Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLVI · 8:19pm Jul 1st, 2021
No reviews next week, folks. Break time!
It’s been a slow and steady thing, but my writing has been picking up pace all year. It was rather pathetic. By February I had averaged no more than 244 words/day for the year. I was more than a little distressed by this.
Now June’s over, and I somehow managed things so that my year-to-date average is over 1,000/day. I’m feeling pretty good about this, for obvious reasons. I’m still not moving as fast as I’d like with BPH, but I am moving. Change, Inc. reminded me that when I’m truly invested in something, I can write fast. Which makes me wonder about BPH.
I am steadfastly determined to finish BPH 2. But I also realize that I don’t have anywhere near the same fire for it as I did the original. I’m really hoping that won’t show in the writing itself. At any rate, I’ve written far too much of it and made too many promises to stop now. I want to finish this. It’s rather weird that I’m so eager to get something done yet when it comes to working towards that goal my enthusiasm wanes.
I know I can and want to do it because every time I make myself sit down and start I lose an hour writing. When I say “lose”, I mean I look up after a while and am like “wait, it’s been an hour?” So yeah, I definitely have the writing bug. I just don’t have it as strongly as I usually do.
But things are getting better. My acceleration may be slow, but I am accelerating. The end may yet be on that horizon.
Who wants some reviews to hold them over?
Stories for This Week:
The Other Side by MagnoliaThourns
Looking Glass by Krickis
Princess of Friendlessness by Erisn
Diminishing Returns by PatchworkPoltergeist
An Apple A Day by Esle Ynopemos
Rainbow The Rain Girl by Eddy13
Total Word Count: 264,139
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Other Side
23,996 Words
By MagnoliaThourns
Princess Twilight has started sleepwalking. Every few nights, she finds herself in the Everfree Forest standing before a river shrouded in fog. She knows she needs to cross, but all her efforts to do so fail. But she must cross. Fortunately, a familiar zebra finds her out there one night and takes it upon herself to teach Twilight just what to do.
The entire time I was reading this story, I kept thinking of one thing:
Imagine my surprise when I find out at the end that the entire story was inspired by the song in the first place! So before anything, kudos for capturing the same feels as Billy Joel’s timeless classic.
It should also be noted the peculiar nature of the narrative in this story. It’s first person, but it also has a “you” in there. Zecora is the “you”, so the entire story reads like Twilight is talking to Zecora. Except she’s not, at least, not in the sense of her repeating the entire story for Zecora, it’s just a strange narrative choice that MagnoliaThourns decided to try as part of an experiment. I’m glad the author identified this decision in an Author’s Note early on, otherwise I would have had loads of criticisms for the style under the assumption that it was meant to be a journal-style tale. I ended up enjoying the style, it being different enough to hold my attention but not so strange as to distract. If anything, it did an amazing job accentuating the mood and atmosphere of the piece at times.
The story combines two major plot elements. First and most obvious is Twilight’s training to cross the river, which largely involves Zecora teaching her over several weeks how to literally walk on water. The second is Twilight’s burgeoning romantic feelings towards Zecora as they grow closer. Perhaps the best part of the entire story is how MagnoliaThourns manages to meld these two topics together so that it feels neither could properly exist without the other.
Ranging between moody and vivid, the story is effectively written and competently paced, such that I never felt things were taking too long or a given topic was growing stale. I enjoyed the depiction of the characters, although a few spots of dialogue felt in need of polish. But my issues with the story are merely nitpicks. The ending was a treat, making me feel proud of Twilight for her achievements and happy for her future.
As I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now, I really enjoyed this one. Highly recommended for its characters, its creativity, and its atmosphere. Heck, I’d recommend it just so that more people can witness the literary experiment that is the narrative.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Looking Glass
195,151 Words
By Krickis
Alternative Title: Applejack Best Human
Sunset has fled Equestria for another world. It seemed like a good idea at the time. She never expected it would be a place ruled by an entirely different species, or that she’d become one of them. But the worst part? She came out… younger.
This is the story of what Sunset did when she came to the human world, from her first steps through the mirror portal to the arrival of Twilight Sparkle at CHS. The big twist is that she comes out of the portal in the body of a five-year-old girl. She is immediately discovered and soon finds herself living in an orphanage, feigning amnesia and not sure what to do next.
This is easily among the best Sunset Shimmer stories I’ve yet to read. The twist allows us to see her struggle through some entirely new issues that make the whole story feel fresh while at the same time giving Krickis plenty of time to develop and evolve Sunset as a character in preparation for that (in?)famous Fall Formal. I especially like that Sunet doesn’t just appear to be a five-year-old; her brain now functions as a five-year-old’s would, so even though she maintains all her accumulated knowledge she’s struggling to use it properly.
