Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXVI · 9:14pm Feb 23rd, 2023
First a train, then a plant, and now an airplane. Hey, all you yanks in Ohio. Y’all alright up there? Seems like you’ve got a lot going on.
More good news on the writing front: I have continued my trend of productivity on my assorted projects and some are looking like they’re approaching an end point. Well, one is. I’m working on a lot of separate projects and that’s really slowing things down, so even though I think one of the stories only has a couple scenes left that still means it probably won’t be done for another month or two. Then there’s getting someone to pre-read it for me.
That being said, this should mean another BPH story is on its way soon-ish. Me, I’ll just be happy to have released more than one story this year. My work ethic has been so poor that I haven’t pulled that off since 2021.
Wait. Make that two BPH stories. You see? I’m working on so many projects at once I’m forgetting some when I talk about them! Thank goodness I like to schedule everything or I’d probably forget to work on some of them.
One of my projects is a semi-horror story that I’m hoping I can have finished and ready to go by Halloween. It’s a re-imagining of a well-known horror by other… artists. I tried this once before three or four years ago but the final product felt ‘meh’ to me. My pre-reader agreed, so I decided to scrap it and try again later. Now I’ve got some fresh ideas for it so I figure it’s time to give it another go. The tentative title is Absentia, which for some of you may be a dead giveaway.
Enough chit-chat, let’s get to the reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Soothe Them by PacifistDoodl3r
A Moonlit Storm by SilverNotes
The Trail of Your Failures Will Lead You to Memory by Jarvy Jared
Cut Me Like a Curse by AugieDog
The Dull Life of Maud Pie by Whateverdudezb
In Tambelon Comes the Hungry Darkness by Georg
The Twilight Enigma by iisaw
By Blood or Choice by Krickis
Nightmare or Nyx? by Pen Stroke
Rarity Reveals... by Soufriere
Total Word Count: 166,466
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Soothe Them
7,185 Words
By PacifistDoodl3r
Autumn Blaze isn’t alone. Not really. She just… needs to keep them fed. Preferably with anything that isn’t her.
Imitation, they say, is the highest form of flattery. A fanfiction of your fanfiction isn’t too bad either. Set in RainbowBob’s and my own Them universe, this story stars Autumn Blaze as she struggles to maintain her sanity after everykirin she in her village succumbs to the plague ravaging Equestria. It also takes a step directly from the original Feed Them by having her attempting to “sooth them” with whatever they’ll stomach.
The biggest question mark in all of this is the writing style. It’s very rough. Yet as I read the story, I can’t help but think that this may be intentional. The errors are there, but at no point did I not get what PacifistDoodl3r was going for. This made me wonder if the muddled writing was in fact an attempt to reflect the muddled mind of Autumn Blaze, who is clearly descending into madness and depression. This could just be me giving the author the benefit of the doubt.
I like PacifistDoodl3r’s approach. Sometimes they keep things vague, letting the imagination do the work, and at other times they get specific. Flashbacks litter the story with little warning and no transitioning, which might normally be a problem but works well to accentuate Autumn’s mental state while making clear the kind of horrors she’s gone through. At the same time, they introduce their own lore to the AU by letting the undead kirin cast something resembling a magical attack, which was never possible in any of the previous stories, and also by making nirik – nirik specifically, not kirin – immune to the plague.
PacifistDoodl3r acknowledges that the conclusion is rushed because they were tired of writing the story, so I won’t harp too much on that. It did indeed feel quick, and I have to wonder if the story wouldn’t have been improved by going into better detail. But I consider it a minor issue.
I should also note that this, like most of the Them stories, does not come with a happy ending. Those who know the series will be used to that. Others… eh, that might not fly for them.
In the end, while I really like this story I must emphasize that the writing style is odd. And despite my desire to give PacifistDoodl3r some leeway, there’s no way to prove that the issues aren’t, in fact, issues rather than the results of artistic license. This is probably the major reason why the story is so heavily downvoted, and I don’t blame anyone for it. As a Them tale I feel it has all the right ideas and intentions, but the writing may be enough to tank it in the eyes of many.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Moonlit Storm
16,411 Words
By SilverNotes
Before Night Light was Father to the Crown twice-over, before he even met the mare he’d someday marry, he was an “agent” of the crown. Princess Celestia has called upon him to perform a special mission. Field work isn’t typically his specialty, but that won’t make him hesitate to take the journey to Zebrat in search of a particular artifact.
This is a short but sweet adventure in which Night Light plays the role of secret agent for the crown in the multi-racial land of Farasi. Accompanied by a zebra, an abada, and a crocotta (yeah, I had to look them up too), his mission is to attend an auction where a late artifact collector’s massive amount of stuff is being sold off and purchase the Alicorn Amulet before someone else can. I’m pleased to note that, unlike every other story you’ve ever read featuring it, this time the amulet is not directly related to one Mr. Sombra the Enigma.
