Words
By Tundara
Sequel to The Longest Night
Twilight Sparkle is about to ascend. Or, to be more accurate, she’s about to have the limitations cruelly thrust upon her when she was but a child removed at last. Set to become Ioka’s newest princess, she is entirely unprepared for the furious gauntlet outside forces intend to throw at her.
This is an epic tale that follows a great many characters along a great many pot threads, not all of which are concluded satisfactorily and few of which are properly described in full. For the most part, it bounces from subject to subject seemingly at random. Granted, each character has their own story arc to follow, and many of them do meet at a common end, so it’s not absolute chaos. I’m impressed Tundara manages to take so many disparate topics and threads and point them to a distinct conclusion.
The story is, at its core, a worldbuilder’s paradise. Seeped in Greek mythology, the story has a variety of gods appear and influence ongoing events, from the idiotic Zeus to the unfortunate Athena. We get to witness whole new environs ranging from blood soaked Zebra collisseums to the eternal city of Tartarus itself to distant monasteries of deer folk. There are demons based on the Seven Deadly Sins, heroes in service to gods, and great battles on land and air. Fillies become warriors, heroes battle monsters, everyday ponies ascend to alicornhood. There’s so much more, I’ve barely scratched the surface. When Tundara decides to go epic, they really decide to go epic.
The whole thing is delightfully ambitious,and there are few things I enjoy more than ambition in writers. If Tundara earns my praise nowhere else, let it be heard here.
And yet there are certain issues I recognized, some of which are clearly the product of – as Tundara acknowledged in a later chapter – an off the cuff writing style. The story was being developed as it was being released, meaning a lot of threads get forgotten only to be picked up again later, or characters might disappear, or things may be left incomplete. A great example of this is in the form of Zeus and Celestia. When they first meet, Zeus does something horrible, something that affects Celestia on a personal level and invites her entirely justifiable hatred (to say nothing of the hatred of an entire nation). Then they disappear for a dozen chapters or so and suddenly they're back on the scene and they're romantically involved? What? How? There is not enough bullshit to describe the bullshit that is this pairing! I’m just expected to accept it, as if Zeus’s violent, idiotic, childish behavior never happened? Fuck that.
It’s not that I oppose the pairing, it’s that I oppose not seeing the justification for it. But I see what happened here. Tundara had a plan, they merely neglected to show us how the events transpired. I get the feeling Tundara got so hung up on the main plotlines that they simply forgot this needed depiction until it was far too late.
That or they thought it would be better to make the subject into its own separate story.
That or they feared the story was getting too long and chose to skip pertinent, important scenes for the sake of word count.
Point is, the plot has some problems. Not so much that there are plot holes as there are plot holes where things that would be valuable, desirable info to the reader are missing. This was, to me, the single biggest issue of the entire story. The argument could be made that Tundara’s ambition outweighed their ability to see things through to their full scope.
I won’t be holding this too heavily against the author. I know what it’s like to use that particular writing style on epic stories. It is those same flaws that led me to abandon that writing style in favor of completing the story before publication. And besides, what we get is pretty nice. Favorite elements included Trixie giving into her maternal instincts, Fluttershy doing entirely unexpected things, Fleur kicking a surprising amount of ass, and everything Hades.
One caveat is the whole Tartarus thing. On the one hand, Tundara tries to instill some great dramatics by keeping no life sacred. Characters will die, including protagonists. Nopony is immune from this treatment, including the Mane 6 and the gods. This would have made for some powerful storytelling if not for the fact that the point is frequently made that death isn’t the end of a character's story and, yes, they can come back to life. Suddenly, I’m not all that invested in the demise of our favorite heroes anymore. Heck, I started to wonder why anyone gives a flying feather about this whole ‘death’ thing.
Then there’s the lack of follow-up for so many things. Celestia is romantically involved with a stallion who gleefully infuriated a rival nation, to say nothing of causing hundreds of deaths in the process, so why is there zero concern for how that nation will react to Equestria’s ruler dating such a villain? Two ponies, typically heroes or at the very least “good guys”, just brought about something close to the end times, slaughtering hundreds if not thousands and wrecking the landscape in the process, and as far as we can tell they’re suffering zero punishment. Oh, hey, that one character who kept making recurring appearances and was supposedly so important? We’re just gonna teleport her out of the scene and forget she ever existed for the rest of the story.