Although this is purely a slice-of-life fic, it sends us on a whirlwind of emotions. Sunset truly struggles, from beginning to end. Not just with her kiddified brain, but with her own morals and goals. Krickis states repeatedly that this is a story about Sunset being a bad person, and that holds true in many ways. Yet even as we watch her make all the wrong decisions, it’s hard not to relate and feel for her. Even when everything is going right, they’re also going profoundly wrong, and it’s made all the worse by the awareness that Sunset is making it wrong entirely on her own – oftentimes on purpose.
Then there is Applejack. AJ was awesome in this story, and she stole the show in every scene that featured her. I love that Krickis chose her to fill this role. She fits it perfectly, acting as Sunset’s one and only good example to follow should she ever feel inclined. Their relationship is complicated such that even Sunset is frequently confused by her own emotions in regards to it, and that makes it all the more fun to watch. And no, in case you’re wondering, this isn’t a shipfic. It’s just AJ being a wonderful, beautiful person that Sunset can’t help but respect.
I’d like to say more about the plot, but I feel this is one of those stories best experienced. That said, Krickis covered a surprising amount of ground. How did Sunset know about Twilight being Princess Celestia’s new student? Where has she been living all this time, and why is she depicted in later shorts having her own home despite being clearly underage by the human worlds’ standards? Why do Snips and Snails act as her lackeys? How did her relationship with Flash Sentry come about and end? How long is “thirty moons” (never explicitly stated, but heavily implied). Why didn’t Sunset and Celestia communicate via the journal before Twilight ever came into the picture? Hell, we even get an answer for why Sunset is in journalism (well, yearbook in the show, but I feel those would be connected).
There are some things that don’t mesh, such as how Sunset had a license and owns a motorcycle before the Fall Formal when in the show she doesn’t even take a driver’s test until… after the Friendship Games? I think? But still, I am impressed by just how much Krickis managed to squeeze into this story, some minor and some major, without any of it feeling tangential or unimportant. I wouldn’t be surprised if the things that don’t meld with canon are only due to what came after writing.
Then there’s the climax, which is exactly when you think it is, but not exactly how you think it is. The approach taken is not something I ever expected, and that’s a good thing. It makes me wonder what, say, Discord or Luna saw when they were hit by the Elements. Both times.
Needless to say, I really enjoyed this. So much so that about 1/3rd of the way through it I checked to see if the print editions were still available. Alas, they are not, else I’d have a colored copy on the way. Now I know how people feel when they check to see if any copies of Bulletproof Heart are available.
This was great from start to finish. It’s all about a bitter, lost Sunset trying to make the most out of her stay in the human world in all the wrong ways. It really gets me interested in what’s going to happen from here, so you can expect to see one of those sequels on my list soon. It’s unfortunate that some of them are so long, because I’ve already sworn off adding anything to my long-term schedule past 2022, at least until it’s a few months out. I guess I’ll just have to hope I can add Playing House to the list before that wall hits me.
In the meantime, I’m happy to recommend this one. If you have any interest in what Sunset Shimmer was doing with her life between leaving Equestria and that fateful Fall Formal, this is the story to read. It was ceaselessly interesting.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Great and Powerful, Darling! — Pretty Good
Princess of Friendlessness
3,734 Words
By Erisn
After Trixie and Starlight affirm their friendship, Starlight takes a moment to point out that Twilight… doesn’t really have a lot of friends.
I worry about Erisn if this is how they define “friendship”.
The story is one-half utter nonsense, including Trixie unintentionally attempting to kill her audience and the audience loving it and Celestia sending ponies to Magic Kindergarten. But then you get to the (semi-)serious part, in which Starlight railroads Twilight into accepting an extremely narrow, ridiculous definition of “friendship” so that she’ll admit she only has five of them.
According to this story, anyone who can be called a “friend” cannot have had any involvement with you in any way that isn’t purely hanging out and you must meet them daily. Your teachers cannot be your friends. Your students cannot be your friends. Your coworkers, your siblings, your parents and grandparents, the friends of your friends, the friends you had as a kid and who you still hang out with whenever you get the chance, your neighbors, all of them cannot be your friends. Starlight’s standards are ridiculous and yet, horrifyingly, Twilight accepts them.
I really hope Erisn wrote this just for a laugh. You can easily take Starlight’s logic with defining friendship to mean that there is no such thing as friends.