The story is quick but does a lot, including a bidding war, friends getting kidnapped, duels against rampaging nirik, and direct proof of where Twilight gets her resourcefulness from. The only problem is that SilverNotes sacrifices depth to keep the story short. There’s nothing to the villains, for example. The author tries to demonstrate that there’s more to the characters than surface qualities, but there simply isn’t enough time for them to display that.
Also, why is Night Light so determined to keep Cadance – one of Equestria’s alicorns and certainly among those qualified to know state secrets – from being aware of his past as an agent of the crown?
Not so much a criticism as a curiosity is the nature of the character Savannah, who is never given a gender and specifically described as androgynous. What is never clarified is whether this is a racial or character element. Are all abada androgynous, or just Savannah? I’d like clarification, because I think the idea of an entirely non-gendered equine race might be fun to explore from a worldbuilding standpoint.
If you’re looking for a quick and fun adventure featuring a character not normally associated with both those things, this will probably do the job for you. For what they were, I did enjoy the characters and I like how SilverNotes made an effort to include a wide variety of races in the story, both as allies and enemies. For how short it is, it works very well. Just don’t go in expecting something like deep commentary or theming and you’ll be fine.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stormy Flare sits on a park bench in Cóltoba. There she thinks about how it all went wrong. But somepony decides to pay her a visit and show her that , maybe, it wasn’t all wrong.
This is just under 5k words, and there is so much condensed into it that it feels more like 10k. That’s not a criticism. On the contrary, Jarvy Jared’s prose is such that you can learn so much with so little. When the story begins, all we know is that Stormy Flare is at the twilight of her life and feels like everything has gone wrong, but none of the “whys” and “whats” of it. Then the end comes and it’s like a whole novel has gone by.
And all without so much as a word of exposition.
This is a great example of telling a story indirectly through scenery and reflection and dialogue. It can feel slow but it’s not, it can feel dense but it’s not, it can feel complicated but it’s not. It’s just two ponies having a conversation – sometimes pleasant, sometimes confrontational – in a little restaurant in ponified Córdoba. By the end of it we know everything we need to, despite knowing preciously few of the details.
I’m going to have to look up stories by this Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
As a writer, I greatly enjoyed this. I don’t know if the average reader will get quite so much out of it, but that won’t stop me from giving it a good rating.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Cut Me Like a Curse
6,086 Words
By AugieDog
Bon-bon brings Lyra out to a secluded place to reveal a damning secret.
You know, the whole thing with the secret monster-hunting agency never really made sense to me. I mean, okay, so the bugbear got loose. Why does this warrant shuttering an entire secret agency? No, seriously, why? Enter AugieDog, who uses this story to expand upon the lore of the agency and Bon-bon’s part in it. Also, Rarity’s parents were both teachers at the agency. If that doesn’t make your head spin, I don’t know what will.
This was a weird one in a lot of ways. It’s told in first person from Bon-bon’s perspective, but not in the time at which the events it describes are happening, so it might be something like a journal style story? If you look at it sideways. Many of the things described are awkward, making Bon-bon sound unreal, as in these are not the things I would expect a person (or pony) to say under the given circumstances. Take this, for example:
Oh, Lyra! Thank you! Just...just hold me like this, please. Hold me like—
Like it's the last time. Because it might be...
This line just doesn’t feel real to me. I tried to imagine it, to see it as I always do, and it both looked and sounded silly and fake. It’s easily the worst instance, but it’s by no means the only one.
Then there is the quirkiness of the bugbear. AugieDog declares that the bugbear is like some sort of telepathic osmosis machine, capable of knowing everything you know by sheer proximity and automatically developing defenses and schemes based on that knowledge. So when it escapes (for reasons that the story elaborates upon), it knows everything Bon-bon, Cookie and Hondo know about the Agency, and that’s why the agency had to shut down. This puzzled me greatly, and I promptly went into doing research on bugbears in hopes of uncovering something that might have led to this conclusion other than “AugieDog says so.”
I found nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not in MLP canon nor in mythology or folklore. It comes completely out of left field, and I’m having a lot of trouble buying it. I mean, I applaud the attempt to explain why something so insignificant as one monster’s escape warrants the entire secret agency having to shutter itself, but this felt about as believable as… I don’t even know what to compare it to. AugieDog makes no attempt to justify the claim either; you’re just expected to accept it as-is. Which, to be fair, is clearly not a problem for most people. But it’s definitely a problem for me.
Then we get the odd nature of Bon-bon’s request for Hondo and Cookie. There are a bajillion better ways to do this, methods that are less roundabout, more direct, and don’t require involving old friends in potential murder/espionage/traitor charges.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that the entire story came out to me as a whole lot of “not buying it”.