Still, credit where it is due. Myths and Birthrights is a sweeping epic on a grand scale with ever-growing stakes leading right up to a literal Armageddon. There’s nonstop worldbuilding and a conclusion that is satisfying, if very confusing (seriously, how did Soir do that?). The sheer ambition and imagination involved guarantees it a high place on my bookshelves despite the many underlying issues. I loved the character work, both in terms of personal and relationship growth, which was a highlight from beginning to end and never grew stale.
Honestly, I feel a little awkard with this review. I read everything before this and it feels like I had a lot of criticisms. Which is true. But it sounds as if Ididn't enjoythe heck out of this story, and I did. I really did. Tundara wrote it all in ways that kept me invested. There are issues, certainly, but I had a lot of fun with this story and the good certainly outweighs the bad. Now I’ll have to wait for The Rariad. Which, in all honesty, is the entire reason I started reading this series to begin with. Guess I’ll have to settle for one of the other stories in this AU while I wait.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tiger Bloom — WHYRTY?
The Longest Night — Pretty Good
Gryphon Greed is Good
7,891 Words
By Snuffy
Sequel to Dragon Greed is Good
More nefarious economics are afoot. This time there’s a blockade of griffon ports enforced by the griffons themselves. What’s strange is that this blockade and the events leading up to it enjoyed suspiciously convenient timing, namely when Luna and her servant Haywood were off on business. The Princess of the Night smells a rat.
This was an odd, meandering story, which is pretty much exactly the same as the story’s predecessor. Luna and her secretary Haywood travel around and beyond Equestria seeking clues as to the nature of the ongoing griffon trade dispute, all while trying and failing to keep a low profile and not directly interfere with foreign affairs. If I had to pin a theme down for this one, it would merely be “economics is hard”.
The story certainly has some things going for it. Luna still being a little out of touch with modern times is always a treat – her discovering the supposedly superior espionage tool known as “sunglasses” was particularly entertaining. There’s also the reveal of the cutest, least threatening criminal mastermind imaginable. And some of the cohorts Luna has to deal with are amusing in their own ways.
But to be honest, I just couldn’t get into this one as I did the last one. Not even close. Unlike the last story, the meandering events never felt like it was going anywhere and, worse, the ending felt immensely unsatisfying. Was there supposed to be some grand lesson here? A theme other than “Luna and Haywood explore places outside of Equestria”? I feel like there was some big picture I was supposed to have gotten at the end and it completely slipped under my radar.
I came away confused and uncertain of what I was meant to think. This one just couldn’t get to me like its predecessor. Perhaps in expanding the locale of Luna’s investigation Snuffy also expanded the scope and complexity of the underlying economics and I’m just too dense to get it. Whatever the case, I was less entertained by this one than I felt I should have been, and I’m not sure if that’s because of the story or me.
Bookshelf Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Beyond Achlys — Pretty Good
The Train Ride — Pretty Good
Dragon Greed is Good — Pretty Good
The Flower Mare: Unbroken
16,034 Words
By Flammenwerfer
Sequel to The Flower Mare: Seele
Schneeblume has endured many challenges in her life. Once a soldier, now a flower mare in Ponyville, she has had the great fortune of meeting three fillies who have helped her overcome a past fraught with the traumas of war. One day, while recounting a meeting she had long ago with the Kaiserin of her home nation of Alemaneia, the topic of her family comes up. It seems Schneeblume has one final hurdle to overcome…
This is a touching story of a mare who, after eight years of separation and fear, finally decides to meet the father who disowned her. Acting as the final story in a trilogy, it does a wonderful job rounding out Schnee’s tale of recovery. The story assumes you know everything that’s already happened, but that’s fine. I certainly encourage the reading.
Though their roles felt somewhat subdued in this tale, I enjoyed Flammenwerfer’s depiction of the CMC as young adults. They’re still readily identifiable, but you can also see how much they’ve matured into mares. I especially enjoyed that moment in Haubitze’s home where Scootaloo and Apple Bloom got all excited and Sweetie felt the need to apologize for their behavior. It’s very brief, but it demonstrated so much, both in showing how they are still themselves while also calling out how much like their respective siblings they’ve become.