I can’t look upon this story positively. The humor is stupid and the main point is a cynical, narrow interpretation of the core element of MLP:FiM. That being said, I’m willing to acknowledge that the issue may be centered around a difference of opinion and worldview, and that assumes Erisn is treating the central point of this story with any kind of seriousness. It certainly rubs me the wrong way, but I can’t really say that this is wrong for it as a story.
Others may find Starlight’s perspective here perfectly valid, or simply find the whole thing entertaining. I worry about the state of our society if that’s the case, but I won’t hold it against the story in general. Thus am I willing to give this a middling rating.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
How to be Cruel — Pretty Good
How to be Kind — Pretty Good
Because She Can — Worth It
Tell Me She's Adopted — Worth It
What Lies Beyond the Dance — Worth It
Diminishing Returns
9,401 Words
By PatchworkPoltergeist
Filthy Rich knows how Earth Ponies behave when under duress. So when he comes home one day to find his wife baking far more quiche than their family could reasonably consume in a week, he knows something bad happened. Maybe it has something to do with that letter Diamond Tiara sent him? He can’t be sure, but he knows one thing: right now he needs to be a husband.
You know, I’ve never had quiche, but I’ve always been left with the impression that it’s not worth trying. So seeing a story where Spoiled Rich is making quiche for dinner had me thinking of only one thing.
Anyway.
Sometimes it takes me a while to get to a story I scheduled. Sometimes I forget why I added it to my lists, and sometimes when I encounter one of those I jump in without bothering to read the description or tags because, hey, sometimes it’s fun to go in blind. That’s what I did here, and I was a bit confused at first. Clearly, this story was set immediately after Diamond Tiara lost the Student Council election, but the story seemed to be only peripherally related to that and DT wasn’t anywhere. It was all Filthy Rich trying to calm down his obviously frustrated wife. They’re talking about ex-wives and how Spoiled thinks Silver Spoon’s a backstabbing manipulator and recent vacations on a yacht and...
And then Spoiled mentions that Silver had Wisteria, and everything clicked: this is a side-story to PatchworkPoltergeist’s The Silver Standard, verily one of the best stories on the site. I would have known that if I’d stopped for two seconds to check the description. Going in blind kind of bit me in the ass with this one.
Once my mind settled and the pieces came together, I started to appreciate the story more. Granted, it’s been more than two years since I read The Silver Standard, so my comprehension of the lore was amiss. That’s a bad thing, because this story references a lot in that one and it feels like you lose a startling amount of context without it. It almost feels like a missing chapter, as if PP wrote it for SS but left it out because it wasn’t from Silver’s perspective. In their defense, I don’t think you absolutely need the context to understand what is happening here, especially with the little side remarks that clue you into certain past events. As long as your reading skills are good enough to put the pieces together, you should be fine.
This feels like a minor character study of Spoiled Rich. PP depicts her as being a prickly and standoffish pony that is hard to get along with, but not a bad one. More importantly, she genuinely loves Diamond Tiara and only wants what is best for her, but she has no idea how to go about it because, to state the harsh truth, she’s terrible with kids. This makes things all the harder when we find her here, making quiche and fretting because she thinks DT hates her.
What we end up with is a story in which Filthy Rich realizes there are problems in his little family. It’s a heavy and deep story about the challenges of family dynamics and, especially, parenting. I enjoyed it; Spoiled’s and Filthy’s dialogue felt real and rich, the emotions are nicely conveyed, and you can really sense his struggle to find a solution. The story’s by no means an easy read in that you really need to be paying attention to understand all the ins and outs of what the two are talking about, but I think PP pulled that off well.
Perhaps not a story for those looking for a little light reading, but a good story nonetheless. I only regret reading it so long after the original.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Diamond and a Tether — WHYRTY?
The Silver Standard — WHYRTY?
An Apple A Day
24,435 Words
By Esle Ynopemos
Sister Story of Thirty Days, Thirty Twilights, Thirty Minutes Shy, and Party Every Day
I am not sorry for what I am about to subject you to, for I am an evil, soulless being laughing in mockery of your plight. Besides, if I had to endure being reminded of this every time I saw the title, I think it’s only fair you should suffer as well.
Ahem. Anyway, this story operates in the same way as its siblings: thirty short stories, each centered on Applejack and written in under thirty minutes based on prompts given from a third party. Within this one you’ll see Applejack being awesome in space, Manehattan gang wars, changelings that just need a home, trees living in terror, and Pinkie proposing marriage in perhaps the least romantic way possible.
I enjoyed each entry in this one. Every single one. Applejack is awesome and this anthology serves as a reminder of that. My only regret is that it ended.