It’s not all bad. The writing is mostly fine, barring the typical issues of first person stories relying on retelling old information (read: picture perfect dialogue recall). I really do like the attempt to explain a little about Bon-bon’s secret agency and why it shuttered, as well as relating these elements to other canon events such as Tirek’s escape and the retirement of Celestia and Luna. There’s also the recurring wordplay theme involving preparation and perspiration that, as a writer, I appreciated.
But generally speaking, this one was a miss for me. A pity, but these things happen. I’m also pretty sure that I’m in the minority here, as both the vote ratio and the comments make abundantly clear. Consider me the sour apple of the bushel, I suppose. I think the key problem here is the choice of narrative style, which has always been a hard sell for me and which made the other issues of the story more apparent.
Don’t let me spoil your fun. If you want to explore the whole “Bon-bon was a secret agent” thing and try to piece together its place in canon as a whole, then by all means jump in.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Clover Honey — Pretty Good
Foreigner — Pretty Good
Claw and Ordure — Pretty Good
Caper — Pretty Good
The Birth of Harmony — Needs Work
The Dull Life of Maud Pie
7,187 Words
By Whateverdudezb
Alternate Title:And Now For Something Completely Different
Maud receives a letter to go to a dig site in the Crystal Empire and study a rock. The journey is entirely uninteresting.
I was all set to make a witty comment about how Whateverdudezb was wasting all our times writing schlock like this when they could be continuing the Tutelary Spirits series, but then I saw the dates and realized this came first. Curse you, chronology!
Anyway, this story is themed after the Monty Python skit The Dull Life of a City Stockbroker. The link on the story’s front page is broken because of YouTube banning the video, but you can find it out there pretty easily with a quick google. I highly recommend watching before reading this, as it makes it a lot easier to get the references being made. Just watch out, it’s not exactly SFW; YouTube took it down for a reason.
There’s no need to sum up anything beyond the fact that it’s a wild and utterly nonsensical ride, but a few highlights include kaiju family therapy sessions, love letters from Cthulhu, and diamond dog pirate bankers. Sound whack? That’s because it is.
While not normally my cup of tea, I did enjoy this one. Knowing what I was in for at the start helped, but I also appreciated how Whateverdudezb referenced the skit without directly copying from it, i.e. taking what was already done and making it their own. If you’re going to do something based on what someone else did, this is the better way to go about it.
A bunch of silly nonsense, but not bad silly nonsense at all. Assuming you’re into that sort of thing, that is.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Truth Earned from Honesty — WHYRTY?
Lessons Learned from Loyalty — Pretty Good
Living Forever... — Pretty Good
Wealth Granted from Generosity — Pretty Good
In Tambelon Comes the Hungry Darkness
1,311 Words
By Georg
Grogar has been defeated, slain by the combined efforts of the Pillars of Equestria and the Mane Six (if not more). But Grogar is not concerned. This has happened before. Death will claim him, send him to hell, and his legion of minions will pick up the (literal) pieces and resurrect him to try yet again. As always. Or at least, that would be the case if Death would stop stalling and take him already. Seriously, what’s her problem?
The cover art is a little deceptive, implying that Sombra will somehow make an appearance despite no tag for him. This is both what I expected and kind of what I wanted. In the end, it is not so. One might feel the desire to accuse Georg of false advertising.
I’m not too bothered, because what we get is nice enough. The story mostly revolves around a recently deceased Grogar fantasizing about the torments he’ll force upon his recent killers and wondering why the heck Death here won’t do her Goddess-damned duty. Despite my somewhat joking description, there’s nothing funny about it. This was, after all, Georg demonstrating that sometimes he can write stories that don’t have giggles and sunshine even as a side dish.
The conclusion certainly makes this a worthwhile read, but at the same time the story is short for a reason. It does what it sets out to do and ends as quickly as it started. Some might consider it underwhelming. Personally, I’ve seen this kind of material often enough and done in so many ways that I suspect this one won’t linger long in my consciousness. That’s not a knock against it, mind you. The story is competent in all the ways it needs to be. It just didn’t wow me.
Give it a go if you want to see Grogar get what’s coming to him and understand who Best Princess is.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A War of Words – The Opening of the Guard — WHYRTY?
Drifting Down the Lazy River — WHYRTY?
Daring Do and the Dance — Pretty Good
In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash — Pretty Good
The One Who Got Away — Pretty Good
The Twilight Enigma
85,122 Words
By iisaw
Sequel to The Luna Cypher
Princess Twilight proposed some dramatic changes to the Equestrian government. Needless to say, they didn’t go over well. Not a pony to give up easily, she responds by going on a world tour to explore and study governments around the world. That she and the girls became famous sky pirate hunters along the way is a bonus.