I also enjoyed the flashback meeting with Kaiserin Regenfall IV. It was a nice smattering of culture and worldbuilding and an introduction to a character I very much would like to see more of in the future. I can’t even complain about the artwork that came with the introduction, which felt respectful and appropriate.
If I had to complain about anything, it’s that the narrative felt a little… heavy handed. Don’t get me wrong, it was very effective, but sometimes I couldn’t help thinking Flammenwerfer was waxing on a given topic for a bit too long. It’s a little nitpicky and won’t affect my grade all that much, but I felt it was worth pointing out.
This ended up being another solid entry for the Flower Pony trilogy and a great conclusion. I am very glad to have read it and hope to read more soon, especially if that more involves the mystery of Regenfall IV.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Flower Mare — Pretty Good
The Flower Mare: Seele — Pretty Good
Reunited
3,453 Words
By Rated Ponystar
Sequel to Negotiations
It’s been a year since Equestria formally surrendered to humanity. Twilight Sparkle, sole remaining ruler of the pony nation, has been struggling to bring Equestria back on the path of good. But today, she doesn’t want to deal with negotiations and leadership. Today she wants to reunite with an old friend. She only hopes Fluttershy is willing to forgive.
Negotiations was a Conversion Bureau tale in which Princess Twilight discovered that Celestia was a genocidal maniac. The story felt borderline preachy and left a bad taste in my mouth. However, it created a whole new AU with some interesting potential for character growth, so I figured I’d see where the sequel took me.
In Reunited, Twilight goes to visit Fluttershy for the first time since the pegasus betrayed Equestria during the war. She apparently lives peacefully in a small town in North Carolina, trying to get over the war and her past. The good news is that this one is devoted largely to Twilight and Fluttershy trying to make amends and becoming friends again.
The story is an improvement over its predecessor in that it loses the borderline preachiness of its predecessor in order to focus on what really matters, i.e. the characters. (To be fair, I’m still not confident that Negotiations did anything objectively wrong as a story.) This gives us a commendable Fluttershy who is still very much the Element of Kindness and a Twilight who is desperate to have at least one of her friends back.
I enjoyed this one. It’s a nice extra step for Twilight on the road to redemption. I worry that the sequel will be more like the predecessor, but I still intend to move on for the sake of the potential alone.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle — Pretty Good
Aftermath of a Fallen Star — Worth It
Never Forget Me — Worth It
Sanguine Kindness — Worth It
Negotiations — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
The Other Side by MagnoliaThourns
Looking Glass by Krickis
Princess of Friendlessness by Erisn
Diminishing Returns by PatchworkPoltergeist
An Apple A Day by Esle Ynopemos
Rainbow The Rain Girl by Eddy13
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I feel you on that one, but I 100% wish you good luck with finding and getting a place of your own! Live the dream!
What the hell, I proofread both of Snuffy's Greed stories, but I never reviewed the second one? c.c What?
Getting into Esle's minifics, I see. :O
Thanks for the review,will be considering the things you highlighted!
Took a look at Reunited since I had such a big long dissertation on the Gary Stumanity elements of Negotiations. There's a kind of trope or sub-genre of those stories where "the enemy" is shown suffering the calamitous after-effects of of taking on Stumanity, oh no woe is them, and then they "make nice" by basically admitting the Stumans were right all along and more than likely continuing to get screwed over- but they're okay with it now, because it's the natural order of things! I was sort of wondering if this story might be an example of that.
I don't really think it was.
It had a few little things that kind of tweaked my antennae, like always referring to "humanity" instead of "humans" or whatever, and insisting that Applejack and RD will get a death penalty no ifs ands or buts (IIRC the International Criminal Court cannot actually do that?). But that was all.