If you have any love of AJ, give this one a go. Even if you don’t, give it a go anyway, because AJ needs more love. I look forward to reading the next bit, which will be Rainbow’s anthology. What, Rarity? Pfft. Right. Like I’m not gonna save the best for last.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Thirty Minutes Shy — Pretty Good
Party Every Day — Pretty Good
Thirty Days, Thirty Twilights — Pretty Good
Rainbow The Rain Girl
7,427 Words
Eddy13 failed to provide cover art.
Sequel to This Is Gonna Be A Blast!
All Rainbow Dash wanted was a clear day so she could play soccer. That’s it. She never expected her (poor) recitation of a common nursery rhyme would make the rain actually stop. Now Applejack is threatening to turn Rainbow into apple sauce for putting Canterlot through a heatwave and threatening the apple orchards.
Having read/reviewed a number of Eddy13’s stories by now, I have a good idea what to expect. Specifically, a very cartoony style (think less My Little Pony and more Looney Toons). Which is exactly what this story offers. The plot makes zero sense even in context and generally relies on wacky antics that would get real people killed or at least a stay in the hospital. It mostly revolves around Rainbow Dash and Applejack being convinced the former is responsible for the recent drought and the latter threatening to beat Rainbow to a pulp if she doesn’t fix it somehow.
But y’know what? I’m okay with this. I was intensely critical of Eddy13 in the past because I expected a serious story. At this point, I know what this author prefers to offer us. As long as you’re willing to completely turn off the left side of your brain you might get something out of it. Just reach out, flick that switch, and don’t think about anything. You’ll probably be fine. You might even get some humor out of it. Assuming you find humor in Applejack showing up in random (and creepy) places, Rainbow getting beat up by a violent mob that comes out of nowhere, and causing property damage with objects literally too dangerous to touch.
From that perspective, there are only two catches. The first is that this is a sequel. The good news is that it’s not the kind of story where you must know every detail about what came before to ‘get’ the events here. As long as you can accept that A) Fluttershy and Rainbow are dating and B) the EqG gang can use Equestrian magic on command (i.e. not just the powers of their geodes) then you should be fine. Come to think of it, I think that second bit is because Eddy13 misunderstood the EqGs lore, but whatever. No left brain, remember?
So the only real problem is, as always, the punctuation. Eddy13 still has zero comprehension of how dialogue punctuation works. At this point I’m also fairly certain they have no intention of learning. So if that kind of thing is a deal breaker for you, you should probably avoid this author entirely.
Still, if you’re the kind of person who takes joy in silliness and general nonsense, you’ll probably have a lot of fun with this. If you plan to nitpick the settings, the plot logic, the dialogue, the atmosphere, and so on and so forth, don’t even try. While I don’t personally enjoy this kind of story, I’ve at least come to respect that Eddy13 has a personal style and that there are plenty of readers in the world who will enjoy it, so I’ve no reason to rate it poorly.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
This Is Gonna Be A Blast! — Worth It
Pinkie's Potty Problem — Worth It
You Call That A Costume? — Needs Work
Always The Quiet Ones — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
Don't Run Away by SkylerTDaniels
Graph Theory by stillinbeta
A Cruel Angel's Faeces by forbloodysummer
Aftersound by Oneimare
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This is me with my novel at the moment. I'm taking a quick break to finish writing something else, and hopefully I can get back into the groove with it soon.
You're goddamn right it is.
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm floored by how positive it is! I'll be honest that I was a little nervous because your policy is radio silence of your thoughts on a story until you've finished reading it makes me worry whenever I see you pop up in my notifications in case you hate it. I do see why you do this, I don't mean it as a complaint, just that I knew how much PresentPerfect liked the story before his review, and I was left biting my nails in fear that you'd find some fault in it haha
As for the things that don't perfectly mesh with canon, although Looking Glass is the earliest WWB story and best starting point, it wasn't the first written. I started this series in 2015, before we even had S5 and Friendship Games. Nothing in Friendship Games contradicted what I had written by that point so I considered it canon to WWB, but then some stuff later in S5 (reveal of pregnant Cadance) and Legends of Everfree (super powers) both contradicted what I wrote so I drew my line with canon there. So shorts like Sunset getting her license aren't part of the series canon. The journalism thing is a reference to IDW comics, not to the yearbook from Forgotten Friendship. But that's pretty much what you speculated, just that those things happened after writing.
The print edition is coming back, with about three times the illustrations it had before. I'll try to remember to notify you about it when it's available again (I'm still getting more artwork for it). Or thedarkprep will gush about it if I forget, as I'm aware you two are back to talking and she's been my biggest supporter in making this expanded version.
Anyway, once again, thank you for the review!