The Mane Six going in disguise as merchants and hunting down pirates in the skies of the ponified Middle East? Yes and Please. You might be wondering what such a concept has to do with anything The Celestia Code. In true imitation of The Lunar Cypher, the answer is: not much. If you came here expecting a story that trots the same trots and plays the same games as the first story, you will be woefully disappointed. As I know a lot of people were, given how many times I’ve heard the term “worst of the series by far” in relation to this story.
Personally, I don’t think they’re giving iisaw enough credit. Yes, I’ll grant that if you came here with certain expectations as created by the prior stories then you won’t get what you’re after, and that can be a problem. But as its own story, I consider this a great piece of literature. If anything, the fact that it is tied to the previous stories may be its biggest flaw. Sever those ties and you end up with a delightfully entertaining standalone tale.
Not that there aren’t other issues. The plot is extremely meandering, to the point that you may find yourself wondering how certain events and scenes relate to the grand scheme of things, assuming they do at all. How are we supposed to correlate attempts at government reform with airborne swashbuckling with new kingdom development with duels against world-shaping goddesses with dimension-hopping interviews? The ending does reveal that there is an overarching theme connecting the assorted threads, but throughout most of the story you’d be hard-pressed to notice it. Heck, even when the ending does state the point, it’s in a way that doesn’t suggest a grand scheme.
Said point is Twilight’s learning what it takes to be a leader and what kind of leader she needs to be. And it is thoroughly explored through all the various oddities, tension shifts, and circumstantial whowhats. You just need an eye for the bigger picture. (Fun side note: Google says “whowhats” is a word, but only so long as it’s not enclosed by quotes.)
There are plenty of other things to enjoy about the story. I mean, the Mane Seven fighting airship pirates. Rarity becoming a legendary swordsmare complete with masked pseudonym. Pinkie Sense to avoid incoming enemy fire. Tornadoes as weapons of aeronautical warfare. Fluttershy getting a new pet in the form of an airship. Come on, people. Try and tell me this doesn’t sound like fun.
Couple that with Twilight constantly trying to solve problems in ways that make her look like a genius and an idiot at the same time without making it sound too technical for the average reader to follow. Stir in some Chrysalis being a political sneak, and engaged to boot. The writing style is easy and endearing. Also, everything Luna. She didn’t get a starring role – a side character at best – but her every appearance induced grins, amusement, and/or d’awwws.
In short, I never stopped enjoying myself, even when the story did move away from the whole pirate thing. I understand why a lot of people were disappointed in this though. The best advice I can give is not to think of this as a continuation of The Celestia Code or The Luna Cypher. Instead, view it as its own story that just happens to be set in the same universe. You’ll get it a lot more out of it that way.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Celestia Code — WHYRTY?
Hooves of Clay — Pretty Good
The Luna Cypher — Worth It
By Blood or Choice
23,394 Words
By Krickis
Ever since Rainbow performed the Sonic Rainboom, Fluttershy has been missing. It’s been months, and Rainbow’s really getting worried. Until Fluttershy reappears out of the blue and kindly informs her that she’s moved to Ponyville.
That’s the opening premise, at least, but there’s more to this than that. The story is largely about how Rainbow feels unhappy with how things are going for her in Cloudsdale, from how her parents are never home to how she’s not doing as well as she should in Flight School. It all comes to a head when all her fellow students start accusing her and Fluttershy of being girlfriends.
I’m not sure if this is a complicated story that doesn’t quite connect all the dots or a very simple story that tries to do too much at once. I feel like it could go either way. There are several things happening to Rainbow at once, from her falling flight times to her nonpresent parents to the constant teasing. While I get that Krickis was trying to make all of this interconnect into a whole at the end I never really felt like the disparate threads came together as neatly as they could.
Also, I think it would have been a much more interesting story if Rainbow Dash was genuinely homophobic at the start – as the constant miscommunication suggested – rather than her just never thinking about what words actually mean. Granted, it’s a very ‘Rainbow Dash’ mistake to make, but for the sake of the plot, y’know?
Now you might read all of that and think I didn’t like this. On the contrary, I liked it a lot. The threads might not have all woven together as neatly as they could as a story, but in terms of emulating real life I think it works wonderfully. It’s hard not to relate to Rainbow, even as you see that she’s getting worked up over the wrong problem. I genuinely expected there to be a big awakening moment where she realizes she’s the problem, not everypony else. And while we did get something like that, it was both very brief and not at all the direction I was expecting Krickis to take it.
Even so, the end result was a nice slice-of-life where Rainbow Dash realizes that what she really wants out of life isn’t in Cloudsdale. The characters are excellently voiced, the situation both feels real and is relatable, and I was continuously waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. All in all, a thoroughly good Rainbow Dash story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Looking Glass — WHYRTY?
Playing House — WHYRTY?
Great and Powerful, Darling! — Pretty Good
Breaking the Ice — Pretty Good
Nightmare or Nyx?