I do have more things to say about its portrayal of Celestia- namely that it seems lopsided in its scale of her villainy in relation to her complexity, which (weirdly, given that she objectively did destroy one inhabited planet and nearly conquered another) makes the constant horror directed at her seem inappropriate. Celestia isn't mindlessly destructive, a rampaging kaiju or flesh-eating alien virus; nor is she a ranting madmare whose delusions obviate any external need for making sense. She comes across as at least superficially reasonable in the show, and I think we needed some kind of bridge between that personality and what she did (I find myself repeatedly wanting to write things like "what she was supposed to have done", and I think that's a reasonable reflex because the disconnect makes her atrocities hard to believe). Without such a justification, she becomes something of a strawman (strawmare?) version of herself, like the 'fic is afraid we might actually come around to her point of view unless she's literally incinerating puppies. This is another common HFY trope.
That's more of a latecoming comment on the previous installment, though. This current one is not my cup of tea because I find it somewhat telly in a lot of places, and it's to some degree tainted by the previous story's excesses, but certainly it is much improved.
Also, since you specifically mentioned being curious to see more Extended Cut stories, I thought I'd go ahead and raise the flag that they are publishing again.
And here I thought you'd like this story more than the others!
The question might be a little difficult to answer because it may depend on one's perspective. If there is a grand lesson I'm trying to convey, it's that the realities of society and laws are complex and often lack clear answers, and exploring those are generally more interesting to me. Having the moral lesson be that greed is bad is a little too simplistic for my taste. I touched upon this issue a little in the first story.
So there tends to be a theme in my stories that the conflict derives from people causing problems from within the confines of those laws, but since those laws can't always be changed to fit every situation, queue the audacious Alicorn knocking at your door until she somehow solves the issue to her satisfaction. I suppose it could be said that the lesson is that you should always try and make things work to the best of your ability, and we have Luna taking this position to the extremes. With Haywood acting the straight man whenever her methods or conclusions become dubious.
There are definitely some fundamental issues with the story. Mostly because I wanted a more adventurous setting and my obsessive love of overly ominous mysteries. This caused some unwanted tonal shifts because the base of the series is a lighthearted comedy. And I would often find myself struggling with adding comedic moments to the more serious story I had planned in my head.
That might be another tonal issue. Since the lighthearted base needed a lighthearted conclusion. And I suppose you could say that solving the mystery wasn’t as important as the other stuff. I'll push back a little about the story not going anywhere since they did explore, tackle, and indirectly solve some serious matters with the Gryphons. As for those Gryphon merchants at the end and Luna rebuilding The Castle of The Two Sisters, it was more of a set-up for another sequel—Pirate Greed is Good.
Since you've reviewed all of my main stories, I'll be shameless one last time and recommend you check out The Last Day on Duty. It's not an amazing short story, but you could say it does hold a special place in my heart.
5540676
You snooze, you lose
5540856
Fair enough on all points. It was really hard for me to pin down exactly why I didn't enjoy the story as much as the previous one, but the possibilities you bring up are valid even if I didn't recognize them at the time. Perhaps my subconscious mind recognized those things.
I need some shorter stories to pad my reviews these days, so sure, I'll take a look at that one.
5540791
My issues with the series certainly related a lot to how Celestia was treated. It felt a bit over the top to me when compared to her canon counterpart, like her villainy was getting overplayed and exaggerated for the sake of a reaction. The sequel, which I plan to read, is going to be centered around her, so perhaps we'll see just how far Rated Ponystar takes this. The first story in this series leaves me unenthusiastic about the possibilities.
5540747
Of course. To be honest, I frequently considered going back to cut down on the criticisms; you did request the review and I didn't want to discourage you. But then again, I can't help you improve if you don't see what's wrong, so...
5540676
Huh. Glad I served as your reminder, then.
Also: "getting into" them? I've already reviewed the Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle ones.
5540641
Thanks! I might need it, all things considered.
5540883
oh :B I think it is self-evident that I am a bear of very little brain
5540882
Oh, no worries, I believe in complete honesty with my stories so that I know what to improve on, you certainly helped quite a bit, thanks!
Thanks so much for enduring the series haha! All criticisms were fair in my opinion but I’m happy you seemed to enjoy this one more over the others. As for the question of backstory of the queen or just more about her, I currently have a story in progress that I just need to actually finish lol. A lot of people wanted more on her too which kinda surprised me.
Thanks again!
Me when moving into our current house: "Oh, sweet. It has an apple tree in the back yard."
Me several years later when I had been peeling apples for two months to make applesause: "Where's my chainsaw?"