While it's true I mostly write comedic stories, I'm fully capable of writing serious stories. I just need the right incentive/inspiration.
I've read "Diminishing Returns" and really enjoyed it. PP wrote a whole series of stories about this family, and if you feel like you were missing a piece between this and "The Silver Standard," you kind of are. It doesn't chronologically take place between the two (it happens before both) but was written between the two, and I feel like my understanding of this story was better for having read them in the order they were written. Hence I'd recommend "And Yet, What Riches Still Await," which primarily fills you in on what's been happening with the Rich family. Then another that takes place after "Returns" is "Menace to Propriety," which I also enjoyed a lot.
Quiche is worth trying, provided you like eggs, and provided you get a good one. Given the opportunity to pick, ask yourself what would taste good in an omelette (bacon and cheddar for example). Quiche doesn't have a strong eggy taste like an egg cooked in a pan, but it's lurking in there all the same. I think I must be hungry
Random question: what would your main OCs think of you? Would you get along with any of them?
5547830
I don't think anyone could answer that question correctly. It's one thing to know the OCs, it's another to know yourself.
There's also the matter of the sheer number of OCs available to choose from, each of whom I'd have to carefully consider in relation to myself. I'd like to just say "yes" or "no", but it's not a simple question to answer. You take somepony laid back like Nye and I'd say "probably", but Fine Crime? Eh... There are things he might like about me. There are things he might not like about me. There are things I don't recognize in myself that could go either way.
Then how do you define an OC? I would argue that Rarity from Bulletproof Heart is an OC. Oh, yes, she's "Rarity", but is she really? Different circumstances in a different world leading to a different lifestyle, at what point is she no longer the show's Rarity and instead "my" Rarity? And would she like me? I can't say for certain, because that's like trying to connect an apple with an orange.
5546756
I'd be willing to try it if someone had some to offer me, but I'm not going out of my way to get it. Then again, if I were at a restaurant and felt like taking a risk...
5546732
Ugh. Always so annoying when authors don't link stories in an obvious way so that you know the proper reading order. I also feel like I'm losing a lot of context because I read The Silver Standard ages ago and thus have lost so much of the details (I'm surprised I remember Wisteria so well).
Eh, I intend to read more of them anyway. Now that I am aware of the connections I should have an easier time of it.
5546617
What you say, I find it dubious. Eddy13, trying to write something that doesn't read like a Loony Toons skit?
5546546
It'll be slow going, but I would like to read more of this universe. My long-story reading schedule is getting very tight right now though, so I'm honestly not sure when I'll get the chance. Still, I really enjoyed this one and I would indeed be all for getting my hands on a printed edition!
5548353
I happen to like comedic stories. Isn't that Pinkie Pie's main schtick?
You don't have to make it sound like a bad thing.
5548361
While being silly is indeed Pinkie's thing, you're needlessly limiting her potential as a character if that's the only thing you do with her. But I'm not talking about Pinkie, I'm talking about pretty much everything I've read by you, none of which has ever been written in a way I could take seriously, and I'm reasonably sure I was never meant to.
That's not a bad thing at all. If you want to focus on comedic stories, by all means do so. Your brand of literary humor just isn't a variety I care for, that's all.
5548382
Well, like I said, I'm fully capable of writing dramatic stories. I just need a solid plotline and the right motivation.
5548347
Yeah, you make a good point. The question is harder to answer than it seems, since we don’t know ourselves very well. That’s why psychology as a field of study exists.
Well, yeah. The O in OC means original, with all that that implies.
Knowing who I'm talking to (you did Write Twilight's Inferno and even no Heroes is somewhat heavy) I still don't recommend you just breezing through Playing House, because quite honestly it hurt right on the feels. No spoilers but we see some decisions Sunset made on Looking Glass come back full force :') Just a word of warning as someone who's been through PH.
Oh it's almost as much an experience as Looking Glass but oh boy...
Anyway, happy to see one of my favorite stories in this site get a positive review from another of my favorite writers in here. And you're absolutely right, Looking Glass is an experience. I still see that version of the climax as canon every time I think about it. it might not be but nothing suggests it isn't.
5549466
...how does someone "breeze through" a long story? If it even qualifies for the title by my definition, it'll take me a week minimum to read it due to my "10,000 words per day per story" rule.
5549515
Didn't mean anything by it, and I certainly don't expect you to just gloss over it if that's what you thought I meant? I guess it was just a bunch of assumptions regarding your reviewing process, I'll just see myself out
5549752
I wasn't sure what you meant, hence the query.
5550013
... Playing House just hurts that's all haha give yourself time to suffer a bit