10,996 Words
By Pen Stroke
Sequel to Trinkets
Twilight’s off in Canterlot filing paperwork in regards to her recent adoption. That means Spike is in charge of the Golden Oaks Library. That also means he has to look after Nyx. But Spike still remembers what Nyx did during her short tenure as Nightmare Moon, and those memories make him wonder if he can ever trust the filly again.
This is set in the Past Sins universe and is indeed even listed as a ‘sequel’ to Past Sins, although Pen Stroke mentions in an author’s note that it is chronologically after Trinkets, hence my labeling. The story is told entirely from Spike’s perspective and relates how he strongly suspects that someday Nyx will go back to being evil. Considering the last time Nyx went bad she put a noose around Twilight’s neck, he feels wholly justified in being afraid of this.
Curiously, a story centered around Spike’s fear of Nyx has very few interactions between them. The majority of it is Spike wandering around on his own thinking about it or discussing the topic with others. We see Rarity and Rainbow Dash both trying to ease his mind on the topic. Then we find out that Granny Smith is wholeheartedly opposed to any forgiveness for the filly, and even tries to get a police officer to arrest her for past crimes. Then we find out that Shining Armor still holds a grudge as well. The fact that Pen Stroke goes out of their way to demonstrate that not everypony has forgiven Nyx for her transgressions is a big point in the story’s favor for me.
Then there’s Spike’s own inner turmoil, which was nicely crafted. On the one hand (claw?), he thinks Nyx might go bad again and he dreads what might happen to Twilight if that happens (that his concern is almost entirely for Twilight’s sake rather than his own is a nice touch). He stubbornly struggles to grasp why Rarity, Rainbow, and Twilight are so nonchalant about Nyx’s supposed reformation.
But then you get the other angle as he watches Granny Smith shouting about how bad apples can’t become good again and Nyx needs to be culled. Although neither he nor the narrative ever state it directly, there’s a clear sense that even he thinks Granny’s going too far. Then he hears about Shining Armor who doesn’t even want Nyx brought up for discussion, as if she’s not worthy of his attention.
And in the middle of it all is Spike himself, struggling to find an answer. If nothing else, I greatly appreciated Pen Stroke’s approach to the topic.
My only complaint is how quickly the story ended. Twilight finally shows up, she and Spike have a brief conversation on the topic, and suddenly Spike’s feeling better about all of this. Yeah, that went a little too easily. Although I do like that Spike’s dream at the end suggests he hasn’t completely let the problem go.
Of the stories I’ve read post Past Sins so far, this is easily the best. It feels like the follow-up the story needed, whereas the rest just feel like accessories. I’m looking forward to the next part in this series of continuations.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Morsel of Truth — WHYRTY?
Past Sins — WHYRTY?
First Hours — Pretty Good
Trinkets — Worth It
Rarity Reveals...
4,000 Words
By Soufriere
Sequel to Sunset Shimmer: Spider Queen
Sunset, trying not to be a hermit, goes out to explore downtown only to (literally) bump into Rarity. One thing leads to another, and soon they’re at Sunset’s apartment. While Rarity’s off cleaning up from their little incident on the street, Sunset notices that she left something on the table. Looks like Rarity did a photo shoot recently…
Or, to be direct: Rarity leaves a bunch of racy photos of herself on Sunset’s desk in a bid to catch her, ahem, “attention”. Unfortunately for her, Sunset’s a bit dense when it comes to matters of the heart. Instead of that big S, she would have been better served marking the folder with a cutie mark (or whatever they call their personal symbols in the EqG world).
This story clearly exists for only one reason, i.e. to clarify that Rarity now has a crush on Sunset but can’t bring herself to be direct about it. This makes sense, considering this entire series has so far been about Rarity helping Sunset recover from a mental crisis and suicidal breakdown. Given that I’ve already read a story set well after this one, I’m not sure if anything will ever come of her interest, but I’m still very curious to see the journey.
Maybe it’s my softness for shipping or my love of all things Rarity. Maybe Soufriere’s just gotten better at these. Regardless of the why, I’m starting to look forward to these little snippets. I still think they should be combined into a single story or at least an anthology, but it doesn’t bug me like it used to. This one is simple, reads well, and does exactly what it needs to do, so I’ve no complaints. On to the next one!
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sasha — Pretty Good
Night Of Faded Sun — Pretty Good
Rarity Visits Sunset Shimmer at 4 a.m. — Pretty Good
Sunset Shimmer: Spider Queen — Pretty Good
Lows And Highs — Worth It
Stories for Next Time:
That Face by DeathToPonies
Could Care Less by Saint
Bubbles and Troubles by Flint-Lock
First Night by TCC56
An Advanced Lesson in Friendship by AndrewRogue
A Birthday Alone by Schattendrache
Pride Rock by RoyalRainbow
Filly Fantasy VI - The Return of Magic by The Wyld Stallynz
Cold by CrimsonWolf360
A Band of Misfit Losers Hunt the Undead by Rune Soldier Dan
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXV
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXXI
I'm glad you liked By Blood or Choice, and I'll say I just agree with all your issues on it flat out. It's far from my favorite, to the point where it's actually one of three stories in the series that I view as rather flawed. Not to say I don't also see good things in it, but just like, yeah the issue of things not really connecting is prevalent. It's worth noting this is the second oldest WWB story (Inner Strength is the oldest) and unlike that one, BBoC did not get a massive ground up reworking to make it up to par.