Honestly, it died of natural causes, but we had a few ads on CraigsList to have people come over and pick before its demise. And we still have applesauce in the freezer.
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It's amazing how much they produce, isn't it? My parents have figs, pears, blueberries, oranges, mulberries, huckleberries, and probably a few things I'm neglecting. All of them produce like crazy, leaving them wondering what to do with most of the results. Tried doing strawberries and blackberries, but for some reason those never took off. They also have a rotating veggie garden, and thus perpetually have more potatoes, green beans, squash, etc. than they know what to do with. A single tow of green beans, once exhausted, will last them three or four years easy even after handing some jars out to family just to get rid of them.
And while I know it's all going to become annoying after a time, I still really want to experience that for myself.
Best of luck finding a house, and I very much hope you work with a good realtor. In my experience that can make or break not just the buying process but how much maintenance and other house-related troubles you have to deal with down the road.
This is kinda late, but thanks so much for the review. Looking back, this was one of the stories I was most proud of, so it's super gratifying that people are still reading + enjoying it almost 5 years after it was published
Best of luck with the house btw!
(Also, yikes, I thought I already followed you! But better late than never)
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Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing when I followed you.
Your whole review I found myself laughing and going, 'Yep! Uh huh! Yes! EXACTLY RIGHT! What was I thinking skipping essential Zeus x Celestia scenes? Plot holes? Ha! Plot Chasms more like!'
Thank you for the review and very accurate and justified criticisms.
The 'Seat of the Pants' writing style is such a double-edged sword. You have to be extremely experienced or it will cut you if you use it too wildly. One of my biggest weaknesses with it, especially in the early to mid chapters, was keeping inconsistent notes and having most everything in my head instead. Through edits, drafts of chapters, and just the natural attrition of time, events in the story would get jumbled up, old versions would override what was published, or I'd just forget things alltogether. This in turn creates a slow, snow-balling effect on the story until you end up putting yourself into a narrative corner with no way out.
Algol, in particular, suffered from me having a lack of confidence in what I /wanted/ to do with her, what I thought readers would /like/, and what I /could/ do with her. For a long time her goals and motivations were a "That's Future Tundara's problem! He'll figure it out!" Well, I didn't! Thanks for nothing, Past Tundara! You lazy bum! *shakes fist*
I was getting into a very rough state as I neared the end of the story. Having my long-time editor slowly drift away in the final ten-ish chapters certainly didn't help as he was a vital grounding force and (mostly) kept me on track. I can't emphasis enough how important and essential Honey Mead was to Myths becoming anything close to coherent and good.
I'm actually pleasantly surprised, and delighted, that you seem to have enjoyed Hades so much!
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Oh believe me, I know. For the first few years practically all of my stories were released that way. On the one hand, it was nice getting constant feedback from reviewers. Encouraging, even. It helped motivate me to write. But I eventually concluded that the downsides for story quality were too much, so nowadays I just don't do it. I may in the future if I ever have an idea that I just want to get out without worrying too much about that whole 'qaulity' thing, but otherwise?
You mean Cerulean? Yeah, it's a shame he quit the fandom. He helped me on a number of my stories too (and vice versa). He tried to return a year or two ago, but just couldn't get into it.
Probably due to my bias for the creepy and dark. Or the joy that he's not a numbskull like his brother. Or that fact that when he did do big things they were never permanent save against the creatures that had it coming. Granted, he did have an unfortunate habit of leaping to conclusions.
There were times that I felt as though neither he nor Zeus had developed mentally beyond teenagers, with one being the dumb jock with zero respect for others and the other the brooding goth immaturely crying that the entire universe was aligned against him. If I have to pick between them, yeah, I'll go with the goth. I might roll my eyes at his over-the-top gloominess on occasion, but at least I know he won't go hurting people for the fun of it.
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I meant Honey Mead, actually. Cerulean and the rest of the original crew stopped editing, wow, I can't remember when. It was a looong time ago. Before I started 'Book Two' of Myths, even. I think. It's a bit of a blur now. I'll admit I wasn't the easiest to work with and valued Honey Mead's advice over the others. I think they just didn't feel valued. That is my fault as I did value their inputs. A lot.