I think if I did it today (and this is by no means saying I ever plan on redoing this one), I'd make it a novel with both Rainbow's and Fluttershy's perspective. This would be better because I could pace it better and because I am much better at novels than shorter fics. Alas, I will not be doing that ever just because this series is already quite too long as is while still going, and I'm trying to branch out into original fiction these days rather than spend all my time polishing pony stories I wrote when I was a less skilled author lol
Ooh, quite a few stories I've read this time around, most notably the finalists for the Ancestral Tribute contest!
The Trail of Your Failures Will Lead You to Memory was a tier-borderline case for me that even now I'm still not sure I made the right call in withholding from the top tier, especially after the rating you gave it. It really is something, how dense-yet-not and complex-yet-simple Jarvy made it. And while it's a hard fic to sell to most folks, anyone on the fence, it's so worth it. On the other hand, I found A Moonlit Storm aced its fast-paced surface-level heist/espionage/adventure in a foreign land feel so well, I didn't mind it was basically just style. This style had substance to me. Lastly, yeah, I suppose Cut me Like a Curse is a weird, warped oddball story that just expects you to roll with the punches, so I certainly can't fault someone for not vibing with it, even if it more than worked for me. Probably helped I was at least partially focused on the parent's role, given the contest judging, and it was very effective at implying a lot about how Rarity became who she is just from her folks' actions.
Is The Twilight Enigma regarded as the worst in The Alicorn Adventures quadrilogy? Granted, I've only read them once a few years ago now, but I always got the impression The Luna Cypher was considered the weakest at least of the first three, and that Enigma was usually most folks' 2nd pick after Code. Maybe it helped that I read them while getting so stuck in with all manner of Ponyfic at the time; I was jumping between genres and continuities so much, so this one's relative genre and tonal isolation didn't bother me. Because when I think back on it, I only remember "great sky pirates adventure pulp", even if I was vaguely aware it didn't feel that much of a piece with the preceding ones.
Of course, right now I basically can't remember another thing about it! Bar some vague plot details and the chapters alternating in timeline back and forth with each one. Give me a few years to gradually return to the lot, one by one.
Krickis and iisaw are on the list of authors I've had little to no occasion to read but wish I had.
Also, I'm surprised this is the first time you've read something by Jarvy Jared. He's a good one, too.
My surprise about The Twilight Enigma echoes Mike's: I've generally found that people dislike The Luna Cypher more (though that's a relative term and most, including me, still enjoyed it). It is, as you say, a lot of fun. Swashbuckling air pirate ponies kind of have to be fun if the author is remotely any good. And since iisaw is rather better than that, it's very entertaining stuff.
Not much else I can say this week, as I haven't read any of the other fics from this bunch or any of next week's. Oh well.
It's a pleasure to have one of my stories find its way onto your shelf, and with a positive rating to boot. And I always consider it a win if I can prompt someone to learn something new, so I'll take having been a first exposure to crocotta to be a plus.
When it came to Night Light's evasion with Cadence, it was meant to be more for the sake of his friends than himself, as he's putting up his oblivious façade specifically in response to her prying about Kisu. He doesn't necessarily mind her knowing that he was an agent, but even if she does technically have the clearance, he doesn't think it's his place to spill their secrets in casual conversation.
That, and Flurry Heart's right there, and she's starting to learn to talk. Not too much worry of her repeating sensitive information yet, but let's not get used to speaking candidly about state secrets in front of the toddler.
And when it comes to Savannah Sun, their gender (or rather, lack thereof) was inspired by Dust Devil from the Season 10 comics, who canonically uses they/them pronouns as well. Savannah's androgyny goes unremarked upon beyond that it exists mostly because I like to paint a picture of a world where gender identity is unremarkable and so Night Light would care more about the fact that the similarity between abada and unicorns is clearly oversold than anything related to that.
That said, I do intend to dig a little deeper into the abada relationship with gender when I utilize the species again, so for now I'll just say that Savannah is supposed to be a typical specimen, barring the hazmat-coloured coat.
All in all, you're right that this is more of a popcorn story than a character study, with a simplistic set of villains, a straightforward "keep the thing out of the bad guys' hands" goal, and my focusing more on (hopefully) providing some surface-level charm for the cast. I wanted to see how well I could pull off a quick adventure romp while working in enough hints of worldbuilding and cast variety to sell the feeling that the world is big and this is just a small slice of it. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm glad that you enjoyed it enough for it to warrant a Pretty Good, and hope you enjoy anything else in my catalogue you may choose to sample.
Been waiting on this review ever since I saw you added my story to your Currently Reading list - even more so when I saw what shelf you added it to. It's almost surprising how little you actually have to say about the story, which may indicate its quality in either direction; though such brevity I don't take any issue with, of course. I wanted, nevertheless, to respond to a few things.
Perhaps we simply have different definitions of "exposition," but I would actually argue that the story is filled with exposition. Take, for instance, the first three paragraphs. As opposed to creating a sense of immediate narrative forward momentum, the story chooses to instead explain Stormy's past experiences in Coltoba; how she came to the city "many times as a filly in the summer, and a few times as a young adult"; how she met the son of a bookshop owner who "was as charming as he was intelligent." That's just the first paragraph--this is all information about Stormy, but it's told via the third-person omniscient narrator, leaping backwards in time to "exposit" about something that doesn't necessarily exist in canon but is there, primarily, to tell the reader something about Stormy--rather than showing it.
The second paragraph is just the same. It tells us about Stormy's arrival, and how the city's changed. Third paragraph is about the weather, funnily enough.
At various cases within and without the narrative, I weave between expository moments and forward narrative action. In between places where a narrator (either Stormy or someone else; likely the latter) details something - a description or a set of information - outside the possible context of what Stormy can know, Stormy does things or moves forward or acts. Exposition, then, is paired with action.
I find it funny, then, that you think the story has not a shred of exposition, because it confirms something: exposition can be disguised if you know how to disguise it.
This is something Marquez actually does. I wrote about it once in an old blog post, but essentially, Marquez is very easily able to disguise when he is throwing exposition at the reader through techniques such as pairing, time displacement, memory, and more. As this work was inspired very much by his (seriously, he's one of my top three favorite authors; I highly recommend checking anything of his out), it was also an attempt to explore what I had previously analyzed and put it into practice. It seems, then, that I was able to accomplish even a modicum of the magic found typically in a Marquez story, for which I can be especially proud.
Returning to an earlier point:
I'm glad that came across! One thing I worried about was whether I could achieve a sense of "fullness" with so little. The story is, essentially, a mystery, but I withheld the nature of that mystery and wanted to force the reader to travel along the streets of Coltoba with Stormy for a time, only teasing at both the mystery and its resolution until the very end - a last hurrah right before the story terminates.
In trying to imitate Marquez, I ended up finding out how to do this. I wanted each and every sentence to be a specific conduit of a specific bit of information - nothing could be wasted, not a word, not a bit of syntax. In this manner, I believe the story is both quite streamlined yet paradoxically quite dense, owing not just to the length of the paragraphs (which I will freely admit, are not conducive to online reading) but also the length of some of its sentences. I think Mike Cartoon Pony would no doubt attest to my proclivity towards the "long sentence," and this story was also an experiment in attempting to find the right length for the story. (Mike can also attest that I'm a huge stylist with a penchant for going all out for the sentences, though this can come at the cost of clarity and story)
Definitely a worry of mine, I will admit. My stories lately have not been geared towards the "average reader," or more specifically, the "average fanfic reader." I freely admit that that's just not something that's going to change. To write a story I must absolve myself of the idea that I should follow the crowd; I must follow what the story says it should be, and it is only by luck that anyone reads it. At the very least, I'm glad that any initial hesitancy to give this story a chance was crossed, and that you ended up finding it very satisfactory.
As a side note, I wonder if you read the blog post I wrote following the story's publication? It gives some insight into the process that you might find interesting.
5714968
Aw, thanks! I'm an okay writer. I have no doubt that my leanings and background make it a bit strange for me to write fanfiction, so I can't say I'm any good if my numbers are of any indication. But I do my best with each story, and if someone enjoys them, that's the thing that matters - second to whether I enjoy them.
Well:
They can't all work for everyone.
I will say, though, that I decided to take the "bug" part of bugbear and connect it to the slang term for a secret listening and recording device in my attempt to explain the whole "shutting down the Agency" thing. Because the bugbear obviously needs more puns attached to it...
Mike
Thanks for the review. I love toying with the throttle settings on my writing, and this was set to 100% strangle.
(and I have seriously thought about a sequel, but I'm awfully booked.)
Welp, another Krickis fic.
Guess I'll have to add it to the shelf along with a bunch of others as I am currently voraciously reading through Playing House after finally getting to it several years later. Hopefully I'll follow up on the others much sooner.
Thank you for the review!
5714955
I know the feeling regarding series going for too long. At least you're trying to keep it going, unlike I who threw in the towel on mine.
With the exception of Secondhand Laughter, I plan on reading these in order of chronology from now on, so Inner Strength will in fact be next. Looking forward to it, although I'll keep your mention of it being a flawed creation in mind.
5714958
Yeah, the whole sky pirate thing is the most memorable aspect of The Twilight Enigma by a long shot. Not to say the other parts aren't interesting, but serious, what compares to pony sky pirates?
I did consider the Rarity angle, but since it never felt like a major point of the story it didn't factor into my judging at all. Maybe if I'd considered it a bit more?
5714958
5714971
Maybe I'm mis-remembering. Perhaps I heard all the same things. I just recall people telling me that the third book was the worst for some reason.
5714968
I am considering fast-tracking another story of his, since this one made such a good first impression. Lately I've been wondering about this kind of thing, though; how many well-known, good authors have I not encountered? I am regularly reminded that there are people on this site I've never even heard of who are horse-famous in their own right.
5714973
Fair enough. Neither are angles I considered, but both are sound arguments for keeping things quiet for the time being.
Interesting. I might want to explore that later.
5714974
I would say we do indeed have different definitions of exposition. When I think of the word, I think strictly of long, dull descriptions of "where are we, who are we, why are we here", and so on and so forth, often including copious unnecessary details. Your story, by contrast, did include information in what you call exposition, but did so in a way that didn't hinder or feel unnecessary to the story in any way. If anything, they heightened it.
In other words, when I think "exposition", I immediately think "extraneous".
What you call "exposition", I call "atmosphere".
The good news is that now I know of a different definition. Hopefully I can retain it and make use of it later.
Good. It doesn't have to. Some write for everyone. Some write for their fellow writers. Some write strictly for themselves. None are wrong in their approach.
I have mixed feelings about post-story blogs. Sometimes I feel like my review should reflect what a reader should expect going in, and believe a post-story blog will ruin that particular perspective. Other times I feel like it's important to grasp the writer's intention in order to provide the best review. Being undecided on the matter, I keep switching sides from story to story. In this case I did not read it, although now that you've reminded me I may just take a look.
5714976
. I simultaneously can't believe I missed that and can't believe anyone would catch it.
Excuse me while I
I think in the end we can chalk this one up to me not being the "right audience" for the story.
5714981
Oh, believe me, I know how it feels to be booked and have more ideas. Stupid brain won't turn off.
5714990
Playing House is hard to put down, no?
5715060
Feel free to be more critically minded of Inner Strength lol, it was a very flawed story and maybe some elements here and there show their age, but I did a massive amount of work on it a few years back, and I stand by the version that's on the site now. The three more flawed stories are By Blood or Choice, Finding Home, and In Pieces. Not that I expect you to pull your punches on those or anything, just if I was going to warn someone about any of these fics having problems it'd be those, each for their own reason.
that was the equivalent of being called a bat-shit insane genius by the prime minister of the moon. Or, at least, that's how I interpret such feedback. It's a compliment I shall cherish.
here, a cookie for you
🍪
5715062
Oh gosh, I know that feeling. Mostly it's authors who only/mostly publish M-rated stuff -- Some Leech was unknown to me for quite some while, for example. But not always: I'd never even heard of Starscribe (70+ stories, 3,000+ followers) until reviewing something by them in 2018, four years into their Fimfiction career. Mind you, I'm notoriously dense, so maybe that was the main reason.
5714968
5715062
Aw, well, I'm flattered, but it's understandable you haven't read me yet. I don't write as often as other fanfic authors and am fairly quiet when it comes to site interaction these days (happily so, I should add). But if you ever want to give my other stuff a read, I hope you find something worth the effort.
5715068
It's a constant roller coaster of drama and emotions. One that I kinda didn't see coming but I guess probably should have, and I'm a little sorry for not getting into it sooner.
When I first got into this AU back in 2017(!) with Looking Glass I was really drawn in by this concept laid out of Sunset arriving through the portal de-aged and making a massive adjustment in life and seeing how that got fit into established canon. I got a really good read out of it, it was filled with drama and emotion and great character development and I put it on the Favorites shelf. For whatever reason though I wasn't compelled to look around afterwards at Krickis' other stuff during and after its completion.
I got notified about Playing House because of FIMFfic sequel functionality when it was released but I didn't find the premise interesting enough to pick it up instantly. Seemed like a bit of an odd jump from where Looking Glass left off that didn't make all that much sense but apparently there's a large set of supporting stories I hadn't read that filled the missing gaps so I guess that's on me. Additionally I haven't been spending as much time fic reading the past few years in general so that's less motivation to pick anything up. Still, I kept it on the Read Later shelf and well, here we are now.
This one's content plus the comments I've been seeing in the chapters have been making much more of a case to look into the Who We Become series. Like you, I'm going to go with the option of following stuff in the laid-out chronological order. And I'll have to head back though all the spoilered-out comments at some point.